How Should Small Dudes Respond to Bullies?

[luvsJack]

So if I understand this right, the response to, "Mom, I saw this guy call this other guy a (rhymes with hag) in the hall today, what should I do if someone calls me a name like that?" should be, "Son, you've got a problem! Let's investigate the root of your fear."?

Okay. Actually, that was often MY mom's response. Believe me, I would have been far more grateful for a couple snappy responses and a "keep your head up and don't let it get to you", than another indepth plumbing of my psyche.

I did learn to stop asking her for advice, eventually.

Oh, for pete's sakes, I didnt' say she needed to get her son to see a psychiatrist.

Kids normally learn to navigate through a lot of this stuff all by themselves.

If it was real bully behavior then sure that would be different but to simply overhear one boy calling another boy a name one time in the hallway, seems a bit excessive to suddenly be afraid that he might call the OP's son a name. Its ONE basically non-incident.

 

[luvsJack]

So... why can't the OP just tell her son THAT? Why should she have to assume there's something wrong with her son that needs to be investigated and addressed?

I would have seen this as a opportunity for a general conversation about dealing with bullying and developing good social skills.

This isn't bullying.

 

[Magpie]

This incident the OP described is NOT BULLYING. I don't know from what the OP wrote if her son said it was or she interpreted it that way, but it doesn't even come close to bullying.

These are teenage boys. They act in strange ways (hitting, name calling, etc). Most are not going to sit around and discuss their feelings.

Sounds like the OP's son was in a school where this was not the norm. But this is typical public HS stuff.

If my son brought it up, I would mostly likely say, "Yes, boys sometime say crude and offensive words to each other. You don't have to participate but you also are not going to change their behavior either." Then I would discuss what really bullying is and what to do if he sees or experiences that.

I didn't say this incident was bullying. I've actually said previously that it wasn't. What I said was it's a good opportunity for a discussion ABOUT bullying. Which would include a definition of what bullying is.

Isn't it a little sad, though, that we have to tell our kids they can't do anything about this? What about the campaign to stamp out "it's so gay"? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVicCD8FmMs) Should we tell our kids it's all a pointless waste of time?

What about older words that don't get used any more? Like the n-word and a whole bunch of other ones we've decided are no longer acceptable? How did THAT happen? Was it because everyone told their kids, "You're not going to change their behaviour, so don't even bother getting upset about it,"?

 

[Magpie]

This isn't bullying.

See above.

 

[luvsJack]

I didn't say this incident was bullying. I've actually said previously that it wasn't. What I said was it's a good opportunity for a discussion ABOUT bullying. Which would include a definition of what bullying is.

Isn't it a little sad, though, that we have to tell our kids they can't do anything about this? What about the campaign to stamp out "it's so gay"? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVicCD8FmMs) Should we tell our kids it's all a pointless waste of time?

What about older words that don't get used any more? Like the n-word and a whole bunch of other ones we've decided are no longer acceptable? How did THAT happen? Was it because everyone told their kids, "You're not going to change their behaviour, so don't even bother getting upset about it,"?

If a kid makes an issue out of every "name calling" incident--he is in for a long, long four years.

 

[ols386]

If a kid makes an issue out of every "name calling" incident--he is in for a long, long four years.

And maybe by this kid bringing it up and talking to mom, she will find out WHY/IF it bothers him (whether it's fear or something else), and it can be resolved early-on.

 

[luvsJack]

And maybe by this kid bringing it up and talking to mom, she will find out WHY/IF it bothers him (whether it's fear or something else), and it can be resolved early-on.

For the third time---there is NOTHING wrong with his bringing it up to mom.

 

[Magpie]

For the third time---there is NOTHING wrong with his bringing it up to mom.

We'll print up signs. Yours can say, "There's nothing wrong with takiing to Mom," and mine will say, "I know it's not bullying!"

 

[luvsJack]

We'll print up signs. Yours can say, "There's nothing wrong with takiing to Mom," and mine will say, "I know it's not bullying!"

sounds like a plan!!

 

[ols386]

For the third time---there is NOTHING wrong with his bringing it up to mom.

Yes, I get it.

That wasn't my point.

Was just trying to say that if the kid is afraid (or some other reason), that the mom could help him deal with it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If a kid makes an issue out of every "name calling" incident--he is in for a long, long four years.

Agreed!

And, if, for whatever reason, this guy has gotten all the way to high school, and doesn't know how to read or respond to the STOOPID name calling crap that goes on between cliques in school... That does need addressed.

So, in a way, both sides of this are right.

OP needs to focus on her child's needs concerns, and less on being wrapped up in high school sports drama.

 

[JimmyPicker]

OP, may I first point out that you are already biased towards football players? From the comments that you've made about the football team, it's easy to see that you don't like the team, nor (most of) the kids on it.

*They're unhealthy
*They're overweight
*They have a bad record (while I point out that it's the beginning of football season, with an influx of new players, and their record is yet to be determined)

And while talking about soccer players, it's just the opposite attitude.

I'd like to suggest that your bias against football players and approval of soccer players is making you feel like this is a bigger issue than it is? Because you've taken it from "a larger kid vs a smaller kid" to "the school treats football players like stars" when that really has nothing to do with this problem.

 

[akhenaten]

To get back to the OPS question Small dudes should have at least one Big friend!!

 

[Wadecool]

To get back to the OPS question Small dudes should have at least one Big friend!!

Truer words were never spoken!