How to address delicate situation?

[ThreeMusketeers]

I don't think you can tell her. I think you just have to either stop going out with her for a while, or just deal with it.

She is only going to be breast feeding for so long, this can't go on forever. And it's her child, her body. If you don't want to see it.
Don't go.

 

[MaleficentFan]

LOL--- how do YOU like your taters????????

Okay- I have to throw this in there- that lady's daughter was named Tatum. And I swear, every single blessed time my DH saw this lady, he would ask her how Tater was doing.

He, too, was also traumatized--- and could never remember the kids name.

hahahahaha
Jo

Okay... I was holding it together despite the 2 traumatizing bf stories... but this just sent me right over the edge. I plotzed... right here at my desk... tears rolling down my cheeks, gasping for air. My coworkers think I'm insane!

 

[RitaZ.]

Now, the rash is not as bad as it was, but still the inside of his little thighs (right where the diaper meets the skin) and under his umm... equipment... is still red. This is going on 3 months now. No wipes, No creams, no washing with water. They change the diap and just use a dry washcloth to wipe him once or twice and put on the next one.

He could have a yeast infection.

 

[ERMama]

maybe if the boys bum got as much air time as her tatas it wouldnt be as red?

she can make her own baby wipes. heres some websites. basically all of them have some sort of cleaning product in them (as in soap, oil, etc).

http://www.justpeace.org/babywipes.htm

http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/homemade-baby-wipes-recipes.html

 

[talulabelle]

I know a woman who is a "crunchy" mother type. Cloth diapers (which cracks me up, becasue all the phosphates in the detergents needed for those diapers are just as bad for the environment as disposables) The poor kid had the WORST diaper rash for all his diapering days. Yeast type rash with the little blister spots. She was so dumb she wouldn't even treat him with yeast creams. That poor kid suffered. I think she just assumed his skin looked bad, but it didn't hurt him. I wish I had a magic wand to make her butt feel the same way, and then we would see if she would seek treatment for herself.

He is now 5 and is still in her bed. He STILL SUCKS A PACIFIER CONSTANTLY and some of his teeth rotted out and had to be pulled (under anethesia) from it. He has a speech impediment from it (which she does not recognize, she thinks he talks "cute".) He is incapable of sharing or getting along with other kids because he basically gets his way on everything. He is going to be a miserable kid.

I'm not implying all crunchy mothers are this way or this bad, just talking about another crazy one. She thinks she is so educated about the environment etc, but she is really dumb when it comes to mothering. Saving the environment doesn't mean you need to sacrifice your kid for it. Oh, her baby girl also has the grossest cradle cap, and she doesn't even know that you need to comb their little scalps to prevent that. when I tell her she needs to do this, she laughs at me like I'm stupid and says "why, she doesn't have any hair?"

Stupid.

 

[scottishduffy]

ER Mama- Thanks! I will forward those links. They are generally more open to 'making their own' things as opposed to store bought stuff. Maybe that will help. I mean really, the kid gets baths and they use detergents in the diapers so hopefully they may be open to this.

Talula- DNephew is only 6 months old now but we are very interested to see what he is like (and mainly what Brother and SIL are like as parents) when he is 2-4 yrs old. Hopefully they will loosen up as they are first time parents.

I am also not implying all crunchy types are bad. I have seen families who do Gentle discipline, but still discipline consistently raise great kids. It is a the few nut jobs who use it as an excuse to not discipline at all, in the name of not 'upsetting' the child.

 

[missj1975]

Oh my goodness, this has to be the most entertaining thread I have read in a long time. I'm still in shock (and grossed out) over the two co-workers stories.

I have been around two breastfeeding mothers and have never seen their breasts so yes I think the OP's SIL is going to the extreme to show off.

 

[TandT]

N-A-S-T-Y I believe in breastfeeding.....but not in that manner. How classless.

 

[BelleBoo&AmisMum]

He could have a yeast infection.

I agree, that's what it sounds like from the OPs discription.

Here's a good link on diaper rashes http://www.askdrsears.com/html/8/t081400.asp

I'm crunchy leaning, when my oldest had bad diaper rashes I used calendula ointment and it cleared very quickly. I got it at the health food store.

There's a point when crunchy goes too far and when a baby is getting the brunt of it, it's not cute!

 

[mickeysgal]

I have been out of the loop, I think. My youngest is 13. I have never heard of "crunchy" parenting.

What's so crunchy?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

the answer is you don't. for whatever reason (and she may have valid ones), this is her behavior and you can't control it. you can control yours, however. for instance, if you are done eating at the restaurant as stated above, there is no need for you to stay for a 30 minute feeding session...just say it was great getting together, looking forward to the next outing, then go.

for example 3, um, wow, that is some level of comfort she has! In that case, why not head off to a slide or lazy river or something.

the thing is, you are uncomfortable and she is not. you can both meet your needs...just remove yourself from the situations that make you uncomfortable.

for what its worth, I did bf in public but didn't go on display...only one breast at a time, and the baby or my shirt pretty much covered the situation. my kids HATED blankets/burp clothes over them, so that didn't happen in my world. still, it was not easy (unless you were looking) to see even an inch of breast, and certainly you never saw more than people see at the beach or on network tv.

 

[mumto3girls]

I don't think I've ever heard anything quite like this. I was fully prepared to be offended by the post, but nothing offensive here other than sil's behavior (and brother's too--what is he thinking???) I certainly believe in nursing and agree that it is fine to do it publicly. I bf'd all three of mine for about 2 years each and had to nurse occasionally in public in the early months, but was covered up and rarely did anyone even know what I was doing. There is no excuse for letting it all hang out unless you are at a nudist beach and the waterpark scene sounds illegal. I would try to stay far, far away from any public places with those two.

On a side note, this thread is the best laugh I've had in ages. Thanks so much!!!

 

[Tinijocaro]

I would encourage the family to leave her alone when she is nursing, literally get up, go to another room, go to the waiting area of a restaurant, until she is done. Tell her to come get you when she is done. If she asks why, tell her. Ask her why she must let the non-used **** hang out when she is only using one. Tell her you feel uncomfortable, and wish she would cover up a bit. Tell her that babies enjoy being all cozy under a blanket while nursing. Tell her there is no need for her to always expose herself.

I nursed 4 kids, my last one for 2 and a half years. All for nursing, but what she's doing is disgusting.

 

[Mean Queen]

How about buying your SIL a nursing tank? Tell her a friend of yours talked about how great they are since they offer support and you can unclip one side at a time. I used them all the time when I nursed. If she unclipped both, you could offer to help her clip the other side. I got mine at Target.

But I do agree with others who think she's doing this to challenge people to say something to her.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Oh, the dry washcloth is just sick! Even without diaper rash, how well can that really clean a poopy bottom? But with diaper rash, like someone said "yyeeeeeeooooooooouuchh!" Poor little guy.

Anyway, what's wrong with a wet washcloth? We made our own "baby wipes" (just wet cotton squares) on the advice of our somewhat crunchy pediatrician, who said the soaps, etc in regular baby wipes can be irritating to a newborn's skin. They were very easy to make and use, though they were small. We moved on to regular wipes by the time they were 3 or 4 months old and had bigger hineys.

 

[Disney Doll]

I know a woman who is a "crunchy" mother type. Cloth diapers (which cracks me up, becasue all the phosphates in the detergents needed for those diapers are just as bad for the environment as disposables) The poor kid had the WORST diaper rash for all his diapering days. Yeast type rash with the little blister spots. She was so dumb she wouldn't even treat him with yeast creams. That poor kid suffered. I think she just assumed his skin looked bad, but it didn't hurt him. I wish I had a magic wand to make her butt feel the same way, and then we would see if she would seek treatment for herself.

He is now 5 and is still in her bed. He STILL SUCKS A PACIFIER CONSTANTLY and some of his teeth rotted out and had to be pulled (under anethesia) from it. He has a speech impediment from it (which she does not recognize, she thinks he talks "cute".) He is incapable of sharing or getting along with other kids because he basically gets his way on everything. He is going to be a miserable kid.

I'm not implying all crunchy mothers are this way or this bad, just talking about another crazy one. She thinks she is so educated about the environment etc, but she is really dumb when it comes to mothering. Saving the environment doesn't mean you need to sacrifice your kid for it. Oh, her baby girl also has the grossest cradle cap, and she doesn't even know that you need to comb their little scalps to prevent that. when I tell her she needs to do this, she laughs at me like I'm stupid and says "why, she doesn't have any hair?"

Stupid.

You need a license to drive but anyone can have a baby.
Amazing....

 

[Amy&Dan]

First thing I would do is show here a couple of threads in this DIS in which no one agrees about ANYTHING!

And then I would show her this thread where everyone agreed about something.

Nuff said.

Oh yeah,

Blech!

That is exactly what I was thinking! Most bf'ing threads morph into something quite nasty. This one has been pretty much a clear cut case of, "all sides in agreement".

That story of the 5 and 7 year olds at the office dinner party got me into a place I prefer not to visit!

OP, good luck, I have no advice other than just to get up and leave when she does things like this. Strange woman your sil.

 

[Pigeon]

Mind your own business. If I were around your SIL, I'd be uncomfortable, too. But that would be my problem. It's her baby, her breasts and her decision as to how to behave. Anything you say is going to be taken badly.

If you are that uncomfortable, just don't hang out with her until she's done hanging out as it were...

 

[DebbieB]

No, she usually has a button up shirt and will unbutton and let the girls loose. Half the time the baby's bottom will block the second tit, but sometimes he just likes playing with it. I suppose it is great fun for him.

Does she wear a bra?

 

[Tinijocaro]

I once had a busybody old lady in a restaurant come up to me and snidely whisper, "I know what you're doing."

My answer to that would have been "And does it excite you?"