How to get a child to eat

[Karel]

My daughter, 9, has a problem most of us would like to have. She weighs too little. She is very picky about her food and many nights at dinner, she just refuses to eat. No amount of threats work. We always said if you don't like it, eat it anyway or go with out. She chooses the go with out. Now I'm thinking we may have to offer alternatives so she can gain some weight. She always eats breakfast and eats most of her lunch, as long as it's something she likes. I can't serve pizza and tacos every night. She needs to eat chicken or pork every once in awhile.

I tried talking to the Doctor about but feel she was not really listening and helping. She suggested counseling. That's not do able. I said 'should I offer her alternative" and she went into this whole deal about strong willed children, choosing consequences, etc. We did not communicate effectivly.

Has anyone ever been in this situation and have any helpful ideas?

 

[Toby'sFriend]

hmmm - it's a tough one.

My sons are allowed to eat alternative meals occassionaly, but not pizza or tacos. I allow them to fix themselves a turkey sandwich or something if dinner is something they really hate.

Please note that I said fix themselves - I am not a short order cook and it is not a career that I have ever wanted to pursue.

Maybe you also need to get her involved in meal planning and let her choose what is for dinner 2 or 3 nights a week. And then of course help make the grocery list and fix the dinner.....

 

[Michelle]

Is your daughter clinically underweight for her age? Is her doctor concerned about her lack of weight gain?

If the answer is YES then this is a health issue and you definitely need to offer your daughter some healthy alternatives at dinner that she will eat. Battling over food does no one any good. At age 9 (my DD is the same age) they are in a major pre-puberty growth spurt and if they do not get adequate nutrition then it can affect them throughout life.

Some kids just are picky eaters, they are NOT trying to be difficult, that's just how they are. I would make sure she is getting choices that are healthy that she DOES like. She definitely needs to eat dinner on a regular basis.

Good luck!

 

[Minnie824]

Could you try putting some chicken on a pizza? Or maybe buy a childrens cookbook, and have her pick out some things that she'd like to eat and have her help you. Good luck.

 

[MosMom]

Many nutritional experts suggest eating your largest meal of the day in the morning so if she enjoys breakfast, bulk that up. Bulk up her lunch if she eats that so her calories are consumed before dinner. If she doesn't want to eat much at dinner, that is fine since she has had most of her calories in breakfast & lunch. If she is picky and likes to eat at certain times, just bulk up what she eats when she likes to eat it. If she like tacos, make them with ground up chicken or turkey. I doubt that she would even notice the difference in meat once the taco spices were put on. Play around with foods and sneak veggies into things that she wouldn't suspect. Grind up carrots, zucchini, or other veggies into spaghetti sauce or pizza sauce. Try and sneak as many healthy calories into something kid friendly as you can. Thinly slice sweet potato and bake them...sprinkle them lightly with seasonings for chips. You can also sprinkle them with cinnamon and a little sugar for a sweet treat. They are really good and really good for you. HTH

 

[Serena]

Unless she has a medical or self esteem problem, I'd leave her alone. I'd offer healthy food and have plenty of veggies and fruit to snack on. But fix your meals. She will eat when she's hungry.

Some kids just don't weigh very much.

 

[amid chaos]

I have a very active DS and one summer decided to bulk him up. He was and still is very active in sports and I just couldnt keep any meat on him.
I was making shakes, lots of packed protein meals and his choice of food that summer was ceasar salad which he ate 3-4 times a day.
I gave up...he eats when he wants. I just have good stuff available....this is a battle which is not worth having.

 

[Buckalew]

I grew up with a boy who only liked peanut butter sandwiches and corn. He ate them everyday for a very long time. He grew up and went into the Navy and I spoke with his brother awhile back and he said that Scott eats a bit of everything these days.

I agree with Mosmom. You could sneak things into things and see if she'll eat them too.

Bless her heart--I was one of those kids that sat at the dinner table every night after the battle. I sat there long after the dishes were done and the lights were going out.
Keep her healthy but try not to focus on food too much. It seems like the kids always win those battles and the scars can be deep.

 

[Karel]

The big problem is that she does not like fruits and veggies - she's a carb girl all the way. She just needs to loosen up a little and let me put peanut butter on her bagel.

But you're right - she's small for her age, so her weight is not that off - she's not like a stick with ribs sticking out. She's nine and weighs fifty pounds. OTH, I don't want to swing her in the opposite direction or end up with major eating problems when she's a teenager.

Thanks for your suggestions. I think we're going to offer healthy alternatives for dinner and encourage healthy snacks. The idea is getting her to gain weight and if a milkshake after school everyday helps then so be it. We're going to sit down later and write down all the things she likes to eat. I think some of it is a control issue - on both our parts - and I'm going to give her more say in what she eats.

Ah, the joys of parenthood.

 

[Christine]

Karel,
I have to ask--is your daughter really underweight? I only ask because "these days" with so much child obesity, I think we have a skewed perception of how a child should look. Both of my kids are thin. When my son was about 6, my pediatrician said to me "now, that is how a child should look--you should be able to easily see the ribs on a child and they should have a kind of lean and lanky look." Many people, including doctors, have become accustomed to the bulkier look of everyone today and if you are thin, they think something's wrong.

Also, I agree with the other poster who said that some kids are just picky and it's not really all about a power struggle (at 5 yes, and 9 that really kind of starts to disappear).
Christine

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I know everyone means well with their advice, but I would seriously consider speaking to a dietician or nutritionist. There are things missing from her diet that are important. You need to learn which substitutions are the RIGHT substitutions, not just something that may add weight to her.

 

[Karel]

Actually, Christine, I think my middle child is skinny than my daughter. He's tall for his age but has that skin and bones thing going. He eats just about anything. No eating problem there.

My daughter's nine and weighs 50 pounds. She's short though, just like me, and wears the same sizes as our six year old friend. She doesn't look all skin and bones - she fits her skin.

I was one of those kids that sat at the table long after dinner was over. I remember sitting with a plate of three bean salad sitting in front of me. That's why I try to be easier on my kids and what I serve. But the things I think are innocent they sneer at - a nice lasagne, lovely mashed potatoes. I tell them if they want something icky I'll make them three bean salad. They'll be begging for lasagne.

 

[Christine]

Karel,
My almost 12 year old daughter is barely 70 lbs! To me, she looks about right--she doesn't look bony, thin, malnourished, etc., she just doesn't have an ounce of blubber on her--she is also not very tall. She doesn't eat well either. I keep thinking that there are things she should be eating but she is just not very adventurous, but it IS getting better. For instance, I didn't make chili for years because my kids would turn their noses up at it. Finally, *I* got tired of not have chili and I went on some chili rampage and made it once a week. All of a sudden my daughter is eating chili (but my 8 year old still won't). I think some of it is an age thing, and some of it is particular to the child. I do think part of it is that we have so many of the more unhealthy, convenience type foods that we can make at home, that these kids have developed a palate for it--mine included. I did cut WAY back on offering that stuff and it has helped. My daughter will also go hungry for weeks rather than eat something she doesn't like.

What I've found is that it will not change overnight--it has taken me a few years of being hardcore and making different things before they have come around. VERY slow process. My daughter has only recently started enjoying lasagne. Both my kids pretty much hate mashed potatoes (go figure, I thought everyone LOVEd them). But they do like me to roast potatoes and they dunk them in tons of ketchup.

I agree too that I wouldn't be trying things to bulk her up. It really doesn't sound as if she is underweight. It is really very rare that a child will starve themselves to an unhealthy weight just because they are "picky." If they are truly underweight, there is usually a medical condition causing it. My guess is that it is just her metabolism and even if you gave her more fats, she'd probably burn them off (lucky girl).

By the way, I ate pretty good as a child. When I got married at 19, I was 5'7" and weighed 99 lbs. Yes, I was thin, but certainly not malnourished. Just my metabolism. I am now almost 40 and I definitely gain weight now, but am nowhere near being like what my "healthy" high school counterparts are looking like.

I wouldn't really worry unless she's sickly but I would try to get away from the pizza/taco thing. Kids have a way of manipulating our worries into making us short order cooks.
Christine

 

[justjulie]

I've wrestled with this problem too. My son is seven and weighs only 39 pounds - he is tiny and yes, I can could his ribs when the "flexes". I've had him for bone density x-rays and they tell me his weight and height are in proportion so he will grow at his own pace - no need to worry. My other son's very solid for his age and his little brother just looks so .... little (literally). My doctor's not concerned and he usually eats his "big" meal at lunch so a sandwich or oatmeal for dinner may not be so bad after all.

 

[binny]

my ds is 7 and has this issue too. He isnt underweight, but certainly isnt overweight either.

My solution was to buy the book " 365 things kids love to eat" this has A LOT of choices. Just a suggestion but I think her helping with the meal ( or making it herself if its something you are comfortable with) and choosing it would help her a lot. It might teach her several things, how much planning goes into a meal, measuring etc.

Justa thought.
If you are concerned about her weight issues, I wouldnt hesitate to call a nutrionist! At the very least they can help you develop a menu of things that will help her.

ps my cousin lived on Peanut butter for years!! He ouwld actually cry at THanksgiving because he wanted to eat the food but could not bring himself to do it
He is now a healthy 30-something in great shape

 

[worm761]

i was that child. i was a very picky eater and would not eat anything i did not like. fortunately for me, my mother would just cook something different only for me. LOL she got tired of it when i was a teenager. since then my tastes have grown. my neice is really tiny. she is eight, about 45 inches tall, and doesnt quite weigh 40lbs yet. she is healthy and she eats like a horse! my DS on the other hand weighs 60lbs and is 47 and half inches tall.
DS went through a phase when he was 2 till about 4 where he would not eat meat! i figured out that he would eat is with bbq sauce. so i learned to bbq everything.
maybe try something like that. if she likes salad dressing drench veggies in dressing. not the healthiest way but she will be getting them.

 

[The Sweetness]

Children will eat when they are hungry. This is a lesson that I learned the hard way with my DD (now a perfectly healthy 11 year old who often eats as much as if not more than I do)

As an infant she was switched from regular formula to soy to stop her from throwing up all the time. this didnt help much. When starting solid foods, her ped. convinced me that my baby wasnt gaining *enough* weight because I wasnt forcing her to eat enough. That doc didnt last long with me. As a tot she was extremely fussy and didnt weigh 20 pounds until she was almost 3.

I used to have so much stress when it was her meal time that I eventually had to remove myself from these situations as much as possible. I would prepare her meal or snack (usually only healthy things) put it on the table and tell her to sit down and eat, and come tell me when shes finished. Then I would go in my bedroom and close the door and wait. At first I was in tears with worry several times a day thinking that I was doing something wrong or there was something wrong with her.

As it turns out, she is and was perfectly fine, and she has a decent concept of whats good for her. She decides on her own breakfast every morning (usually a bagel with cream cheese or a yogurt) and is capable of deciding on what would be an acceptable(healthy) choice for her lunch every day, and occaisionally her dinner. She enjoys soda and junk food as much as anyone else, but knows to eat these foods in smallish portions. I guess leaving her with some amount of responsibility worked out well

 

[momof2OH]

My son weighed about 50-55lbs. for a little over three years. He looked like a twig. Our dr. said not to worry, he will eat when he's hungry. Which he did and still does. He has slowly lost interest in more foods. He is VERY picky. Most days he eats cereal for all 3 meals. He will not eat meat other than a McDonalds cheeseburger. He also will not eat chicken, pork or fish. The one plus is that he loves veggies and some fruit. He is now 12 and weighs about 80 lbs. He is short for his age (a thyroid thing) but is otherwise healthy. I never force him to eat. I think unless they are in an "unhealthy" state, it's not something to worry about. They will know when to eat and when not to. Eating habits do change in kids when they are growing or getting ready to grow.

 

[browneyes]

It sounds like a control issue.

If there's something she likes to eat especially well, fix it to see if she'll atleast eat that. My dd goes through non-eating spells. She'll eat real well about once a week or once every 2 weeks. She'll eat like a bird the rest of the time. When she was about 4, she decided she needed to go on a diet and wouldn't eat anything without asking "is this fat free?", or would ask for diet drinks. I had her dr lecture her about it and she stopped asking that question and stopped bugging me for diet drinks and would eat things a little better. She's not overweight or underweight but right on target. But she still eats like a bird most of the time. For awhile there, I was making mac-n-cheese everyday because I knew that's something she would eat.

Another thing I've learned is if I have her help me cook, or buy something she can cook for herself (like the ragu express, etc), she'll eat better.

 

[jamsmom]

My son is extrememly picky and has such a gag reflex (as do I) that we don't make him eat things. I have thrown up too many times to remember for biting into something that I just didn't like. Still to this day I do it at 30+ years old.