How to handle discipline

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[cjparker0110]

I haven't read all of the responses so I'm sorry if any of this has already been said. Here's my two cents for what it's worth:

1. First of all, don't worry about other people. You have to worry about your family. You will likely never see the same people twice anyway.

2. Talk to him ahead of time about your basic plans (not discipline, just plans). i.e., if you are going to go back to your hotel for a midday break, let him know that is part of the plan ahead of time so he is prepared for/expecting it. Don't just thrust it on him.

3. Do take a break! Not just meals. WDW is a lot of walking and the FL sun can wear out even the most physically fit. Plan some down time in the middle of the day so all of you can rest and refresh. Going back to the hotel can be good...lounge at the pool for a bit maybe.

4. Take the park slowly. It's not a marathon. You will NEVER do everything you want. Enjoy the time rather than rushing everywhere.

5. Let him help plan your days! He might enjoy being in control of a few details (such as rides/restaurants).

6. If you start to see signs that a meltdown might happen, try to steer him in a different direction before it spirals out of control. I don't know how this works for you. My kids are completely different so what works for one does NOT work for the next one. YOu have to know your child here.

7. Ah...discipline. This is the fun one. How to handle it. I'm assuming you're traveling with his father as well so forgive me if I'm mistaken. I would discuss with "dad" your concerns and create a plan of action. This could even include some options for the various behavior issues with appropriate discipline for certain infractions. i.e.: if he says "no" to you guys it might mean missing out on dessert whereas full out tantrums might mean sitting in a quiet spot for a preset amount of time. Once again, you need to know what works best with your child. If you are worried about a fit over souvenirs, create a spending limit and maybe even give him the power to do the spending! This is a good way to teach him how money works anyway.

I can't think of anything else right now, but hopefully this is of some help. Have fun! Try to remain cheerful no matter what. And make sure you do what is best/right for your family without worrying about the other people who might stare. People are judgmental all the time anyway. You have to teach/mold your child....their stares won't change his behavior. Only you can.

 

[cjparker0110]

BTW...nobody who takes their child to WDW could ever be considered "the worst mother in the world"

 

[tina.tina]

Thanks for all the advice. It's just the two of us, so I have no problem working at his pace. He is also a napper....he still naps every single day after school and even longer on the weekend so we will be taking a rest kid day as well. I've been seriously considering at least trying out a stroller, but we haven't used one in for ever and I think it may actually cause a meltdown. But maybe if he's tired enough?

We are not strangers to public time outs and the stares but this trip is really giving me some anxiety. I've never attempted something like this and I'm scared of being "trapped" inside the park when he's having a meltdown. No exaggeration when I say it's a toddler meltdown...he will kick, scream, throw himself on the floor, etc. I've been called to get him from school before because of the meltdown...in first grade.

So pretty much if you should see a crazy woman with a screaming child...it's probably me, just move along.

My DS5 refused to nap even though he had a nap every day at preschool and was always a good napper/sleeper. We ended up having to have some sleep in days. He threw a fit in DHS even though he never really threw fits but he was totally exhausted. DH and DD were on a ride so I ended up sitting on a bench with DS, holding him still. I hoped then he would fall asleep while I sat on the bench but no such luck.

So, good luck and don't worry about criticism. No one else knows your situation. My DS was premature and we kept him home & away from germs until after he started daycare at 3 months old. We went to Walmart with him for the first time after that and a woman nearby commented to her daughter what a terrible mother I was for bringing my newborn out in public like that. I still wish I'd told her how wrong and mean she was.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

just move along.

This ^ right here !

I'm pretty sure e v e r y parent has felt this way

 

[cjparker0110]

Out of curiosity, has he ever been evaluated for autism? I'm not saying he is autistic, but I have worked with some autistic kids and they throw fits over things like the wrong "type" of sprinkles and not wanting to wear the jackets. Many other things are involved too, obviously. But it may be worth looking into. God bless you for facing the challenge alone. I don't think I could do it. My wife and I need each other.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[cjparker0110]

It's hard to use the word sometimes, but it's good to treat him as if that is the case...even if it turns out it isn't. One thing to realize about autism is it isn't a specific "disorder" that is clearly defined. An autism diagnosis means they are on the autism spectrum which can be extremely mild (as in just a few behavioral quirks) to pretty much unable to function. The fact that it was hard to get him diagnosed tells me he probably is not an extreme case...that's great!

So what do you do? Well...it's a little harder than your "average" kid. But that doesn't make it impossible! Autistic children don't like surprise changes. It's a good idea to be as prepared as possible. If there is a listing of rides that are closed, study it so that he is isn't expecting to ride those. FP anything that you know he will want to ride!

You may want to bring earplugs for him. I know some autistic children don't do well with loud noises...and there is a lot of loud noise at WDW. Maybe have him try wearing them before the trip so he is used to them. This could help a LOT!

Try to find some good down times for him as he may become overstimulated while he is there! A dip in the pool midday (or a nap) can make all the difference.

ADRs may be a lifesaver for you to avoid long waits with a hungry boy! Or at least bring some snacks to hold him over if you need to eat. Also...since this is all new for you...look at food options in advance. A lot of autistic children (not all) end up needing to refrain from certain foods which can sometimes help to improve their behavior. You may want to look into this a little.

A lot of the indoor rides have dark scenes...so be sure he can handle them or is prepared for them before hand. You can even watch a lot of POV videos on Youtube of some of these rides if you want to get an idea ahead of time!

I found this blog from an autism mom that might help a bit: http://www.atypicalfamilia.com/2014/06/12-tips-for-autism-families-planning.html

I can't think of anything else right now, but I do have a good friend that has an autistic son and also teaches special needs children (career was started because of her son). I could see if she is willing to email you with better tips if you are interested since she has a few years of experience.

 

[SmallWorld71]

Just wanted to add another tip. I don't know if you are planning on doing sit down meals. But, if you are, ask your server for your check at the beginning of the meal and square it away. This way, if you get to the point where you need to leave, you can just get up and go and not have to stick around to settle the bill.

 

[DopeyDame]

Try posting this over on the DISabilities board. There are a lot of very knowledgeable people over there, including parents of kids with autism who may be able to give you some really useful advice.
As for your general question, you obviously can't go "home" but you certainly can pretty easily leave the park if needed. Even just walking out and hanging out on a bench near the parking lot or riding a boat (at Epcot of Hollywood Studios) or the monorail at MK may be enough to diffuse the situation.
Each park also has a baby/childcare center and a nurse/health center. It's probably a good idea to know where both of those are in advance.

Have fun!

 

[Sinderelly]

Ah Autism. I agree with the PP. Check the DISabilities board. We are getting a stroller for the 3 year old and I am hoping the 8 year old will also not be too proud to use it if he gets really tired. We are also keeping our days in the parks short. No rope drop and no staying until closing. My son has severe Epilepsy and rest is VERY important. You can also visit Guest Services for a list of the best places to rest in each park.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[andiraye]

I think a lot of people have given good advice. As I started reading this thread. I was going to suggest a stroller and then saw others do the same. Maybe you could rent one even if he doesn't want to sit in it? So it is there just in case? You could explain it as an easier way to carry supplies. Which it is! You would be able to carry lots of snacks, water, ponchos and other things that would make the day more comfortable for both of you, which could help your son avoid meltdowns and help you have the composure to deal with them when they happen (always my challenge!).

I also agree that it is a good idea to identify some cool, quiet places to rest or retreat outside the parks, like the monorail.

And I also agre that you should ignore anyone who looks at you funny. It's their problem, not yours. I know, easier said than done, but have courage knowing that thousands of other parents are empathizing with and supporting you!

 

[quagmire0]

I echo the comments about pacing things. Take breaks. Have snacks and drinks on hand. Ride lots of air conditioned slow rides. Bring or rent a nice stroller.

 

[Nancyg56]

Well funny you should mention that. He was diagnosed with ADHD at age 4 but I have long thought something else was going on. Pediatrician did not agree and thought all my concerns were under the ADHD umbrella. This year was a very rough one at school and midway through the year his teacher quit. A veteran, previously retired teacher took over and after a bit she brought some concerns to me and mentioned autism as a possibility. I pushed with the pediatrician to see a psychologist and we've now had an autism diagnosis less than a month. I'm honestly not even comfortable using the word autism yet but I am really hopeful about the services he can receive once we get things figured out better and things get less overwhelming.

One thing to remember when you contemplate when your child has any kind of diagnosis, the diagnosis is just a word. It's the treatment that matters. Your child is the same little boy he was a month ago, the word does not change who he is or how you and those who love him feel about him.

So Disney and Meltdowns....I took my little DGD when she was 4. She was taking a new medication, and what we did not know is that a rare side effect of the medication was to magnify anxiety, so my lovely, normally well behaved easy going Kady slowly turned into a walking talking basket of nerves. She was )and still is) the kids who cannot stand change, so sitting in a different seat from the one w sat in the trip before put her over the edge. She cried over what seemed to be nothing, and by the day we were leaving, she was so overdone that she had a meltdown like I had never seen before. By then, I knew something was wrong but did not know what. I ended up alone with her in the bathroom, sitting on the floor just holding her tight.

Looking back, there were signals that I missed, but hindsight is always 20-20. I agree that the DisAbilities forum is the best place for advice to either circumvent a melt down before it happens or how to escape for quiet time if one occurs, but from me...I suggest that you stop worrying. You will wind up doing the same as you do at home, and that is because you really know what to do. If you need to leave, and you might, then just go. It will be alright, and will be the same thing we all had had to do. You apply disciple the way you do at home, if it works there, it will be appropriate on vacation.

Disney is overwhelming and overstimulating and I think many underestimate how that affects people in general. I figure the best plans are made to be tossed out if need be, and better ones seem to take their place.

 

[MandiC]

We laid out expectations before went to the parks. They knew I WOULD go back to the room if needed, yes it is time consuming to go back but I wanted them to know that just because we were in Disney didn't mean I would be okay with bad behavior. I too agree with trying to avoid meltdowns. If you know what makes him meltdown try to be a few steps ahead. If he gets overwhelmed plan on early mornings, an afternoon break to relax and decompress and possibly back in the evening depending on how things are going.
We suspect some kind of behavioral problem in our 3 year old, currently he is only diagnosed with a significant developmental delay and speech delay. He is different from my other kids for sure and can be difficult but I also feel like I know pretty well how he will react to crowds/hunger/fireworks/ect in order to be pretty well prepared. I am sure you will do fine, try to keep your discipline the same as you would at home for consistency I so agree with Nancy, I've had a big pep talk with myself already about autism and possible diagnosis. It scared me, but he is the same kid and will be the same kid no matter what his diagnosis