How Should Small Dudes Respond to Bullies?

[Plannin'Shannon]

Other people don't talk to their kids? Try it, sometime.

Yep, that's exactly what everyone said.

 

[KatieCollette]

You absolutely can sit there if they call you a name once. Would you rather incite the person calling the names to the point of hitting you or you could also anger them even more to where they call you names even more. By just sitting there or walking away you are also teaching them what they say to you is not bothering you and a lot of times that will get people to stop as well. Sorry, but when you stoop to name calling you (a general you) is no better than the person that initiated the name calling.

If the name calling was just once, yeah sure, just walk away. But if this is a common occurrence, then you have to stand up for yourself. Telling the teacher or an adult will not work with bullies. They will just get mad, and find other ways to torture you. Also I don't think it's a good idea to just ignore bullying when the kid is a teenager, because it will not help them at all when they enter the real world. It's better if they learn now how and when to stand up for themselves.

 

[mdsoccermom]

probably none of my business but do the teachers know about it?

Why on earth would the teachers need to know about one incident where one kid called another kid a name?

Let me clarify again, my son wasn't tattling and asking what to do, he just said, "School was ok, today. I was late for my first class. My friend changed his schedule. I saw this football player call a soccer player a name in the hall, blah, blah, blah." I was just wondering what people thought he or someone like him should do if it happened to him. It was a nice afterschool conversation. Other people don't talk to their kids? Try it, sometime.

And again, I don't see how this whole thing translates into parents not talking to their kids. It wouldn't even occur to my kids to tell me about something like this.

 

[sparklynails23]

Have you ever been to a football practice?

Yeah. They've been doing 2 a days for the last couple of weeks. I don't get it. Some are in great shape.

 

[sparklynails23]

If the name calling was just once, yeah sure, just walk away. But if this is a common occurrence, then you have to stand up for yourself. Telling the teacher or an adult will not work with bullies. They will just get mad, and find other ways to torture you. Also I don't think it's a good idea to just ignore bullying when the kid is a teenager, because it will not help them at all when they enter the real world. It's better if they learn now how and when to stand up for themselves.

But that's my point, if the bully is significantly bigger than the "victim," it's hard to stand up for yourself.

 

[crashbb]

Yeah. They've been doing 2 a days for the last couple of weeks. I don't get it. Some are in great shape.

What's not to get?

 

[ccgirl]

Sorry, but I think it's more important to teach my children to not let what others think of them get to them. It's not important. I think it's more important to do that than teach them to call the other person names back and incite them even more. Since when is just ignoring someone and letting the names just roll off your shoulder not standing up for yourself? I will admit, it takes a stronger person to do that than resort to the name slinging.

And, as far as not talking to our kids. I think most of us said we talk to our kids. Just, most of the kids wouldn't think to mention one kid calling another kid a name as it's just not really worth mentioning. And that name you referenced is used quite a bit.

As far as football players being out of shape, they are not all running/sprinting positions. Have you ever seen an offensive lineman??

 

[sparklynails23]

Sorry, but I think it's more important to teach my children to not let what others think of them get to them. It's not important. I think it's more important to do that than teach them to call the other person names back and incite them even more. Since when is just ignoring someone and letting the names just roll off your shoulder not standing up for yourself? I will admit, it takes a stronger person to do that than resort to the name slinging.

And, as far as not talking to our kids. I think most of us said we talk to our kids. Just, most of the kids wouldn't think to mention one kid calling another kid a name as it's just not really worth mentioning. And that name you referenced is used quite a bit.

As far as football players being out of shape, they are not all running/sprinting positions. Have you ever seen an offensive lineman??

That's decent advice. I think he mentioned it because other adults warned us about the athletic division. I've seen linemen, up close, but most of these kids will not even play in college. It's not healthy for them to be that ummm padded.

 

[Wadecool]

My son just started high school with a new group of kids and saw his first bullying yesterday. A big kid from the football team walked by a kid from the soccer team and called him a name-- ***. The soccer kid is short and really quiet, and both kids are seniors. My son's small too, and I wasn't really sure how I should tell him to handle a situation like that in the future.

Ironically, their football team will probably stink and their soccer team will do at least ok, and the soccer kids are in great shape, while half the football kids are grossly overweight.

First off, in the scenario you describe here, your son shouldn't really do anything because the bigger kids haven't directly challenged him personally. But, if that were to happen to your son, my advice would be to make it clear to the bigger guy that he's not going to take it, and if it comes to blows, so be it. This sounds harsh, but at the beginning of high school especially, the reputation he builds early on will either help or hinder the next 4 years. Even bigger bullies don't like messing with smaller targets if they're going to fight
back.

 

[mjkacmom]

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

I talk to my kids, and they talk to me (well, except dd15, a normal teenaged girls - boys are different). However, bringing up the fact that one kid called another kid a name in the hallway? Not a blip on their radar. I can't imagine getting from one class to another without hearing trash talk. I don't think they would bother to tell me if another student called them a name! Not a big deal.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

We were just chit chatting. We talk. We're almost like a family that way. You should hear my younger son go on and on about his school day. I can't believe other parents don't talk to their kids or that people would find it "strange" to do so. No wonder so many kids are cutting themselves and in rehab.

 

[Ceila]

ETA: Yeah, I guess my comment about the football players' weight was harsh. I don't know how some of those kids can even get up on the line, but it's nice they're on a team.

So was your comment harsh or not? I'm wondering because you say that it was then turn around and say something unkind about them again.

 

[golfgal]

I still can't believe that people are all worked up over this... first, we have this 3rd hand, we don't know the tone of voice that was used, the OP's kid is new to the school, doesn't even know the kids, doesn't know if there is a history between these kids or if they are best friends that just call each other stupid names as the pass in the halls. Hasn't ANYONE spent time with teenage boys (away from their parents) and know that they do stuff like this ALL the time??

 

[Planogirl]

How is calling a kid one name bullying? Call him a name back! Or just ignore it if that seems wiser.

As for fat football players, yes some can be rather beefy but I'd certainly never call them that. That seems just as mean.

 

[JerseyJanice]

OP, I think the best thing you could do is to teach your kid to mind his own business.

 

[cabanafrau]

That's decent advice. I think he mentioned it because other adults warned us about the athletic division. I've seen linemen, up close, but most of these kids will not even play in college. It's not healthy for them to be that ummm padded.

That's kind of harsh. Maybe their family doesn't act like a family & they aren't able to talk to their parents. Maybe it would help more if your son befriended them. It could save them from a life of cutting and a future stint(s) in rehab.

 

[Hannathy]

I still can't believe that people are all worked up over this... first, we have this 3rd hand, we don't know the tone of voice that was used, the OP's kid is new to the school, doesn't even know the kids, doesn't know if there is a history between these kids or if they are best friends that just call each other stupid names as the pass in the halls. Hasn't ANYONE spent time with teenage boys (away from their parents) and know that they do stuff like this ALL the time??

Thank You!!!

That is exactly what I was thinking. It is normal teenage guy stuff!! They all do this and even say and call each other worse.

 

[crashbb]

Thank You!!!

That is exactly what I was thinking. It is normal teenage guy stuff!! They all do this and even say and call each other worse.

To be fair, only the OP (and maybe one or two posters) are actually worked up over the incident.

Most the rests of the posts are worked up about things said by the OP (and the OP's over reaction to the situation).

 

[Hannathy]

To be fair, only the OP (and maybe one or two posters) are actually worked up over the incident.

Most the rests of the posts are worked up about things said by the OP (and the OP's over reaction to the situation).

Good point. I'll tgo along with most aren't worked up.

It still is just normal teenage guy stuff, and I can guarantee he will hear a lot worse over the next 4 yrs! he and his Mom are gonna have some loooong talks if he reports every bad word he hears in high school.

 

[Tink888]

My son just started high school with a new group of kids and saw his first bullying yesterday. A big kid from the football team walked by a kid from the soccer team and called him a name-- ***. The soccer kid is short and really quiet, and both kids are seniors. My son's small too, and I wasn't really sure how I should tell him to handle a situation like that in the future.

Ironically, their football team will probably stink and their soccer team will do at least ok, and the soccer kids are in great shape, while half the football kids are grossly overweight.

Doesn't sound like bullying to me. And it had nothing to do with your son.

Namecalling......ignore it and walk away.

Ironic that you'd post a thread about namecalling and use the actions of one player on a football team to insult the whole team by calling them losers and overweight.