How to maintain a healthy insanity

[Hercules10]

Sent to me, thought I'd share.

Ways to Maintain A Healthy
Level Of Insanity.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a
Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries
with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten
Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling
Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11 Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12 Sing Along At The Opera.

13 Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask WhyThe Poems Don't Rhyme?

14 Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds
All Day.

15 Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
Because You're Not In The Mood.

16 Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock
Bottom.

17 When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18 When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
"Run For Your Lives, They'reLoose!!"

19 Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To
Have To Let One Of You Go."

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I actually have done #4. It didn't work.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I have done #17 I prefer comfortably insane though!

 

[sugarpie]

Awesome!!!

I once had a co-worker who could often be found looking into the mirror and whispering to herself. She kept her cats in her van and spent her breaks in the van with the cats. I think she made this list.

 

[minnieandme]

Can I add some more to your list?

20. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

21. Send email to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in stall #3"

22. Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything

23. Everytime you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

 

[imsorry]

I love the ATM one!!

 

[L107ANGEL]

I love the ATM one!!

14 yo DD was not amused with me

 

[sherry]

I went through a dairy queen drive through, ordered a few sundaes, and they were going to give them to me without lids. I hadn't stated they were "to go", I just assumed they would know.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I went through a dairy queen drive through, ordered a few sundaes, and they were going to give them to me without lids. I hadn't stated they were "to go", I just assumed they would know.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

 

[ButchJohnson]

Some more:

1) At the close of the ulogy at the next funeral you attend shout out "He deserved to die!!" Followed closely by a "Just joking"

2) At Church after the middle prayer "Amen", when everything is extremely quiet launch into a terets syndrome cursing tyrade.

3) At the next wedding you attend you have 2 options for this one. A) When the Preacher asks if there is any reason that these 2 should not be-wed, shout out, yeah she's a who$e!! Or Option B) at the end of the ceremony in the kiss the bride line, grab the bride and shove your tongue down her throat and grab her from behind.

4) When your at the Hospital and your wife is having a baby, right in the middle of the delivery get into a fight with the doctor about why the hospital television does not have the NFL network.

I'll be back with a few more........

 

[L107ANGEL]

Some more:

1) At the close of the ulogy at the next funeral you attend shout out "He deserved to die!!" Followed closely by a "Just joking"

2) At Church after the middle prayer "Amen", when everything is extremely quiet launch into a terets syndrome cursing tyrade.

3) At the next wedding you attend you have 2 options for this one. A) When the Preacher asks if there is any reason that these 2 should not be-wed, shout out, yeah she's a who$e!! Or Option B) at the end of the ceremony in the kiss the bride line, grab the bride and shove your tongue down her throat and grab her from behind.

4) When your at the Hospital and your wife is having a baby, right in the middle of the delivery get into a fight with the doctor about why the hospital television does not have the NFL network.

I'll be back with a few more........

Your bad! I admire that

 

[Hercules10]

Your bad! I admire that

Careful...Chachi will get jealous.

 

[TheGoofster]

I went through a dairy queen drive through, ordered a few sundaes, and they were going to give them to me without lids. I hadn't stated they were "to go", I just assumed they would know.

One time when I was little, we went throught a McD's drive through. My dad paid for the food, but then left before getting the food. So he circled around, and cut in line. The person he was cutting in front of, beeped at him, and pointed back to the drive-up ordering place. My dad leans his head out the window, and with a very serious voice told the guy, "That's OK, we ordered from home". The poor guy was so confused he just let us go.

 

[ButchJohnson]

Still yet some more:

1) At the next barmetspha (Sorry spelling) you attend, ask the parents if the little piece of ___ has been circumsized.

2) At the next brisque you attend right before the moyle does the dirty deed shout out "OFF with their heads!" Real loud enough to make the moyle flench.

3) At the next wedding you attend dip your finger in the cake, take a bite and then spit it back onto the cake like it tastes terrible.

4) The next time you fly, pull out a brief case and yell out "Ive got a Bomb......bastic personality."

5) The next time a bum on the street approaches you for money, before he has a chance to ask, yell out to him "Give me a dollar" (I've actually done this one it works.)

6) The next time you run across a bum on the street with a sign "will work for food" Instead of money, give him a beer (after you have spit in it.)

Am I mean???

 

[Hercules10]

Millions of years ago in my youth I worked at a Pizza Hut. Being low-man I got to answer the phones and take orders.

One late Saturday night I got a wild hair and answered the phone in a heavy Italian accent; "All'O. Tank you fer callin' Luigi's! Da best pizza place in da woild! Dis is Luigi and how canna I hep you tooday!"---who knew the district manager would call that late at night.

 

[ButchJohnson]

One time when I was little, we went throught a McD's drive through. My dad paid for the food, but then left before getting the food. So he circled around, and cut in line. The person he was cutting in front of, beeped at him, and pointed back to the drive-up ordering place. My dad leans his head out the window, and with a very serious voice told the guy, "That's OK, we ordered from home". The poor guy was so confused he just let us go.

This one gives me an idea.

The next time you go through a drive through, scream out to them with static, "I want to order a screeechhhssszzzzzzz and a side order of screeezzzzzzzz..." Then when they finally get the order right and ask, was that right? Say no and order something totally different.

 

[ButchJohnson]

Still yet another, the next time you go to Taco Bell Order a Big Mac with fries. When they begin to argue with you that this is Taco Bell and not McDonalds, keep arguing with them and insisting your the customer and the customer is always right!!

 

[Phrebert]

Tell someone that the voices in your head want to relocate to their head.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I just remembered one from George Carlin...it's along the lines of going into a restaurant, then order something very complicated that isn't on the menu. Let the server go to the kitchen and ask if that's possible. When he/she comes back and says yes, say, "Well, I don't want that anymore" and order something else.