How (or Would you) answer this e-mail from my Ex?...LONG

[Mimi Q]

If it were me and some guy who had been physically violent to me, I'd delete the email and change my email address. You owe him nothing, and I'm a great believer in a leopard never changing his spots. Thank your lucky stars you met a real man in your DH and forget you ever saw this email from your ex.

 

[Daxx]

I would suggest that you email him back explaining that you have no desire to discuss contact or have any communication with him what so ever. Tell him if he does attempt to contact you in any way you will take it up with authorities.

No, no, no, no, no!!!!

Do not contact this guy whatsoever. You are only encouraging him!!!!! He's looking for a reaction ... regardless of whether it's negative or positive. Don't give him the satisfaction. Ignore any future emails from him. He's looking for ANY kind of communication. Don't give him anything. If you ignore the emails, he'll (hopefully) get the clue. Also, print out any emails you receive from him (inc. the ones you've received in the past). You may need them as evidence if you're getting a restraining order.

ETA - give me a break that he wants to know what he did that was wrong. He knows exactly what he did ... he's just looking for a reason for you to communicate w/him so he can possibly worm his way back into your life.

 

[phillybeth]

The only reason that I say to contact him at all is so if he proceeds to call, show up or attempt other contact on the basis of "I did not think she got my email!".

There is no law that says you have to answer an email or a phone call. A normal person will not show up uninvited just because you didn't respond to their email.

 

[legs22]

I have been stalked in the past and from what I've read the experts say cut off all correspondance with the stalker. I wasn't able to get a restraining order but FL was one of the first states to have anti-stalking laws. The police took it very seriously. They got a deposition from me and the next night he was arrested and in jail. It was only a misdemeanor stalking charge but the one night in jail was enough to get him to stop stalking me........as far as I know

Check out:Stalking Resource Center- National Center for Victims of Crime
Find out what the stalking laws are in your state.

 

[Reese]

My only concern if it does proceed into court issues and he turns around and says I just wanted to say hi ect. I wasn't sure that she recieved my email so I wasn't harrassing her when I called her and she didn't return my calls because I wasn't sure if I had the right number. One clear not wanting to communicate since she has already responded once so he can't use an I wasn't sure defence. I can understand not responding from a hopefully he'll get the point but in case it must proceed into a harrassment stalking point she has made herself perfectly clear. It would be wonderful if after a few failed attempts he just went away.

 

[raammartin]

I'd have to say ignore it. If you reply he may think you'll keep replying and then you may be in the same situation again.

 

[PhotobearSam]

There are no stalking laws on the books currently in my Province here in Canada...

I think I will just send an email saying
"Do not contact us again"

Then block sender from my email...Hopefully that will do it. If he then calls or writes again, I will call the police.

 

[Daxx]

My only concern if it does proceed into court issues and he turns around and says I just wanted to say hi ect. I wasn't sure that she recieved my email so I wasn't harrassing her when I called her and she didn't return my calls because I wasn't sure if I had the right number.

Oh, please. Did you even read that Ian contacted her under FALSE pretense ? How can he turn around and say "I just wanted to say Hi, and she didn't answer so I had to go to further depths" when he contacted her impersonating someone else?! He didn't email her and say "Hi, it's Ian" ... he emailed her pretending to be Randy, a person whom the OP knew and liked and had nothing to fear from. Ian lied to her to start with so he could start contact w/her. What judge is going to say "well, she did communicate back" when the OP was led to belive that she was emailing Randy!??! The deceit and fraud that this guy pulled in initially contacting the OP, along w/his past abuse, should be enough to get a restraining order b/c what other things will he do to invade her life?

 

[Wishing on a star]

To bad you don't have a lawyer-friend.

As everyone is saying... DO NOT RESPOND!!!

And, if you delete the email, then any proof or ability to trace it may be lost. (since a print-out could be easily faked, then this may not be enough)

What you should do is find out what the specific laws are where you live. It could be that they require you to provide notice to the person, when possible, that any further correspondance/contact is NOT welcomed and will be considered harassment.

If this is true, it would really nice if this were handled thru a lawyer. Wouldn't this guys eyes just pop open when he finds an email from a Lawyer's Office, stating that they have been retained by you, as their client. And this is regarded as sufficient legal notice (pursuant to act 142, para. 11a. (or whatever!!! please excuse my poor attempts at legaleze!!) that request that he immediately cease and desist... etc... etc....

I suppose that email would NOT really be a legally binding way to issue legal correspondance... but still...

 

[Wishing on a star]

After just typing the above... I am thinking.

Would your employer, as the owner of the email account, be willing to go to bat for you and issue this kind of legal notice.

Some kind of stern, legal-sounding, correspondance.

Harrassment at the Workplace, etc.....

This could be another big angle!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

To the OP....

it doesn't HAVE to be stalking... Simple HARASSMENT if nothing else...

I personally would want to take decisive action to let this guy know that he had better just back off.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Did you say that he followed and harassed you for quite some time after you finally ended it all???

What did you do then???

Did you not look into getting a restraining order at that time???

Why did he finally stop? (until now....)

 

[Wishing on a star]

For the next year, he followed me, harrassed me, and threatened my friends and I. ... When I could not take it anymore, I ran to another city 12 hours away to go to school and thought it would help. My best friend joined me 1 year later...
He found my phone number several times and I had to get an un-listed number. He always found a way to get at me. When I would come home for summer vacation or for a week or Christmas, he would call and tell me what I was wearing that day, where I had gone, and who I was with...I was a prisoner...I started staying in Ottawa in the Summer when school was out because I did not want to see him. This went on till 1995-1996...
....

The bad thing is He knows where I work since he found my email on my business site. I am alone at the motel several hours a day but it is now closed for the winter so it'snot so bad, I guess.

Please tell me what you would do...Even 15 years later, this has sent shivers down my spine and fear in my head.

How do I get this creep to leave me alone...???

So, how do you get him to leave you alone....

Legal Action
Start NOW by making an official police report... Any further contact, and you can then go from there. Without any official report, you will really have no grounds to stand on. (It is too bad that nothing has ever been reported on this before....) You must begin to report this situation immediately.

HUGS!!!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

You have gotten some great advice. for you, Sam. I am sure you are pretty frightened - and relieved that you have such a great life now.

Hope you have a wonderful time on vacation.

Denae

 

[PhotobearSam]

I can't get my work to do anything because I am the owner...LOL

I was young and stupid when he was harrassing me before. Now that he has started again, I will just ignore him and make a statement to Police. If he tries to contact me again. I will try to push for charges or a restraining order.

Thanks for all the help guys...it's just so creepy all these years later.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am glad that you are leaving for awhile, may be a chance for it all to blow over!!!!

I just wanted to add... He openly admits to harassing you when he admits that "I didn't think you would want to talk to me".

I got an email back saying,

"Hmmm..well you got me there. I have been caught. It isn't randy, it's Ian. I know i don;t need to give any more info for you to remember me. I didn;t think you would want to talk to me if you knew it was me, so hence i had to try some way to see if it was you. I am hoping that you will talk to me Sam. Last i remember of you is you telling me that i did something, but i have no clue as to what it was. I didn;t know what it was that day on the phone and to this day i still don't know what went wqrong after we last met. I think of you often Sam, and wonder what it is i did that was so bad. I hope you will tell me.

Ian"

This shows that you have indeed conveyed to him that you did NOT want further contact.

It also shows that he acknowledges that he knows that you feel that he has done something 'bad' to you.

This email is actually pretty self incriminating!
You will want to make a copy of this email as a part of your report/statement.

Please do report it ASAP

HUGS!!!

 

[EthansMom]

Print both emails for your records and then hit "Delelte". Send this guy an email, saying, "We have nothing to discuss. Do not contact me again." Keep a copy of that email for your records. If he contacts you again, document it and go to the police.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[Disney Doll]

Read the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. It is a fabulous book about self-protection, & security. Gavin DeBecker is a security specialist, has been a Secret Service Agent & now provides body guard protection to celebrities and dignitaries. He has been featured on many TV shows, including Oprah.

Basically, his advice with regard to dealing with a stalker is this: Do not respond. Any response you make, even a negative, in their sick twisted minds is a come on. They think "she may be saying 'don't contact me again' but if she really didn't want me to contact her, she wouldn't have answered".

You do not "owe" anyone a response just because they e-mailed you and most normal people, if they e-mailed someone and didn't get a response, would take the hint that the perosn wasn't interested in renewing an acquaintance, and they'd let it lie. Stalkers don't do that. You do not owe this man an explanation or anythign else. Period. Unfortunately, women are raised t be "nice" which s how we get oursleves into these predicaments. You do not have to be nice. He wasn't nice to you. You owe him nothing.

Ignore the e-mail, do not reply, keep it and keep a paper copy, contact your local police precinct and tell them exactly what you told us....the whole history. And ask them what to do. And ask them document it so there is a paper trail, and get a copy of the police report they complete. Becuase it sounds as if this guy has picked up your scent again, so my guess is you'll be hearing from him, he'll be finding you and/or following you.

Keep alert.

 

[Disney_1derland]

Sam,
Check your PM's.

 

[snoopy]

Good suggestion from Gina to NOT delete the email. Save it, you never know when you may need it. I also think the police may find it interesting that he pretended to be Randy to get to you.

I really hope you don't send him the email back saying "don't contact me again".........my sister had an ex that was jealous and controlling, and he would see a think like that as a challenge. Trust me, your best bet is to ignore, ignore, ignore.