How to not hurt my Dad's feelings...? Update 12/26

[tammymacb]

Over the years my Dad has always been a pretty good shopper for my mother for Christmas. This year, however...

He bought my mother a Droid. My mother, who can't use the TV remote control. Who no longer has a cell phone because she kept losing her freeby, cheap-o cell phone.

He paid $300 for said Droid. And signed a contract where the phone will cost him $120 per month! My sister asked him if at least he got a phone, too as they are buy one get one free. Dad said the rep at the Verizon store said he'd have to sign two contracts for two phones...and did NOT offer him the free phone. ( Though I'm seeing that they are buy one get one free online ) The rep also sold him a bunch of hugely overpriced accessory crap.

We've told Dad to return the phone. He says he doesn't want to because he doesn't know what else to buy.

People we're talking about over $3000 for a gift she won't be able to use or will lose....

I think the Verizon rep saw my Dad coming and did the "screw the old guy" game..

How do I get him to return the phone without hurting his feelings?

BTW...my sister and I suggested spa gift certificates instead. Even him paying for them to join me and my sis on the Disney Dream in 2011 is LESS than the dang Droid.

WWYD?

------------------------------------------------------

Well that didn't take long. The Droid is already back at the Verizon store.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ugh - my mom is on my cellphone plan, and insisted on going to the store to get her upgrade (and ended up spending $ on a cheap one). I wish she would've just checked them out, and had me order for her online. I was thinking of that phone for my upgrade, but it might be too hard for me! My mom didn't even want to upgrade, but she had her old phone for years, and had already given her last upgrade to dd14 (who broke her phone), but it was falling apart.

My dad has tried, but his best bet is a Talbot's gc, because she loves the after Christmas sale. If your mom is anything like mine, she'll return it ASAP.

 

[klacey1]

By the sounds of it, the sales rep seems to have screwed your dad over, like you suspect. I think you just need to point blank tell him-- not a good idea, too expensive. He'll probably have to pay a fee to get out of the contract, but if he was definitely supposed to be offered a second phone for free (make sure you KNOW this), if you make enough noise to the store manager about being swindled, they might waive or lessen the fee. I understand not wanting to hurt his feelings, but this just seems baaad.

 

[Manhattan Princess]

By the sounds of it, the sales rep seems to have screwed your dad over, like you suspect. I think you just need to point blank tell him-- not a good idea, too expensive. He'll probably have to pay a fee to get out of the contract, but if he was definitely supposed to be offered a second phone for free (make sure you KNOW this), if you make enough noise to the store manager about being swindled, they might waive or lessen the fee. I understand not wanting to hurt his feelings, but this just seems baaad.

I agree with this completely, and I think you or your sister should perhaps go with him back to the store. To make him feel better, you should tell him that the cell phone companies are notorious for taking advantage of customers that have not done their research (no matter their age, although older people are definitely targeted). I would for sure make a stink at the store (mention going to the press, blogs and boards you are on, etc.), and I think you will be pleasantly surprised how they will accommodate you.

 

[princessmom29]

By the sounds of it, the sales rep seems to have screwed your dad over, like you suspect. I think you just need to point blank tell him-- not a good idea, too expensive. He'll probably have to pay a fee to get out of the contract, but if he was definitely supposed to be offered a second phone for free (make sure you KNOW this), if you make enough noise to the store manager about being swindled, they might waive or lessen the fee. I understand not wanting to hurt his feelings, but this just seems baaad.

the second phone IS free, but you do have to sign a second contract to get it. He should be able to just return the phone and get out of the contract within a certian peroid of time.

 

[Manhattan Princess]

the second phone IS free, but you do have to sign a second contract to get it. He should be able to just return the phone and get out of the contract within a certian peroid of time.

We did not have to sign a second contract. It was all a part of our family contract, which includes 5 of us.

 

[mjkacmom]

the second phone IS free, but you do have to sign a second contract to get it. He should be able to just return the phone and get out of the contract within a certian peroid of time.

This is correct - the B1G1 cellphone deal is for 2 people, each one requiring a contract. I took advantage of this deal when my contract time ended, and verizon gave me an offer of $200 off a new phone, and the Voyager had a B1G1, and my ds's contract was also up. When I inquired about a B1G1 when another family member's contract was up, I was told I needed to renew 2 contracts to take advantage of the offer.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Over the years my Dad has always been a pretty good shopper for my mother for Christmas. This year, however...

He bought my mother a Droid. My mother, who can't use the TV remote control. Who no longer has a cell phone because she kept losing her freeby, cheap-o cell phone.

He paid $300 for said Droid. And signed a contract where the phone will cost him $120 per month! My sister asked him if at least he got a phone, too as they are buy one get one free. Dad said the rep at the Verizon store said he'd have to sign two contracts for two phones...and did NOT offer him the free phone. ( Though I'm seeing that they are buy one get one free online ) The rep also sold him a bunch of hugely overpriced accessory crap.

We've told Dad to return the phone. He says he doesn't want to because he doesn't know what else to buy.

People we're talking about over $3000 for a gift she won't be able to use or will lose....

I think the Verizon rep saw my Dad coming and did the "screw the old guy" game..

How do I get him to return the phone without hurting his feelings?

BTW...my sister and I suggested spa gift certificates instead. Even him paying for them to join me and my sis on the Disney Dream in 2011 is LESS than the dang Droid.

WWYD?

Are they able to pay their bills? If so, then I would do nothing. Good luck getting his money back. They really do screw over people.

At some point you have to let your parents do what they want to do UNLESS they are broke which is in the case of my parents.

I had to argue with my mom over C. Eve dinner because she was going to go out and buy a standing rib roast that she would probably charge on a credit card.

 

[RitaE]

We've told Dad to return the phone. He says he doesn't want to because he doesn't know what else to buy.

Unless I have some reason to suspect my Dad isn't capable of making his own decisions, I wouldn't do anything beyond that. You've stated your opinion, he has maintained that he wants to keep what he bought.

He chose the gift, he paid for the gift. It is his wife. It is his money.

I'm not clear exactly why you feel the need to intervene in that and insist he do it your way.

 

[Christine]

AT&T has a 30 day return policy when you get a new phone and contract. I would assume Verizon is the same. I doubt there is much you can do at this point.

My hairstylist told me that her dad didn't know what to buy and has gone out and bought his wife a $2500 pinball machine. She said that her mom will absolutely hate it and she can't talk him out of it.

 

[tammymacb]

Unless I have some reason to suspect my Dad isn't capable of making his own decisions, I wouldn't do anything beyond that. You've stated your opinion, he has maintained that he wants to keep what he bought.

He chose the gift, he paid for the gift. It is his wife. It is his money.

I'm not clear exactly why you feel the need to intervene in that and insist he do it your way.

I'm certainly not insisting that he do anything "my way".

My dad owns a business in NY State, that like the rest of the state, is doing far less business and making less money than the past. So, I do feel like this is the "bad gift that he'll keep on paying for". The man is almost 70 years old and still works some 13 hour days.

My mother probably won't like it. And knowing her, will let it be known at the time it's unwrapped making him feel bad also.

I feel like he got screwed by the rep.

So my question was, how do I make my dad reconsider a gift and not make him feel bad about my questioning him.

Your opinion is noted. I'm moving on.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm certainly not insisting that he do anything "my way".

My dad owns a business in NY State, that like the rest of the state, is doing far less business and making less money than the past. So, I do feel like this is the "bad gift that he'll keep on paying for". The man is almost 70 years old and still works some 13 hour days.

My mother probably won't like it. And knowing her, will let it be known at the time it's unwrapped making him feel bad also.

I feel like he got screwed by the rep.

So my question was, how do I make my dad reconsider a gift and not make him feel bad about my questioning him.

Your opinion is noted. I'm moving on.

Sometimes you just need to step put of people's relationships. That would be my advice to you.

....spoken as the oldest sibiling of immature broke parents.

 

[Maddle]

I suggest you point out to Dad her lack of tech-interest/ability, (the remote, the lost cellphones.)

This might not be such a bad gift - Does your Mom use a computer? Does she use email? Perhaps she expressed interest once to your Dad.

In the end, it's their problem. (Do you think maybe Dad wants to own one?)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I suggest you point out to Dad her lack of tech-interest/ability, (the remote, the lost cellphones.)

This might not be such a bad gift - Does your Mom use a computer? Does she use email? Perhaps she expressed interest once to your Dad.

In the end, it's their problem. (Do you think maybe Dad wants to own one?)

Agree. Use it as a opportunity to show her the ropes.

 

[ENSOCK]

I totally understand what you are saying. I think just sit him down and tell him (jokingly) "Dad you know mom can't work a remote, this phone is going to drive her nuts! Can myself or Dsis go back to the store with you to downgrade the phone to another that she can work??" That way you are not totally changing the gift just the high tech one that he purchased. But you can then get the manager to change the plan and phone.

It is all about the way you approach him. Good luck and Merry Christmas!

 

[Karalea]

We've told Dad to return the phone. He says he doesn't want to because he doesn't know what else to buy.


WWYD?

Really, you told your father what to do? Does he tell you how to spend your money? My dad would tell me to butt out real quick.

If he wants to give her the phone, let him. Drop the matter entirely. What you Dad gives your Mother for Christmas really isn't any of your business anyway.

 

[msjprincess]

Really, you told your father what to do? Does he tell you how to spend your money? My dad would tell me to butt out real quick.

If he wants to give her the phone, let him. Drop the matter entirely. What you Dad gives your Mother for Christmas really isn't any of your business anyway.

ITA

If your father is able to run a business and work 13 hours a day he should be capable of making his own decisions.

 

[RitaE]

Your opinion is noted. I'm moving on.

Well, I realize you think my answer is rude but its kind of funny because from your description, it sounds a little like that is what your Dad is saying to you.

Really, fuss at him if you want but I honestly don't know of any way for you to force this issue.

As others have said, your Dad sounds like a pretty nice and competent and hard working guy and I suspect he has probably been married to your Mom for decades. He thinks the gift is the way to go.

If your Mom is disappointed and gets pissy with him, then I guess that is between them but if they're like most marriages they probably already know how to negotiate gift giving pitfalls on their own.

 

[C.Ann]

Are they able to pay their bills? If so, then I would do nothing.

At some point you have to let your parents do what they want to do UNLESS they are broke which is in the case of my parents.

Unless I have some reason to suspect my Dad isn't capable of making his own decisions, I wouldn't do anything beyond that. You've stated your opinion, he has maintained that he wants to keep what he bought.

He chose the gift, he paid for the gift. It is his wife. It is his money..

Sometimes you just need to step put of people's relationships. That would be my advice to you..

Really, you told your father what to do? Does he tell you how to spend your money? My dad would tell me to butt out real quick.

If he wants to give her the phone, let him. Drop the matter entirely. What you Dad gives your Mother for Christmas really isn't any of your business anyway.

ITA

If your father is able to run a business and work 13 hours a day he should be capable of making his own decisions.

As others have said, your Dad sounds like a pretty nice and competent and hard working guy and I suspect he has probably been married to your Mom for decades. He thinks the gift is the way to go.

If your Mom is disappointed and gets pissy with him, then I guess that is between them but if they're like most marriages they probably already know how to negotiate gift giving pitfalls on their own.

All good advice.. This is not an area where you need to be in control - regardless of if your mom hates it, drops it in the toilet, never uses it, and/or whacks your dad up along side of the head with it.. Strictly their business..

 

[BroganMc]

This thread makes me laugh. I've been my dad's Santa's Helper since I was a teenager. He's mostly horrible at gift buying because he procrastinated so much. He was always too busy working. He also owned (and continues to own) a business and put 4 kids through school.

The man is in his 70s now. The two of us have been friends for years. We developed that friendship over many Christmas Eve's wrapping presents and planning beforehand for the holiday. My mom encouraged it because she knew she could put gift ideas in my head and I'd pass them along to my dad. Now that my mom is gone we're still collaborating over what to give his grandchildren (my nieces and nephews) and my sibs. I also work with him, learning the business as I grew up and went to college.

And yet there was a time not long ago when my brothers absolutely insisted they knew what was best for him (and me too). Nothing is more irritating or frustrating when someone keeps telling you they know more about your life than you do, usually less than the think they actually know.

You told your dad your viewpoint. That's all you can do. He's a grown man. He runs a business. He's maintained a marriage for long enough to raise you. So give him the respect he deserves and let him do for himself. 70 does not turn you into an idiot anymore than 21 turns you into a genius. Maybe if you respect him more he'll trust your advice more. My dad has learned to trust me because I do not force him to do anything. I give him ideas and state my reasons for them. When it comes to tech he knows I eat, live and breathe the stuff so relies on me more. But if he's determined to make a decision I disagree with then I accept it. I want the same freedom from him.

The Droid phones are great. Much better than a cheapie cell phone. My sister who is a tech idiot has wanted a smartphone for a while now. But the contracts were too pricey. So I gave her an iPod Touch for her birthday. She loves it. She can do her scheduling, check her email and look stuff up on the web. She doesn't use it half as much as a tech geek would but it has opened a new world for her. Maybe your dad is hoping your mom develops similar interests. There's a 30 day window to break the contract. If your mom is truly not thrilled than your dad can return it. So relax! You are on dangerous territory here of really hurting your dad by not trusting him. Don't do what my brothers did. You would not believe how hurt my dad was when they (with good intentions) interfered.