How to Handle School Bullies

[kilee]

Ughh-- I am so aggrivated right now. My son is in the 6th grade-- first year in the jr high school. Last year for the first few months of school he had problems w/ 4 different boys. Of the 4 boys on 2 were friends- so these were separate incidents. It got so bad last year that my son got choked on the bus so bad- he had bruises around his neck that lasted for 5 days. I took photo's of them I was so livid. That was in elementary school and every single person in administration was useless. They offered no support and it was just horrible. In the end, the worst child moved out of state. That solved that problem. Another boy seemed to be an isolated month long incident and that's over with. Then there's the 2 boys that are friends. The one is a known problem in town and school. The other is only a problem when he's w/ this other child.

Now to the present. This problem child (we'll call him Jack) has been giving my son a verbal hardtime since the start of the school year on and off. He'll leave my son alone for weeks, sometimes even be decent, but then he'll start in on him. My son had broke his leg and injured his ACL the very first week of school and was on crutches, then home teaching. So it's been a pretty mild year. However, ever since he went back (the week before Thanksgiving) off crutches "Jack" has been really awful to my son. Yesterday I guess he was being verbally cruel to my son. Because my son chooses to sit w/ 3 girls at lunchtime. My son has a serious crush on this one girl (an age appropriate crush) and he eats lunch with her. I try to tell them to ignore the other boys because they're probably just jealous the girls let him eat w/ them. I'm trying to make him feel better. Anyhow, "Jack" and his friends got so rowdy in lunch yesterday they all got detention.

So today they were out for revenge on my son. Even though it was their own mouths that got them in trouble. I could tell there was an issue as son as I picked my son up from school today. "JacK" and his 2 much older brothers were literally on my sons heels walking out the door. I guess they were trying to "knee him in the back of his injured knee to get him to fall". My son is terrified of rebreaking this leg (which has about 70% bone growth- doctor had just warned him last night about still babying it because the fracture and ACL avulsion aren't totally healed). I guess "Jack" or one of his 2 croonies pushed/slammed (I guess there were varying degree's of seriousness) my son into the lockers or wall 10 times today. They were repeatedly trying to "take out his leg" and kept telling him they were going to do so. I guess he eventually went to the school counselor. This person's ONLY job is to monitor school tensions and smooth things over to avoid violence. He felt like the counselor blew him off and asked me to call the gentleman after school. This is so unlike my son. My son is real confident, bigger than these boys, very athletic, even pretty popular, but he's a total "lover" not a "fighter".

Anyhow, the counselor pretty much said he gave "Jack" and his 2 croonies lunchtime detention for a week. Meaning they have to eat lunch in the office not the cafeteria. He suggested to alleviate the situation, my son should leave lunch, gym, and some classes 2-3 minutes early so he can avoid these kids in the hall. He said there really isn't anything he can do about it. Boys will be boys.

Now this is the same school that had a mandatory parent meeting at the start of the school year. It was all about their Zero Tolerance-- Stop Bullying program. They have "The Bullying Stops Here" signs all over the school. This past summer on an episode of Dr. Phil there was a girl from our school on because she was the object of terror at school. He only had 3 children on this episode and 1 was from our school. Our little school in the middle of no-mans land that has approximately 80-100 kids in each grade at most.

If they put a hand on him again tomorrow, my intentions are to call the police. I don't want to deal w/ the school one on one again. I know the police won't do much- but maybe it will scare "Jack" enough to get him to back off. Maybe not- I don't want to make it worse. All's I know is they don't realize the seriousness of "taking out that leg". My son had a small tear in the ACL- that is not healed. If it rips all the way-- it will be 3-5 years before they can repair it- because he has to stop growing first. He'll be in braces and everything else for that long. Much less my normally happy child is a depressed mess tonight. He keeps telling me he wishes it was just 1 kid- not the 3 of them. Because he can take on 1 kid.

Sorry this is long- but I need to get this out. What would you do....I need advice.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Broken glass in their lunches???? snicker, snicker, I love a good fantasy!
Seriously though, I would immediatly call the State School Superintendants office and talk with them. If you call 1st thing in the AM and they're not available, keep trying all day until you get them - DON'T wait for them to return your call.

Please let us know how this turns out. BIG HUGS!!

 

[djcruz4fun]

If the school will not provide the needed security, I would have call the Police and filed charges (battery) and have a Lawyer talk with the school staff and impress upon them the ramifications of a law suit in the event your DS is injured at school by bullies that the know about and did nothing to correct. or you a call could hire some thugs of your own but I would hope a phone call would take care of it.

 

[kilee]

Of course I'd love the thugs and glass ......

DH wants me to see what happens the next few days. Essentially, if they so much as touch him again- he agree's w/ calling the police. I will have to look into the state super-- I didn't know there was anyone above the super at our school.

 

[fran99999]

I had a less serious issue with my DS7. I thought this was not an issue until the school nurse called me one day to tell me my son had been tripped in the playground and had a bruise on his hip bone. I was called at work to tell me she had my son apply ice to the area. I work on the other side of town, I told my Boss I was taking an early lunch and off I went I went straight to the nurses' office. I took my camera. I took pictures of the bruise. I had them give me a copy of the accident report the nurse filled out. I then went to the principal and sat with her and the nurse. I told them what was happening and that "I know if they had known this was happening they would have taken appropriate measures prior to this" I know my DS brought this to the attention of the principal prior to this. but I let it slide. I told them now that they are aware of this issue I am sure they will handle it properly, as this is considered Assault. I told her I didnt think I needed to call the local police at this time but if it happened again I would have to as a concerned parent.

The principal knew I had the pictures and copy of the report. My DS came home the next day and told me the principal had pulled the offending kids to the office with my DS and this was the last of the issue. When I called to find out why my DS was included the principal wanted him there so the kids would know who was involved. The kids parents were also called in for a separate meeting. both with/without the kids.

I wanted them to know I would not allow this type of behavior as It is in the student handbook that the issue was reason for expulsion. Ok the kids after my DS (who does have a mouth on him I admit) are in the 3rd and 4th grade. My DS is small for his age. I also found out from one of the other 1st graders these same kids had struck one of the girls my son walks to school with. This was reiterated to me by 4 other kids. I was glad I took the drastic measure then before it escalated.

It is illegal to assault anyone at any age.

 

[dg39]

This isn't your normal teasing. This is a group of kids wanting to and trying to physically harm your ds. Unfortunately the school isn't helping. This "boys will be boys" nonsense is nothing but garbage. Call the superintendent and tell him that if this doesn't stop as of right now that you will seek legal advice. Tell him that you are going to call the police and have them involved. Remind him that school is supposed to be a safe haven for the kids that go there. God, how I hate bullly's. Not only will the school be in deep trouble if your son gets hurt, but, they will also be supplied the medical bills if something were to happen to your son. Call first thing in the morning. I hate hearing about kids being harrassed by bully's. My dd was bothered last year, but, that was your "normal" teasing. This would make me sick to know that my child is going to school afraid. Good luck, I hope all this gets settled asap...

 

[mommaU4]

I unfortunately don't have any wonderful advice for you. I wish I did. Better yet I wish I had a magic wand and could make those mean kids that are bothering your son just disappear!

I know how hard it is to go through this as a parent. You feel so helpless. My son went through a period of teasing last year at the beginning of the school year because we had just moved to MI and he was the new kid. He had a pretty rough time although it never got physical, that he told me about anyways. But it was upsetting to him so much so that he cried at night to me and begged not to go to school. He said it was so hard not having friends. It broke my heart to see that and not know how to help.

This year seems to be better. It's a small school and some of the kids there have known each other since before Kindergarten, so I doubt he'll ever be very popular. But the teasing has mostly stopped and he has a few good friends that he hangs with.

Good luck to you and your son. And I hope your son is doing okay mentally. It's easy for kids to get seriously depressed over something like this and some have even tried to commit suicide because of the constant torment. I'm not saying that's the case here or trying to freak you out, but parents need to realize this is a serious problem in some schools for some kids and needs to be dealt with. It sounds like your doing the right thing and are doing everything in your power to help your son.

I truly hope this is all resolved soon for the both of you. Be strong, good luck and lots and lots of hugs to you both. Let us know how it turns out.

 

[ksjayhawks]

Take your son to school tomorrow morning--go early when the principal will be there. Sit down with him/her and have your son tell what happened today. Inform the principal of the past history. Ask how this will be handled under the zero tolerance, no-bullying rules that the school or school district has. Ask what the punishment is for the boys who are doing this to him. Tell him that the "boys will be boys" response from the counselor is unacceptable. If your son's knee is hurt again, it will not be like a bruise or small cut that will go away.

Ask that your son's teachers be informed of what is going on and that you have a copy of what is given to them. I would also send an email/letter/note with your son as a followup. If possible, I would also meet with them in person so that they know you are serious. If there are other teachers around your son's locker that he doesn't have, introduce yourselves to them, explain what is going on and that you have met with the principal and they are welcome to talk with him if they have any further questions.

Tell him that you want this on record so that when something happens again, appropriate actions--which probably will involve the police--can be taken. If your school has a resource officer (policeman in the school) I would also talk to him and have a record made of the incident. Ask the principal to inform you in writing of what actions will be taken. Write a letter to the principal--not an email--summarizing your meeting today. Keep a copy and send one to the superitendent as an fyi.

Keep records of what has happened--have your son write down what happened today and anything that has happened in the future. Meet with the counselor he met with and ask for a copy of the incident report. If there is none, ask that one be written up and that you get a copy and the principal gets a copy.

If you feel that you are getting no response from the principal, go directly to the superintendent's office and ask to speak to him.

I would not wait for a few days to see what happens. All it would take is one good push/shove and your son's knee could be ruined for life! That is not worth it. Encourage your son to go into a teacher's room--no matter who it is and whether or not he knows the teacher--as soon as this happens again. Have him ask the teacher to call the principal--not that counselor.

If any of his friends saw what happened, ask their parents if the kids could write down and date what they saw as well.

Good luck in getting this resolved. Let us know what happens.

 

[Sparx]

If it was my kid, I would march into the office with one of the "bullying stops here" signs (freashly ripped off the wall) and ask them, "does it?" show them what these kids are doing. Then press charges against the kids, and threaten to sue the school who is responsible for you child's safety.

 

[kilee]

I do want to thank everyone for their support. I appreciate it. I do intend to follow-up on this further tomorrow. Pretty much to let them know that I'm not going to stand for this and essentially this was their 1 chance to make it right. One more shove by the same kid/group I am going to the police.
They can say boys will be boys all they want. There is a big difference between an isolated arguement and ongoing bullying- and this has been on and off for over a year so it's clearly bullying. I think it's going to take me going to the police to get their attention. They won't like this being taken outside of the school.

 

[EltonJohn]

Contact the school and tell them about the situation, and tell them that you are considering hiring a lawyer.

Speaking of Dr. Phil since he had a girl from the same school on perhaps he would be willing to take the school on!

 

[dmslush]

Tell the school first thing in the morning that not only will you sue the rear off of them for not providing a safe, hostile free environment for your son, but that you will also have Dr. Phil so deep in the middle of that school that no parent will ever send their children there again. I'm sure he would eat this story up!

 

[Marseeya]

Have you tried talking to the parents?

My son had bullied in the past and he quickly found out the meaning of zero tolerance the minute I found out. Forget the school, mama was on the case.

Everyone else offered great advice, so I'll just say good luck! And let us know how the school responds.

 

[DarkSideMoon]

any Karate schools in your area?

 

[kilee]

DS can't take Karate because of his knee/leg. I guess in layman terms he has a super tiny tear in the ACL tendon and it is healing but slowly. He really has to baby the leg otherwise he risks tearing it. He also had a fracture of the tibia that isn't all the way healed- He has something like 70% bone growth right now. We just had another CT scan on Tuesday and he's getting there but not yet. He was in a toe to upper thigh cast for a few months until recently. He still limps and hobbles everywhere. If he were to rip this ACL any further he will have to be in braces and on crutches for several years. They can't repair an ACL until a child is almost done or is done growing.
I think this is what makes this awful ordeal even worse. He's in a "fragile" condition right now, and those boys are taking advantage of it. In general he's afraid of re-injuring the leg and all the pain and the cast and everything all over again.

 

[golfgal]

DS13 was the object of bullying for years. He is an easy target and we got zero help from the school. Normally I really like our principal but when it comes to bullying, she really just doesn't do anything. She adopts the stand that it is one child's word over another and she can't really do anything. While I see her point a little when several kids complain on separate occasions about the same child picking on them, you have to do something. We finally moved DS to another school.

Now, for the ACL tear, are you seeing an orthopedic dr about that. The "treatment" just doesn't' sound right. If his ACL is in such a precarious state they should have repaired it, easily done with arthroscopic surgery. He should also be doing physical therapy to strengthen his leg muscles to help prevent further injury. A 6th grade boy shouldn't have to take it easy. Ligament tears don't really mend themselves. It is pretty much the same as a broken bone, they need to be reconnected to heal. If he just sprained his ACL, ok, rest, ice is good, but he should still be doing physical therapy to strengthen it.

 

[cajunmommy]

Try contacting this group - Mothers Against Student Hazing -http://www.mashinc.org. A mom in a nearby town started this effort following the hazing of her son by fellow football team members. I'm sure they could give you some advice on effectively handling the bullying.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This is not just simple bullying.

And, it is not just one childs word over another.

The OP actually witnessed these guys right behind her son, physically contacting him, and trying to cause him to fall.

Also, does the OP's son know anyone else who may be brave enough to be a witness to these threats?

This is not just bullying, the OP's son is being physically assaulted, and threatened with serious bodily harm.

This is how I would consider handling the situation.
I would arrive at the school very early and plant myself in the principals office.
As soon as I arrived, I would use my cell to make a phone call to the local police station, tell them that my son is being physically assaulted and threatened with bodily harm, and that I would like a couple of Police officers to come to the school ASAP. (I would NOT want to the Police officers to arrive first, and give the Principal the opportunity to smooth things over and to cover her rear....) Okay, once the Police officers showed up, I would file an official complaint. Notice, I said an "Official Complaint". Make sure that the Police officers include the incident that you personally witnessed, along with statements from your son as to the ongoing threats. Make sure that you sign this complaint, and tell the police officers that you do intend to press charges. This INSURES that it can not be swept under the rug.

This is assault, this is threatening bodily harm, this is criminal activity. I would have NO problem with having these boys explain themselves to the Police.

There is the possibility that these boys have been in serious trouble before, and that makes even more important that the Police be involved with this immediately. This may be the step it takes to get these boys the help they need, and the punitive actions that should be taken.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhh, and about all the 'stop bullying' stuff... Wow, what a crock!!! Seing as how the school was featured on Dr.Phil, they had to come up with serious PR. What a load of PR... Empty and meaningless PR.

 

[kilee]

As for my son's leg- he's been to 2 surgeons and I've researched it- the type of injury he has does have this long drawn out name- it will heal on it's own as long it's not injured any further. He just got out of the cast recently and he's already improved ten fold since it happened. It all has to do w/ the growth plates. Anyhow, he should be healed by summer w/ no further injury. He has a brace and such for now.

I contacted the school today to verify there was a report filed yesterday. 2 teachers witnessed one of the locker shovings- that is how the boy's got "lunch detention" for a week. They were very unhelpful in all aspects. Pretty much these things happen, so on and so forth. I understand isolated incidents happen- but this has been an issue for over a year. It only boiled down because my son wasn't in school- then he was in school in a full leg cast and crutches- the kids must of had some morals because they 100% left him alone then. It's been full flare for a few weeks now though.

Anyhow, I am going to pick ds up in a 1/2 hour. If he gets to the car and says there was any physical assualt today- I am not leaving and calling the police. I really liked the idea of calling the police while still at the school to file the complaint. Thankfully dh is home early today and is coming to pick-up ds with me. Hopefully there won't be an issue- but if there is I'm done dealing with it the school's way for now. Thanks everyone!!