How Much Should We Expect 19yr Old To Contribute? (a little long!!)

[Tinkerbelll]

My family is going to WDW in August. Cast is Me(22), DBF(27), DM, DF, DS(19), and DB(14). I will be paying for myself in full. My parents, who are not wealthy by any means and will be struggling a bit to fund this vacation, will be paying for my brother (who is, in reality, just too young for a "real" job). They are facing a dilemma, however, when it comes to my sister. She will be almost 20 years old and have a full time job over the summer. She doesn't have any real bills to pay (no rent, food, etc.). So, all of the money that she makes during the summer will be pocket money for her to spend on what she chooses.

As a side note, by the end of the summer, the amount of money DS will make should be equal to about twice what it will cost for her share of the vacation. Now the hard question ... how much should she be expected to contribute to the trip?

Say it costs $1000.00 pp (which isn't that far off from the actual price )... should she be expected to pay half ($500.00)? 75% ($750.00)? Don't get me wrong, everyone WANTS her to go. But, my parents just cannot afford to pay for her as well as my brother. My sister always seems very excited and happy when talking about our summer trip, but when we have had family discussions about her contributing some of the money she makes over the summer to the trip, it doesn't seem to be very well received. She always ends up responding with "Oh I won't have the money so I guess I can't go." She will be making the money, but there are other things she wants to buy like "clothes and things for her dorm room" etc. It is almost as if she wants to go, but doesn't want to go badly enough to put any of her money into it. My parents are afraid that she is expecting them to feel guilty and pay for her whole trip, even though she will be making more money than it will cost for her entire trip before we leave... My parents are willing to help her out, just not willing (or able... or both?) to give her a free ride. They would love to pay for all six of us to go (DBF included! ), but at this point, it is just not possible for them.

Long story short, what would you do? Would you set a dollar amount for her to meet so that if she wants to go, she will save her money and reach that amount? If she decides that it is not worth it for her to save the money, how would you come to terms with going without her? Opinions please!!!

 

[slo]

I would sit down with your sister and have a very serious conversation about how your parents will have a hard time affording her to go on vacation, and how she should step up and pay for 1/2 her way. Maybe she doesn't really understand the financial situation your parents are in. I know at age 19 I had no idea about my parents finances.

If she seems put out and doesn't want to do that - then it's between your parents and her on what happens. If your parents choose to pay for her 100%, what are you going to do. It would be frustrating to watch, but what can you do. Hopefully your sister will bring her own spending money.

Good luck!!!

 

[sue1013]

Sounds like your sister is a college student. I would never expect my college students to pay to go on a family vacation. If your DS is like my kids the money they make over the summer they use for spending money throughout the school year. If your parents MUST make her pay then it's her decision if she wants to spend her money on a family vacation or other things. Since you said it was brought up before and she said she won't have the money then that's her choice.

 

[patsal]

Well, that is a tricky one--and I'm kind of thinking of things as I write so maybe they are all bad ideas or maybe one would work . One of the things that I like to do is make things appear as fair as they can be. Even if your brother doesn't work he may have some ways of earning cash like his allowance, or odd jobs that he may do or money he has rec'd as gifts. IF your parents told both of your siblings that they needed to contribute to the vacation in order for the family to be able to go and asked each to pitch in 50% of thier earnings form now until the vacation maybe that would work. It is an equitable amount 50%, but your brother who has little to no money will not be locked into an amount and your sister will be in a similiar position though her amount will be much higher. If they pull this money when the receive it it will be even less painful. For example this week her check is $120.00 so she gives $60 which is placed into an envelope or even better into the family vacation account. When brother gets $10 for allowance his 5 comes out,etc. The family vacation fund can be opened now and closed just before vacation. As an aside maybe your parents can say that all extra money that they get will go into the fund--all rebate checks, etc.

As for coming to terms with her not going, well, as kids age it is never easy to "leave them out" but it is a reality. She may feel that she doesn't want to spend her money on this and should not be forced to. She is an adult and if she doesn't want to go on the family vacation she should not have to. Sorry but for for me to judge a 19 year old who I dont' know enough about--is she a college student? Does she have a car and need the money for all the college extras, and car insurance, maintainence, and really can't afford a vacation? Been there, never able to go on Spring break becausue the car needed tires and car insuranace was due. Honestly, if it is a family vacation then I guess I'd expect that the parents paid for the whole vacation for all kids--fair again(boyfriends excluded). My parents never took us on a Disney vacation it was just not a reality --come to think of it we never went on vacations. Now my parents go, they can afford it--sometimes with us (we all pay our own way) and sometimes without. They entertain the idea that they may take my sister and her kids and pay--part of me says isn't that wonderful and the bratty little kid in me says nofair--I always have to pay my own way! Either way I can see it from your sister's perspective as well.

 

[goofymom23]

Maybe instead of giving her a set amount you could tell her what she has to pay. This will give her more control over her vacation. An example...Your parents could invite her to stay in their room on a cot (if she wants her own room she is welcome to pay for it) and they could pay for her breakfast and dinner (she will most likely be on her own during lunch and she can pay for what ever she wants), when it comes to tickets they can offer to pay for 2 days and then if she wants more days she can pay for them. This way she can go on the vacation and she can decide how much fun she wants to have. It is her money and she should get to choose what she spends it on instead of someone deciding her schedule for her (unless of course that someone is paying for it and then she should just be along for the ride) Enjoy your trip and don't let this spoil it.

 

[antmaril]

My son is finishing his freshman year of college. He is 19. I would never consider asking him to contribute to a family vacation. He has a summer job and will save most of it. We are happy he wants to join us and are happy to pay his way. Now, once he's graduated college and gets a "real" job, he's on his own, of course. Someday, I hope he takes me to Disney World

 

[fwm]

Sounds like your sister is a college student. I would never expect my college students to pay to go on a family vacation. If your DS is like my kids the money they make over the summer they use for spending money throughout the school year. If your parents MUST make her pay then it's her decision if she wants to spend her money on a family vacation or other things. Since you said it was brought up before and she said she won't have the money then that's her choice.

I agree. If cost is a problem, then you could also shorten the trip to 5 or 6 days.

 

[Antonia]

I've always paid my son's way at that age.

 

[Tinkerbelll]

Sounds like your sister is a college student. I would never expect my college students to pay to go on a family vacation. If your DS is like my kids the money they make over the summer they use for spending money throughout the school year. If your parents MUST make her pay then it's her decision if she wants to spend her money on a family vacation or other things. Since you said it was brought up before and she said she won't have the money then that's her choice.

Oops, forgot to mention that. Yes, she is a college student....going into her sophomore year ... and so am I (a senior, graduating in December, Magna Cum Laude!! whoohooo!! ).

And your children are very lucky that you can afford to not "expect" them to contribute to their share of your vacations. I'm sure that my parents wish that they could afford to take us all on vacation, and I hope that one day I can offer my children that same luxury as they go through college. But I guess life doesn't always work out that way .

 

[goofy4tink]

That's a tough call. It's wonderful that you, and your BF, are able to pay your way. That's very responsible...and congrats on the terrific grades!!! But, as for your sister....If it were me, I would agree to pay for a set amount for her. I assume she is living at home, rent free? Do your parents pay for her food and such? Does she contribute anything to the family expenses at home?
If she is not paying anything toward those expenses, I would be very hesitent to pay for her whole trip. She needs to be responsible for something. If she is sharing a room, perhaps she could pay a percentage towards that? And some towards her park passes?
I have to ask...are you living at home, or away from home? I'm assuming that you are out of the house, from the sounds of it. I would tell your sister that she has to pay 50% of her expenses. If she can't, or won't, then tell her you'll send her some nice postcards from WDW. Parents shouldn't have to pay 100% for their adult kids if it's going to put a strain on their budgets. I know my mom loved to pay for my dd and I when we all traveled together, but we always paid something towards it so she wasn't strapped...no matter what she said!!!

 

[disnut8]

This is a very tricky situation. Here's a couple of different situations. My in-laws are wonderful people. For our anniversary/Christmas present this past December, they took us on a Disney cruise. They paid for the cruise itself. I did all the planning but had my mother-in-law set the guidelines. How long of a trip (she wanted seven days) and what cabin level(s). She determined two cabins and they got a verandah room while we had one with a big porthole. Of course, all meals were included but we were responsible for everything "extra". Bar drinks, meals on shore that were not included, souvenirs, etc. They did pay for the standard tips but we added extra cash for the service as we saw fit. All that was understood before we even left shore.

My son and his family are extremely cash poor. Both are full time college students and my son also has an almost full time job at a movie theatre. They aren't rolling in dough. Again, the in-laws stepped in two years ago and gave us all a trip to Disney World for Christmas. They paid for the airfare for my son and his wife and stepdaughter. They also paid for the rooms. We went very cheap. My son set up his air trip with two layovers to save money. We went with two rooms at the All Star - one with an Annual Passholder rate and one rack rate. Everyone was sort of on their own with funds. We did as much as we could for our son and his family but we weren't pulling out our debit card all the time. In fact, my daughter-in-law didn't even want to eat out because she knew we'd pay for it!

Actually, I don't think it's your sister you need to talk to. It's your parents. Ask them what they feel comfortable with "providing". Then go from there. Even with having to talk about finances on each of the situations I've noted, both trips were absolutely fantastic! There were no misunderstandings about anything. I wouldn't say put a price tag on this for your sister. Just tell her what will be included.

Very difficult situation but I've found with my family, even though we have those generous in-laws, we respect them and don't take advantage. We're just darn grateful!

 

[Cynt]

I'm glad somebody brought this up. I have a 19 yr sis as well and we're going on vacation next summer. I haven't even thought about whose going to pay for her. I guess I just assumed she was going to pay for herself. I need to make a mental note to ask my mom about this.

IMHO I think your DS can contribute something. Even if it's just paying for her own meals or tickets. Saving a couple of hundred dollars for this won't break the bank for her. Being responsible is part of growing up. My freshman year in college is when I realized my parents were the working middle class. They had $0 to send me to college and they didn't plan ahead, so there wasn't a college fund for me to use. It was a rude awakening. I wanted to go to college and stay in college and graduate. So I cut out everything that I couldn't afford and lived on the bare minimum those 5 years. It was hard and I'm still paying back student loans. But I value my education more than anything because I had to pay for it. I learned so many valuable lessons. And like another poster mentioned, I didn't go on Spring Breaks because there was usually something that needed to be done so I was working and pulling extra hours during Spring Break.

 

[dbal]

Tinkerbelll - You sound like a very mature and independent young lady. I think it's wonderful at YOUR age that you understand your parents finances and are contributing.
I agree w/ some other posters about sitting down w/ your sister and having a very specific talk about how much this is really going to cost. It's hard to wrap your head around how expensive these vacations are when you have never paid for one.
Maybe then, your family can decide what is the best way for her to contribute. It sure will be a great lesson in budgeting for her.
I understand alot of posters feel that a college student is still too young to pay their own way, but thats not always financially feasible for every family. Good luck.

 

[babar41]

Tinkerbell... Magna Cum Laude? WOW! You must have worked very hard for this! Congrats!

As far as your sister is concerned, my heart goes out to you. You are obviously old enough and mature enough to realize the $$ issue of life. The trick now is getting your sister to be as mature and wise as you!

If she has never been expected to pay for anything in the past, this can be a very rude awakening, so I suggest going softly at first.

Figure out the finances first. Exactly what is her actual share of the trip. In other words, how much does her being their actually increase the cost of the trip? Where you are staying, does the number of people effect the price? If it increases the price by $10 a night, then add the $10 a night to her bill, not 50% of the room charge. If on the other hand another room has to be gotten to for her, then add 100% of the room charge. Figure out her food cost and charge her for 50% of it, assuming your parents would normally be feeding her at home. If you are driving to WDW, then her being in the car is not increasing the cost. If you are flying, her ticket should be added to her tab.

Armed with this information, you as her big sister should talk to her without parents being around. Explain to her how this trip is important to your parents, but that you know financially it is going to be tough for them to do. That is why you are paying for your part. You realize she is a "poor college student" (never met a college student that didn't claim to be poor but yet had more discrecinary money than I have!) but you really feel like she needs to help Mom and Dad on the $$'s, and you know Mom and Dad would appreciate it. Then show her how much her going increases the trip cost. The rest is up to her.

You have to be prepared for her choosing not to go. At 19 it might be hard for her to give up the clothes and dorm decorations she has planned for her future earnings.

As far as your 14 year old brother is concerned, I think he is old enough to be expected to bring his own "spending money", to buy what ever he wants (shirt, hat...). It is a great time and way to teach him to work towards a goal. He might save his allowance, do odd jobs, mow the neighbors yard... but he should be expected to spend his own money for any souv's he wants to buy.

Just my suggestion. Advice is what you pay for it, mine is free which means my advice is worthless. My credientials are, between my DH and myself we have raised 6 children (his, mine, and ours... ours was a cocker spaniel for good reason!) and we have 11 grandchildren.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[Antonia]

How much did you pay when your family went on vacation when you were 19? I would use that as a guide. I believe you are the older sister so you probably have some history to go on.

 

[TAKitty]

I am 30 and taking my sister and her friend to DW this summer. They will have both finished their freshman year of college (19 and 20 years old). I am paying for my sister's trip. I am making her friend pay for air, her tickets, and $60.00 for food. I am picking up the dining plan and the hotel for her.

Have you talked with your parents? How do you know they are struggling to fund the vacation? Maybe you guys will have to cancel this year and save for a year and go next year. In any event, I think that your parents should be the one to approach your sister if they want money from her, or they will have to decide how to fund the family vacation. You are, after all, still their child. I am sure that they will manage this and may already have a plan.

I do hope that this works out for you!

 

[mickeyfan2]

Sounds like your sister is a college student. I would never expect my college students to pay to go on a family vacation. If your DS is like my kids the money they make over the summer they use for spending money throughout the school year. If your parents MUST make her pay then it's her decision if she wants to spend her money on a family vacation or other things. Since you said it was brought up before and she said she won't have the money then that's her choice.

I agree.

 

[disneyjunkie]

This is a very tricky situation. Here's a couple of different situations. My in-laws are wonderful people. For our anniversary/Christmas present this past December, they took us on a Disney cruise. They paid for the cruise itself. I did all the planning but had my mother-in-law set the guidelines. How long of a trip (she wanted seven days) and what cabin level(s). She determined two cabins and they got a verandah room while we had one with a big porthole. Of course, all meals were included but we were responsible for everything "extra". Bar drinks, meals on shore that were not included, souvenirs, etc. They did pay for the standard tips but we added extra cash for the service as we saw fit. All that was understood before we even left shore.

My son and his family are extremely cash poor. Both are full time college students and my son also has an almost full time job at a movie theatre. They aren't rolling in dough. Again, the in-laws stepped in two years ago and gave us all a trip to Disney World for Christmas. They paid for the airfare for my son and his wife and stepdaughter. They also paid for the rooms. We went very cheap. My son set up his air trip with two layovers to save money. We went with two rooms at the All Star - one with an Annual Passholder rate and one rack rate. Everyone was sort of on their own with funds. We did as much as we could for our son and his family but we weren't pulling out our debit card all the time. In fact, my daughter-in-law didn't even want to eat out because she knew we'd pay for it!

Actually, I don't think it's your sister you need to talk to. It's your parents. Ask them what they feel comfortable with "providing". Then go from there. Even with having to talk about finances on each of the situations I've noted, both trips were absolutely fantastic! There were no misunderstandings about anything. I wouldn't say put a price tag on this for your sister. Just tell her what will be included.

Very difficult situation but I've found with my family, even though we have those generous in-laws, we respect them and don't take advantage. We're just darn grateful!

OT

Do you have tons of trip reports on Mouseplanet? If so, I love reading your reports.


Please don't think I'm crazy. I use the trip reports to get my Disney fix between trips.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

Maybe instead of giving her a set amount you could tell her what she has to pay. This will give her more control over her vacation. An example...Your parents could invite her to stay in their room on a cot (if she wants her own room she is welcome to pay for it) and they could pay for her breakfast and dinner (she will most likely be on her own during lunch and she can pay for what ever she wants), when it comes to tickets they can offer to pay for 2 days and then if she wants more days she can pay for them. This way she can go on the vacation and she can decide how much fun she wants to have. It is her money and she should get to choose what she spends it on instead of someone deciding her schedule for her (unless of course that someone is paying for it and then she should just be along for the ride) Enjoy your trip and don't let this spoil it.

I am with your idea. That is what I would do. I have 19, 17 & 13 year olds. My 19 never wants to travel with us anymore. In the event we forced him to go, we would pay everything. Now, there have been times that he wanted to go but take friends & get their own room. He wanted me to pay for everything for him except the room (since him & his friends were splitting it). Mind you, I did't plan the trip, he was & aske me to go so I would pay for him You can imagine what I told him

 

[Mish]

My daughter is 21 and in College. When we go away I pay her way. This trip a friend of hers in coming and they are getting their own room so I told her she is responsible for the room. I will pay for her food and air. And I told her since she is working full time this summer she can bring her own spending money. Last year when we went on a cruise she shared a room with my SIL and I paid her share she again only had to save her spening money.