How old to Leave Teenager Alone Overnight

[smallblackstars]

I was first left alone overnight when I was 14, it was only for one night and my brother (10 at the time) stayed with a relative. From then on I was left whenever my parents were away (not often at all) but never with my brother, when I was 16 they started leaving my sister with me (18 months old the first time) I guess they knew I was mature enough for it and could handle it in the same way they knew my brother would be too much for me as he has some learning difficulties and could be very challenging at times. I would agree with others and say it depends on the teenager and would also say if you are having any doubts at all about it then I'd leave it til he/she was a little older.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

The second time we left her at age 19 was worse. She invited several internet acquaintances to crash at our house while we were gone. They were in town for a skateboarding event. Got wind of it and put a lock on our bedroom door before we left. Which resulted in some sweet revenge, our cat yelled loudly at our door all night long. Luckily, they were nice kids and didn't steal or break anything.

Oh my gosh, I couldn't imagine KNOWING before I left that a house full of "internet acquaintances" (strangers) were going to be "crashing" in my house!! Something being stolen or broken would be the least of my worries...finding my daughter raped or murdered would be at the top of my mind. I'm curious, why didn't you just tell her no?

 

[aprilgail2]

not till they are adults............. i have a 17...15....11 and even thought they are responsible and good kids..... could not imagine leaving them overnite........... until they are of age............

Plenty of 17 year old kids are away at college on their own, I would hope that my daughter at 17 and a college student would be ok to stay home on her own!

 

[mjantz]

Not yet & they're 15 & 13. There's family close enough that enjoys spending time with them so we would probably send the kids to them. We do go out some evenings & get in after the kids have gone to bed but never an overnight trip. I don't really worry about them doing anything stupid but I don't see it as something that needs to happen before they're grown.

I don't think I was ever home alone by myself overnight growing up.

 

[MrsPete]

We've never left ours alone overnight and my son is 17. My youngest is 13.

I guess we've never had a reason too.
Although with no neighbors we can really trust as backups right now, I don't know that I'd want to leave the teens alone until my son has a drivers license and a car in case of an emergency.

I was 12 the first time my parents left us alone overnight - I was in charge of my 3 younger sisters one of whom was a baby. It wasn't really my parents fault but the babysitter they hired showed up with her boyfriend and started lighting candles and turning out the lights and not taking care of my little sisters so I told her to get out of the house before I called the police. It was kind of funny/sad looking back on it.

When my parents got home the next day and saw we did fine with just me watching everyone, I became the normal household babysitter. At first I resented it until I started making some good money. All of that stopped though when we moved to another state and my parents couldn't afford to go out anymore.

So long story short - growing up it was 12 years old when I was overnight with no parents. I knew I wouldn't be doing that to my kids.

"Get out, or I'll call the police!" Wow, you must've been some 12-year old. You certainly rose to the occasion! I was that kind of kid, as is my oldest . . . my youngest would've hidden in her room, afraid of upsetting the babysitter. I hope the babysitter didn't ask your mom to act as a reference for her in the future!

While things worked out in this SURPRISE! situation, leaving a 12-year old in charge overnight isn't something I'd have planned to do.

 

[MrsPete]

That depends on the teen though. Some teens, even with temptation are still good responsible kids.

Funny, when I was 16 I was sneaking out of my house in the middle of the night to do things that if I catch my kids doing I'll have a heart attack. The first time I was left alone for a weekend (at 18) I didn't dare do anything mischievous because I knew I was being tested.
My dd is only 15 and hasn't given me any reason to not trust her, but there hasn't been a reason for us to leave her and my dses alone overnight. I also don't trust the 2 older teen boys next door knowing that she was alone like that. I have no idea what the right age is, but I'll probably say 17ish.

Yes, some kids'll make the responsible choice -- especially, as you said, if the recognize that they're being tested, BUT it's not good practice to purposefully place temptation in front of your kids.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, some kids'll make the responsible choice -- especially, as you said, if the recognize that they're being tested, BUT it's not good practice to purposefully place temptation in front of your kids.

Definitely. I just meant that there are some teens who are good kids and wouldn't at all be tempted no matter what.
Of course there are probably more that would so yes, no need to put that temptation out too early

 

[MrsPete]

Oh my gosh, I couldn't imagine KNOWING before I left that a house full of "internet acquaintances" (strangers) were going to be "crashing" in my house!! Something being stolen or broken would be the least of my worries...finding my daughter raped or murdered would be at the top of my mind. I'm curious, why didn't you just tell her no?

Yeah, I agree. My girls are good kids, and they don't set out to make mistakes . . . but I can totally see them saying -- even though we've talked and talked about internet safety, "Oh, I've been chatting with this person online, and I KNOW he's okay because so-and-so knows him in person, or whatever other reason." They're young and naive, and the only cure for that is to live a few more years! In the meantime, it's up to me to prevent them from putting themselves into situations they're not prepared to handle.

 

[MrsPete]

Plenty of 17 year old kids are away at college on their own, I would hope that my daughter at 17 and a college student would be ok to stay home on her own!

Eh, make that "a few 17 year olds", and I'll agree with you. And those few 17 year olds almost all have fall birthdays, so they don't stay 17 long at college.

Also, they aren't really "on their own" if they're living in a freshman dorm, where they are surrounded by various security measures.

 

[MrsPete]

We finally went on a trip for our 20th and left her home alone at age 17. About the the third day in, could not raise her on her cel phone or our home phone. Tried and tried, and was pretty much freaking out. DH asked his brother who lives nearby to go check on her. He rang the doorbell, got no response, and then banged on her window. That got her up. She had been sleeping in with earplugs in - until 1:30 pm.

Yeah, this is the kind of thing our kids have done when they've been home alone in the afternoons /evenings. They just don't stop to think that not answering the phone is going to worry us! We've actually made a rule with our youngest that if we're gone she either cannot listen to music with headphones, OR she must have the phone literally in her pocket so she can feel it vibrate.

 

[MrsPete]

Definitely. I just meant that there are some teens who are good kids and wouldn't at all be tempted no matter what.
Of course there are probably more that would so yes, no need to put that temptation out too early

And even good, responsible kids will do wrong -- when the circumstances fall into place just so:

I was the very picture of a responsible teenager, but I remember getting into super-huge trouble once. My mom was taking night classes and wasn't supposed to be home 'til late -- let's say 10:00. My boyfriend came to see me. I didn't know he was going to show up, and he didn't have a car, so he'd walked. He'd walked over five miles, and he'd arranged for his mother to pick him up on her way home from work (which was near my house), which was also something like 10:00. Being a stupid teenaged boy, he thought this would be a nice surprise that would please me. Why his mother thought this would suddenly be okay with my mom, I don't know.

I didn't ask for this to happen -- I was absolutely caught off guard, but from the moment I saw him at the door, I knew I either had to make or make my mother angry. I chose to make my mother mad. I knew I'd be punished, but I wasn't willing to risk losing the boyfriend by sending him to walk back home in the dark. It was immaturity on my part. I would've been absolutely within my rights to say to him, "Look, you know I'm not allowed to have you over without adult supervision. You have placed me in a very bad spot. Why would you do this to me?" But he was my first-ever boyfriend, and I was sure he was "the one", and I just couldn't enforce the house rules. I was stupid. I was grounded and didn't get to see him for weeks, which was exactly what I had expected would happen, BUT in my immature mind, having my mom ban him from my life for several weeks was acceptable, while ME sending him away for one evening was not acceptable.

The point: Sometimes even really good kids will make bad choices. Sometimes even purposefully.

 

[MichelleVW]

Like others have said, it really does depend on the kid. We have been leaving the kids alone to take care of the animals and the house since they were 14 and 18. We also have relatives close by. My younger son is WAY more responsible than my oldest. Conscientious and a better caretaker is a better choice of words.

I am the oldest of 3 girls and I was watching them overnight at 13.

My girls were around 13-15 when I started leaving them home alone to take care of the animals if we went away for a few days. We lived on a military base and they knew who to go to if they had a problem and knew that I had people stalking them Lol to make sure they stayed out of trouble.

When we first moved to Texas (they were 15 and 17)DH and I went to Disney for a week and the girls stayed home, that time I asked my mom to come visit since we were new to the neighborhood and didn't really know anyone.

 

[tvguy]

16 I think. Only because before they were driving, the one or two times my DW and I had to leave them alone overnight, they needed a ride to school. School was 10 miles away, so grandma would come spend the night with them and take them to school.
Now, that is different than what DW moms, and my mom did. MIL liked to party, so DW was frequently left alone until after 2 am from age 13.
In my case, my dad died, and my mom worked graveyard shift. We used to have someone stay with me in exchange for room and board, but after about age 13 mom and I both decided I could stay home alone at night 5 days a week. Just better than having a stranger living in the house. Mom did have a burglar alarm put on the house then.

 

[Colleen27]

I could see leaving my oldest home alone in the not-too-distant future. He's 15, we have a next door neighbor that is like family, and he's the kind of kid whose greatest pleasure in being alone is no one telling him what time to turn off the Xbox. We haven't had a situation come up where we'd want/need to leave him alone or get a sitter for him yet, but it will probably happen eventually as his athletic commitments make it harder for him to travel with us every time one of the girls has some weekend thing going on.

I wouldn't leave him to babysit the other kids, though (11 & 4) - IMO that's asking too much of a child his age, and even the older of my girls wouldn't feel safe/comfortable with that anyway. I was one of those kids who had to rush home to look after a younger sibling when I was in middle and high school, so I tend to limit how much babysitting I expect of DS and pay him for the times he babysits for recreational reasons (watching his sisters while I run to the grocery is something family just does, watching them while DH & I go out for dinner & a movie is above-and-beyond and earns him a few bucks)

 

[Mom21]

That said, I wouldn't leave MY 16 year old alone overnight, but she would freak out if I even suggested it.

Yep. My 16yo starts texting me by 10pm at night if I'm out on a date asking when I'm coming home. She refuses to go to sleep without me in the house.

 

[Mom21]

Eh, make that "a few 17 year olds", and I'll agree with you. And those few 17 year olds almost all have fall birthdays, so they don't stay 17 long at college.

Also, they aren't really "on their own" if they're living in a freshman dorm, where they are surrounded by various security measures.

EEK. This has been on my mind a lot lately. My dd skipped a year of school. She just turned 16 in March and a junior. We went on college tours last week, and all I can think is she will be barely 17. She won't turn 18 until March of her Freshman year. She won't go to sleep, as I posted earlier, if I'm not at home. I'm going to worry about her a lot. I don't think she will do anything bad. Heck I can't even get her to go do anything with her friends now. I won't be surprised to get that phone call the first few weeks crying to come home.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

EEK. This has been on my mind a lot lately. My dd skipped a year of school. She just turned 16 in March and a junior. We went on college tours last week, and all I can think is she will be barely 17. She won't turn 18 until March of her Freshman year. She won't go to sleep, as I posted earlier, if I'm not at home. I'm going to worry about her a lot. I don't think she will do anything bad. Heck I can't even get her to go do anything with her friends now. I won't be surprised to get that phone call the first few weeks crying to come home.

She won't go to sleep when you're not home, but how does she do on sleepovers? She'll have a roommate, so hopefully they'll become good friends and will make her feel safe. I'd get her some pepper-spray and one of those mega-decimal alarms to carry in her purse while walking around campus too.