How to ruin your relationship with your daughter, ...

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Controlling, abusive people (like my dad) will become enraged over the smallest, stupidest things. For example when I was 5 my dad blew up at me because I said I liked another family's couch! You can't reason with crazy.

The smallest things will often set off an abuser because he or she interprets then to be the worst sin of all. He or she losing control over his or her victim.

 

[tzolkin]

The smallest things will often set off an abuser because he or she interprets then to be the worst sin of all. He or she losing control over his or her victim.

Absolutely about control. What other possible reason would make this man feel the need to punish his daughter to such an extreme over a very minor hair change?

 

[monsterkitty]

Punishment for what? I can’t imagine any behavior that would make a parent think, “I should hack my child’s hair off for that”

Lying seems to be the trigger for many. One last year had his hair wacked off by dad because he was supposedly lying. Turns out it was step mom that was lying. She got to keep her hair. (said with sarcasm people!) A few for not doing chores. Other reasons I'm not sure about as I didn't know the child.

I get that parents often get to the end of their ropes with some kids. However, cutting hair so severely is not the way to deal with the problems. I can't recall in any case that the hair cut has improved the child's behavior. Shocking, right?

 

[GreatLakes]

Something seems off. This has all the earmarks of an internet story that isn't actually as it appears.

If it is true this poor girl has two garbage parents. One that is at the very least emotionally abusive and another that blasts private matters all over social media for the world to see. This is out there forever now.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I am unable to express my opinion on this matter because the words I would use to describe the father are not "DIS appropriate".

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'm not sure putting the father on unpaid leave is the best idea. Now he's mad at the daughter and mother and also not working. Doesn't seem to be the best idea for keeping a family stable. It's not like firefighting is a high-paying or high-glamour job. Unless they think they're going to be a danger to others, it's better for everybody involved if this guy and his new wife have income.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Am I the only one who doesn't feel my child wanting to do something with her hair is worthy of a discussion with my dh/her father?

I probably would say to him that I'm taking our daughter to get her hair done but if I'm ok with what she wants he'll be ok with it.

I realize this situation is a bit different because the parents are divorced but unless mom is presenting the ex with thr bill I don't understand why he is so enraged about this.

Unless it was something well outside our normal budget it would never have occurred to me to ask DH about anything the kids did with their hair. It's hair (temporary) and theirs. So long as what they did fell into my price range (or paid the overrage themselves) and there were no school rules preventing it, they did not need to consult a parent about their style choices

 

[MamaBelle4]

I'll talk to DH about our DDs hair choices because they participate in activities for which they need to have their hair tied back for dance recitals and cheer leading, so it's more of a "do you think it will grow back in time?"

But I don't know why I do, I always get "I don't know, what do you think?"

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I wonder why he still sees the daughter if he was arrested for domestic abuse in September.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I wonder why he still sees the daughter if he was arrested for domestic abuse in September.

Didn't it say he he had temp custody

 

[TeresaBelle]

Step-moms fb... https://www.facebook.com/sarah.murr...context_item_source=100004181441318&pnref=lhc

 

[NYCgrrl]

Just took another look at the wig in the original and still working link (none of the FB ones are available anymore it seems).
Dangggggggggg! That is one tacky wig .

 

[Turn the Page]

I wonder why he still sees the daughter if he was arrested for domestic abuse in September.

Didn't it say he he had temp custody

I wondered that too. How bad were things at Mom's house if Dad still had custody after a domestic violence charge? I don't know anything at all about the charge, who it involved, what happened, nothing but it does lead me to believe mom is super unstable herself if it was decided the girl was better off with dad with all that going on.

From my understanding the term temporary custody doesn't really mean what we think it means. I believe it is used to mean "so and so has temporary custody until such time as circumstances change that would indicate a change in the living situation" not so much "the child will live with dad for a couple of months and then go back to mom."

 

[Turn the Page]

Just took another look at the wig in the original and still working link (none of the FB ones are available anymore it seems).
Dangggggggggg! That is one tacky wig .

I did find it interesting that she got to choose any wig she wanted and ended up getting one that her mom said made her feel like herself again but was way different from the hair she had cut off in the first place. Bad memories perhaps?

 

[penn19]

I wonder if it really happened? Is that really her in the pics? Face is covered. Did she cut her own hair and make up this story?

Mother seems nuts. Attention seeker.

Didn't have custody of daughter. Set up a YouCaring page right away to the tune of $5000. It got shut down.

Arguing with other Facebook posters. Showing picture of daughter who is now wearing an ill fitting wig.

All so fishy.

What? Another side to a story? The heck you say.
IF it did happen as the story says, I don’t know that it needs to lead to the Dad and wife losing their jobs. To me it’s a parental decision and shouldn’t have a bearing on their jobs. I think lately that’s the first reaction to anything.

 

[tcufrog]

DS6 wants to have long hair but used to be unwilling to brush it, condition it, or let us put it in a ponytail before basketball or soccer. We told him that the consequence for not taking care of it would be to cut it. He knows though that if we did that we’d take him to a hairdresser he likes and have her give him a flattering haircut. Now he takes care of his hair because he wants to keep it. It looks really good too.

The only reason I would cut the kids’ hair myself is in the event of an emergency like something getting caught in it that won’t come out. My mom had to do that when my sister put sticky gum in my hair. My mom tried just about everything that Sunday and it didn’t work so she cut it out and took me to her hairdresser ASAP to try to salvage my hair. It was a long time before I forgave my sister.

 

[Turn the Page]

She was very close to her mother-in-law and sister-in-law and the nieces and nephew. Her mother-in-law and her new husband lived with them for 10 months while they built a new home. They camped together on weekends, they all got along. Her husband was the love of her life. They are co-parenting jointly, but the white gloves are coming off. They agreed on co-parenting, but things are changing. She is devestated her 5 year old is at WDW for the first time and she does not get to experience any of it with her. She really thought they all had a good relationship with each other, even though they were divorcing. My niece has accepted the divorce, but she feels like it is almost a death, loosing people she truly cared about. They all want nothing to do with her, except sister-in-law, that is still nice to her, and will communicate with her.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I spent all night thinking about this and I still am really confused on why your niece would think she should be able to tag along with her ex and his new SO on their family vacation. It is totally understandable that she would be bummed that she can't be with DD on her first trip to Disney World. I totally get that. But sometimes that's life. Is dad not supposed to be allowed to take his daughter on vacation in case mom might want to take her herself? Unfortunately that is one of the rough parts of divorce. It often doesn't just shatter the nuclear family it changes relationships throughout the extended family as well. Her ex has clearly moved on and neither he nor his new girlfriend can really be expected to accept your niece as a presence in their lives beyond co parenting unless that is the kind of relationship they have.....and it clearly isn't.

 

[JaneBanks]

I'm not surprised that the father still had temp custody even with the abuse charges. Do you know how many kids fall through the cracks? I hear about kids being abused and murdered by their parents even when social services "know" the family and know the risks keeping the kids there.

 

[tzolkin]

.
IF it did happen as the story says, I don’t know that it needs to lead to the Dad and wife losing their jobs. To me it’s a parental decision and shouldn’t have a bearing on their jobs. I think lately that’s the first reaction to anything.

I thought one of the articles stated that they were being investigated.

If they are charged with a criminal act, that’s not simply a “parenting decision”. I do agree with you that firing seems to be the go-to response now and that some things should not affect one’s employment, but some are relevant. For example, if a teacher were charged with assault (especially of a child) that should definitely be considered relevant to their employment status.

 

[DopeyDame]

She was very close to her mother-in-law and sister-in-law and the nieces and nephew. Her mother-in-law and her new husband lived with them for 10 months while they built a new home. They camped together on weekends, they all got along. Her husband was the love of her life. They are co-parenting jointly, but the white gloves are coming off. They agreed on co-parenting, but things are changing. She is devestated her 5 year old is at WDW for the first time and she does not get to experience any of it with her. She really thought they all had a good relationship with each other, even though they were divorcing. My niece has accepted the divorce, but she feels like it is almost a death, loosing people she truly cared about. They all want nothing to do with her, except sister-in-law, that is still nice to her, and will communicate with her.

You can have a good relationship with one another and still not want the person on vacation with you. Vacations with outside people change the dynamic. My sister and I get along amazingly well, and our families have traveled frequently together, but there are absolutely trips when she wouldn't be invited and when I would say no if asked.
When you divorce, you miss out on things in your kids lives. It absolutely does suck. But I think your and her expectations of what "co-parenting" means may be a little off base.