how often should grandparents see grandchildren?

[Grumpy's Gal]

Just curious to see what you think. My kids hardly EVER see their grandparents who live in the same town. When DH brought this up with my MIL, she said, "well, we're pretty busy - have a pretty full calendar."

Umm hmmmm. OK then!

How often do your kids see their grandparents?

(edited to add: grandparents are retired - so it's not due to jobs that they are unavailable.)

 

[lbgraves]

My parents are not part of our life so they don't count with this. The kids would have no idea who they are. ILs are 4 1/2 hours away. The kids love them but don't see them often. MIL has stage 4 colon cancer & is recovering from her 3rd tumor being removed & starting chemo once again. Although I really want to go up & help her, I know that her immune system cannot take being exposed to everything that the kids might bring with us from school. We probably see them 3-4 times a year.

 

[kilee]

My son see's my parents about 2-5 times per month. Sometimes more, but I'd say in all honesty never less. They live about 20 minutes away. Now my sister lives within a mile of my parents and I say her kids see our parents at least 2-3 times per week.

Now my son see's his paternal grandparents closer to once a month if that. But that's up to my ex to take care of (and he only lives 1/4 mile from his parents). Or they could call- I've never told them no.

 

[mamajoan]

We live far, far away.. from the grandkids My ds is stationed in Texas. We used to get to see them once .. maybe twice a year when we lived in CA. Now that we live in Illinois we are trying to see them 4 times a year-
minimum. The visits last about a week each. We talk to them at least once a week. We write letters to each of the kids and send "surprises" .. just little things like special postcards, pencils, yo-yo's.. etc...

I wish we lived closer to one another, but I think we do pretty good.

 

[MomofKatie]

My parents live 5 hours away, and DH's parents are 9 hours away, so DD only gets to see them a few times a year. She sees my mom and dad more often- probably once every month and a half or so. DH's parents both still work full time, so they come to our house once a year, and we go up there once or twice a year.

DD talks with both sets of grandparents on the phone all the time, though, so she knows them really well. We just live too far from either of them to see them frequently.

 

[ceiligh1]

My son has 3 sets of g-parents. We seem to have a rotation going that allows one set to see him every couple of weeks or so. The closest lives about 4 hours away and the furthest is 8hrs. They are all interested and try to keep in touch through email and blogs when they are not up here.

My own gparents on my dads side were wonderful, they would talk on the phone with me and we would spend weeks together. The best leave us too soon.

My g-parents on my mothers side were like your mil. Granted they lived 3 hrs away by plane but since they were always traveling that shouldnt have been a big deal to them. I mean if they can walk around Thailand you would think they could get by in Portland. But they would only come 1 every 2 years or so. I barely invited them to my wedding, my mom would have been hurt if I hadnt. Now they have time for me, since they dont want to travel anymore, they want to be in my sons life. To be honest I am still trying to decide if that is good for him or not. But I do find it is kind of funny that now that they finally have time for and want a relationship I could care less about it.

I know that it is hard on kids and you and your DH. I dont have any advice for you just - I have been there, as long as you try to reach out to them that is all you can do. If they are too busy, let the children get standin's at a local nursing home. THat way they can build relationships with elders who do have the time and would love the attention.

 

[beckmrk04]

We live far, far away.. from the grandkids My ds is stationed in Texas. We used to get to see them once .. maybe twice a year when we lived in CA. Now that we live in Illinois we are trying to see them 4 times a year-
minimum. The visits last about a week each. We talk to them at least once a week. We write letters to each of the kids and send "surprises" .. just little things like special postcards, pencils, yo-yo's.. etc...

I wish we lived closer to one another, but I think we do pretty good.

Just wanted to - I bet we're pretty close!

To the op- I don't have kids yet, but I live within 2 miles of my inlaws and 20 of my parents, so when I do have kids (hopefully we'll get pregnant this year!!)- they'll see both of them a lot, we're all very tight-knit.

 

[staci]

My parents live about 15 minutes away, and my mom sees ds almost everyday, my dad usually once a week.

My in-laws live about 40 minutes away, and we see them once a month, if that.

We use to live closer to them and further from my parents, and we still saw my parents much more, so we decided to move closer. In our old town, dh's grandmother lived about 10 blocks from us, and in the two years we lived there, she called us twice, both times to thank us for christmas cards I sent. We went to her house once. I ran into her at the grocery store once, and she only talked for about 2 minutes. I use to feel really weird about the situation, but their family is just not close.

Different families just do things differently I guess.

 

[texasthree]

My parents and inlaws live in michigan and we are stationed in texas. My son sees them atleast 4 times a year and usually for alteast 2 weeks. I am a sahm though so when my husband is going to be gone for any length of time I go home. My parents almost always pay for atleast one ticket or provide me with a free frequent flyer from their credit card. My inlaws live in the same town as my parents but we see them a little less. My FIL never comes to visit us so we see him about 4 times a year for one evening. My MIL visits us about once a year and we see her several times each visit we take to Michigan. She has also provided us with airfare money in the past.

Now this one year is a little less. We are taking a very expensive disney vacation/cruise so we are unable to afford more airfare to michigan. We saw my mother and sister in january but we wont see any family again until the end of summer.

 

[minkydog]

My DH grew up next door to his GM and it really was a wonderful experience--she was a very good Grandma. Not every Grandma is interested--my MIL(85) is like that. She loves the kids, but has never really wanted to do much with them. We live far away fom family, so we see the grandmas about 2-3 times a year. My mother(72) still drives, so she comes up to see us sometimes and she is always game to go camping with us.

 

[Sleepy]

Until we moved far far away, my son saw my parents almost on a daily basis and spent every weekend with them. (they lived in same town). Before they moved to the same town as we, we spent weekends together. Now, we visit about one time a year (not by choice). My mother is lost without my son. If she was not working, she would be visiting here all the time. Only to see my son.

 

[shortbun]

Sadly, my parents have never 'connected' with my son. Their lives were always too busy to be very interested. Oh, we see them on holidays and some birthdays. My husband's parents make up for it though, they live 3 hours away and we see them all the time. My son once called his fraternal grandparents "my real grandma and grandpa." That pretty much sums it up.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

My parents live in CO and my ILs in FLA. Great vacation opportunities but with limited days a year it really cuts into our visiting time. My DD is definitely closer to my parents but everyone makes an effort there. She calls them all the time. I programmed their phone number into the phone so all she has to do is hit "the Nana button". The phone is in the den so sometimes she calls and I don't know about it. Problem is, there is a 2 hour time difference. Thank goodness they don't mind being woken up at 5 a.m. We see my parents at least 2 weeks at Christmas. My DM tries to make it in more often since she doesn't officially work. We try to make it out there at least every other year. It stinks but they speak often, almost daily. My dad also sends postcards to each grandchild every Monday. Its great for the GK but I have postcards all over my house.
My ILs almost never come to visit. They moved to FL in the early 90s and have been to my home once in 8 years. That trip was last month when I paid for it for their other son's big birthday party. They do speak to DD occassionally on the phone but the closeness isn't there. Not their fault, just their personality. She does love all her grandparents and loves to visit with all of them so that's a good thing. I wish everyone was physically closer. We would definitely see them more often.

 

[Freyja]

I can´t see that there is any way how things "should" be. I think it various a lot between families. My family is very close and they all live close by so my kids see my dad 3-10 times each month.

However, DH´s family is not as close. My MIL lives quite far away, approx. 5 hour drive and my kids see her probably 4-5 times each year. FIL lives 20 min. away but the kids don´t see him more often.

 

[C.Ann]

Well I live with my DGD and her family, so I see her every day - except when I head up to the lake for the season - then I see her every weekend.. The other grandparents only live about a mile from here, so they see her at least 5 times a week, if not more..

However, when I lived 22 miles from here I was only able to see my DGD maybe once a week (and usually for an overnight) or once every 2 weeks..

I do know some grandparents who rarely see their grandchildren because their lives are so busy.. They have waited a long time to retire, travel, and spend one-on-one time with each other and I don't begrudge them that.. As long as they keep some kind of contact with their grandchildren I don't see it as being a huge problem..

 

[kaylajr]

My girls see my MIL as little as possible
we just don't get along and she is toxic to all she touches
so i would say maybe 5 or 6 times a year
when FIL was alive it was at least 1 time a month


My parents are a different story
the girls see them several times a week and normally spend at least one over night at there house a week

 

[Marseeya]

We live about a block away from my parents, so the kids see them several times a week. My parents have always made an effort to be close to their grandkids (my 2 and my sister's 1). It just seems natural to me because we were close to my grandparents as well.

My in-laws, on the other hand, don't seem to be too interested in being grandparents. They live six hours away, but there are so many little things you can do to remain close, but they don't. MIL had a child a little later in life who's the same age as DS, so maybe that accounts for her attitude. FIL (they're divorced) tries, but I think it's difficult for him. It really disappoints me, because in the early days, we tried reaching out to MIL for the kids' sakes. We'd send her pictures and letters and would call her. No reciprocation at all.

We also got a scanner (this was a long time ago when it was a bigger deal to have a scanner) so we could send her pics through e-mail. We put an end to that. During one of our annual visits, MIL had a dinner and the GPIL were there. They were asking about pictures, so we asked MIL to show them what we sent on the computer. It turned out that she deleted them to make room for pics of her dogs.

 

[slo]

My whole family lives in the same town too. With our family, it depends on what time of year it is on how much my kids see their grandparents.

When it's cold, they see their grandparents probably once a week. That just because it gets dark out earlier and no one wants to be out in the cold.

When it's warm, we see them alot - sometimes several times a week. My parents and my husbands parents know that we never mind if they "drop in". So if they are driving around, it's a nice day and they know we are in the pool or just home, they'll stop by to say hi.

 

[Disney Doll]

Some people can live in the same town and not have a close relationship and some people can live thousands of miles away and have a close relationship. It really depends on a person's desire and the amount of effort they are willing to make.

There are a lot of things these days that make it much easier to have a close relationship-FAXes, e-mails, scanners to send photos etc.

 

[RF536]

My kids see my DH's parents 4-5 times a week, since MIL watches them for 3 hours a day to cover the time btwn DH going to work and me getting home. Since DFIL is also home during most of this time they get to spend quality time with both of them.

The kids see my parents at least 1 once a week, normally more often dependig on everyone's schedules.

They also have 3 sets of great grandparents that they see several times a year, so my kids are very lucky to have a lot of family close by who are active in their lives.