Haven't been on the DIS in well over a week, despite coming on every day. We have been dealing with a major family emergency as my dad has been admitted to the psychiatric ward.
For the past 2 years, we have had lots of heartaches to deal with.
DH and I had a miscarriage, but were blessed by God with our beautiful boy, and ever since his baptism at 4 months (he just turned 2), my grandmother has been in hospital/nursing home with various illnesses, 2 days after that, my aunt (only in her 40s) was diagnosed with cancer. Ever since then, life has been very hard for my dad, as he spends most of the days by my grandmother's bedside (this is a major bone of contention between he and my mom). My grandpa just died in July, 2 days before our Disney trip, so my parents have also been dealing with selling his properties here and in Florida, as well as estate issues. Life has been very busy for them, as dad owns several businesses, and mom works for the government. They are still young, at only 59 and 61, but very active and busy.
I have a younger sis, who is married and my BIL is in business with my dad. My nieces and sis have emotional/mood disorders (medication and such) - there is a strong family history on both sides of our family of mental illnesses. My dad has struggled with anxiety, depression and anger his whole life, but never handled it as he doesn't believe in psychiatry, drugs, etc. He constantly worries about my sis and nieces, as well as money, etc. My parents are well off (no mortgage for the last 30 years), but due to bad business dealings in the past couple of years, and losing money in the stock market, my parent's portfolio, although still pretty strong, has taken a hit, so dad is not happy about that. Nothing is never enough for him, as he is always searching for more...
Over the past month, they were working on a big construction job, that my dad believes he has totally ruined. This caused him to have a mental break, as he was already worn down from so many family and obligations. Sis and I took him to doc's last week, and within minutes the ambulance came, and he has been in hospital ever since. Our lives have been seriously disrupted and this is hard as DH and I are very good parents who put our kids first with schedules, bedtimes, etc. I have been running between work and the hospital, and I so tired...
My problem is with how others are handling this. I am a Special Education teacher, so I have lots of experience with kids with mental illnesses, drugs, mood issues, etc., but my mom is in denial, and always has been has she had an abusive childhood. My aunt and uncle whom I have had very explicit conversations with about what to say and not to say, are not abiding with it either. Even my sis, who is a trained clinical therapist, is struggling at times with agitating dad. I, and my hubby are the only ones who are not agitation him, and who actually seem to understand the severity of the situation. I am extremely rational and reasonable, and have never struggled with any mood or emotional issues, so I am doing very well with handling my dad. Problem is I work full time, have 2 young children and a busy hubby. My sis, BIL and nieces are on their way to WDW, for a vacation that has been planned for a long while now. At the risk of causing my nieces serious anxiety episodes, we all decided it was best for them to go.
The problem is that now I'm in charge of my dad's care, with my mom. She just called to say that dad can come home for a weekend pass. I don't think this is a good idea at all - dad hasn't said he wants to, but mom seems to be pushing. She said the hospital said he needs to, but I highly doubt this as I got a different feeling from the doc the other day. Dad is complying with meds (this is huge) and knows he needs to stay, so not sure about coming home... We are running out of excuses to give my grandmother about where her son is and so this is also causing dad anxiety.
I'm so confused as to what to do. My parents have a huge house, which is messy and sloppy as that is how dad has always been, so I now have to figure out how to clean it up without much help. DH and I are always alone as his family is a disaster as well, so we don't have babysitters, so kids would have to come with us. We are sheltering DD from this, as she is very smart - she is still upset about my grandpa's passing last month, so we have told her that grandpa is getting tests in hospital. Kids saw him last night for a 30 mins pass to the hospital garden, but he was pretty out of it...
Anyone else in the same situation? What do you do about the family? I am very religious and spiritual, so this is really helping me. I also am not surprised (as other family members are, not sure why?) as I have been saying since I was a little girl, that my dad was off. It was very difficult having him for a dad as he is extremely paranoid, phobic and depressed. We couldn't do anything as kids for fear of death, illness or being hurt. Very hard...
I know that I need to do what is best for dad, and now that my sis is gone, I have to really hold down the fort, as it was very hard for her to leave (she herself had to take extra medication), so I can't have anything happen on my watch, but my mom is a difficult person. She is guarded, sarcastic, repressive and in denial, and none of these characterisitics are good for dad. She is fighting me at times with what to say to dad, and I almost had to kick her out of his room yesterday as she was being so nasty. She herself also needs counselling, but that's another post all in itself.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would love to hear them, or, if anyone can spare any extra prayers for our family, I would forever be grateful.
Thanks for reading such a long post, Tiger
For the past 2 years, we have had lots of heartaches to deal with.
DH and I had a miscarriage, but were blessed by God with our beautiful boy, and ever since his baptism at 4 months (he just turned 2), my grandmother has been in hospital/nursing home with various illnesses, 2 days after that, my aunt (only in her 40s) was diagnosed with cancer. Ever since then, life has been very hard for my dad, as he spends most of the days by my grandmother's bedside (this is a major bone of contention between he and my mom). My grandpa just died in July, 2 days before our Disney trip, so my parents have also been dealing with selling his properties here and in Florida, as well as estate issues. Life has been very busy for them, as dad owns several businesses, and mom works for the government. They are still young, at only 59 and 61, but very active and busy.
I have a younger sis, who is married and my BIL is in business with my dad. My nieces and sis have emotional/mood disorders (medication and such) - there is a strong family history on both sides of our family of mental illnesses. My dad has struggled with anxiety, depression and anger his whole life, but never handled it as he doesn't believe in psychiatry, drugs, etc. He constantly worries about my sis and nieces, as well as money, etc. My parents are well off (no mortgage for the last 30 years), but due to bad business dealings in the past couple of years, and losing money in the stock market, my parent's portfolio, although still pretty strong, has taken a hit, so dad is not happy about that. Nothing is never enough for him, as he is always searching for more...
Over the past month, they were working on a big construction job, that my dad believes he has totally ruined. This caused him to have a mental break, as he was already worn down from so many family and obligations. Sis and I took him to doc's last week, and within minutes the ambulance came, and he has been in hospital ever since. Our lives have been seriously disrupted and this is hard as DH and I are very good parents who put our kids first with schedules, bedtimes, etc. I have been running between work and the hospital, and I so tired...
My problem is with how others are handling this. I am a Special Education teacher, so I have lots of experience with kids with mental illnesses, drugs, mood issues, etc., but my mom is in denial, and always has been has she had an abusive childhood. My aunt and uncle whom I have had very explicit conversations with about what to say and not to say, are not abiding with it either. Even my sis, who is a trained clinical therapist, is struggling at times with agitating dad. I, and my hubby are the only ones who are not agitation him, and who actually seem to understand the severity of the situation. I am extremely rational and reasonable, and have never struggled with any mood or emotional issues, so I am doing very well with handling my dad. Problem is I work full time, have 2 young children and a busy hubby. My sis, BIL and nieces are on their way to WDW, for a vacation that has been planned for a long while now. At the risk of causing my nieces serious anxiety episodes, we all decided it was best for them to go.
The problem is that now I'm in charge of my dad's care, with my mom. She just called to say that dad can come home for a weekend pass. I don't think this is a good idea at all - dad hasn't said he wants to, but mom seems to be pushing. She said the hospital said he needs to, but I highly doubt this as I got a different feeling from the doc the other day. Dad is complying with meds (this is huge) and knows he needs to stay, so not sure about coming home... We are running out of excuses to give my grandmother about where her son is and so this is also causing dad anxiety.
I'm so confused as to what to do. My parents have a huge house, which is messy and sloppy as that is how dad has always been, so I now have to figure out how to clean it up without much help. DH and I are always alone as his family is a disaster as well, so we don't have babysitters, so kids would have to come with us. We are sheltering DD from this, as she is very smart - she is still upset about my grandpa's passing last month, so we have told her that grandpa is getting tests in hospital. Kids saw him last night for a 30 mins pass to the hospital garden, but he was pretty out of it...
Anyone else in the same situation? What do you do about the family? I am very religious and spiritual, so this is really helping me. I also am not surprised (as other family members are, not sure why?) as I have been saying since I was a little girl, that my dad was off. It was very difficult having him for a dad as he is extremely paranoid, phobic and depressed. We couldn't do anything as kids for fear of death, illness or being hurt. Very hard...
I know that I need to do what is best for dad, and now that my sis is gone, I have to really hold down the fort, as it was very hard for her to leave (she herself had to take extra medication), so I can't have anything happen on my watch, but my mom is a difficult person. She is guarded, sarcastic, repressive and in denial, and none of these characterisitics are good for dad. She is fighting me at times with what to say to dad, and I almost had to kick her out of his room yesterday as she was being so nasty. She herself also needs counselling, but that's another post all in itself.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would love to hear them, or, if anyone can spare any extra prayers for our family, I would forever be grateful.
Thanks for reading such a long post, Tiger
