How to handle discipline

[Tiffylv]

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[superchime]

You won't be alone. Meltdowns are common at Disney (both the kid and adult variety)! It's usually not too hard to find a little out of the way place to recover, assuming you're not in the middle of a ride or in line or something like that. You may get some stares, but do what you need to do for your son to help him calm down. Those staring people are probably overtired and cranky themselves, or they don't have kids, or their kids are perfect angels all the time. I think most people will be generally understanding as long as it's obvious you're moving him somewhere away and not just sitting there letting him scream through dinner or Fantasmic or something like that. You might look at park maps ahead of time and have a few escape spots mapped out if it'll make you feel better.

 

[chris31997]

The other thing you might want to do, would be to try to take the parks alittle slower. Try to avoid over stimulation and tiredness. Might help limit the melt downs.

Just like PP, try to plan ahead and find quiet places to collect himself/yourself. Try to plan ahead and take time for treats like ice cream, pop corn, whatever. An excuse to sit down and rest

 

[Happyjen27]

Everyone melts down at Disney, adults and kids alike. Ever see some jerk trying to push through a crowd, as if they are the ONLY ONE tired and wanting to get to the exit? Whatevz. Judgers are going to judge, you can't control that, you can just be the awesome mom that you are.

Step 1 is talking to your son, clear consequences: Home will be far away at Disney, so, if you do XXXX, we will take some time out in a quiet area (every park has little spots of less noise/people to allow for some chill out time, scope those out ahead of time). If you do not get it together, we will go to the exit of the park and sit on the benches. If you're still struggling, we will go back to our room and relax and try again later.

Going back to your room won't be the worst thing if he's in need of a break. Even I, as an adult, struggle when I spend more than 4 hours or so in the parks. Too much noise, activity and crowd energy, I always need a break. A break at Disney isn't a sign of weakness, or a punishment really, it's just an admission that humans have limits, and every human has different limits.

Don't think about any "waste of money" or time, think about setting your son up for success and enjoying every minute of things, not every single thing. I have always toured with the idea of enjoying what we do the fullest, and that includes doing less things, and that's okay. The one time I pushed my kids past their point of reasonable was in AK, I wanted to get the whole park done in one day, and we stayed too long. I was rewarded with crying twins at the bus stop on the way back to the resort. Lesson learned.

 

[MommaBerd]

I, too, have a DS7 who is prone to MAJOR meltdowns. So, OP, you are not alone!!! These PPs have given some great advice.

 

[EPCOTgrl1]

With the amount of meltdowns I have seen at Disney I am always applauding the parents that actually address the problems head on rather then buying their kid something to keep them quite. Do what you have to do to keep your family as normal as possible.

 

[msmama]

I try my hardest at avoiding meltdowns at Disney. Make sure he is fed and watered. Take frequent breaks. If we are doing something that my son doesn't really want to do, we talk about it BEFORE we do it and promise to do something he wants to do soon.

Also, know his triggers. Is he going to want something from every store? If so, address it beforehand (however you want whether it's waiting until the end for souvenirs or a set budget or whatever).

My son has some sensory issues and one of his favorite "relaxing" activities at the parks is window shopping. We'll walk through stores browsing until he's up to heading out into the madness again (luckily I got a kid who never seemed to get the "gimmies").

For me, the key is understanding the meltdowns and trying to avoid them as much as possible. I give each person in our travel party one "free" meltdown (sometimes more if circumstances call for it like super hot or extra super crowded). Generally though they start 'real' by the end we've so overexaggerated our meltdowns that we end up laughing and the tension has resolved itself. Having my 6 year old scream that he hates me in the middle of Disneyland was a great time!

Leaving might be exactly what he needs though. If he's overstimulated then getting out of the parks and back to the hotel might be perfect for him.

 

[dprincessmom]

Yes you are going to get looks, but keep doing what you have to do. While my DD wasn't prone to meltdowns (thank goodness - sorry not certain how moms handle that) she will get cranky when certain triggers hit and WDW is loaded with those triggers. We always made certain (even now) to have a small snack on hand for those hangry moments, and we have always scheduled breaks. When she was little she refused to call them naps, so they were "rest" breaks. Typically within 5 minutes of being back in the room in the AC with the low lights she would be out.
Tired, hungry, overstimulated are a recipe for all kinds of fun (sarcasm font).

If I have addressed all of these needs and I am still getting attitude, we have a little chat that lays out a clear course of action and then follow thru. We have left a line once - after that a look and "remember our chat" are usually all it takes to get DD back on track for the day.

I would throw out there to check near the baby care centers. There are usually benches near these facilities and if need be AC. There are also not a ton of people there as these spots tend to be a little out of the way.

 

[NorthernGrl]

I have one with Autism, 2 with SPD and a preschooler. We spend more than our fair share of time redirecting behaviour. I will say though that it seems to me that my kids are better at WDW than they are at the local mall! It's almost like there's so much going on that they don't have time to get overwhelmed!
I make sure to keep the bottom of the stroller stocked with snacks and drinks. We can head off a lot of issues with just keeping their bellies full and hydrated.
We go completely at the kids' pace. No running all over the place to make sure we get to do EVERYTHING. The only thing we push is my oldest's dislike of certain rides. She's not a fan of THM or PotC. I do force those ones, only because at 10, she's too young to wait for us, and it's everybody else's fave rides. But I know my kid, and she'll get nervous in the line, but fine and proud of herself for doing it after.

 

[luvmy2babies]

All I have to add is just remember people will look at you like they have never had a bad moment in their lives; but it’s only not their turn at the moment. Oh the stares I got on our last trip when I went to 3 different places in AK just trying to find a hot dog while my son was losing his mind in his stroller.

The child doesn’t ask much and even as a little boy he treats me really well. I mean I can be sitting in a chair working and he comes with a blanket saying, "Mom, move the computer so I can cover you up". So when he had asked ever so nicely for a hot dog I said (thinking they were just a few feet away), “Sure, you can have a hot dog.” I went to the place I had gotten him one on our previous trip and after 20 minutes in line got close enough to find out they were no longer selling them.

Now interestingly enough that wasn’t what sent him into a meltdown. Actually he didn’t have an issue when I said we were going to have to go to another place to find one; but after the 2nd place didn’t have them….YIKES! By the time I got to the 3rd place, I was crying too. The CM was really nice and comforted him.
Trials of being the only adult traveling, I guess. I don’t generally miss not having another adult on our trips; but that was one of the few moments I did. It would have been nice to have someone take him to a cool place for some comfort while I searched for the hot dog.

It was his only meltdown in quite a few trips to Disney and elsewhere so far. Not that he never has any. But unlike most of the rest of our lives, on vacation, I go at my children’s pace and we tour slowly and take a lot of breaks. We eat the same time we normally eat at home because food or lack thereof is a big trigger for both of my children.

 

[Gorechick]

During our 2012 trip when my twins were 7, I told them if they were going to tantrum and cry like a baby then we'd have to go sit at the Baby care center and not get to do anything fun. Worked like a charm. However, pacing your day, noticing the early signs, eating/drinking and taking a break are all good options. If you can, take a look at park maps and see where there are some quiet spots where you can go to diffuse a meltdown.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

We are getting into the home stretch of the countdown to our disney trip and I'm getting nervous. My son is 7 and has some behavior issues. He still melts downs like a 2 year old. In our normal, every day life when he melts down in public we go out to the car or even go home if it gets bad enough. I assume in disney world it's too far to get back "home" for this to be efficient. This is our first time going on a vacation like this and I'm a little worried about how to handle his fits without people hardcore judging and thinking I'm the worst mother in the world. On our only other vacation, ever, we went on a disney cruise and it was easier to get back to the room and there were some quiet areas to duck into in order to calm down. Is this even feasible at disney world? Thanks.

I'm going to tell you something my sons behavior therapist taught us to use : Time out to go.

Anywhere you go, time out goes with you.

She told us to get something simple that you can carry with you, we used an extra large bandana, and take it everywhere you go. It can go in your pocket, your purse, your bag, etc. It's with you everywhere you are, so time-out is with you at all times. It would be something inconspicuous like a scarf tied to your bag, etc.

Anywhere you lay out your item (our bandana) was time-out. It could be in a restaurant, in a store, on a bench, in the car, anywhere you lay the item to rest is where time-out takes place.

Yes, it took some training at home, and yes we did have some fights when we first used it in public, but after the 3 or 4th time, he knew we were dead serious and he realized he was embarrassed more than we were, and we only had to use it a few more times. He's 9 now and I *think the last time we had to use it, he was 5.

Name any section of any park and I could just about tell you where we've had a time out.

 

[Thing 1]

There are two kinds of people that will look at you when your child has a melt down.....ones that have been there.....done that.. and the one that do not have a clue. Don't worry about either of them. I would choose prevention first. Keep him well fed, well hydrated and rested. Give him lots of choices. With my now 8 year old I always let him choose the first ride of the day. Now I REALLY want to run to the ride that will have the longest ride later, but I have learned that if he can get that first choice in right away, he is much more tolerate of my pace later. Take as many breaks as you need and be willing to take some down time out of the park if needed. Don't make any threat you don't want to follow through. I would never threaten to leave the park for behavior, though we might would call if a day early if that what we needed. There are lots of places you can find to get away from crowds when you need to. Look for them throughout the day so you will have some plan in place.

 

[Mainemama]

I think there is great advice shared here. I just wanted to add that my 7 year old boy, who does not generally have meltdowns at home, ADORES Disney, and is the reason we keep going back, really struggled on our trip recently. He had a very hard time with anything that involved choice or flexible time. He was great with anything he knew would happen in advance. Ultimately, we found ourself as a family splitting up, so the other kids did not have to be held back by his behavior. He needed more rest and down time, even than my 2 year old. In the past, he has closed the parks, this year, he was done by 6 and that includes having a rest midday. Next time, we will listen more carefully to him if he says he is tired, even if it is early, have a plan ahead of time to divide parenting, and build in predictable rest periods, so he knows they are coming. We will also preteach choice, like "sometimes we have free time. You won't always get to pick how you spend it. We will decide how to spend it as a group." 7 year olds can struggle with this concept!

 

[jennab]

Honestly I would handle discipline the same way I do at home. If judgy people want to look at me then so be it. I don't know them!

 

[aaarcher86]

I think laying out expectations early helps. My kids know if they act out, meltdown, or act like jerks they will be taken back to the room and they'll stay there.

My oldest at times doesn't believe we will do it because one of us would miss out on the fun. But by golly, the look on her face changed when I let her know Disney has babysitters and I wouldn't be missing out on anything! Lmao.

Knowing they'll have to leave, it's pretty easy to remind them when things start to get a little hairy that it's up to them if they stay and have fun or sit in a hotel room.

 

[tink9702]

I agree with everyone that said to handle as you do at home, keep them well fed and watered and ignore people who are staring. Often people stare just to figure out what's going on to make sure the kid is okay etc. so keep that in mind too.

I'll add that we did a LOT of explaining ahead of time and reminding daily what our schedule was (the first three rides of the day & lunch/dinner if an ADR etc.). I also told DS a bunch of times that as soon as we go on this (because of FP+) we can do the one you want to go on. If we miss the FP+ ride now we will have to wait MUCH mUCH longer. It really helped him to understand why and he was happy that after the FP+ ride he could go on the one he saw first.

And snacks in your bag/stroller so you can bring them out during long lines or if there is a "sudden" need for something your child likes. Mine are fairly picky and you can't always find something they'd like to eat quickly enough. Having a snack in my bag allowed me to say "do you want this or can you wait a bit so we can get this instead?"

 

[ktlm]

My DD, now 9, has always been queen of the meltdowns. Since she has hit her grade school years, most have been reserved for the privacy of our home (her teachers describe her as an easy going perfectly behaved child, which makes me wonder if she has a body double attending school for her), but she still can throw some whoppers at home at her age. From the time she was a toddler, when she had any kind of outburst at WDW, I would remove her from wherever we were to a bench and sit her down. I would tell her we were going to sit there and not move until she quit even if that was all day. I would tell her that as soon as she quit, we could go have some fun, but that we would be staying put until she calmed down and was ready to have fun instead of throwing a fit or complaining. After that I would not engage with her, but would just sit there not talking or responding to her fit until she quit yelling, crying, or complaining. That usually took care of things very quickly. Sometimes it would still take her a minute or two to calm down, but other times, she would stop about instantly, say she was sorry, and ask to go do something in the park. It is worth a try. You will find lots of benches at WDW. Don't worry about what other people think in the park. I am betting it will not be the first meltdown they have seen that day. It is a park full of kids, there are meltdowns all over. Some of the people looking at you are probably just glad that at that particular point in time, it is not their kid that is having the meltdown! When she was 3, DD screamed the entire way back on the boat from MK to WL. The reason was that we were going to the resort to catch Magical Express to go to the airport and fly home and DD did NOT want to leave WDW. As we pulled her off the boat at WL, a lady walked up to me and said. "Don't worry about it- I cry when I have to leave WDW too." I don't know who that lady was, but I love her!

 

[Amanda999]

Lots of good advice here.

Just wanted to let you know you will be in good company at wdw. DS is tall (looks around 13), cognitively challenged, low iq, autism spectrum. But is usually calm and quiet so people can't "tell." Anyway, he had a full on toddler type meltdown inside fotlk show (while guests were still being seated) a few days ago. In front of the front row of seating - ie everyone could see him. There was even foot stamping and screaming! Anyway, not one person stared. Well maybe a tiny bit only because it was a noise. But no one seemed at all to be judging. Many moms looked ready to help, as did cast members. (We left without watching it, despite that show being his favorite.)

I can't think of a more supportive environment. Tons of small and big kids melt down, and many special kids and adults are there. I've never seen any judgment from others. Not saying it never happens, but I see it far more at home, at a store for example.

My only advice is to follow through! It is very hard to say no 7dmt if you have fp for it.... Don't ask how I know...

ETA adults meltdown at wdw too! A fistfight broke out at the up staircase at tsmm last August when I was there! Someone thought someone cut him in line...

 

[houseful of boys]

Lots of understanding advice already given here. I'm not sure if you are planning on bringing a stroller or not but for both of my middle boys (one with aspergers and one with an anxiety disorder and fequent meltdowns), I let them have a stroller until they were 8. Even though they didn't really need to ride in it (except for nighttime when all of our legs are tired), it provided them with a "home base" when they were over stimulated and/or melting down. I would throw a blanket over the top of it (or a poncho in the summer) and find a corner somewhere where they could have a safe, private space to calm down.