How to help her understand??

[ThreeMusketeers]

Hi, hubby and I have been having a dilema latley, and I thought I would post it here to get some feedback. My dd..(3.5, just this past April.) has been running off in stores, outside, everywhere latley. She is a very well behaved girl otherwise..very sweet. But we don't know how to handle this. We have tried talking to her..saying that she needs to stay with mommy and daddy..b/c a stranger could grab her and take her away. *is that a terriable way to put it?* But she dosen't understand, she just says.."a stranger won't get me..i will stop those people.".like she thinks she can just ask them to go away and they will. We have tried physically taking her out of the store when she runs off, but she just cries, adn the next time, she is doing the same thing. It's been going on for SO LONG now, i feel as if she will never understand. I don't want her to be like this when we go to WDW, i am terrified that she will run off, get lost in the crowd. Does anyone have any advice for us? We are open to anything at this point.
Thank you.

 

[sue1013]

You may think this is mean but it worked with my DS. When you're in a store and she wanders away, follow behind enough so she can't see you but you can see her. Keep watching soon she will look realize you're not there and get scared. It worked DS started to walk off once I reminded him what happened in Macy's he never did it again.

 

[Pooh Crew]

She sure looks like a little angel! I will go ahead and apologize for the length of my response.

I have five yr old triplets and a four yr old. Safety has always been a top priority for us because there was one of me and four of them. When we first started to go to the malls or on outings, I used the wrist leashes to ensure that they did not run off...some people do not like them, but it if keeps my child from being grabbed by a child molester or hit by a car, I really could not care less what someone else thinks. We did not have to use them very long, but in the interim I knew that my kids were safe. Perhaps you could buy one and have it as "insurance" the next time you go somewhere. The threat alone might keep her more near.

Another trick I used that really seemed to stick with my gang was to really build up what was going to happen but now would not since they did not follow directions. For example, we were in Hobby Lobby and my children have been told that they have to stay where I can see them at all times. My daughter walked around the end of the aisle and was out of my sight. I rounded the corner, put her in the cart, and we left the store immediately. All the way home I told her how we were going to buy some fun craft stuff and some toys there, but now we could not because she did not listen to Mommy. I went on and on about how I had even wanted to go to the toy store, but could not go now because she did not listen. It has been two years since that incident and she has never done it again. You could even return from an errand and just tell her you went to her favorite place (toy store, park, etc.) but could not take her because she does not listen to you.

I also like the sneaky approach suggested by Sue...but with three others in tow, I could never sneak around behind one of mine! Good luck to you!

 

[pyrxtc]

I have an easier solution

The chld harness is a great invention. I have used one on all my kids and it's great. You can even not use the harness part and hook it to beltloops.

 

[jjan]

You may think this is mean but it worked with my DS. When you're in a store and she wanders away, follow behind enough so she can't see you but you can see her. Keep watching soon she will look realize you're not there and get scared. It worked DS started to walk off once I reminded him what happened in Macy's he never did it again.

I had to do this too. My DD just didn't get the idea of "bad people" and I really didn't want to go into any kind of details to scare her and explain about them so as soon as I realized that she was wondering or not following me, I would "hide" and watch her and let her realize that she was lost and mean as it sounds, let her feel the panick a little bit until then I would find her and explain that she needs to stay with me. It really works and caused her no emotional harm. It only took a couple times and that was it.

 

[Rowlf]

If you are resistant to a harness, you can get a Tot Tether. It looks like a little animal backpack thing, but the "tail" is the leash. Just google "Tot Tether" and you'll be able to find it. We'll definitely be using one for our trip with our two-year-old in September.

 

[Colinsmom]

My almost 3 year old knows the rules - if he doesn't stay with me and hold my hand, he goes right in to a cart or his stroller. A harness would work well, too. He gets the idea very quickly that he loses his freedom if he doesn't stay with me.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Thank you for all the ideas..its so scary to think that for even a moment they could wander off..and get grabbed. I think we will try the ideas you all have shared..and get a harness..for times when she dosen't want to listen. I have a felling, just a few times in it and she would be begging to behave. ...(i hope.)
Thank you again.

 

[daisy_77]

ThreeMusketeers-
I just wanted to tell you that your little girl is adorable!

January

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

ThreeMusketeers-
I just wanted to tell you that your little girl is adorable!

January

aww..how sweet. Thank you. Looks like you have a beautiful little one there too! Congradulations..I miss the baby days!!

 

[Camping Griswalds]

We always have a rule My husband chooses one child, and I the other and we keep contact with that kid constantly...whether stroller, hands piggyback whatever works. I personally think that they are so used to malls/grocery stores that they don't pay attention to you the same as they would in Disney.

That being said my children have been memorizing since they were 2.5 My mommys name is...My daddys name is...address and phone number. We also drill them on going to a police officer or a female to ask for help. (reportedly females don't "snatch" kids as much as males, and mommys are usually moore intuned to panicky little ones...guys don't get testy this was stated by F.B.I. on Oprah)

My kidsd of course have run from me too, they are not perfect, and neither are we, but honestly have never had a problem in Disney and we have made 7 trips with them starting at 2.5 and 6. Good luck

Here's another idea...Could you mail your child a letter or balloons from Mickey that go over the "rules" for a Disney vacation? Maybe that would help.

 

[MomOf2DisneyKids]

My DS5 is on the mild end of the autistic spectrum and he often tries to get away from us. When we went 2 years ago, we kept him in the stroller all the time (except for rides, of course!). My kids are 6 and 5 now, so I don't know how much the stroller will actually be used, but I do plan on getting one for him if necessary and having him in it if he starts getting antsy like that. We have been talking about "the rules" over and over and over again. My dh and I each "get" a child, but my son is SO fast, and he needs a hand on him all the time. He understands consequences more now than he did then, so I'm hoping that the "if you try to get away from us, we will have to leave" will work.

 

[MomOf2DisneyKids]

Here's another idea...Could you mail your child a letter or balloons from Mickey that go over the "rules" for a Disney vacation? Maybe that would help.

that is a great idea....I'm thinking maybe a note from Buzz saying something about how "good little Space Rangers" should behave in the parks... And then we could just keep reminding him "Buzz said...."

 

[Camping Griswalds]

Thanks for the compliment!!

 

[DISLOVE]

First of all.. no flame throwing. I am responding to the OP's question and trying to point out that she has an option other than putting a leash on her preschooler. I won't hide the fact that I despise leashes on children but this is just my opinion. There is no proof that a leash harms children but there is proof that teaching children about limits and boundaries creates a great framework for their lives.

My DD is going to be 3 in September and I too have to deal with her trying to be more independent than she is truly ready for. We have a deal that works really well for us. We remind her of the safety rule, stay with Mommy or Daddy, before going into any public place. I tell her that she has one chance to walk and stay with us. If she takes off, or even tries to, she loses her walking privelege for the trip. For instance, we went into Wal Mart this morning. She walked alongside me for the first 5 minutes. She saw a Strawberry Shortcake thing and TOOK OFF! I got her, explained that she didn't show me she could be safe. I put her in the stroller for the remainder of the trip. We went directly to the grocery store after and she got to try again. This time she behaved perfectly! Allison knows I mean business, even without threatning. She knows that I promise to keep her safe and sometimes that means restraining her in a shopping cart or stroller if she can't make safe choices.

We are heading to WDW for Allison's 3rd trip (for her r3rd birthday) and we will continue to follow through this method. She has never once "gotten away" from us even in the crowded world of Disney.

I would think that your 3 year old could handle a plan like this... It serves to teach children very important lessons instead of just attaching them to you like an animal.

Kristy

 

[GoofyGirlnPrincessV]

I have a harness (I hate the term leash) and it is always in the diaper bag/backpack and I love it! My 3 yo dd loves it also, she calls it her tail and if she wants to walk beside me or the stroller I know she is in reach. She knows she can't just walk off, she knows that it is on so some stranger doesn't take her.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

You may think this is mean but it worked with my DS. When you're in a store and she wanders away, follow behind enough so she can't see you but you can see her. Keep watching soon she will look realize you're not there and get scared. It worked DS started to walk off once I reminded him what happened in Macy's he never did it again.

We did this with my now 6 yo when she was about 3 or 3 1/2. She doesn't wander now!! Now her sister is another story! Still working on her.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

just wanted to say that the idea about a letter from mickey about the rules to wdw is fantastic! thanks for posting this!

 

[Traveliz]

My daughter is 18 now but when she was 3 and we were planning a trip to Disney we took lots of walks and practiced "disney hands" which is really just holding hands. At any rate you can't always use that because its not feasible but in trip planning you can.

I for one was a huge proponent of the stroller/shopping cart. That is what they are for - to put kids in the seats of! Use it.

Liz

 

[meandtheguys2]

One other thing, is to make sure one of you is in charge of her! We lost DS5 for about 5 minutes last trip, and there were 3 adults, and 2 older sibs. Everone thought the other was with him.