How to help my grandfather

[vsimeone]

I feel kind of silly coming here when everyone here has way more important issues than me. I am 45 years old and have three living grandparents. I have been SOOOO blessed!

But now, my 88 year old grandfather has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He is declining quickly. He is having difficulty keeping food down. He's in Florida, I'm in Ohio. My dad is currently in Florida helping his parents deal with this issue - taking them to doctor appointments and trying to help them understand options (although there really are none at this point).

My problem is, I feel helpless. I know it's kind of silly to pray for a cure. I have been praying for peace for everyone involved in this situation. But beyond that - what should I be doing? Calling everyday? Obviously I have not had to deal with this kind of situation in the past so I'm turning to you for some advice. Thank you for listening.

 

[mommasita]

Hi, I am so sorry to read everything that is going on in your family.
Please, never feel silly.

I guess it must be so difficult not being nearby to see if there is anything hands on you can do. Off the top of my head I am thinking of things that helped when we were going through this with my MIL.

Food was a major thing, and the time and energy to prepare it. Is there any type of company that can ship pre-made dinners. We have a company here called M & M. Although they don't deliver, we got our nightly dinners from them. All prepared, healthy, etc.

Neighbors gave us gave cards. There was an incredible amount of driving, and it was just so thoughtful and kind.

Being there, and calling everyday if you feel that is what you want to do. Asking if there is anything on your end to help. Sometimes just the thought of perhaps your Dad being able to talk to you about it, and perhaps get a little release.

I will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost my beloved granny three years ago and my heart still hurts.

Can you ever get down there to maybe give your dad a break? I think sometimes that is the worst part is taking it all on theirself? Is someone helping out with your dad?

I think that I would go by your dad's cues about the calling everyday. I know that I would be tired and stressed and hated giving the same story ten times in a day when my mom was in the hospital. I know that sounds mean and selfish but it's true.

Can you send a pizza or some pre-made dinners or even fruits and stuff to either your parents or grandparents? Do they get any help at all with this kind of stuff?

My last piece of advice is to go see your grandpa before it gets too much worse. I think it really helps with piece of mind to go and see before the cancer gets worse and he isn't the same person you remember.

I'm so sorry and I will pray for your family.

 

[vsimeone]

Thank you for the prayers and ideas. I was lucky enough to see my grandfather just a week before he was diagnosed (about 3 weeks ago). He was here for a family wedding and I have tons of pictures and we got to visit the next day for a long time.

I am worried about my dad (and my mom). They actually live a mile from us and my dad flew down there on the spur of the moment without barely packing a bag when he found out how bad it had gotten so quickly. He's been there almost two weeks so my mom is here "by herself" (but we're a mile away).

The Thanksgiving plans were to be for us to drive my mom to my brother's in DC on Thursday and for my dad to fly up and meet us there. Now with things happening so quickly, my dad might not fly up and my mom says that if he doesn't come up, she's not going either.

I'm just really torn here. We have plans to go to WDW for Christmas - arriving on the 17th. My grandparents live in Kissimmee. Right now, I am thinking of driving down a day early to spend the day with them. Of course, a lot can happen in the next three weeks.

Thanks, again, for listening and for your thoughts and prayers.

 

[DipsyDoodles]

You said you had alot of pictures from your recent visit, why don't you send them to your grandfather in an album. Do you have children? They could record some songs and messages to him to listen to. Sounds like he could use something that would put a smile on his face.

 

[vsimeone]

Thanks, DipsyDoodles. My kids are grown - 20 and 23 - so they probably won't be recording any songs soon But they do call him often.

The pictures that I have are of everyone dragging Pop into the "photo booth" at my cousin's wedding so he already has copies of them. My favorite is this one with my kids:

I cropped out the bottom one and it is my desktop wallpaper.

Pop has another appointment with the oncologist tomorrow. I'm not sure what more they can do/say but maybe we'll hear something else tomorrow.

Thanks, again, for letting me share here and I hope you all have a Blessed Thanksgiving!

 

[Deesknee]

I'm so sorry for you and your families sadness. I lost my grandmother 4 years ago at 95 years of age. And my mother just a few weeks ago at 80. And in many ways losing my Gram was more difficult. I can't explain why. Maybe because, atleast in my case, a grand parents love is just love, and fun, with very little arguements, or discipline, etc. (speaking of when I was a child). A grandparents unconditional love is unique. My point being, give yourself the opportunity to feel what you need to feel. I don't have any advice as to how to help your parents with what they need to get thru, but I know I was able to be stronger when my Mom actually passed because I began grieving slowly, while she was dying. I think in that way, I was able to be stronger for my kids and brothers when she actually passed. Since you mentioned prayer... When my Mom was dying, my youngest and I started to pray something like this... "when Nena goes to heaven, please God let us all be okay and not be too sad for too long". I realize it is in simple form (DD is 8), but it is a prayer that helped us both.
Prayers for you entire family. It is so wonderful your Grandfather was able to make it to the family wedding and obviously by the pictures enjoy it. True blessings.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Since your Dad packed very quickly to leave maybe you can call him and see if there is anything he needs that you can send down to him. Such as clothes or anything he really needs. He would probably be greatful for you to gather these items and ship them to him.

I would make every attempt to go down a day early and spend time with him. If your Grandpa is able maybe have him join you for dinner while you are at Disney. I know eating is an issue for him but being in the company of family might do him some good.
to you.

 

[vsimeone]

Thank you all!

Deesknee, I LOVE your prayer. Simple is good! I run two miles a day and it is just my time to meditate and pray (keeps my mind off the cold!) I have been using your prayer!

Shelly, thanks. My dad made it to DC to spend Thanksgiving with our family. He rode back home with us (6 people and luggage in a Highlander - it was a LONG 6 hours!) and is going to stay home for a couple weeks. His sister and her husband are in Florida and my brother flew down yesterday so there are people there filling in for my dad to give him a break. We leave for WDW on the 17th. My parents, my brother and my daughter will all be joining us at different times. We have reservations for Christmas Dinner at Artist Point but my grandpa doesn't have the strength right now and probably won't be joining us. We'll go visit him for the day.

The last word that I have is that there may be a chemotherapy that he can do. If he does the chemo, he can expect maybe 6-8 months to live. If he doesn't, they are guessing 4-6 months. My grandpa told my dad that he won't make it 6 months. I'm hoping he makes it to Christmas.

Thanks, again, to everyone who has let me post here and put my thoughts in writing. And, thank you, for sharing your ideas and experiences. They are much appreciated.

 

[harrismargaret9]

I am so sorry for you. It’s quite natural feeling worrisome for loved ones. As previous posted mentioned try to help out your father with few things that he cannot pack on the day of leaving. Also involving Grandpa in your Disney is very good idea. Check the feasibility for that! & although it’s irritating, keep yourself in touch with your father. That will provide him moral support!

 

[vsimeone]

Just wanted to give an update on my grandpa. He lost his battle with pancreatic cancer on January 4th. My whole family was in WDW/St. Cloud (his house) from 12/17-12/31. My parents stayed through 1/15.

He was in very good spirits and very lucid until the end. My daughter got engaged in the castle rose garden on 12/30. They stopped over to tell Pop on 12/31 and he insisted on having a sip of (non-alcoholic) margarita to toast them. The morning he died, he asked my grandma to give him a hug and told her he was going to go now and passed peacefully away in their bed.

We are planning a Pop Party for the family members who did not make it down to Florida for the memorial (I wasn't able to make it back either) in the next couple of weeks. We'll have a small service, drink Manhattans (Pop's beverage of choice) and share Pop stories.

Thank you for all of the support that you provided me with during the past several months. I will continue to visit this board and keep others in my prayers.

 

[Deesknee]

So sorry for your loss.
Congratulations on your daughters engagement. How wonderful that your grandfather was lucid to understand & you all were able to celebrate the wonderful news together. I'm sure the loss and emptiness will linger a bit, but how blessed of a family you seem to be. I pray your warm wonderful memories will embrace you and fill your hearts with comfort.