How soon is too soon...

[Pakey]

I knew when he got up in the middle of a perfectly good Super Bowl party and went outside to play catch with the kids (he had 2 young boys; I had one) because they were bored.

We married after dating 4 months. We've been married 26 years now.

 

[helloirishkitty]

Never too soon.

I knew I was going to marry DF after our first date. We're getting married in WDW in a month

 

[RitaE]

I told people after the first night we met that I'd marry my husband. Of course I was 16 years old and nobody took me seriously.

We've been married 23 years.

 

[ChiCat]

I'm the type of girl who has never dreamed about getting married, I've never ever wanted any part of marriage or a wedding. But I met my dh about 2.5 years ago (we've been married since Sept) and I wasn't looking for a boyfriend at all but I could tell within the first few dates that there was something drastically different about him and the way I felt about him. And I've dated a lot of guys. I remember after a couple of months I was on the phone with my friend obsessing and panicking over something to do with him and she said "oh bud it's love isn't it?" and I was so shocked I said "WHAT?! no way!! I just like him a lot" haha. A few days later it hit me, she was totally right, there was no denying it anymore I was head over heels.

So yeah I totally believe you can know right away.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

...to consider a boyfriend marriage material?

I have been dating my boyfriend for close to 4 months now and I feel as though he is someone I can see myself marrying. Does this make me a crazy girlfriend still caught in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship? I'm 22 and I don't plan on getting married for a while - I don't even plan on being engaged for a while (side note: I'm against long engagements...the day I get engaged is the day I start planning my wedding hahah, I'm the type of girl who has been planning my wedding since I knew what weddings are lol ). But hearing my friends talk, they tell me I shouldn't feel like I've found "the one" until after a year of dating. They talk to me about the relationship "cycle;" however, listening to this cycle, I feel as though my boyfriend and I have been through most of it. Also, I've had my fair share of boyfriends in the past and I've been through my fair share of heart-break. Needless to say, I've since developed a very intense criteria of what I'm looking for and this boy of mine, well, he's got it. Thinking through logically, we share the same opinions on what's most important. We share the same values in life and in the relationship. Any differences we have rest in petty things like taste in music. Other differences actually complement each other - he has a great sense of direction and he is better at finances than I am lol. I'm great at planning things and keeping to a schedule whereas he is a bit more flowing. Also, everyone gets along. Friends, family, the whole bunch.

The way he talks, it's clear he feels this way. He talks in long term (which is great!) and he tells me how he wants to spend "forever" with me. I don't say these things back because I'm scared it's still too early in the relationship. I mean, I certainly think these things, but I don't want to overstep any boundaries. What do you guys think? Should I continue to step back for a little while or should I just return my feelings for him? Is it too soon to be having conversations like these?


ETA: He's totally cool with the idea of getting married in Disney A definite plus with me! lol

The bolded part has me wondering what you have been through? Especially in less than 4 months. Also, you indicate you have had a "fair share" of boyfriends, and well at 22 that worries me that you have had enough serious boyfriends to have had your heart broken a few times.

I think you should step back, take a long hard look at this man from a different perspective. Your friends are telling you to back up a little, and I think they know you better than what you have told us.

Of course he could be the one but he could also be a wolf in sheep's clothing with all the right things to say (Disney wedding), right things to do, etc. Give it some real time, let things develop slowly. Why rush things? You know that saying; Act in haste, repent in leisure.

I think we all want the fairytale scenario- love at first sight, we knew the moment our eyes met, etc. but in reality, with the divorce rate at over 50% it isn't a long range reality.

 

[SookieStackhouse]

I think that is enough time to know, seems like when you know, you just know. :

I dated my first husband 4 years...that is longer than we were married. Second time around I knew in under a year and we are still together.

 

[ohiomom28]

We decided to live together after 3 months, just over a year we got engaged. We will be married in March.

Sometimes, you just know.

 

[Loves Disney]

The bolded part has me wondering what you have been through? Especially in less than 4 months. Also, you indicate you have had a "fair share" of boyfriends, and well at 22 that worries me that you have had enough serious boyfriends to have had your heart broken a few times.

I think you should step back, take a long hard look at this man from a different perspective. Your friends are telling you to back up a little, and I think they know you better than what you have told us.

Of course he could be the one but he could also be a wolf in sheep's clothing with all the right things to say (Disney wedding), right things to do, etc. Give it some real time, let things develop slowly. Why rush things? You know that saying; Act in haste, repent in leisure.

I think we all want the fairytale scenario- love at first sight, we knew the moment our eyes met, etc. but in reality, with the divorce rate at over 50% it isn't a long range reality.

I'll try to explain what I mean lol

I'm not quite sure what "enough" is as far as serious relationships go, but through college, I've dated and been involved in 3 serious relationships, 1 semi-serious relationship, and I've dated a few without entering a relationship. With me, I've always been somewhat indecisive when it comes to what I want. I found it hard to commit and with my 3 serious relationships, 2/3 ended because of me. With every relationship or time in between, I evaluated what I wanted. I would over-think things more times than was probably healthy lol. With every boy I dated, I realized more and more what I wanted in a relationship. I didn't really date in high school, I was too busy dreaming up the perfect boyfriend and when I didn't think any guy at school fit that criteria, I didn't want to get involved. In college, I learned the ways in which I was wrong. With every boy, I figured out the traits I thought I wanted in a boy weren't really what I wanted at all.

Also, my situation with some of the boys I've dated is complicated. Some never reached the "relationship" title because of commitment issues on either his end or mine. Throughout college, despite my efforts in dating, I was always interested in this one boy whom I thought was perfect for me. I definitely looked at him through rose-colored glasses. I was in love with the idea of wanting to be in love and being the girl who has dreamed of getting married since very little, I wanted him to be the one. For 4 years, I pursued him and he kept hold of me without putting forth a relationship. Because I was so desperate for it to work, I kept telling myself that he truly wanted to be with me (as he would tell me). It's a complicated and long story, but in the end, we reached the relationship level and from our relationship, I learned exactly how he wasn't the one for me. This relationship taught me more than I could probably get out of a hundred relationships.

Anyway, the experience I have had in college has definitely shown me what I look for in a man and because of my over thinking curse lol, I evaluated everything cautiously. I always looked at every relationship or potential relationship logically.

The relationship I'm in now is far different from anything I've ever experienced. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time and it was the first time I was really ever okay with not being in one. My boyfriend and I have been friends for a couple years and he approached me. When we entered the relationship, I could immediately sense a change in me. The chemistry between us was and is perfect. I finally began to understand what people meant by "chemistry." Things just fell into place with us and for the first time in my life, I felt secure in a relationship.

When I say we've been through a lot in these past four months, what I'm saying is that we've been through a lot of what the processes are in this so-called "cycle" my friends talk about. The first month or so it was obvious we were inseparable. I felt like a junior high student with a crush. After another month or so, we had been through arguments and disagreements. We felt comfortable enough to approach each other with concerns and let me just say here, this is another reason that makes me believe he's the one for me. The way the arguments have been resolved did not include yelling of any sort and all of them were constructive to the relationship. Since neither of us like letting concerns fester, the concerns were addressed and resolved. Most of the time, these arguments steamed from misunderstandings that could be clarified. But anyway, I have been through the phase of seeing him as the perfect person and I've been through the phase of seeing that he is human just like anyone else - he has his flaws and I love those flaws. And now, at just about 4 months, I am more in love with him than ever. I still get excited hearing his voice over the phone and when I see him. I miss him when he's not with me. I still feel the spark between us as though I am looking at him for the first time. Then, I know 4 months is still a really young relationship.

Also, he has seen me at some of my worst moments. Both of us are finishing up our senior year of college and last semester was by far the most overwhelming and stressful one yet for both of us. Also, it's been a hard year in general. My grandfather passed away over the summer - the first year of holidays is very difficult for the family. I broke down a multitude of times over missing him and over the stress of the semester. He was there for me 100% of the time and the times he couldn't be there for me physically, he'd call and wouldn't hang up the phone until he knew I was okay and even then, he would stay on the line just to put me from a good mood to a great mood. He made every effort he could to see me as often as he was available and he wanted to show me off to all his friends. He's also seen my crazy side and the side that would annoy most men. Instead of throwing those moments in my face or getting short-tempered, he would talk with me and figure out what was going on (knowing that I wasn't myself). This is hard to say for a lot of men I've known. He has stood by me through times when other guys would have said "good-bye." That makes me think he's the one as well.

Also, my friends think we're perfect together (which is a first lol - they've always been my toughest critics), but they are telling me it's impossible to know if you've found the one after only 4 months. They aren't telling me to back off a little, just that I can't know now. This is what's concerning me and what caused me to start this thread. My feelings for him are so strong and yet, I had heard from them that I couldn't feel this way yet. I absolutely don't plan on rushing into things lol. I'm way too cautious for that lol. Mainly because of the reasons you've mentioned.