How sad is it to be the "ugly" sister (long)

[disneyeveryyear]

I, too, was always the chubby, younger, smart sister. "She has such a pretty face if she could just lose the weight." How many times have we all heard this?

My older sister, who had 3 entire wardrobes in her closet, (sizes 5, 7 and 9), was always going out on dates and always had a boyfriend. I was always going to the movies or out with my friends (girls). I had 1 date in high school.

Fast forward 20 - 25 years. She never graduated from college. She went to work for the state the day after she graduated hs. She still works there. She married at age 20 and has been married 23 years to a guy you also works at the state. They haven't loved each other for at least the last 15 years, but she isn't ready to give it up, says she can't afford to live without his check. She has convinced my 20 year old niece that you must have a man in your life to be complete.

I went away to college, didn't do a lot of dating there either. Met a guy after I graduated. He isn't the most handsome man in the world, but he is the most handsome man to me. We have been married for 17 years, with two kids. We still love each other deeply and I can't imagine life without him. He is the most romantic, considerate man I have ever met (or heard about).

So, she might have been cute and thin, but she is now miserable. I may have been (and am) chubby, but I am deleriously happy. Just goes to show you that being the thin, pretty one doesn't always pay off in the end!

It was hard then, but I wouldn't trade a day of it now.

 

[bananiem]

It's hard when you're the ugly little sister growing up. But once you hit adulthood you realize it was a great education!!! I learned how to treat others and to look for the person inside the package.

 

[danacara]

Thanks Browneyes, very sweet thing for you to say

It's so weird but I totally think that Stephen is the hottest Baldwin brother!

And I agree with Snoopy - I know girls who have entire identities built on looks - and when the looks start to crumble, they take the identity with them, and they wind up having to rebuild themselves from the inside out, usually not too successfully.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I don't think I was the "ugly"one, but I do think people thought my Sister was prettier, if that makes sense. The reason being that I didn't care what I looked like. I went to school in jeans, tennis shoes, and a sweatshirt. Minimal make-up, no jewlery, etc. My Sister did full make-up, in-style clothes, etc. I also think she was always trying to stand out and I just flat out didn't care what people thought.

I never thought I was ugly though.

 

[gina2000]

Dana, I've seen you (Discon II). You are a beautiful woman!

I was always the smart one. My sister had to live up to that and it was hard on her. I consider (ed) her much better looking than me and I think others did also. Truthfully, I think the comparison was tougher on her than me growing up. I never had a ton of boyfriends but I always was happy with my books and schooling. She had a ton of boyfriends and she was always admired. But she was always trying not to be me in the classroom.

I think it's all how you see yourself, quite frankly.

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by gina2000
I think it's all how you see yourself, quite frankly.

Probably the truest line I've read all day!

 

[KimR]

Originally posted by snoopy
Another good thing about being "regular" looking (which I more or less consider myself -- not beautiful, not ugly) is that the aging process is a lot easier to deal with. You don't miss what you never had. My mother, who was an actress when she was young and certainly pretty enough to be a model, had great difficulty with aging. I'm sure if she had lived long enough, she might have considered plastic surgery. Her good looks were her identity in many ways.

My MIL is like this. She used to be a model and won quite a few local beauty pageants here in Atlanta and IMO, has a huge problem with self-image. She has no self-confidence and has this need to remind people how beautiful she used to be. The thing is, I think she is still absoutely stunning when she is fixed up but unfortunately, she can't see it.

Now I think I am probably a rarity...I'm a glamorous, drop-dead gorgeous woman trapped in an ugly-duckling's body. I'm probably the most high-maintenance ugly woman anyone has ever seen! Although I've never been even close to beautiful I dread aging and am definitely planning on having plastic surgery. Weird, I know...I do miss what I've never had (and I do plan to get it, or at least come close!)

 

[leahannpen]

dana, that picture is beauitful!! You are all very, very nice looking!! You are not ugly at all!

I only have 1 bro and 1 step sis. No one is ugly or gorgeous for that matter. LOL!

My mom was always the "ugly" one...she isn't ugly, but my aunt is just very good looking.

 

[tracy51]

I have to agree Dana - you're entire family is beatuiful

I have 2 half sisters - my mom's other daughter is 10 yrs younger than me and my dad's other daughter is 15 yrs younger than me (btw my daughter is only 9 yrs younger than her ). I was around my sister that's 10 yrs younger than me the most. In school I was blonde and thin but was a brain, not very fashion concious and well... got called a boy a couple times. Why I don't know if you saw me from the side even then you would have know . Anyway, my sis has beautiful thick brown hair, always in style, was chubby as a kid, validictorian of her hs class and has an outgoing personality I'd kill for. Neither of us was ever the "ugly" sister. The only thing we ever got was the thin vs chubby stuff. Mainly in a back handed way from my grandmother though - she'd tell my sister that she was chubby as a kid too and now she's literally skin & bones. I think alot of it is how your family treats you. I never thought of my sis as the "ugly" one or "fat" one... she was just the more outgoing one and I was the shy one. Both of us were/are smart and have never had a problem meeting guys even if we aren't the model type

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't have a sister, but I am afraid that the "ugly" sister syndrome will worm its way into my family.

DD4 is one of the most adorable, personable and social children I have ever seen. She lights up the room and all the kids want to play with her.

DD5 is a difficult child and often prefers to play by herself.

The girls are in the same grade in school because their birthdays fall on either side of the cut-off for kindergarten.

DD4 always tries to protect DD5 and include her, but I can still see it happening.

Any ideas on what I can do?

Denae

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by mickeyboat
I don't have a sister, but I am afraid that the "ugly" sister syndrome will worm its way into my family.

DD4 is one of the most adorable, personable and social children I have ever seen. She lights up the room and all the kids want to play with her.

DD5 is a difficult child and often prefers to play by herself.

The girls are in the same grade in school because their birthdays fall on either side of the cut-off for kindergarten.

DD4 always tries to protect DD5 and include her, but I can still see it happening.

Any ideas on what I can do?

Denae

Well, for starters, I would avoid comparing my kids by saying one is the most adorable child ever seen and the other difficult. I know you are trying to convey a point here, but comparing kids can be so destructive. I think you will need to focus on your DD5 and find her good points, and help her to see them too.

 

[mickeyboat]

snoopy, I agree completely.

We certainly don't compare the kids in their presence, and make sure to encourage both of them to develop their individual talents and good points.

My real concern is the way others perceive them. When Emily comes home and says Sydney invited me to her birthday party and Hannah says Sydney told me I can't come. It breaks my heart.

Denae

 

[snoopy]

I'm sure it does. Its unavoidable, though, if one child is an introvert and the other an extravert, you are going to run into these problems always. You'll just need to build your daughter's self esteem by encouraging her assets and downplaying those areas where she falls short.

Parenting is so tough. I've got one kid who is very intelligent and makes good grades but is only a so-so athlete, the other is the exact opposite. Of course, they both want to be the best at everything, so its a juggling act, making them both feel secure with themselves. And boys are a lot easier to raise than girls, imo, so I sympathize with you.

 

[helenabear]

I grew up hearing and later on being told how beautiful my sister is by some family members... in addition to that, she is also way smarter than me. My family felt so competitive that, even to this day, it's hard to see how I could have stood out from my sister (and my brother as well). You'd think now that we are all married and have our own lives that it wouldn't but me, but it does a little. Not that I have to be better than her in anything, but I spent a good portion of my life doing things to make my parents proud. Not sure I exceeded all that much. I was just the social one (which can be hard when you are painfully shy), and both siblings were brains. I admire anyone who is able to get past it... maybe if I hadn't felt like I had no chance in either brains or looks, I would have faired better

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

Originally posted by tracy51
I have to agree Dana - you're entire family is beatuiful

ITA.

I think it's all how you see yourself, quite frankly.

Yup. I have tried all my life to not bring up my faults. If I don't mention them, maybe no one will notice them. I have done pretty well w/ that plan so far. My parents had taught me to be positive about my looks and accentuate the good. I try not to put myself down. But it's getting much harder after having 2 kids and gaining a few wrinkles.

I only had a brother and so there was little competition as far as looks go. I was athletic and worked hard on my grades and didn't focus much on my looks. My senior year, I got nominated for Homecoming Queen which was a complete surprise but it made my whole year which seems shallow, I know. Deep down inside though, I know I got that nomination from all the athletic awards I won for school, not for my looks. I was friendly w/ everyone, fought w/ no one. So even though I was in the Homecoming Court for the wrong reasons, I'll take it anyway.

Although I had no competition in my family, I did have lots of roommates in college, all beautiful in different ways. One was in the Big Ten Playboy (clothes on) and some of them were Cold Patrol Girls for Miller Genuine Draft. So I guess I was the "ugly" roommate. One girl wore her self-esteem on her sleeve and always flaunted herself in front of us. She'd ask us to come into her room and check out her butt or something else and wanted us to tell her how beautiful she was after we "looked her over". The guys would literally go ga-ga over her, so much that her boyfriend would have her walk 10 paces in front of him so he could hear the comments being made about her. Now that is just sad. I learned how good looks can actually make someone so ugly and shallow. I've kept in touch and she has come back to Earth since then, and we all laugh about it now.

It's funny how many movie stars and models have ugly sisters managing their affairs, like in the movie w/ Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones. You've got Sharon Stone's sister as one example who assists Sharon on everything. And she loves being in the background as many do.

 

[disneysnowflake]

I'm definately the unattractive member of my family.
I'm the youngest of 6. I have a fraternal twin who looks nothing like me.

My older sisters all wear size 3 or 5. I'm now in a 10/12, but this time last year I was in a size 18/20. I really stood out.

My older sisters are very petite. I'm about 5 inches taller than they are. I wear a size 9 shoe. They all wear size 6 shoes and can share with each other.

My older brother used to tell me I was beaten with the ugly stick at birth. They used to tell me I was adopted from the Lee family, and my original name was Ug.

While growing up I would always hear people say that they felt bad for me because I just didn't look like I belonged. I was the only child that needed braces. My teeth were awful. I was the only one who had glasses during childhood. I had very, very thick coarse hair (I later found out that was from my great grandmother who was a Native American).

I was the only child in our family who wasn't a cheerleader, majorette, pom pom girl, etc. I was the only one who didn't date a lot. I met my first boyfriend when I was in 11th grade, and we're still married.

I'd never compare my own children. My older sister has identical twins. My sister let one of the twins lighten her hair to blonde. That blonde twin is super popular while the dark haired twin is an outcast and is shy. My sister compares her kids all the time.

I guess it used to bother me about my siblings while I was growing up, but after high school it never really mattered. I am who I am. If people don't like me because I'm not "hot" then so be it. I'm happy.

Now they all say I look like Peggy Hill on King of the Hill. I guess I do in a way, but I have longer hair I wear in the ponytail. Is looking like Peggy Hill all that bad?? I don't think so.

 

[antmaril]

I am seven years older than my sister, so growing up it was never an issue - except when my mother put is in matching dresses when she was three and I was 10!!!! Not a good look for me, but she was adorable

I have always felt that my sister is way more attractive than me. She has a much younger silhouette. I have weight issues and she does not. Now saying all that, I wouldn't trade places with her for anything. She has been divorced three times. I've been married for 30 years. She has had many jobs over the years - nothing with any benefits. I've worked for the same company for 33 years. She has four children who have suffered from some of her bad decisions. Not one of them has gone to college (we still have hopes for my niece who is in HS, but I'm not counting on it). My son is an honor student who will go to college next year.

We NEVER discuss any of this. I always try to be positive and sympathize with her problems. Our parents are deceased and our relationship is "cordial". We don't spend much time together, other than Christmas Eve. It makes me sad that I don't have much of a relationship with her, but we just don't have anything in common. My dad was the "glue" that kept us together and he died 2 years ago. What can you do?

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by disneysnowflake
While growing up I would always hear people say that they felt bad for me because I just didn't look like I belonged.

Disneysnowflake, it would be my very great pleasure to push "rewind" on the life VCR and go beat those people up for you. And that chick on King of the Hill is cute!

 

[snoopy]

I think Peggy Hill is precious! And I'm going back in time with Dana to punch out those meanies!!

BTW, congrats on your AWESOME accomplishment! A size 10/12 from an 18/20! What was your secret?!

 

[missypie]

One of my husband's cousins was a model and a genuine Playboy centerfold. Her husband is a normal looking guy. They have two daughters. The oldest looks like her dad and the youngest looks like her mom. DH's aunt (their grandma) never misses an opportunity to tell people that it's too bad that the oldest doesn't look like her mommy. I feel sorry for that girl...she isn't unattractive, but I fear that her grandma will convince her that she is.

But the gene pool can be cruel. We had some neighbors where the wife was petite and attractive and the husband was a very large boned, cave-man looking guy. And wouldn't you know - their daughter looked exactly like the dad.

To change the subject a bit, I always wonder what people who have had cosmetic surgery to change a feature think/say when their child ends up with the feature they got rid of. For example, how do you tell your daughter with the beak nose that she looks just beautiful with that nose when you paid thousands of dollars to get rid of yours?