How should I ditch my family?

[tinkerlisa]

LOL Its not what you think!

DF and I are getting married at Disney this September. His sister is flying down 2 days before us. She has 2 grown children with her. Anyway, When I last talked to her, she said that the first 2 days she and her kids are there it will be their alone time and then the next 4 days they will spend with us! Its not like I don't like her, because I do. Its just that she talks an awful lot and never lets you get a word in edgewise. I am afraid of not being able to do what we want and have our "alone time". Its also a family vacation for us as we will have our 2 sons and DF daughter. It will probably be the last time she goes on vacation with us since she is almost an adult.

Anybody on here have this problem that can give me some advice on how to break it to her that we won't be spending that much time with her?

I thought about avoiding her when she calls our cel phone but I think she is staying at the same resort as us so it defeats the purpose of avoiding her!

 

[emma'smom]

You know...it's your wedding trip--so I would just be honest with her that you want to make sure there are some times during the trip that are bonding times for your new immediate family. Maybe book a few breakfasts or dinners just for your immediate family and then meet everyone for dinner-- or go to the parks just as your own family in the morning and meet back in the afternoon to do stuff with everyone.

Chances are, if you df daughter is almost an adult, you all may go in different directions anyway for rides and such.

....and if your extended family is going to Florida for YOUR wedding--they probably want to spend time with you and sharing that celebration of your wedding is making special memories too. So, I would look for a happy medium....

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I haven't dealt with exactly this issue, but I have been to WDW a number of times with extended family. What we've found is that travelling in a "pack" is simply un-workable. There's just too many people with different tastes and needs and bladder sizes and so forth. What worked for us was, we would all go to the same park on the same day. We might see each other, chat a bit, but were on our own schedules. We would meet up for a TS meal for dinner, and catch up, kids have cousin time, etc. We have found this to be a fair compromise. DBIL and I would be in charge of all the advance planning, incorporating the desires of our respective families to get the best overall restaurant choices, etc.

In your case, I recommend taking a nice approach, and definitely be thinking of your arguments now. You know, "We don't want to be a drag on you...", "The little guys will want to be in Fantasyland for hours" whatever might suggest to her that being with you all day might not be so fun. I don't mean that it won't be, for you, but older kids aren't going to want to do Dumbo. I do suggest you guys do a meal together daily or so--don't make it seem like you're ditching them, jsut trying to give them space while you have space. If you're at the same resort, you could meet up for breakfast, talk about your daily plans. Maybe you could arrange to meet at the fireworks one night. What you're aiming for is some family time, without hurt feelings. All traveling in a pack can be a huge time waster. I wish you luck.

 

[hopefor4]

Explain to her, just like you did to us! Spend the day alone, and then meet up for dinner, that is worked well for our grand gathering.

 

[macmom3]

Last year we went with 13 people and we did the same as the other posts. We would have a TS everyday for all 13. That is when we were all together. We stayed at the same resort with rooms next to year other so we saw everyone in the morning and evening. Other then those time we mustly went our own ways. Explain to her that you need your "family" time.

 

[disprincessatheart]

for our wedding last spring, I made a few group dinner ADRs. I gave that info to the group and said meet us for dinner if you'd like. Most of them did and we'd do dinner, then make a plan to meet up for fireworks later that night. SOme would come with us to do whatever else we were doing in between and the rest would meet us for fireworks. I also told them which day was our pool day so they could meet up with us - that I regret! DH and I just wanted to relax and we were overrun!

It's a lot easier to meet up with everyone late in the day IMO than meeting up first thing and then finding a way to ditch them!

 

[disykat]

She brought up alone time. Take it and run with it. "I'm glad you brought up alone time. That is important to us as well. We'll look forward to spending xxx (be specific about times) with you. Then everyone can just make their own plans."

I wouldn't do anything that sounded like you were ditching her. She brought up family time, so you should be able to AGREE with her and let her know when the wedding and family events are scheduled so she can plan accordingly.

 

[yourmuse89]

wedding drama

 

[PaulaSue]

Maybe you can do what I do when we go on vacation with family and friends.

We plan a meal a day together and hang out either before the meal or after for a few hours and then split up the rest of the time for "our little" family time.

 

[tinkerlisa]

I figured that with getting married there it would be easy since I figure the families would want to be with their familes. I figure by being with them on my wedding day would be enough but I guess not! Hope they don't plan on hanging around that night

I think she really just want to be with us cause she has never been to Disney before and has no clue what to do/expect!

Unfortunatly, she's a talker and I have a feeling I won't be riding as many rides as I want to this time.

 

[CTtwins]

How about a direct approach.. one that's really nice though...

"You know how much I love you, my dear sister-in-law to be .. but, gee, you know it's my honeymoon.. and I'm really hoping for some special time with my new hubby... Let's have dinner once at XXX and we'll meet you for a wild ride on XXXXX. But I think we're going to spend most of our time being together, just the 2 of us"

Would something like that work??

And perhaps you could point her to one of the great web sites out here .. that help people out with their planning of WDW trips!!

 

[tinkerlisa]

How about a direct approach.. one that's really nice though...

"You know how much I love you, my dear sister-in-law to be .. but, gee, you know it's my honeymoon.. and I'm really hoping for some special time with my new hubby... Let's have dinner once at XXX and we'll meet you for a wild ride on XXXXX. But I think we're going to spend most of our time being together, just the 2 of us"

Would something like that work??

And perhaps you could point her to one of the great web sites out here .. that help people out with their planning of WDW trips!!

Where in Ct are you from? I am in Mystic! LOL Its always nice to find someone from home on here!

Everyones advice has been helpful. She isn't a big Disney fan and I actually have sent her some sites to check out like allears.net and she told me she doesn't have time to look at them!
If she doesn't plan a little bit she will not enjoy herself.

 

[CTtwins]

Where in Ct are you from? I am in Mystic! LOL Its always nice to find someone from home on here!

Everyones advice has been helpful. She isn't a big Disney fan and I actually have sent her some sites to check out like allears.net and she told me she doesn't have time to look at them!
If she doesn't plan a little bit she will not enjoy herself.

I'm from Milford! nice to meet you

I just know from personal experience that traveling with other people can be tough. As wonderful as it was to see my in-laws... they joined us last year - some of the times were wonderful, and others were just awful. We like going on our own, just our family time

I also have a friend who's in-laws invited themselves on a trip that her parents planned. So the in-law Grandparents are trying to get in on my girlfriends parents trip. (confusing?) It is supposed to be a time for one set of Grandparents to get to know the kids better... she is struggling so hard with this. I just told her that her MIL will hopefully, eventually see it from the other perspective. Maybe someone else in her life will say - hey, it wasn't your vacation! or maybe it will get ugly. I wish her well!

And I wish you well too. It's not easy to speak up in these situations. Do you have anyone else in the family who could get the message across? without dragging anyone else in... ugh, see! it's not easy!

The bottom line should be your honeymoon! You will have such a wonderful time at WDW! Don't let anyone take that special time away!

Good luck !!

 

[tinkerlisa]

I'm from Milford! nice to meet you

I just know from personal experience that traveling with other people can be tough. As wonderful as it was to see my in-laws... they joined us last year - some of the times were wonderful, and others were just awful. We like going on our own, just our family time

I also have a friend who's in-laws invited themselves on a trip that her parents planned. So the in-law Grandparents are trying to get in on my girlfriends parents trip. (confusing?) It is supposed to be a time for one set of Grandparents to get to know the kids better... she is struggling so hard with this. I just told her that her MIL will hopefully, eventually see it from the other perspective. Maybe someone else in her life will say - hey, it wasn't your vacation! or maybe it will get ugly. I wish her well!

And I wish you well too. It's not easy to speak up in these situations. Do you have anyone else in the family who could get the message across? without dragging anyone else in... ugh, see! it's not easy!

The bottom line should be your honeymoon! You will have such a wonderful time at WDW! Don't let anyone take that special time away!

Good luck !!

I actually had some time to think about it today and since my future SIL doesn't do the ride thing, she might be handy to have around as I will have a 2 year old with and she can(hopefully) sit with him during the "big" people rides! I don't like doing the rider swap thing. Sometimes I would like to ride with my DF and that doesn't happen with small children. That and she will be leaving the day after the wedding so we will still have 2 days of family alone time, including going to MNSSHP!!!
I just hope she will want to do her own thing. I told her about the spas(she loves that idea) and Downtown Disney.

 

[CTtwins]

I actually had some time to think about it today and since my future SIL doesn't do the ride thing, she might be handy to have around as I will have a 2 year old with and she can(hopefully) sit with him during the "big" people rides! I don't like doing the rider swap thing. Sometimes I would like to ride with my DF and that doesn't happen with small children. That and she will be leaving the day after the wedding so we will still have 2 days of family alone time, including going to MNSSHP!!!
I just hope she will want to do her own thing. I told her about the spas(she loves that idea) and Downtown Disney.

Oh that's the best! Sounds like you've got a great way to handle it... You certainly sound less stressed about it too!! If she can add some relief with the kids... and let you 2 do some rides.. that would be wonderful! I remember having our in-laws with us allowed DH and I to do rides we hadn't done in years!! and the grandparents loved having some extra time with our kids, and ~gosh~ the kids just loved being with them!!! ... It worked out well!!

I don't know exactly how old her kids are.. but perhaps you could also suggest some of the tours that Disney has... there are behind the scene types of tours, segway tours.. it would give her another idea for activities...

So.. are you going to dress up as bride and groom for MNSSHP??? LOL!! that would be so cute!! and it would really put your dress to work!!

 

[tinkerlisa]

I don't know exactly how old her kids are.. but perhaps you could also suggest some of the tours that Disney has... there are behind the scene types of tours, segway tours.. it would give her another idea for activities...


So.. are you going to dress up as bride and groom for MNSSHP??? LOL!! that would be so cute!! and it would really put your dress to work!!

The behind the scenes tours are a great idea. I forgot about them! Thanks!

LOL! I wanted to do the Incredibles. We have 2 boys and a girl just like them but we are going on 9/11 and figured the costumes will be way to hot. So I think we might be going as Scooby and the gang since my (almost)2 year old already has the costume from last year and its not a hot costume. I am going to be Daphne and DF will be Fred. I don't know how my stepdaughter will like being Velma. Poor Velma. Nobody likes her... And my 7 year old can be Shaggy!