How old were you when you had your first child?

[justhat]

Things might be easier for those people, but I don't think it's necessary to pay for everything relating to the kid before it comes. For college, you've got 18 years once the kid is born, so you can save up each year for that and still be fine. Same with retirement. Cause if you can afford to completely fund all of that before you have the baby, you'll be able to fund it if you have the baby sooner and 'pay as you go'. I think the problem you're getting at is with people who will never be able to pay for any of those things or any other child-related expenses. Cause those people could save all the want before the kid comes and they won't ever have enough built up to have the kid.

I totally agree though that finances are something to be looked at when having kids, how many kids, etc. Cause I don't think it's right to just have a ton of kids you can't afford and expect someone else to pay for them, but I don't think that applies to anyone on this thread, especially the OP.

 

[MrsKreamer]

True, but if more people did that, there'd be a lot less trouble and poverty in the world. And the OP IS in a position to plan her children. She's also in a very demanding field. She and her future children will be better served if she has them at a point where she is financially stable and set in her career.

Really? I disagree. Not all criminals come from poor families that didn't plan life out to the "t" before having children. It takes way more than a college fund to be a good parent...

ETA I agree that the OP is in a demanding field, and for *her* it may be better. Some of us prefer the way things turned out.

 

[jodifla]

I think that your advice is rather idealistic and unreal for most people. I can't say I know anyone who decided to fund their retirement, a college education, possibly private school and then decide to have the child after all of that. You also need to have compassion for the "teen mothers" or the "college dropouts" ...they were called to be mothers instead of going to school or working. I highly doubt that they feel that they were "put in a dangerous position for the rest of their lives." In fact, I'm quite sure that most mothers would agree that love is all you need to raise a child not a big pocketbook.

To me, your first obligation is to be able to support any children you have. Doing anything else is irresponsible, in my book. Maybe you don't have your retirement funded or college paid for, those were bonuses. But you should have the basics taken care of....food, medical care, housing, etc. And that means you should have an education and job skills to support you and your children. Relying totally on someone else ( i.e. husband) puts you in a potentiallly dangerous position if something were to happen to him, and you haven't done all your financial planning.

 

[jodifla]

Really? I disagree. Not all criminals come from poor families that didn't plan life out to the "t" before having children. It takes way more than a college fund to be a good parent...

ETA I agree that the OP is in a demanding field, and for *her* it may be better. Some of us prefer the way things turned out.

I didn't say "criminals". I said trouble and poverty.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I didn't say "criminals". I said trouble and poverty.

Ok so what do you mean by "trouble"?

 

[VSL]

Hmmm.. well, for me, the plan is
- get married to my BF
- me get a full-time job while he gets his PhD (to save for the future) in psychology so he can become a Clinical Psychologist
- I intend to do a 'distance' degree in Sports Psychology during this time too (I so rushed into Uni and picked the wrong subject for my future!)
- if finances allow, to become a SAHM when we have children (I want to be 'done', hopefully, before I'm 30 - I'm turned 21 in Dec 2005), until they're all at least 3yrs/in education

I guess some things are different here though. In the UK, we don't have to really worry about medical expenses unless there is a major worry, for example.

My mother had me 20 days before she turned 21, BTW.

 

[justhat]

To me, your first obligation is to be able to support any children you have. Doing anything else is irresponsible, in my book. Maybe you don't have your retirement funded or college paid for, those were bonuses. But you should have the basics taken care of....food, medical care, housing, etc. And that means you should have an education and job skills to support you and your children. Relying totally on someone else ( i.e. husband) puts you in a potentiallly dangerous position if something were to happen to him, and you haven't done all your financial planning.

Okay, I have finished college and was halfway through graduate school when my daughter was born. One might say that if I finished school I'd be better off, but really, in my field I'd have to go back to school in order to work anyway cause a 20 year break would be a big detriment. Now I do plan to finish school within the next 5 years, but honestly I'm not even sure why cause again, if I choose to work I'd have to go back to school or take some sort of continuing education classes. I think in that sense (cause not many jobs allow you to just jump back in, at least not in a way you were many years earlier, before you had kids) all SAHMs are in a dangerous position. A friend of mine has been a travel editor for National Geographic for over 15 years and has had to go back to work when her kids were all 3 months old or she'd basically be out of a job. If she took off a few years, or say 10, sure, she could apply for her job again but odds are someone else has it so she's out of luck. And she's 41 now with a 15 month old (and 5 and 9yos) so if she decided to be a SAHM with this child for let's say the next 4 years (at which point the kid will be in school), her old job will be gone and at 45 she's not so desireable as a new employee anywhere.

And yes, I agree with you no doubt that the OP would have an easier time waiting till after she and her partner finish school to have kids, financially that is. But even after they graduate, residents do not make a great salary, and there will be tons of loans to pay back, and that small salary will not go too far for living expenses so it will take quite some time to pay those loans off. So therefore they'd be best off waiting till they're both attendings, making the big bucks, cause then they can pay off the loans, the regular bills, and then start saving for retirement and the kid's education (2 kids in their case). But that's years and years away-minimum of 8 from now, well, from September, based on what the OP and partner plan on doing. And that's just when they'll get their first 'real' salary, so not even time to do all the things I mentioned like paying off the loans. To do that they'd need about another 3-4 years, so about 12 years from now, which for some would be a long time to wait, possibly too risky (since they want 2 kids and presumably want at least a 2 year space between then). And even at that point I'm guessing they still couldn't have saved up too much for college/retirements cause I know we have a couple hundred thousand in medical school loans from my husband so I'm guessing they will too (and whatever college loans they may have too).

So I do agree in waiting till you can support your kids, but waiting till the 'perfect' time just may not be possible for all. The OP is in a similar situation to me and we have an almost 2yo and another one on the way and we're doing okay. We can send my daughter to preschool, we'll be able to send her to college cause by then we'll have the attending salary so it won't be the issue it would be if she were 18 now, and we'll be young enough when our kids graduate college that we'll still be working (cause I do plan to go back to work after my kids are all at least 5) so we'll be okay for retirement too. In fact, it's because of the OP's profession that I wouldn't be too concerned about how much money I had before I had kids. She'll be making enough money in enough time that they'll be just fine.

 

[jodifla]

Okay, I have finished college and was halfway through graduate school when my daughter was born. One might say that if I finished school I'd be better off, but really, in my field I'd have to go back to school in order to work anyway cause a 20 year break would be a big detriment. Now I do plan to finish school within the next 5 years, but honestly I'm not even sure why cause again, if I choose to work I'd have to go back to school or take some sort of continuing education classes. I think in that sense (cause not many jobs allow you to just jump back in, at least not in a way you were many years earlier, before you had kids) all SAHMs are in a dangerous position. A friend of mine has been a travel editor for National Geographic for over 15 years and has had to go back to work when her kids were all 3 months old or she'd basically be out of a job. If she took off a few years, or say 10, sure, she could apply for her job again but odds are someone else has it so she's out of luck. And she's 41 now with a 15 month old (and 5 and 9yos) so if she decided to be a SAHM with this child for let's say the next 4 years (at which point the kid will be in school), her old job will be gone and at 45 she's not so desireable as a new employee anywhere.

And yes, I agree with you no doubt that the OP would have an easier time waiting till after she and her partner finish school to have kids, financially that is. But even after they graduate, residents do not make a great salary, and there will be tons of loans to pay back, and that small salary will not go too far for living expenses so it will take quite some time to pay those loans off. So therefore they'd be best off waiting till they're both attendings, making the big bucks, cause then they can pay off the loans, the regular bills, and then start saving for retirement and the kid's education (2 kids in their case). But that's years and years away-minimum of 8 from now, well, from September, based on what the OP and partner plan on doing. And that's just when they'll get their first 'real' salary, so not even time to do all the things I mentioned like paying off the loans. To do that they'd need about another 3-4 years, so about 12 years from now, which for some would be a long time to wait, possibly too risky (since they want 2 kids and presumably want at least a 2 year space between then). And even at that point I'm guessing they still couldn't have saved up too much for college/retirements cause I know we have a couple hundred thousand in medical school loans from my husband so I'm guessing they will too (and whatever college loans they may have too).

So I do agree in waiting till you can support your kids, but waiting till the 'perfect' time just may not be possible for all. The OP is in a similar situation to me and we have an almost 2yo and another one on the way and we're doing okay. We can send my daughter to preschool, we'll be able to send her to college cause by then we'll have the attending salary so it won't be the issue it would be if she were 18 now, and we'll be young enough when our kids graduate college that we'll still be working (cause I do plan to go back to work after my kids are all at least 5) so we'll be okay for retirement too. In fact, it's because of the OP's profession that I wouldn't be too concerned about how much money I had before I had kids. She'll be making enough money in enough time that they'll be just fine.

What you're doing makes a lot of sense. But I do think that all SAHM's are potentially in a dangerous situation, IF they have not taken financial precautions (and I am a SAHM myself right now, but I have taken financial precautions).

OP has a lot of earning potential once she finishes her education. That's the difference for her. So even if she has children at the beginning of her career, she still has lots of earning potential because she waited until she finished her education. Outside of being a doctor, most people are well into their careers by the time they are late 20s early 30s, so for them, I'd say that's a pretty good time to start.

On both of these counts, I speak from experience. I started my life in an orphanage, and I saw my SAHM adoptive mom lose everything when my dad walked out on her when I was in my 30s.

 

[justhat]

I don't think the OP plans to work though once she has kids, at least not while they're young. I think she's still gonna do the med school thing either way, regardless of when she has the kid, which is why I feel what I do about her situation. Having a child in the next few years will not mean she won't go to med school. She'll still go and so she'll still have the earning potential.

FWIW, I was in grad school for child psychology, so when I do finish I'll have my doctorate and will work as a clinical psychologist so I'll have a decent income if I decide to go to work fulltime or if I have to for some reason. And I do plan to finish school and do that eventually, but decided to have a child now while I'm young cause I don't plan on working while my kids are still under school age anyway.

I know what you mean though about being prepared for 'disaster' cause my mom went through it (as a kid, not herself as a parent) and that was always her goal to avoid when she had kids. She basically did what you did and had me later on in life when she was totally prepared. I thank her for it because I had a very easy life growing up, but there are some things I wish were different-like her being a much older grandmother than her mom was for me and her not having anymore kids because of her age (she always wanted 2, but she had trouble conceiving me, had miscarriages before and after me, then decided she was too old to risk having another). I really wish I had a sibling cause now that my father has died my mom is all I have left and I know it's going to be very hard when she's gone.

So it does have definite advantages to plan out your life well and save up a lot, but I think having kids younger and at a less 'wealthy' time has its advantages too.

 

[Crankyshank]

To answer the OP's question I am 31 and DH is 34 and we don't have children yet. I'll likely be 34 or 35 when we have a child.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I'm a bit confused. I thought the OP worked at the front desk of a hotel. That's a demanding field?

 

[Crankyshank]

I'm a bit confused. I thought the OP worked at the front desk of a hotel. That's a demanding field?

oh thank goodness I'm not the only one confused. I thought the OP was working at a hotel and a preschool while taking online classes and med school was planned for at some point in the future. It would be odd to pack up and move to FL in the middle of med school.

 

[disneychick05]

To answer the Op's quetion I was 21 when I had DS #1 and 24 w/ DS #2. I have a B.A. in political science and am almost finished my Master's degree, after that I plan on getting a PhD. I have been a SAHM since I finished college. At that age we were financially ready to have children. I have constantly seen the benefits and rewards of being a young mother. I will never regret not having a career for the time being. Not to menttion that someone who has children young is not forbidden from continuing their education or learning a skill while raising childrren. I am just not buying into the danger of being a SAHM (educated or not) because children are only home full time for 5 years. I don't think that staying home for these years is a danger nor do I think you should be out establishing a career in your 20's in order to make the world a better place with less poverty....just not realistic.

 

[icebrat001]

oh thank goodness I'm not the only one confused. I thought the OP was working at a hotel and a preschool while taking online classes and med school was planned for at some point in the future. It would be odd to pack up and move to FL in the middle of med school.

Sorry about this, didn't see this question.
Currently I am working at a hotel as a desk clerk and I teach pre-school. I was previously admitted into a medical school, deferred it (long story, don't really care to explain) I'm taking next year off as well, I defered for medical reasons. I was admitted under a special admissions policy, nonetheless if they don't grant my deferal request I will have to reapply. So since I haven't "began" medical school, I wouldn't up and move in the middle of my schooling rather the beginning.