How to cruise harmoniously with extended family?

[yazee1]

Our family has been on two Disney cruises, and we're planning for our third in 2009, BUT this time with my mother and father-in-law, older (bachelor) brother-in-law, and younger (married with 4 very young children) brother-in-law. It's our 20th anniversary and my in-laws 50th anniversary.

Dh and I have already discussed the fact that this idea (which was mine) of cruising with the extended family has the potential for family *******. Generally, our families get along fine, but cruising together could be another story. Dh and I expect that when there are four families (three really and one bachelor) involved there are bound to be clashes or disagreements about what activities to do, how much to do together, what time things should be done, and how long we should wait for the those who are late or no-show (ex: to a meal, a meeting time, etc.) This last thing is the one dh and I see as the problem since it is already.

Does anyone have any advise on keeping everyone happy? What did you do or what would you do differently? We're not a terribly large group. We're talking about a group that consists of a healthy but older set of grandparents (80 by the time we cruise), a bachelor uncle in his 40's, dh and me (and our then 14, 12, and 8 year old) and youngest BIL and wife (and their then 7 yr old and 5 year old triplets).

Thanks, Monica

 

[Heather98012]

Does anyone have any advise on keeping everyone happy?
Thanks, Monica

Lots of booze?

Seriously, I think it will go smoother if you keep the group activities to a minimum. Maybe breakfast one day, dinner each night? Let people do their own thing & then have a few "scheduled" events. That way you don't get overwhelmed with family (& we all know how that can happen!).

Good luck!!

 

[cmacf1]

Last Christmas, we (DH, DD then 2, DD then 4, and me) went on a cruise with my MIL and SIL and her family (boys 13 and 16 and girl 19.) We have VERY little in common with my SIL and her family and we were worried about the same exact thing. What we did is we agreed to do ONE all family excursion (to appease my MIL) and then we agreed to go our own way as far as daily activities went. We also agreed (ahead of time) that we would be sure to meet together for dinner every evening. And we agreed to two evenings when we'd all go for formal photos together. This was all worked out ahead of time so that there would be no false expectations. Other than that, we really did do our own thing. We did meet, not on purpose, for breakfast several mornings. And one day, my SIL and niece took our girls for the afternoon to the beach.

Amazingly, as far as I know, there was no *******. I think the important thing is to somehow get all these things worked out beforehand. Acknowledge that everybody has different interests and should be free to do what they would like to do, at least most of the time. Plan to meet for specified meals. If you leave it all up in the air, there will be unhappy people. And since lateness seems to be an existing issue, I do think that should be addressed up front (don't know which family member is your late one, but my brother, a bachelor in his early 50s, is horribly late to everything and it drives us all nuts! He wasn't on that cruise!)

I hope all of you have a wonderful time on your cruise!

 

[atinkerbellmom]

I agree.... We have cruised with groups before and our rule is, this is "YOUR VACATION" down to the kids. Do what YOU want to do. We establish this rule early on. The rule is we all eat dinner together unless you have plans and if you have plans, Palo or off the ship, just alert the rest of us so we are not waiting at dinner. Since my immediate family is always the late ones, we did give everyone the rule if we are more than 12 miutes late for dinner, go ahead and order, just be kind to order the kids some fruit and us a salad. We then was stuck with whatever they gave us. So we learned to be close to on time and a couple of times early. We did not book anything together but if ended up at the same activity then great, we did not act like strangers....
Now our 1st cruise, there was a large group maybe 15 people whom sat at a near-by table. Everyday they waited for "grandma" and "grandma" never showed. They finally started ordering without her....... We never saw "grandma" at dinner. Last breakfast we finally got a chance to see "grandma" and one of her grandkids asked, "grandma where have you been?" One of the adults responded, "didn't you know, grandma met a man." So I guest you can add the rule if anyone finds a mate, especially ones over 80, please send you a voicemail......

 

[ashman]

Set and manage expectations. I agree that each needs to do there own thing but each person going (especially the adults) needs to understand that unlike the East High Wildcats, you aren't "all in this together!" I would like to have dinner together so everyone can catch up but after that, the less structure the better.

 

[m&m's mom]

We have cruised a few times w/ extended family- anywhere from 20+ to 40+ members. What we do is get rooms in general vacinity and get dining room tables together. After that everyone is on their own.
We have a very close family but having our rooms together let us see each other as we came and went and having dinner together gave us one time a day to catch up on what everyone did for the day.
Cruising is perfect for large, close, or not so close, families as it is so flexible.
We did a little comparing of excursions ahead of time but since we all were never together before the cruise it was hit or miss.

 

[bertalander]

Ah... this post made me feel better. We are cruising as a group of 16 and I'm worried about harmony as well.

I started a blog for us all... and put on there at one point that we were not all attached at the hip and we were going to have a great time.

I know that has gone over well with 3 families. Never heard either way from the potential problem family...

But I know we're going to have FUN!

 

[RoadTripFanatic]

Not everyone will want to do the same activities. We just did a big family vacation w/ DH's side of the family. You will not agree on everything. Just agree to disagree and do what you want to do. I basically said this is what we are doing. If you want to join us you are welcome too. If not please go on your own excursion. I don't mean to sound bossy but I knew what I wanted to see on this trip. DH agreed with me. So if anyone wanted to join us they could and if it not they did their own thing. It worked out really well. We did all try to eat dinner together every night.

 

[TammyAlphabet]

Prozac and vodka.

 

[SnowWhite2]

We've cruised with my parents on our first 3 DCL cruises. DCL is a perfect vacation for a large multi-generational group. There are activities for every age and interest. Unless you are all clones, you need to be able to do your own thing and come together at dinner to hear the tales of everyone's day. You cannot expect to all do the same thing, at the same time, with the entire group and have a happy vacation. Maybe you can set up a blog with everyone's plans and each family can join in or determine their own fun for the day. The key is to do what each family/person wants to do so they get to do their "fun" things. A family vacation does not need to be 24/7 family.

 

[jhannah]

I agree with the concept of doing your own thing most of the time. Our family group of 10 will cruise on 1/12, and I made the point up front that we weren't joined at the hip ... that if one family wanted to go off on their own that it was no reflection on anyone at all, just that they had something else they wanted to do. We'll dine together, but other than that we'll see if we end up together any other times or not.

It IS everyone's vacation, so all should feel free to do their own thing.

 

[BoardwalkBabe]

We've gone in groups before and the only "requirement" is that we all have dinner together. This allowed everyone to do what they wanted during the day (we did many things together after discovering who was interested in what) but we also had plenty of time alone. We met for drinks before dinner every night and enjoyed swapping stories of the day over our meals. It worked out well for us.

 

[gottaluvdisney]

Do your own thing and let them do their own thing Leave notes on your/their door - letting them know where you are if you want them to join you. Talk about your days over dinner.

 

[ILoveDisney&Cruising]

I TOTALLY agree with the other posters!! We traveled with about 25 inlaws. Everyone had dinner together each night. Other than that, we joined up if it was convenient, or if whatever they were doing sounded fun. Sometimes we'd hang out with some of them at the pool. Everyone really enjoyed hearing about everyone else's adventures, at dinner each night! It was one of the best vacations we've done.

 

[MassDisLovers]

Every cruise we've taken (and many other trips too) we've had family and friends along, sometimes as many as 25 members. We agreed before we went that we would eat dinner together and that the rest of the day every family would choose what they wanted to do. Of course, many days one family would decide to go off an an excursion (or go to a certain park if we were at WDW) and others might join them. It's just that we never had an "all must do the same activity" sort of mentality. We are also flexible about kids - if my kids wanted a cousin or two to come with us, we might "exchange " kids for that day. There have been days when my DH and I take the youngest kids (ours are the oldest in the family, all teenagerers) for a good part of the day to give their parents a break. We know that we would have liked that when our kids were young! If you are all looking forward to the trip, and as you say, generally get along, this should be a wonderful experience for all of you. How lucky the kids are to get to cruise with their grandparents! Have a wonderful time!

 

[yazee1]

It sounds like everyone's saying what I was thinking would be the best thing for everyone. Thanks for the input~!

 

[jeast]

All of the other posters are correct. Just be sure to approach it carefully with language. "This is what we're doing tomorrow. Maybe we'll see some of you there." Don't be wishy washy. If someone is constantly late and planning to accompany you on an excursion, you need to say something like "We're leaving at ----, hope to see you. If you don't make it, we'll see you at dinner."

My MIL accompanied me and the kids to WDW once. She's terminally late. I told her, "We'll be at the bus stop @ 8:00. If you sleep in a little, meet us at the park." I never gave her the choice of us waiting for her. Sure enough, she was just waking up the first day. I told her to call us when she got to the park and I would let her know where we were. She was a little surprised that we actually left her, but it only happened one other time the entire trip and she wasn't surprised the second time. She made a concerted effort to be on time after that and my kids got to enjoy the parks while they were relatively empty.

Remember, you're not the tour director. Everyone is responsible for their own activities and enjoyment on the cruise.

 

[sixbitslocum]

I agree with most of the other posters and don't want to duplicate what they said, but in addition to gathering for dinners, we would set an optional time and location for breakfast. Everyone who showed was supposed to have reviewed the Navigator for the day before breakfast, and we would each discuss what we were going to do. That way we knew if more than one of us would be at the same activity. It helped us if we were deciding between doing 2 different things. It also was a great opportunity for different family members to spend quality time with the kids (i.e. Uncle Gavin is going to go to the Mickey 200 for any kids who want to join him).

For meals, we never waited more than a few minutes for anyone who was late. Usually when they showed up, they could order and "catch up" to the rest of the diners pretty quickly.

Also, several family members posted their schedules with sticky notes on their doors for anyone interested.

I agree that everyone should do what they want on the excursions, but if you are looking for a few good ideas for group activities on the Eastern Cruise, I have some suggestions. On St. Maarten, we rented a pirate ship for the 16 of us. They sail down the coast, let you snorkel some/walk the plank and sail back. A nice chicken/rib BBQ and drinks were provided. Everyone on our excursion from 5 year olds to 65 year olds enjoyed it. On St. Thomas, we took a cab to Coral World/Coki Beach. In one place, you have an aquarium, aviary, petting pools, Sea Trek, Snuba, parasailing, swimming, sunbathing and scuba diving. If you have anyone who is interested in diving, but isn't certified, contact Coki Beach Divers. They give a Discover Scuba class. They teach you the basics and guide you on a dive to 40 feet your first time out. We had two 11 year olds take it and they loved it.

It really is an ideal vacation for multiple family members. I hate waiting for everyone to be ready on family vacations, and on the cruise, everything starts whether they are there or not. It takes away all the stress of waiting for those family members who are always late (and you know who you are )

Hope this helps.

 

["Got Disney"]

sail on a different ship

I could not cruise with my family

 

[D1sneyDad]

Well, in our families case we just don't do it. We know what it would do to our relationship with them based on past experiences.

I would say that the best thing you can do is to have open lines of communications and talk with everyone open and honest.

If that does not work then lots of alchohol.