How to handle unwanted family members crashing your wedding?

[mermaidbride1108]

So there was a big blowout recently with my future sister-in-law, DF, & me. I finally just had enough and she crossed the line this time.

I found out AFTER she wrote the most nastiest of comments about me & DF that she posted her status on facebook that she is sooooo excited for our wedding, has her bridesmaid dress already, just bought her plane tickets as they were a bday gift from her grandma (neither she, nor her husband, has had a job since last fall, both unemployed and apparently scared they will lose the house) and that she can't wait to go to Disney. She emailed both of us on Friday very nasty comments, I mean so nasty (here's a bit to explain, she brought up my sister's husband death and all the issues with it and made a ton of nasty comments about his death and that I'm still grieving a year later, I won't go into it but it was that bad) and then posted 3 days later how excited she was for our wedding???? She just doesn't get it. Honestly we weren't even thinking about how to handle the wedding yet. We were just too upset to get that far.

Well we let her know she's not welcome at our wedding and that she is no longer a part of our lives.

And then everyone I know emailed me her post this morning that she made about coming to our wedding. This happened before with her - we didn't talk to her for 3 years because she has done similiar things in the past.

So now what do I do? Our wedding is outside of the Wedding Pavilion - is that public property? I mean what do I do hire security for our wedding????? For the reception we are ok, because we are in a theme park, but what about the ceremony?

Did anyone see that episode of Bridezilla's where one of the bride's did that??? What do I do?

She's the type of person who will bang on someone's door until they answer, she can't let things go, she will stalk you until she's made her point. I already have one complaint I put in at the police station 3 years ago when she threatened me.

What do I do??? I'm just so sad & upset. Does anyone know if anything like this has happened before to a Disney Bride?

I need some serious pixidust to get through this....

 

[Nicsnick]

Im sorry that this is happening to you

Im pretty sure that if you tell your planner that this person is not invited they will do what it takes to keep her away. Talk to you planner and ask what all of your options are.

 

[LittleStinkerbelle]

Oh dear, I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm not sure what the answer is but I agree, talk to your planner. I'm sure they'll help you handle it.

 

[figmentfan814]

I definitely think speaking to your coordinator is the first place to start. Believe me I know where you're coming from though with family causing problems. That's why our ceremony and reception were both inside Epcot. Thankfully, in the end we didn't have any problems but I was still worried about something happening.

 

[beach bride 2010]

Sorry you have to deal with this. I would definitely talk to your coordinator and see how something like that is handled. One other thing you may want to consider if you really think it is going to be a problem is although you probably don't want to you could move your wedding inside the wedding pavilion. Since you are on the wedding pavilion beach it is not a big deal for Disney to move it inside because you already have the pavilion reserved for your time and it would be a lot easier for Disney to keep out unwanted guests than if it were on the beach. The beach is somewhat public. One thing I noticed recently when I was in that area (our wedding is hopefully going to be on the beach too)is that the water sprites and other boats you can rent can get close enough where they'd be able to see your wedding happen. I don't know if they tell the guests in watercrafts that area is restricted if a wedding is going on but I wouldn't think they would. It's one of those things I didn't even think about until DF and I took one of the boats out recently. Not sure how much of a problem this person is but if she really wanted to cause a problem she could probably get close enough either on the land or on a watercraft to do something to try and ruin the wedding (in which case Disney security would probably promptly take her away but still, those few moments would be ruined).

 

[Bride-to-be]

I would be so mean back and be like "you need to focus on the fact that neither of you have a job or any income and focus less on us and our wedding"

I would just post on facebook so all of her friends can see that she is not welcome. and just leave it at that.

I wouldn't worry about her coming. You are going to have too many other things to deal with. Assign the tast to someone else to play security and keep her away.

Can you still rent unwanted family members through disney? I used to have it on my wish list but then they disappeared.

 

[disbridemimi]

Wait? did you ask her to be a bridesmaid? I can see how she might be confused? Have you actually TOLD her shes no longer invited?

You need to tell her directly she is not invited & your hubby to be needs to back you up.

 

[Pirate's Princess]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. I've "pruned my family tree" and I know what it's like to have truly awful family members (like making sure I was denied an internship that would help me get into med. school because my cousin was already there and only one of us could be a dr...or assaulting me at another family member's wedding). Luckily we've absolutely stopped interaction with them so hopefully they won't know when we'll be getting married (or that we will be at all).

I agree with letting your WP know about the situation and possibly talking to another family member...or perhaps invite a person to watch out for her. And I would firmly tell her (possibly in aformal letter, not facebook) that her invitation has been revoked and if she is there, she will be escorted from the premises. She is no longer a part of your life. I don't agree with stooping low yourself (bringing up the joblessness) because that would probably spurn her on even more. Be the bigger woman and politely walk away.

 

[OceanGdss]

Contact your planner. Immediately. Let him/her know the situation. I had a very close family member that I absolutely did NOT want at our outdoor ceremony or lurking around our resort reception. My WP, and even photographer knew about the person and I even alerted several close guests about the issue so that if this certain person showed up the situation would be handled quietly and without issue. My wedding party was even notified by DH and I that there may be an 'uninvited' guest in the middle of the ceremony and to continue to look 'happy and towards the officiant'. My thoughts were 'i'll be darned if my Photo & Video will get screwed up by that person!!' lol.

Pre-wedding I sent a very polite yet direct email to the family member explaining that they were not invited, I even said we had changed our date/location/time of the wedding to protect our privacy. (Even though that was a lie...I was trying to trick them...it worked!) Then I removed any and all date/time/location info from any location on the internet/myspace/facebook. I then cut off all contact with the family member.

In the end DH and I were both nervous on the wedding day, but everything went off fine and I still have not spoken to the family member now 4 months after our ceremony. (I did receive an email stating how they were 'happy our wedding went well and were sad to find out we had lied about moving the date'......oh well lol)



What she is doing is absolutely wrong and you should NOT have to deal with this before your big day!! Contact your planner and trust that they will help lead you in the steps to assuring you have a magical day

 

[mermaidbride1108]

Thank you so much for your support...While I don't wish this on anyone else, it's comfortable to know I'm not alone in dealing with a situation like this.

To clear up a couple of questions:

Before DF & I were engaged, She was cut out of our lives for 3 years because of a similar situation. DF decided to let her & his Mother in our lives again about year & a half ago. I was trying to help the relationship and stupidly asked her to be a bridesmaid because I knew that's what DF wanted. This was April 2008.

She has slowly but steadily been doing things to really upset us for months now, alot having to do with the wedding.

Finally I just couldn't take it anymore and told her off - basically to back off, in a firm, but not name calling or cursing sort of way. Well she's extremely defensive and attacked me verbally through email, writing alot of things that are not at all easy to forgive, really hurtful things. Made sure she noted I was no longer DF's Fiance to her, I was now just his girlfriend. This happened last week.

After this verbal attack, I blocked her from my facebook, myspace, and even the wedding website. She called my home and I said 'Lose my number, you are not welcome to call here again' and then she preceded to call 6 times after that.

Then I get emails from several friends and family members (one of them was even her other sister-in-law, My soon to be SIL) saying that she posted her facebook status as 'Just bought her plane tickets as a gift from her Grandma and she's so excited for her Brother's wedding in Disney, she can't wait to be a bridesmaid and has her dress already'.

I firmly told her she's no longer welcomed at our wedding when I was told she wrote that. I'm just so upset about the situation that I'm trying to cut her off as much as possible. I'd rather not attack her back, she's the type of person that HAS TO get the last word in, it would just continue forever if I do that. We will just continue to go at eachother.

I plan to speak to my planner soon, I've been looking at alternative locations, but I just feel like I'm giving in to her if I change the Ceremony location I really wanted in the first place. I'm just worried that Disney doesn't really have much power to really do anything, that area is basically public property isn't it?

I mean if she bought her plane tickets and her mother is giving her a free ride, she's going to Disney whether we tell her she's welcomed to the wedding or not...

Problem is her daughters were supposed to be flower girls too, and I think DF's mom is going to cause trouble to, like make sure his sister knows every detail so that she will show up... We've had many problems with DF's Mother too in the past. She and her daughter are quite the trouble makers. She never went to his sister's wedding and caused a huge scene at her first son's wedding...

I just want one peaceful happy day

 

[rpmdfw]

Speak to your wedding planner. Develop a game plan and contingencies. Make sure all parties are well informed of what to expect and how to handle things. Ask for extra security if you feel you need it. Disney has security personnel who are in plain clothes, so your other guests don't even need to know that they're there. It may cost you extra, but it'll be money well spent if they keep crashers from ruining your wedding.

Speaking as someone who had crashers show up during our pre-ceremony pictures because the person at the door didn't know not to let guests in, I'll say it's important to have everyone on the same page. The people we'd asked to watch the door were on time, but the crashers were early, so they were allowed right in. Our planner was livid. In the end we allowed them to stay to avoid making a scene, but if things had run as planned, they'd never have gotten in.

So plan for every contingency and try to think as deviously as possible and figure out ways that they might try to work it. Then add those to the list of possible contingencies that might come up and have a plan for those, too.

In the meantime, do everything you can to get as many family members on your side, and everyone do their best to discourage her from making the trip at all.

 

[mermaidbride1108]

Thanks rpmdfw - DF & I are still trying to figure everything out. It's just all so sad...

I plan to speak to my planner about it and see what we can do to limit any intrusions she may try. I let all of you know how it goes....

 

[gemmybear83]

I don't have much advice - but I just wanted to give you a big , what a horrible thing to go through. I agree with the other posters stand firm - cut off contact and talk to your planner. Your being very mature about this and I wouldnt stoop to her level by responding on facebook etc.