How old is "too old" to have kids?

[Snowwark]

My Mother was 43 when she had my sister, 38 years ago. Like DonnaS, my sister was a 6th child, and still believes (well sort of), that we "found" her ...lol..

 

[gina2000]

I had my first and only at 37. I got pregnant about 2 seconds after I went off the pill.

Everyone is different.

 

[powellrj]

I had my first when I was 24, my second when I was 31 and my third when I was 37 (yes all with the same DH) I am such a different parent with the last 2 than I was with my first. Things don't bother me as much as they did with the first. I don't know if I am more patient or if I am just too tired to care!! But I will say that these 2 do behave much better that the oldest one ever did. But you do have many kids asking my kids why they live with their grandparents. To be honest it bothers my mom more that anyone. She keeps whining that she is too old to enjoy these grandkids like she did the first one. If this is what you want to do I say go for it!

 

[Poohnatic]

Many of my friends were "surprise" babies. DH's mom was 42, best friends mom was 46, another friends mom was 44.

My mom had eight, the last at 40. My step sis is having her second this month and she's 40. My first was at 30, second at 33. First was the happy surprise and the second we got pregnant the first time we tried.

I think it all has to do with attitude. A great co worker had three kids with his first wife. He remarried and became a dad again at 48 (wife was 38 or 39 at the time). It was amazing to see how devoted he was to his little boy, and helped me through a really rough time in my life (my ex left me, but said he'd come back if I got my tubes tied). Bob would put pictures of his little guy where I could see them daily and tell me 'that's the best thing that ever happened to me. Don't give up your dream of kids to make someone else happy. Do what makes YOU happy".

Eighteen months later, I had my first! And he was absolutely right.

So, to paraphrase...if you want kids, don't give up that dream. You CAN have them later in life.

Suzanne

 

[babslittleones]

I didn't feel ready to have kids until I turned 29.

I was 29 when I had DD back in 1997.
I was 31 when I had DS back in 1999.
I was 35 when I had DD in May of 2003.
I will be 36 when I have DD or DS in the spring of 2004.

 

[Adrianna]

Thanks, this makes me feel a lot better about it, I was thinking I was seriously getting too old to think about this.

How hard is it to adopt? I mean financially, and how critical they are of a single woman wanting to adopt?

Also, what's this sperm bank stuff, maybe I should make a withdrawal if I can't find a suitable man to donate the natural way

 

[Steve H.]

Originally posted by Adrianna
How hard is it to adopt? I mean financially, and how critical they are of a single woman wanting to adopt?

Unfortunately, it would probably be really, really difficult to be approved as an adoptive parent if you would be a single mother. That, and it is a very expensive route to go.

Hang in there -- you've still got many good, childbirthing years ahead of you. You'll find someone -- I'm sure of it.

 

[RUDisney]

Steve, I respectfully disagree with your comments about anyone frowning on a single mom adopting. Maybe in the past, but I know of several women who have adopted children through the agency we used and it was no more difficult for them than us. The biggest concerns are that you can afford to raise them post-adoption and that you are emotionally ready and able to adopt.

It's not an inexpensive option, but at least you're guaranteed a child. There's no guarantee that donor sperm from a bank or man of your choice will work the first or fiftieth time you try.

Bottom line, don't be discouraged. You still have lots of options.

My Mom had me when she was 22 and my youngest sister when she was 46 and three more in between.... all with the same man.

 

[Steve H.]

I stand (well, sit, technically ) corrected -- thanks for the info.

 

[Adrianna]

Well if it's that expensive, it's not gonna happen for me, as money don't grow on trees by my house

I don't know if I'd even want to be a single mother, more like hoping I meet "THE guy" and think about a family, just don't want to wait too much longer, so if "he's" out there he best get his butt in gear and get oova here

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I have a friend who is single and adopted a baby. But like RUDisney it was a foreign adoption because she sat for a very long time on the American lists waiting for a Mother to choose her as the adoptive parent. She did consider adopting an older child, but was scared by many of the behavioral and developmental problems the Social Workers warned her about.

It is something that I would encourage you to think very long and hard about. Single parenting is rewarding but incredibly exhausting. I have always said that I could handle being a single parent financially, but time-wise it might run me into the grave. I don't have much of an extended family around to give me breaks, and if I didn't have a DH here to share in the parenting duties.....well I'm sure I would handle it, but it would be much harder.

But I agree with the others, you still have many childbearing years left. Statistically it is more genetically dangerous to have a child 40+, but by far most of those babies are still happy and healthy pregnancies.

 

[goofygirl]

Joan Lunden just had twins at 52 and I think thats way too old!
She'll be 70 when they graduate high school!

I personally 40 is too old. Its not "old" in general considering people live to 80plus, but its to old to bear children, IMHO. Regardless if many women having healthy pregnancies at that age, the fact remains that its still risky.


Have kids when you are READY. Don't have them just to "beat the clock."

Or you can stay childfree like me

 

[katerkat]

First, 20s? Way too young!

Second, I read a romance novel where a single guy and a single gal were approved to adopt children. Of course, they adopted a brother and sister and were brought together by the children.... *sigh, love* What? Wait - sorry. Went off track.

Third, DH's best friend is 23 with new 1- and 3-year old sisters. His dad remarried a late-30s woman and he's in his early 50s. I can't imagine being 50ish with infants/toddlers running around.

Fourth, I have heard that it gets harder to conceive in your 30s and beyond, plus complications are higher. I have a friend who is 33 and she and her husband have been trying for more than a year now. The older you get, the harder it is and the more risks there are.

That all being said, as long as you're ovulating, there's always a chance!

 

[Cindy B]

Originally posted by Adrianna
Thanks, this makes me feel a lot better about it, I was thinking I was seriously getting too old to think about this.

How hard is it to adopt? I mean financially, and how critical they are of a single woman wanting to adopt?

Actually I know of two single mothers that adopted.. and the agency did not bat an eye...


One adopted an Indian newborn little girl, and another adopted an older 7-8 year old Indian little girl.

Of course, not many want an older child, so that moms paperwork went right through.... and she got the girl within a year.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Best of luck whatever you decide!
I had my kids at 28, 31 and 34 (almost 35). Now I'm 40 with a 5 year old son and two older daughters. But everyone is different. Two years ago at my 20th reunion there were at least 3 people who already have grandchildren.
I have HS students who have parents who gave birth in their teens. To them, I am ancient. I'll be almost 53 when DS graduates HS, 5 years from retirement! But would I want a grandbaby right now? No way! I wanted a house and a master's degree before we even started. Luckily each time I got pregnant (and I lost my first at 12 weeks) we got pregnant right away.
My best friend from HS just got married last summer and his wife had their first baby in March when he was 40.
I do agree, though--Joan Lunden is crazy!
Robin M.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If I had to shout out a number I would say 50 is too old imho.

 

[Dream]

I had my 2nd when I was 37....I'm 45 now and would still consider another if the situation was right. Don't feel rushed!!

 

[clutter]

I had my dd when I was 38 and single. My married mom friends tend to be split between thinking I have a tougher time or an easier time because my family is just the two of us.

I also have a couple friends that married at 40 and had their first (only) at 42.

Good luck pondering your options.

 

[JESW]

I had my first at 35 and the second at 39. The first I got pregnant the 2nd month of trying. The second took 18 months, with three of them being on Clomid - after going through unexplained secondary infertility.

A good friend of mine had twin boys at 43. She got married after 40 and it took one ivf to get the boys. (She is a twin, and with fertility help it increased her odds of having twins.) She had just about given up on finding love and then was introduced to her future DH. (He was divorced with no kids - great guy AND a great father!)

It can be harder to get pregnant when you are older, but there are also many young women who have fertility problems. You never know what you will be like until you try.

Good luck to you with whatever you do!

Jill

 

[SDAngel101]

My mom had her first child at 30, 2nd at 32, 3rd at 34, 4th at 36 and 5th at 38. That is when she decided to stop working I realized that she treats my younger sister, whose 11, with alot less restrictions then the other moms that have children at that age. I personally believe that my mom is alot cooler then other peoples mothers (no offense everyone), because she is obviously used to being around children/teenagers.

I believe that if you are still able to give a child the proper care it needs, then you are not "too old".