How old is to old "BOYS" in ladies restroom?

[Enchanted4Ever]

Hi all! I have a question that's been nagging me. How old is to old for a little boy to continue going in the ladies bathroom with his mom if DH or their dad is not around to take them in the men's bathroom? My DS81/2 doesn't want to go in the ladies restroom anymore but depending on where we are and if I'm alone with him and my DD51/2 who is handicapped I take him with me. It usually takes me a while with DD being in a wheelchair when we are out to get her situated enough to potty and then go myself by that time DS would be long finished in the men's bathroom and standing around outside of it waiting for us. He is little for his age and unfortunately I have the stranger danger issues with him being alone especially at Disney, malls, movies, stores, restaurants, fairs etc.... DH says scope out the situation first which I do and sometimes let him go alone but mostly I take him with me and tell him to face the wall so he doesn't "see" anything. Any suggestions on how to handle this or if anyone is in the same situation please let me know what you do....Thanks

 

[MSSANDRA]

First, put on your thick skin as these threads tend to get hot debated and ugly fast. Some People think it's wrong to take a boy over 3 or 4 to the women's bathroom and some still take their 10 or 12 year old. Most fall in between somewhere. Take what information you can use and let the rest roll off your back. My thoughts: You are right on track. Eight is when I started to let my oldest go some on his own. It too depended on where we were and what the situation looked like. I felt better about letting him go at WDW, at that age, than at the local mall or movies. Your situation is a bit more complicated as his wait time alone would be longer. In my opinion, you are still fine ti take him with you if necessary at WDW, but he would be ok, waiting right outside the women's rest room too. I would use the baby care, or first aid area for your little one as much as possible as they are inside and your son could also use them and wait for you there. In other public places where you fell uncomfortable leaving him outside, I say take him with you and do just as you are doing. You will have people say he needed to be in the stall with you in the women's rest room, but reality is, I doubt he is going to FIT in there with two people and a wheel chair.
I have not let DS, who just turned 7, go alone in most public places yet, though he always goes with the guys if that is an option. We are just on that threshold where we will start allowing that a bit more in a few places. Good luck and stay strong

 

[kohlby]

My son was using the men's restrooms all the time at 8 with one exception. I took a trip by plane with my three kids without my husband one month after he turned 8. I was NOT going to send him into the men's restroom at Logan or JFK alone, though I would now at 10. There was also the issue that I needed to use the restroom more often than him and I didn't want him to wait alone outside of the restroom either. Also, though he was fine everywhere else at 8 - including Disney - some kids aren't and that's okay. He was very tall for his age which actually made it a little harder - people judge you for taking a child who looks older much more than a child who looks younger. I ignored the couple of looks I had at the airports since I knew I was doing what I needed to do for my comfort level.

My daughter is 7 but still won't go into the women's restroom alone. She's normally with me but she's occasionally been somewhere with my husband. So, she has to go into the men's if there's no family restroom. If she doesn't need to go, then she wait outside the restroom with the 10 year old. She's a freezer if something goes wrong while my eldest is a reactor. So, it may be a while longer until she's ready. My 4 year old son still comes in with me, though I have sent him in with my oldest son a couple of times. Like when I was in the middle of checking out at a store and the 4 year old had to go to the bathroom ASAP.

 

[Gorechick]

There are plenty of threads already about this. Do a search.

 

[ElenaRN]

Most bathrooms have an alcove when you first walk in. You can have him wait there. So he is not out in the crowd by himself, yet he's not all the way in the bathroom.

The other thing is, you can always use the family bathrooms or whatever they are called. There is usually only one at each restroom, so you may have to wait, but your whole family can go in together.

 

[Enchanted4Ever]

Thanks for your responses I really appreciate it. I was hoping for some other parents thoughts on this situation. And to reply to the response that there are threads about this I'm sorry if this start of a new one bothered anybody. I'm new to the dis boards. It was just a question that thought I could get sum insight on here. Believe me I will NOT start a thread again without more in dept SEARCHES. I will talk to my son and will explore all options of letting him go it alone from now on and hope for the best outcome. Again thanks for the responses.

 

[Badamon]

I wouldn't be concerned about what others think of your decision and "looks" you may get, you know your child best. As far as facing the wall inside the rest room I think it's silly. What is there to really see? Personal business is typically done in a stall. I started letting my two boys use the men's room when they started to be uncomfortable going in the ladies room, probably around 8ish and depending on where we were and how crowded. I still (they are 13 & 16!) remind them of the "rules" (I can't help it -) which are: no one should be touching each other, looking at each other or really even talking to each other in the men's room. If any of that is directed at you....leave right away! Now I just get a big groan from them and a sarcastic "yes, Mom!". A bit of a worry wart, I am!
Good luck!

 

[Enchanted4Ever]

Facing the wall does seem silly but I was trying my best not to offend anyone I've never gotten ill looks from anybody so far at those times when I've had him in the ladies restroom but I think it maybe because of my daughter being in a wheelchair and the hassle of dealing with that when the handicap stalls are occupied. Most people don't even pay us any mind. He only reluctantly comes in when we are in a very crowed place and he's so small most people might mistake him as being no more than 5 or barely 6. But from now on I'll let him try going solo a bit more and hope for the best.

 

[Enchanted4Ever]

Most bathrooms have an alcove when you first walk in. You can have him wait there. So he is not out in the crowd by himself, yet he's not all the way in the bathroom.

The other thing is, you can always use the family bathrooms or whatever they are called. There is usually only one at each restroom, so you may have to wait, but your whole family can go in together.

Thanks for the response and yes he does stand in that area at the front of those restrooms that have that extra space at times when the handicap stall is occupied or if he doesn't have to use it. And definitely when we can we use the family/companion restrooms.

 

[aaarcher86]

There are family bathrooms you could use so that all of you could be in the same place. I'd seek those out if possible. I'd personally be okay letting my 8 year old sit on a bench right outside the restroom and wait. If it would be a bit longer, possibly letting her play on my cell phone. It wouldn't offend me or bother me in the slightest, but my daughter would probably be a little uncomfortable with a boy her age in there.

Disney has said 10 and up is not permitted in opposite sex bathrooms so frankly, since Disney doesn't have a problem with it at 8 it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's up to you.

 

[iuki]

I have no problem with a boy standing at the entrance until his mother finds an available stall. The ones that I object to are those that peek under the stalls or through the openings of the door. There is the companion/family room available, but then you and your children would have no privacy from each other, unless you son faces the door while you and your daughter do your business.

 

[smitch425]

A word of advice, make sure if you send him in alone that there are no other exits. My son went into the restroom when Fantasmic was over and it was just the two of us. He knew to wait for me, but he came out of the wrong exit and we were separated for a good 10 minutes. The second exit was in a dark area at the back of the building, and he was completely alone. It was not a good moment to say the least.

 

[nighttowll]

Honestly, I get more frustrated with people who bring their toddlers or kindergarten age boys into the bathroom and then let them crawl around and look under all the stalls. An older kid standing quietly in the corner, I'd have no problem with. It's a bathroom with walls, not a public shower, that would be different.

I'd personally leave a kid that age alone close by, but not in some areas. It would just depend on the situation. I don't think he's too young at all to go on his own. However, if you don't feel comfortable better be safe than sorry. Better a few evil looks then a missing or hurt kid. So if you are uncomfortable leaving him alone, take him with you, because I can guarantee you that if anything was to happen, you'd never forgive yourself for not listening to your instincts.

 

[Enchanted4Ever]

A word of advice, make sure if you send him in alone that there are no other exits. My son went into the restroom when Fantasmic was over and it was just the two of us. He knew to wait for me, but he came out of the wrong exit and we were separated for a good 10 minutes. The second exit was in a dark area at the back of the building, and he was completely alone. It was not a good moment to say the least.

Thanks so much for this bit of info! I've never thought of the different exits before....I would totally lose it if I'm waiting for him and he doesn't come out after a while at the same time he would be losing it cause I didn't meet him at the exit not realizing it was a different exit....I will always be mindful of that now when he's going it alone. Again THANKS!!!

 

[kelconic]

Sounds to me like you are doing great. And the few times I have felt like I needed to bring my boy in the women's restroom (there are situations that just call for it!) I have done the same as you and asked him to stand against the wall or face the wall, not so he doesn't see anything but in an effort to not offend others.
Hugs to you, momma!

 

[luvmy3]

I think 8 and up is too old. Please remember that there are girls of all ages in that bathroom, not just us women who may not care about seeing an 8 year old boy in there.

 

[Enchanted4Ever]

Honestly, I get more frustrated with people who bring their toddlers or kindergarten age boys into the bathroom and then let them crawl around and look under all the stalls. An older kid standing quietly in the corner, I'd have no problem with. It's a bathroom with walls, not a public shower, that would be different.

I'd personally leave a kid that age alone close by, but not in some areas. It would just depend on the situation. I don't think he's too young at all to go on his own. However, if you don't feel comfortable better be safe than sorry. Better a few evil looks then a missing or hurt kid. So if you are uncomfortable leaving him alone, take him with you, because I can guarantee you that if anything was to happen, you'd never forgive yourself for not listening to your instincts.

I had to smile when you said about being frustrated at kids peeping under stalls even though its really not funny if you are sitting there and suddenly see a little face staring at you....But no my son thank goodness has never been a peeper. He's really quiet by nature anyways and usually just stands quiet waiting or plays with my phone.

 

[Enchanted4Ever]

I think 8 and up is too old. Please remember that there are girls of all ages in that bathroom, not just us women who may not care about seeing an 8 year old boy in there.

I will most definitely take that into consideration. DS has never looked at or spoken to anyone child or adult when in there but I can see how that would upset some parents and young girls. We always try and use companion or family restrooms when available or he goes in the mens restroom alone when its not to crowded of a place or I make him stand on the outside and hope for the best. But also note that it was never my intention to make others uncomfortable be it other ladies or girls. I've had the same issue of an awkward situation once when my hubby had to take my daughter in the men's room with him and son when I wasn't with them. She's in a wheelchair and could not sit on the outside alone. He did his best to turn her away so she didn't see anything. It's a tuff situation sometimes when faced with what to do or not to do as to keep my kids safe and also try hard not to offend anyone in the process. But I'll be more mindful of little girls and how they might feel seeing a "boy" in the restroom. I'll try more of him waiting on the outside and let him play with my phone depending of course on where we are/crowd level. I'm sure he will be happy not to have to go in or be in the ladies restroom as often also.

 

[Enchanted4Ever]

Sounds to me like you are doing great. And the few times I have felt like I needed to bring my boy in the women's restroom (there are situations that just call for it!) I have done the same as you and asked him to stand against the wall or face the wall, not so he doesn't see anything but in an effort to not offend others.
Hugs to you, momma!

Thanks I really appreciate your response. I truly never meant to offend anyone, just was thinking of safety when I felt it was necessary. Maybe he is getting to old but like one previous poster said, I would never forgive myself if that one time I left him alone was the wrong time to do it. As always if companion/family restrooms are unavailable I will continue to take in my surroundings and make the decision to leave him outside or take him in and see how it goes. I will also get his input on the surroundings and see what makes him feel more comfortable to do. Anyhow, I'm glad to know I have your support.

 

[Schmeck]

Walt Disney World has companion bathrooms for just this situation. You can give assistance to your daughter and have your son right there with you.

I don't think they have family bathrooms though - and there's a difference between the two. Companion bathrooms are ADA accessible, for disabled guests who need opposite gender assistance in the restroom, or require more space than a standard accessible stall in a regular restroom. There are very few at WDW, and they can be the only restrooms that some guests can use.