How much harder are 2 kids vs. 1?

[Not so Dumbo]

I haven't read all of the post so maybe others have said this aready...
A lot depends on the age difference between the kids. If they are close they will eventually entertain eachother and also fight with each other. After we had our second ds we had to put him on a schedule/routine and that made a huge difference also. I would recommend the book Baby Wise. This book was great just for the routine part, even if you don't agree with all of it. Within a week after I had read it ds 2months was sleeping 10 hours at night. We used this again with our third child dd 3months and again it worked great.

As the kids get older, doing things twice won't be any different than doing it once. ie. making 2 sandwiches instead of one. that kind of thing.

It's not until you have three that it really throws a wrench into things.

 

[MEM]

Our DS is 20 months old. I am 37 (will be 38 in March) and if we're going to have another, we want to start trying by the first of the year. We always thought we'd have 2, but we had no idea how hard the first one would be. He was colicy for the first few months, and up until about 3 months ago he still woke at least once a night. We're just wondering - are 2 really that much harder? I've heard different things - like two are just as easy as one. And then other parents say that having 2 kids is 10 times harder. Space isn't an issue - we have a new larger home. Finances may be a bit tricky right now but DS's daycare cost will drop a lot soon. Really time and energy are the big factors. Any advice?

By the way - I am an only child and I had a great childhood. DH has a sister and also had a great childhood.

I had my first at 35 and was told if I wanted a second child, not to wait. So, we didn't! DD was born 20 months after DS. DS had feeding issues
which made breastfeeding impossible but he thrived on formula. DD was the easiest baby ever. When DS was diagnosed with autism at age 3, we were glad we did not wait to have DD. They are now 12 and 10 and best friends who benefit from each other's unique gifts.

I worked full-time throughout both pregnancies and DH stayed home with them when I went back to work after a few weeks' leave.

DH is an only child who always wanted at least four kids. I am one of four and only ever wanted two.

 

[MulanFan]

We (sadly) only have one DD. I wanted to have 2, about 2-3 years apart, but that wasn't meant to be. One consideration I had (which I don't know if anyone brought up yet) was that we had DD later in life compared to the average (37/38). I wanted DD to have a direct family member after we are gone, especially since our closest family is 8 hours away so she won't be growing up with them. I'm afraid that she would be lonely as she gets older. I too struggled with the question, because she was colicky etc. and the first few months were hard, plus we're still struggling with sleep issues (she's 2 and a half). In the end, it depends on you and your family. If you have an extended family nearby, that would be very helpful and make it easier. If not, it'll be harder. Good luck!

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I would not say that having children close together guarantees that they will be close. My siblings and I are very close in age (4 kids born in 4.5 years), and we used to fight a lot! As adults we are all very different, and while we don't fight anymore, we are not terribly close.

I've seen families with same-sex siblings who are very close, and others who were in competition with each other their entire lives and continue it as adults.

I think how you deal with sibling rivalry, and raise them to respect one another will make a greater difference in how close they are.

 

[dijid]

Have you ever heard the expression, "You'll know when your family is complete"? My mother used to say that to me. I never really got it until a few years ago.

My first DD Was an *easy* baby. Very portable and adaptable. Our lifestyle didn't change all that much until DS came along 22 months later. He was a lot of work. Medical problems caused him to be very fussy/cry a lot. But I still felt our family was too small. I thought I wanted 4 kids.

Then along came #3. With 3 kids ages 4 and under, it was harder than I had expected. Then we hit our groove and I realized 3 kids was the right size family for us. They're 6, 5 and 2 now and I really feel our family is complete.

So maybe instead of asking whether the 2nd child will be too much work, you should concentrate on whether your family is missing someone. If you're not sure, flip a coin. If you agree with the answer, you know what you should do. If you find yourself saying, "let's try 2 out of 3" then you know that the other outcome is what you want.

 

[jnordan]

I haven't read all of these replies -- but just wanted to answer your question from my perpective.

My girls both have birthdays in September and will be turning 2 and 4.

I had NONE of the problems that some people have adjusting after having a first child. I read everything there was to read and really felt very prepared. We breast-fed, co-slept (until she was 2.5 and asked to go into her own room), infant carried . . . Basically, if she was with me, we were all in bliss.

I love infancy, don't terribly mind the lack of sleep, etc. and was very eager for my second child. I thought I could have a dozen!

I love my children dearly, but we're DONE at two. I was completely unprepared for how "difficult" it would be with more than one . . . But let me explain. I think it's ME, that's the "problem". I can't divide myself well. There's two of them and one of me, and there ARE times (even when the second is a newborn) that one has to cry while you do something for the other. They both have genuine needs, that sometimes just can't be addressed. That was completely heart-wrenching for me.

Now, things are MUCH easier. They love eachother so much, and as my youngest gets older, the days get more and more fun. We've had such an amazing, wonderful summer! But the beginning was tough for me. I couldn't do it again. And personally, I don't want to do it in the future -- I want to be as involved as they desire as they grow older, too. But there's only ONE of ME, and I can only do so many things at once!

So, in my book, I'd say yes, the first year was VERY hard -- but partly because I am a VERY responsive and in general a type-A person. I see some of my more relaxed friends having a much easier time of things!

Anyways . . . Good luck with your decision!

 

[susykt4]

My kids are 28 months apart and it was a VERY rough adjustment! In our opinion, going from 1 to 2 was MUCH harder than going from 0 to 1 child. DD who had been a wonderful, happy baby had a terrible adjustment to her new brother. For about 6 months she cried more than he did. I was only working one morning a week and I pretty much lived for that four hours for a while... DS didn't sleep at night and DD didn't sleep during the day. I was an exhausted wreck. Oh, and DS wanted to nurse pretty much 24/7. It was a very rough year!

HOWEVER, as DS got older and started doing more things, the kids started playing together more and more. By the time DS was around 9 months they were having a great time together. They're now 6 and almost 4. They play well together most of the time and love each other. It is soooo worth the terrible first year. No regrets whatsoever!!!!!

 

[rt2dz]

Our DS is 20 months old. I am 37 (will be 38 in March) and if we're going to have another, we want to start trying by the first of the year. We always thought we'd have 2, but we had no idea how hard the first one would be. He was colicy for the first few months, and up until about 3 months ago he still woke at least once a night. We're just wondering - are 2 really that much harder? I've heard different things - like two are just as easy as one. And then other parents say that having 2 kids is 10 times harder. Space isn't an issue - we have a new larger home. Finances may be a bit tricky right now but DS's daycare cost will drop a lot soon. Really time and energy are the big factors. Any advice?

By the way - I am an only child and I had a great childhood. DH has a sister and also had a great childhood.

I have not read any reply so this is strictly my answer. Depends on the kids. Great help, huh?

Really, my first was the worlds easiest baby. A perfect baby. Still a perfect child. Very scary really. I'm just bracing myself for teenage rebellion.

Oh, but my second made up for it dramatically. Even my church has commented to me about his little personality. I'll tell people he will scale a straight wall and hang from the ceiling fan. People always take it as a description of his personality, but my mother is quick to shout out--"LITERALLY." It's a good thing he is soooo good looking, people forgive him for being such a brat. He's 2 1/2 now, and I'm still waiting for him to sleep through the night. And he has health issues which isn't always easy to deal with. He is a ton of work in and of himself. Thank goodness we have a three age difference because I had a hard time getting pregnant. But I still had a third!!

My third isn't as good as my first, but still a very good baby. Our second and third are actually very close in age (just over a year) and boy, I didn't really notice a jump in the work it took. It was almost seemless. God knew what he was doing when he gave me that spacing; our third was planned, but we were planning on waiting at least one more year with DS#2 difficulties.

I didn't even really find that it was that horrible of a jump from one to two. I think it depends on what mindset you have going into it. And having had a difficult child, you're probably braced for the worse. I was expecting something awful; it was a horrible pregnacy (bedrest) and I figured that lightening couldn't strike twice like that anyhow. I was prepared for a repeat performance the third time around and am just exteremly pleasantly surprised everyday.

While you are trying to figure out how to be a parent with the first, the second is more of learning how to balance their needs. After two is all about organization.

 

[Kahana-ri]

About to find out ourselves! DS is 2.5 and our second is due next March. The kids will be three years apart. Sure we are worried about starting all over again, how will we afford daycare for two now, how will our toddler sleep through the night if the infant begins to cry (if this one is a boy they will share a room) can we really handle two little ones???
We have no idea but will go with the flow. With our first we had so many questions as well, but it all worked out. We are glad that the kids will be close in age. I am 32 and feel this is a good time in our lives to have a second. In all honesty this will probably be out last too. Two is a good number and we look forward to all the challenges and rewards kids have to offer.

 

[sara74]

Not reading the other replies until I answer myself.

One to two for us was not a problem. I was a HUGE worrier with #1. Was very depressed after her birth, she was colicky and I was sure it was my fault. I read and reread every book looking for the 'right' way to do everything. I BF'd but had thrush problems for months. I still feel that I did not enjoy her infancy the way I wish I had.

We had DS when DD was 27 months. She was 2 weeks out of diapers, which IMO was harder than having 2 in diapers. How many times a day do you change a toddler anyway? DD adored DS, he was a content baby, we got the thrush thing under control the 2nd time around and we all had a great time!

Now at 4 and 2 they love each other to death. DD is his other mother. They are both mature for their ages and get along great. So my short answer in a long post is, depends on the kids and you don't know til you try.

Now with #3 due (4 days ago!!!!!!) I can only hope that this baby doesn't totally mess up the fun dynamic that #'s 1 and 2 have with each other!

 

[seven dwarfs]

Two kids is more then one. Period. It is more work, takes more time and it is just harder. But they will play together which is nice. I have six kids..ds6, dd6, ds4, ds4, dd4, dd2. They are great friends and have lots of fun all the time! If you take one away for a couple hours it is different and easier. I would not change it for the world though, and my house is always fun. We always have people come to play that never want to leave. It has to be up to you and what you want. All kids are different but they are all needy. Good luck with whatever you deside.

 

[alloyd1170]

Our kids are 3.5 yrs apart (took us a year to get pregnant the second time). DS is now 4.5 and DD is ~14 mos. DS was very helpful when DD came along. He was not quite potty trained either so I was still doing double diaper duty (now its just DD and its so much nicer not to have to wipe 2 butts)!

Since DD became mobile she is into everything, including DS stuff. He is more aggressive with her now but she has learned to stand her ground with him. Trying to pick up the house and keep it clean is almost impossible anymore. I get one room cleaned while the kids trash another.

Running errands takes a little more time now as I have two to buckle in their seats (though DS can do it himself now), get them in a cart, etc. If I buy one a toy or something, I have to buy something for the other (solve this buy shopping when DS is in school). There is extra gear that Ive just had to buy because its been updated since DS was born By the way, I convinced DH to have another baby by saying it wont cost us as much because we can reuse everything. Well when we found out we were having a girl that all went out the window! Plus DS was born in Jan, DD in July. Its so much more fun shopping for a little girl. However, when shes a teen I know I will be paying the price!

I was lucky that both my babies were healthy and good sleepers. DD did take longer to go to sleep on her own though (we had to let her cry it out for about a month when DS took a week). I think I baby DD more too since she was much smaller than her 12 lb 2 oz brother (who is still in the 95%+ for height), because shes the baby now, and because shes a girl. Both kids are good travellers as we go a lot. DS first went on a cruise at 11 mos, DD at 6 mos.

We are done having kids. We want to be able to afford vacations, life and any more than two for us would put a damper on things. At times I wish they were closer together in age, but having one who is older is nice since he can help out an understands more. Bottom line-yes two are more time consuming, are more $$$, etc, but it also means twice the love and fun!

alison
alison

 

[Ask"WhyNot?"]

I just want to point out two things:

1--I've never known anyone to regret having a baby once that baby was here, but I have known many who have regretted not having "that last/next one". But do only have a baby if your family feels incomplete. And don't try and time it too much--circumstances don't always work out as you plan.

2--Having had 5 myself, the transition to one more was smoother the closer in age they were. Mainly because you are already in one mindset. Easier to add to the diaper bag than go back to the diaper bag thing. Also, those that are close in age are into the same things at the same time. Have the same basic needs. You can put them in the bath together. Get them to sleep at the same time. Etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, it's still adding more work, but it's easier to handle.

Just my opinion.

 

[disneyfreakjackie]

I haven't read through the entire thread ... but if you are having ANY doubts I would say don't have another child.

 

[sara74]

So maybe instead of asking whether the 2nd child will be too much work, you should concentrate on whether your family is missing someone. If you're not sure, flip a coin. If you agree with the answer, you know what you should do. If you find yourself saying, "let's try 2 out of 3" then you know that the other outcome is what you want.

Love this!! I have spent much of this third pregnancy wondering if it will be our last. Wondering if this DS will always be our 'baby' and have been given the - look around the dinner table and see if everyone is there - advice more than once. But I LOVE the flip of the coin. I can remember flipping a coin for other decisions and only when I got the coin in the air did it become clear for me which way I wanted it to land. Seems silly, but sometimes it takes that split second thought to show you what is really in your heart.

 

[DW2006]

For me personally, going from one to two was not that big of a transistion. NOW the first 6-8 weeks where you are adjusting and figuring out schedules is tricky. Of course you are also tired. LOL But as far as work...it didn't seem that much different. DS1 was still in diapers so I just changed both. And the baby sleeps a lot at first and so you are still able to spend time with #1. My DS1 did not sleep through the night till he was 2.5 and was high needs. DS2 was laid back and a great sleeper. You just never know how that is going to work out. KWIM? For me, #3 was the biggest transition/adjustment of my 4 kiddos.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I haven't read all of the replys yet, so please forgive me if I repeat something a pp has posted.

This is the strangest thing...just last night I went to a moms night out with three of my friends. I was the only one with 2 children, 4 and 7. The other girls have one child each, all 2 or younger. This very topic came up!

I am so thankful that we have two children to share our lives with. There are so many blessings to having more than one, but there are challenges as well! (Please know, though, that while I LOVE having 2, there are many very happy "only children" out there and that can certainly be the best choice for other families...what I'm writing is just MHO!)

On the blessings side...you have another little one to cuddle, hug, and love...you get to relive all the baby moments that you had with your first, and some that are new...you get to watch your children develop love for each other...you will be more confident and less unsure of yourself as a parent...you will know that yes, one day they WILL sleep through the night!...and many more.

On the challenges side...you will feel guilty that you don't have as much time to just "be" with the younger child as you did with your first, which my Mom helped me through by reminding me that while I might not be playing with DD as much as I did with DS, she has a big brother to play with that he didn't have...you will be busier and have to carry more stuff, at least for a while...logistics get more complicated sometimes...they will fight...and others that I just can't think of right now.

But, without a single doubt, for us the blessings far outweigh the challenges, in both number and importance.

Now, I'm going to go back a read what others have said...

I wish you all the best as you make your decision!!

 

[DW2006]

Have you ever heard the expression, "You'll know when your family is complete"? My mother used to say that to me. I never really got it until a few years ago.

So maybe instead of asking whether the 2nd child will be too much work, you should concentrate on whether your family is missing someone. If you're not sure, flip a coin. If you agree with the answer, you know what you should do. If you find yourself saying, "let's try 2 out of 3" then you know that the other outcome is what you want.

THIS is so so key. I know for us...I knew after both #1 and #2 I wanted another, #3 came along and that was the FIRST time I had to even think did I want another. But our family didn't feel complete, and we knew we wanted another. #4 was born and voila...done. I truly felt done. We had always said we wanted four, and with #4 being a girl we dealt with the ''were you trying for a girl'' ''got your girl and now your finished'' stuff. But honestly I think had dd been a boy #4 would have still felt like the end of babies? I can't say...but I know that there is so much truth in your statment. You'll know when you're done.

 

[CherCrazy]

You will be an experienced parent with your second child. It will be much easier. Go for it!

Mom of 4....and 4's not so bad either!

 

[deide71]

Not to discourage anyone...but going from 1 child to 2 was hard. Our first baby was soooo good, no colic, slept through the night @ 6 weeks etc.

Our 2nd child was much harder...he was colicky, didn't sleep through the night until he was 14months. He's still kind of a terror @ 4, but I live him so. The second baby is harder when you have a toddler to take care of as well.

We were surprised by our third child. I found out I was pregnant with him when our second was only 6 months old (You mean I can get pregnant when breastfeeding and not mentruating?)! But going from 2 to 3 was actually easier than going from 1 to 2 children.

He slept through the night @ 6 weeks (probably because I was so exhausted I didn't wake up each time he burped or farted). He learned to be patient. And he loves his older sister and brother.

Just take life as it comes. It all works out just fine!