How old were you?

[SilverSynchro919]

I was fifteen when I first started questioning, but if I look back on my life now, it is OH so obvious to me

After a lot of self-reflection and really long discussions with a few close friends, I determined that I was bisexual. I was out to handful of friends, but none of my family knew. Unfortunately, since I was still in high school, word got out and rumors spread. I got called some names, and had a few particularly nasty phone calls from private numbers on my cell phone. It never got too bad, but it was enough to keep me in the closet until I graduated.

One place I was especially careful was at skating. I was a figure skater in high school, and the girls I skated with, were, minus a few exceptions, not the nicest girls in the world. Even to this day, there are only a few people from the rink that know about my sexuality.

Once I got to college, things changed drastically. I immediately joined my college's GSA, and fell in love with the group. I was a very active member, and even got voted Member of the Month in my second semester. I began dating my first girlfriend at the end of my freshman year, and our relationship lasted six months. During this time, I was dragged out of the closet at home. My mother flat out asked me if I had a girlfriend, and I had no choice but to say yes. She asked who it was, and I told her, and that was the end of the conversation. We don't talk about it too much now, but I know that she loves me and, for the most part, accepts me. My dad on the other hand, has been nothing but spectacular. He, like Mom, asked me directly about my sexual orientation, and I came out to him as pansexual, which I had decided was a better fit for me. We talked for over an hour, and while it was incredibly uncomfortable, he has since proved to be an even better dad than he was before, which is saying something!

Now, I'm out to pretty much everyone, minus a few members of my family. I am so thankful for the fact that my coming out was relatively easy.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Here's my story that was published in the current episode of Lesbian Connection magazine.

Topic - Late Bloomers, cont. LC May/June 2011

Lesbian Memo

Did I miss the memo? Perhaps I should have connected the pieces quicker and when I was younger. But we learn from all our experiences, and life usually turns out as it should.

Let me back up. The basics: I married when I was 21, and I was a stay-at-home mom. We moved around the country for my husband’s education and jobs. Half in jest I called myself a “boring suburban housewife” – with my fiery personality, I was anything but boring. However, I was living a relatively boring life. My biggest fear was financial insecurity –ironic given how things turned out.

I was shocked when I fell for a woman I’d met online who identified as bisexual. How could a straight woman fall for another woman? I was always careful not to put myself in situations where I might do something I would possibly regret, something against my moral code, including developing romantic feelings for another person. It took me about six months to accept the reality that I was not straight. At first I denied it all, even to myself. Then I began, in bits and pieces, to entertain the idea. It was an ebb and flow, with me retreating back to the ideas that I was just going through a midlife crisis…that I had feelings only for this one woman…that I was bored with hetero sex and just needed to spice it up. Anything but the reality that I was a lesbian.

I also started to recall that for years I’d fantasized about kissing certain female friends, had had a crush on my lesbian hairdresser, and had especially enjoyed a female masseuse. Each of these revelations alone did not mean much, but in hindsight I knew that I’d had same-sex attractions for ten years.

A couple of years before my epiphany, my husband lost his job and was unemployed for over a year. I can only guess, but perhaps my husband’s job troubles and our financial problems rattled me enough that I began unconsciously to reexamine my life, my goals, what made me happy, and what I desired. My marriage had been shaky for some time, but this was probably the catalyst that led to its demise. I do know that when I look into the eyes of my youngest child, who just turned eleven, I thank my lucky stars that I did not have my light-bulb moment before he was born. I cannot imagine my
life without him, or any of my children.

It has been a tough journey. However, I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Perhaps I would have made some different decisions along the way – not so much in what I did, but how I did it. In the process I hurt my children and my husband. However I did the best I could at the time, with what skills and self-awareness I had.

I’ve had to face many fears, and financial insecurity is still front and center. But I know I’ve made it this far with a roof over my head and food on the table. I’ve had to learn to face challenges head-on, without numbing myself with alcohol or pills. Job hunting at my age has been an adventure since, except for running a home daycare, I’ve only been a stay-at-home mom. I have always wanted to be a social worker, and I’d love to work with other latebloomers, helping them through their journeys, and I’m hoping to go back to school soon.

Living alone has had its challenges. Some days I like being the only adult in the house, however other times I wish I had someone to share the load, take out the garbage, cook dinner. Most importantly, I often wish I had someone to share the joy and the happy times, someone to go to bed holding, nudge so they would quit snoring, and wake up next to. I wish I had someone who brushed against me as they walked by, and who loved it when I stole an unexpected kiss from them. I have faith that when the time is right I will have that special someone.

I am glad that I chose to live an authentic life and recognize that I am lesbian. I am glad that I accepted myself and had enough self-respect to know that I deserved happiness even when there was a price to pay. I embrace my sexuality. I’m not only attracted to women sexually, but also emotionally and spiritually. There is a connection and electricity with women which I never had with a man.

I may have missed the lesbian memo when I was younger, but I am grateful for my children and thankful that my journey has included the happy and sad times, along with the tests and rewards; I have learned
from it all.

I am grateful that I have been able to face many of my fears, work through them, and emerge a stronger woman, ready to handle all of the joys and challenges that await me.

–Linda, Montgomery Village, MD

 

[BriGuy]

I officially came out to everyone when I was 17.

 

[kaffinito]

Well I'm glad you all posted about this.

My almost 11 year old DS asked me in the car the other day if I thought he was gay. So my response was, "Well, do you think you're gay?" He thinks he might be based on his crushes on boys and on some adult males like Johnny Depp.

So my advice to him was that being gay was like hair color or eye color or being a talented artist, and to just be himself and not to worry at the question for a few more years. He understands that I am always there for questions and that he's the same kid to me, whether he's gay or straight.

I hope I told him the right things.

 

[f86sabjf]

I wish you had been around for me to ask ????'s to when i was that age. Never had it in my life and i'm straight. Nice Job

 

[Daisy-J&D]

When I was 8 years old I told my mom I was going to marry a man and use him to have a baby and then divorce him. She told me that there were other ways to have babies and I could use a sperm donor. (;
I came out at 23 and have a beautiful 18 mo baby (sperm donor!) with my DP of 12 years.

 

[Howellsy]

I was with my first girlfriend at 14 and came out to all my friends then, and my parents about a year or two later

 

[Minnie72200]

My "coming out" story is kind of funny. Growing up, I knew I liked girls. I just thought I liked boys too because you're supposed to grow up, get married, and have babies, right? Well it took me several relationships with men for me to realize you should probably be attracted to the person you're dating and you should want to kiss them. At this point, I was 20 and finally realized that there are other relationship options out there other than man + woman. I thought about this for a few years and decided the next person I would date would be a woman.

Well shortly after I made the decision to date women, the most amazing girl came into my life. Everything clicked and was easy, and I didn't feel like I was forcing myself to do anything like I had with guys. When I kissed her, it became abundantly clear to me that I was not into men at all in that way and I was totally on team ladies.

Super excited about this revelation, I decided to tell all my friends and family. Their responses? "Gee what took you so long to figure that one out?" and "yeah.... I've known your were a lesbian for a long time." Seriously, apparently everyone in my life knew EXCEPT me. Not a single one of them bothered to let me know or try to help clue me in.

Two years later, I am still with that amazing girl and happier in my life than I've ever been. I'm just glad I figured it out now and not a couple of decades down the road because I was really, really miserable with guys.

 

[franandaj]

This has been a great read, so many diverse stories! Count me in on the oblivious brainwashed crowd. I never understood why I was tongue tied and a blithering idiot around so many girls I wanted to be friends with (all the Butch gals). I certainly wasn't a Lesbian, because I liked to wear dresses, wanted long hair, heck I didn't have a crush on the Red Head I wanted to BE the Red Head!

I liked guys well enough, there was just no spark. But I was supposed to marry, have 2.5 children and live in a house with a white picket fence. I never understood why i was so embarrassed and shy changing in the locker room all those years on the swim team.

I went to college and dated guys eventually marrying one. I should have known it wouldn't work when i was sneaking off with one of my Bridesmaids to kiss at my engagement party. I thought it was just because she was a passionate gal (and she came out to me that night.) After two years of marriage it ended because he realized he was gay. At that point everything started to add up!

I started dating women immediately and had a few crazies, in fact one even turned into a murderer. However, within about a month of realization I met my current partner, we didn't know it at the time. I joined the local gay band and over the next year and a half we became good friends and realized that we shared a lot of common interests including a love for Disney! So almost 15 years ago we started dating and the rest is history!

Once I figured it out, I told my family. Word sort of got out at work when other gay employees saw me marching on the Pride Parades with the band. That's about it.

 

[kaffinito]

Well after I first posted on this thread about DS11, he kept tap dancing around the issue of being gay. So I came right out and asked him yesterday if he was gay. And he said "Yes, I am."

He says he doesn't "like like" girls at all, but really "like likes" boys. He's still exactly the same kid that he was the day before, just that now he's comfortable enough to have me looking up Leonardo DiCaprio's picture for him to look at 'cause he has a crush on him.

 

[soulmates]

I'm right there with SO many other folks who were LATE BLOOMERS! I've been married twice and thought that was all there was. I was miserable both times. After years of dealing with these crazy "Thoughts" about women, I finally acted on it. I had just re-connected with an old high school friend and saw this beautiful woman (with eyes that looked right into my soul) as one of her "Friends". I visited her Myspace page daily, reading her poetry and funny quips. Finally after 3 months, I messaged her to thank her for the poetry she wrote. We started messaging and well, a year later she packed up her life and moved here with me. 5 years later, we're married and life is amazing. I was 40 when I met her and my life really, just began at 40 My family and children, though shocked at first, just wanted me to be happy. I'm so proud of the way they accepted her literally, with open arms. My entire family was there at our ceremony and all us girls, my daughters, mom, sister & niece went to Disney World for our honeymoon trip! Now THAT is love!

 

[iankh]

17 years old and that was in 1973 (a few months before I turned 18).

Needless to say, society has changed since then.

 

[TinkStitch]

I knew I liked girls since 8th grade or freshman year of high school. Now I'm 21 & just came out earlier this week to my mom & some of my friends. I still haven't told my dad since he tends to tell everything to everyone the family knows, & I just don't want everyone to find out that way. When I told my mom, she said she had suspected, but it wasn't her place to bring it up.

 

[PeterPan09]

I think I've always known but it became obvious to me when I hit the 6th grade. When we got back from summer vacation, all the other girls were having crushes on the boys and I was having crushes on all the other girls!

As far as coming out-I do it when I feel it's necessary. For the most part, I just live my life. I mean-when you meet people it's not like they say "Hi I'm Jane and I'm heterosexual!" If the situation requires a mention of why I'm the age I am, never been married and have no kids-yeah, I'll tell the truth. I don't wear a sign-unless you count my Birkenstocks. My parents kind of have a silent "please don't tell us-we won't ask" kind of thing. It's fine with me-it's not like you want to really be talking about your sex life with your parents. It's not like they aren't supportive-they love me unconditionally-we just don't discuss it.

I can't wait for the day when nobody feels that they owe people an explanation, or some kind of dramatic coming out moment-and when people stop feeling that they are owed some kind of explanation or dramatic moment from their gay family members.

 

[keegsx16]

I was 14 when I realized and I came out shortly after. I am still not fully out but if it comes up people are made aware. I am now 20 and couldn't be happier to be a young woman being out. It has made life a lot easier than having to hide it from people. The only problem with being out at a young age is most other girls are not or not as comfortable yet.

 

[pr surfer]

Both of my biological parents were what one would call quirky. Dad was a punk rocker turned entrepeneur, and mom was a professor. I know that neither one would have any problem with who I am. However, among their quirks were short lifespans and terminal illnesses, so I was essentially raised my my maternal grandmother until I was 17.

While there's no doubt in my mind that she loved me like a son, and still does, she was an extremely homophobic person (ironic, since she ran a beauty supply distribution company that catered to drag queens regularly), and an extremely conservative catholic (she was forcibly converted from Judaism at a young age in Spain by Franco's goons).

When I was very young, I'd join her when she'd watch her Telenovelas. I'd see the romantic scenes when a very handsome man would kiss a woman, and I'd think to myself "I wish he'd kiss me". However, like another poster mentioned, I'd ignore it and pray the gay away.

I dated girls through high school, and for a period of time, I was what one would call "a player." I wasn't dating the multiple girls for fun... I was dating them because I was looking for something, but I didn't know what it was at the time.

I was a fairly tall and well developed teen. At 17 I looked like I was in my 20's, and growing up where I did in Condado, San Juan (a very gay neighborhood), I enjoyed when some of the more forward local men would compliment me on my appearance, etc. I enjoyed it more than when the girl I was dating at the time would.

After my junior year of high school, I decided to move in with my stepmother in Florida, and graduate from high school there. I took a part-time job at WDW working as a character performer, and within days I realized who I was. I realized who I am, who I wanted to be, and who I wanted to be with.

17 was the year I knew. Little by little I started telling my family. I started with my relatives in my generation and my sisters, who have always been open minded. Some already knew, but none were surprised. By 23, my entire family knew, even if they didn't choose to talk about it.

I'm fortunate. My family has been extremely supportive (except grandma, she won't acknowledge it, but at least she doesn't use who I am against me), and even my aunt and uncle, who care about me like if I were their son have met my previous partners, and have always been respectful towards them, even inviting them to join us on family vacations.

Growing up with my grandmother for many years, I consider myself lucky in a few regards. She raised me to not care what others think, but at the same time, the way she raised me removed mannerisms which one would consider stereotypical. Maybe my grandmother knew all along and this was a protective instinct on her behalf, because growing up in Puerto Rico, which is quite socially conservative, and quite homophobic (institutionally homophobic in many ways), it is very easy to end up attacked for who I am. She raised me to be proud- just not loud.

I love who I am, I love the life I have. I don't hide who I am. Out at 17, accepted by 23.

Sorry for the rant...