How to address delicate situation?

[Jen414]

I bf'ed both of my dcs, often in public, but discreetly when possible. I had no problem sitting next to an old man on a bench at the mall and bfing my dd (he got upand left), soi n no way does NIP offend me. But...this is taking it a bit too far. I really see no reason for the "twins" to both be out unless she happens to be nursing twins.

And having actually nursed twins, I'll tell you that you need so many props and pillows to nurse both at the same time, the chances of anyone nursing twins at the same time in public has got to be slim!! Kudos to anyone who did, but I certainly didn't!

 

[Wishing on a star]

She is being an exhibitionist...
She wants an audience...
She is looking for a reaction.

The thing to do is to NOT give these opportunities to her.
Reach a consensus with everyone who feels as you do that you will immediately and enmasse, simply up and walk off.

Say nary a word to her.
But just leave her sitting there by herself.
There is NO way I would have been anywhere within sight during the restaurant incident, or that waterpark show.

I simply can't imagine why everyone sits there plays into this.
Not only is she being an exhibitionist.. But she is using this as a control thing as well. That don't fly with me.

PS: hindsight is 20/20, but at this point, I would have considered contacting security at the water park. That was NOT breastfeeding and was a completely illegal public display of nudity. (She would never have to know who it was who contacted the authorities)

 

[robinb]

I'm sorry if I missed something ... how old is the baby? Maybe she's just new at BFing.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

I have been out of the loop, I think. My youngest is 13. I have never heard of "crunchy" parenting.

What's so crunchy?

Here's a def I found for crunchy on Urban Dictionary- I was intrugued myself:

1. crunchy
quasi/modern day hippie; tends to wear no shoes, spends much of time finding way out of woods after smoking excessive amounts of weed, preferred fragrance = patchouli




2. crunchy
Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc.

Also used to describe establishments where alternative foods and products are sold, i.e. natural food stores.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

tends to wear no shoes

Does the fact that I don't like to wear shoes make me crunchy?

Also, for you SILs sake, OP, I hope it's not a yeast infection. Those can be horribly hard to get rid of and tend to be recurring, at least from my experience.

From about 2 mos old until the last year or so, when DS started wearing big boy cotton underpants, he would get a yeast infection at least once every couple of months. Usually all we had to do was call the pedi, get a scrip for superhighpower cream and that would take care of it. Once, however, not even the cream cleared it up. We had to paint him with some purple stuff (I forget the name of it..Gentian Violet I think) because it was ALL over his body. DS looked like Barney for a week until it cleared up completely.

 

[laurie31]

Oh wow. I just have to weigh in here.

I'm another VERY pro-breastfeeding, attachment parenting person, but wow.

I am shocked and appalled!

I breastfed openly in public until my girls were each two. I used Motherwear clothing. It has discreet openings in the sides, so you can nurse without lifiting your shirt and you are totally covered. I nursed in church and an elderly man came up and *stroked my dd's head* and had NO CLUE what she was doing. A blanket over them is like a big sign saying "Hey! I'm breastfeeding!" plus my babies just pulled it off. But discreet clothing is perfect.

Here are some examples of their clothing. See how discreet it is?

Yes, it's not a secret what they're doing, but there's no exhibitionism going on!


I personally was not too comfortable with exposing my breasts in public, (although very comfortable feeding my babies in public) but I'm okay with others doing so *if necessary to feed their babies*! Having the "spare" on display is...good gracious, that's just totally unnecessary, and I actually made audible noises of shock when I read about the "pumping at the water park" bit. Pumps at water parks should be those that recirculate the water for the slides! That is the most bizarre thing ever, especially when you throw in the bit about her husband "helping."

I'd have been worried about what the next step was going to be!

I don't think women should have to go to dirty bathrooms to pump, but I can't fathom a reason why anyone should need to pump in public like that. If you really *couldn't wait another moment* to pump, that would be the time for the blanket cover-up thing. Breast pumps don't wiggle around and pull them off! LOL!

 

[sha_lyn]

I just wanted to add that a button up shirt, if unbuttoned from the bottom offers great coverage. It sounds like the SIL unbuttons from the top

As Laurie31 said a blanket over their heads is just a big banner saying "look here I'm nursing", not to mention some kiddos, like DD, refused to have their heads covered.
However even with one that hates having their heads covered you can discreetly breast feed.

 

[scottishduffy]

Here's a def I found for crunchy on Urban Dictionary- I was intrugued myself:

1. crunchy
quasi/modern day hippie; tends to wear no shoes, spends much of time finding way out of woods after smoking excessive amounts of weed, preferred fragrance = patchouli




2. crunchy
Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc.

Also used to describe establishments where alternative foods and products are sold, i.e. natural food stores.

Well lets see... they are vegetarian, conservationists, environmentalist, nature enthusiast.....but they are right winged (ooohhh, missed one).

I have to admit though, their electric car and solar panels are pretty nifty.The composting skeeves me out though. Thank the Lord I don't have a sense of smell.

 

[sha_lyn]

I consider myself semi-crunchy. AP parently, natural eating, trying to conserve energy, resources etc. However I'm not "left-leaning" or vegetarian.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Crunchy...

I believe that this came from a referance to parents who only allow things like completely all natural 'crunchy' granola....

It refers to parents who are like super 'all natural' and 'earthy'...

This entails things like breast-feeding, cloth diapers with no cleansers, etc...

Now, I am concerned about the foods that I put into my body... but public nudity and allowing a child to have an uncontrolled infection (yeast diaper rash)?????

Seriously, could it not be considered that an untreated uncontrolled infection might constitute child abuse....

Some people are so lost in their own minds/agenda's that they simply should never become parents.

 

[PaulaSB12]

My question is what will she expose when the baby outgrows b'feeding?

Who says she will let him!!!!!!!!

 

[sha_lyn]

crunchy does not = medical negect.

 

[CPT Tripss]

Answer is, just excuse yourself, leave the restaurant, room, house, etc...
Also don't go to anymore restaurants with her....duh. I would make up excuses not to go.

Yeap, that's the ticket!
If you (and others) do not like what she is doing, remove yourselves from the situation.

 

[mickeysgal]

Crunchy...

I believe that this came from a referance to parents who only allow things like completely all natural 'crunchy' granola....

It refers to parents who are like super 'all natural' and 'earthy'...

This entails things like breast-feeding, cloth diapers with no cleansers, etc...

Thank you. I never heard this term before. Gotta love the DIS. I'm definitely an un-crunchy type.

OP, why don't you and the rest of the family leave when she starts nursing in public this way? Simply, get up and walk out. Didn't you say that this happens in restaurants? And the restaurants don't say anything ? She should not have the protective shield of family around here when she' starts acting like this.

 

[bgirldeb]

There are plenty of reason why one might need to pump in public. But I can tell you, as a champion pumper myself, that it can be done with no 'baring' of anything. LOL...I even pumped once at a state fair...my sister said she just HAD to take my pic...um, ok...and when I saw that pic I LOL!!!! I was sitting in front of a building labeled 'Milking Station'.

Now, that's funny!!!

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Maybe this SIL is from a culture where people are more comfortable with exposed breasts? There are many parts of the world where topless beaches are common and where women breastfeed very openly in public. Maybe that's her background so she has no idea that people in North America tend to get upset if they see breasts.

I'm inclined to say that if it bothers you, look somewhere else. I see things all the time that I don't want to look at (men bending over with low-riding pants, for example) and when that happens I just turn my head and look at something else. Problem solved for me. If you absolutely can't pull your eyes away, you could leave.

Teresa

 

[sha_lyn]

Maybe this SIL is from a culture where people are more comfortable with exposed breasts? There are many parts of the world where topless beaches are common and where women breastfeed very openly in public. Maybe that's her background so she has no idea that people in North America tend to get upset if they see breasts.

I'm inclined to say that if it bothers you, look somewhere else. I see things all the time that I don't want to look at (men bending over with low-riding pants, for example) and when that happens I just turn my head and look at something else. Problem solved for me. If you absolutely can't pull your eyes away, you could leave.

Teresa

ITA....
DH has told me a story about going over to some guys house when he was in the AF. I don't remember what nationality the guys wife was. Well they went into the back yard and the wife (who yes she knew her DH had company) was sunbathing topless. She was from a country/culture when going topless on the beach or in ones own back yard was the norm.

 

[Lisa_M]

I agree with everyone else about the double exposure being too much. Definitely approach her about it and hopefully she will be more discreet.

About the cloth diapers and the rash. Be careful of what kinds of cream you put on him with the cloth diapers. Most diaper creams can cause a diaper to repel moisture instead of absorb it. The ones off hand that I know are fine are Lansinoh diaper rash cream, burt's bees, Aveeno and magic stick. If she is against commercial wipes she can always make her own wipes solution and make or buy cloth wipes. We use Lansinoh wipes and they are much better and milder than most commercial wipes. I don't understand what she has against water, though. That seems ridiculous to me. How does she clean off the bf poo? She better start taking care of rashes as they arise because if a doctor sees that she isn't addressing it, she'll have cps at her door to answer to.

just wondering, how old is your nephew?