How to get pre-teen to be more greatful??

[cosette24601]

Originally posted by Lewski709
To each his own, but it worked for me and I don't hear anymore nagging. Mine learned they can't have everything they want there are people out there who have NOTHING. Seeing is believing. A little harsh, yep.

You may not be hearing nagging anymore, but what did your kids actually learn from the experience? that it's good to give to the less fortunate? I don't think so.

 

[disykat]

I was thinking the same thing as FOJMO. Maybe instead of the Mall of America, you can do an outing to hike or something. Tell her that you've decided it would be better for the whole family to focus less on things that cost money and more on each other. Make it about all of you - not just her. She didn't get this way by herself.

My big thing is Christmas overspending - I think it brings out the worst in kids. I have no idea if you or her mom do this or not - but it might be something to think about. Reading on this board about all the things people give their kids always has my eyes popping.

 

[sharbear]

I am running the risk of being flamed. I have two children. One is a dream, never asks for anything, happy with everything he gets. The other one, asks for stuff all the time. Is not always grateful with what she receives and generally can be a real pain in the butt. My two kids have grown up with the same parents in the same enviroment but still they are completely different. My PITB child can also be the most giving child in the world, she always thinks about others and is always the one who thinks to buy me a gift. Something my first born never thinks about.

What I see in the OP a child who is craving attention. Any kind of attention however negatively. I don't know the situation but I wonder if she is getting much attention from her Mom. Does she have ADD? All of these things can compound into negative behavior esp. someplace like a mall. Does that mean you should never take her to the mall? No, real life happens and sometimes the family has to do things. Should she be allowed to change your trip to the MOA. No, things are going to be a certain way and at 12 she doesn't get to rule the family.

I think that she's trying to test you. She is so insecure about your love, that she is testing you. Don't fall for it. Be firm but very loving. She wants you to love her. She really does. She just doesn't know how. Maybe her Mom is too busy for her and negative attention is all that she can get, so that what she is trying on you.

Some of this behavior is typically for preteens. They really love to test you. They want to know how far they can go. It will drive you crazy but it ends (I hope!).

This is just my personal opinion but I hope that you will think about it.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Originally posted by BabyTigger99
Also, with the money for the mall, she does know that she is getting $50 to spend on what she wants, however, keeps saying that is not enough!!

Find a baby sitter or take her to her mom's house while you and your family enjoy a trip to the mall without having to deal with her various "wants". Make sure she understands that the reason she is being left out is because she refuses to take no as an answer and you are tired of the battles. When she is left out of this family outing because of her self-centeredness she will have time to think about whether or not she wants to continue this kind of behavior. Make sure she knows you will miss her, but she needs to also realize that YOU have rights, too.

Before I get flamed for my being mean, I want to point out that I did this sort of thing with my own daughter when she was much younger. If she got a scathing case of the I-gotta-have-gimmee-itis, I took her out of the store, drove home, found a sitter, and went back by myself. Moreoever, after behavior like that, she knew she had to earn my trust back before I took her anywhere. She only pulled that kind of thing once or twice in her life because she learned that I darned well meant it when I said, "no, you can't have....." $50 is more than enough. If she is thowing a fit over the situation, then she needs to learn a lesson. If you don't stop this now, imagine what she'll be like in highschool when she HAS to have all the designer clothing and every other "thing" her friends insists she has to have.

With all due respect, I reject the idea that she's doing this because she doesn't feel loved. Some kids are born with this temperment. My step-daughter is the same way...and she's 23. Believe me when I say you want to stop this NOW. My step daughter still throws fits when she doesn't get her way. It's the worst site my eyes have ever seen. Having seen this woman behave so badly, I have complete confidence that I've done the right thing in raising my child the way I have. It's ok to say no and you have every right to say no with the expectation that you won't be bagdered or harassed because you did say no. You have a right to say no, and let that be the end of it.

 

[Lewski709]

You may not be hearing nagging anymore, but what did your kids actually learn from the experience? that it's good to give to the less fortunate? I don't think so.

Yes, he learned that people are less fortunate along with the Hope Rescue Mission volunteering. He understands why we prepare the food and we make it together.

He has also received gifts since that he likes but says he doesn't need, can we take them to the people who don't have much? I think he got the point.

This wasn't the first time the store nagging happened, but it was the last.