How Much Do You Have To Spend On A Wedding Present

[mickeyfan2]

Are you saying that the average cost to feed one person at a wedding is $75 - $100? That is nuts! I'm not arguing with you, I just really want to know. I would never have expected a number like that.

We went to a $150/person wedding a few years ago.

 

[ead79]

There are no set rules for gift giving. You should give what fits in your budget and something that you like. I will say that in this area it is customary to bring gifts to both the shower and the wedding (typically the shower gift is less expensive than the wedding gift).

Are you saying that the average cost to feed one person at a wedding is $75 - $100? That is nuts! I'm not arguing with you, I just really want to know. I would never have expected a number like that.

It depends on the location and the type of reception. Our Disney wedding was around $100/pp for the meal, and some brides think that is inexpensive compared to an at home wedding. Others of course are used to spending less per person (like we’re used to being from the South where small receptions are more the norm). It just depends on the type of meal served. If you add all the per person costs (like extra tables, chair covers, floral arrangements for the tables, etc.) then the per person reception cost would be much higher.

 

[JMD]

Are you saying that the average cost to feed one person at a wedding is $75 - $100? That is nuts! I'm not arguing with you, I just really want to know. I would never have expected a number like that.

Yes, I would say thats probably a conservative estimate. Think about all the food you are served when you are at a wedding, and think about how much that would cost if you were to purchase all of that at a restaurant. And that not even including open bar. Once you start to add in everyones drinks the price sky rockets.

 

[RealMickeysGirl]

Ok - I am from the south - got married in MS.

Our reception wasn't a sit down meal - I have never been to a wedding that had one. I think that the finger food type receptions are a southern thing, but I don't know that for sure.

When I invited people to our wedding, it was because I wanted them to be there. I didn't care if they brought a gift or not. I wanted them to celebrate the day with us.

When I get a gift for a wedding (and I get one gift - given either at the wedding or at a shower - unless there is a lingerie shower, that is a separate occasion and gift), I get what I can afford.

But I also take into consideration my relationship with the person. I would be more likely to spend $20 - $50 for a co-worker and much more than that for a friend. I have a sorority sister getting married in July and she is like a blood sister to me and I don't know what I will be spending yet on her gift but more than likely, I will decide what to get her based on what I think she needs/wants and not even look at the price.

 

[JMD]

A gift is never mandatory, for any occasion. That's what Miss Manners says, and she is my idol in all things ettiquette.

Miss Manners probably doesn't get invited to many weddings.

 

[LiteBrite]

I live in the south, and I'm more used to the finger foods/heavy hors dourve receptions. Of course, I don't exactly travel in "high society" circles, either. When I got married 22 years ago, we had cake, nuts, mints, and punch. I wish those days would come back before it's time for me to pay for a wedding for my 18yoDD!

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I guess we are on the very generous side. For the wedding where dh was the best man and the ds were in the wedding. I orginally had a gift of $1,000 but during the pictures and other affairs before the reception the grooms wife really was acting terrible twoard me, making me watch the flower girl, didnt even know her, not including me in any pictures. So I whispered to dh and he agreed with me, we ripped up the check and made it for like $500. We later told the groom, dh best friend what we did. I think their marriage is on the rocks right now, we also told him not to marry her, so I guess he can kiss his 2 kids good bye if its up to his "dear" wife.

My cousins dd just got married. They only invited dh and I. We didnt go because she didnt include our ds and we didnt want to leave them sitting in the hotel room. I just sent a check for $100 to keep peace in the family. Never got a thank you note, this has been since august. Like the dd really needs the money. She is a lawyer and I bet she even charges her customers over $100 an hour.

I usually figure $50 a person who is invited to the reception , so if all 5 of us are invited it will be at least $250 and if we really like you it could be lots more etc. Call us strange.

 

[va32h]

Miss Manners probably doesn't get invited to many weddings.

Hardly. Miss Manners aka Judith Martin, is a nationally syndicated columnist and author of several etiquette books.

Gift-giving is traditional under many circumstances, but the very definition of "gift" is something that is freely given. Brides who expect their guests to give cash or merchandise that is equal to the cost of their meal should just charge an admission fee and give up the pretense that their wedding is a social occasion.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I live in the south, and I'm more used to the finger foods/heavy hors dourve receptions. Of course, I don't exactly travel in "high society" circles, either. When I got married 22 years ago, we had cake, nuts, mints, and punch. I wish those days would come back before it's time for me to pay for a wedding for my 18yoDD!

I was married 23 years ago very soon. We had a full sit down meal with hors dourves before, cake after and an open bar. Back then it was $10/person with the bar tab.

 

[JMD]

Hardly. Miss Manners aka Judith Martin, is a nationally syndicated columnist and author of several etiquette books.

Gift-giving is traditional under many circumstances, but the very definition of "gift" is something that is freely given. Brides who expect their guests to give cash or merchandise that is equal to the cost of their meal should just charge an admission fee and give up the pretense that their wedding is a social occasion.

I was only joking. I have no idea who Miss Manners is since I don't tend to read books on etiquette.

I know that the "traditional" definition of a gift is, but I think its pretty much understood that if you are going to wedding you give a gift. You can call it what ever you want. Personally, I can't imagine just showing up at someones wedding, eating and drinking all I want, and then give nothing back in return. With all the planning and money spent on the wedding, I think that would be pretty rude.

I never said that brides expect to get the value of the meal in return as a gift, or that everyone should do that. I said that what I do, and I understand that to be the general rule of thumb regarding wedding gifts.

 

[azgal81]

I gave my friend/co-worker 20 dollars in cash at her wedding a few months ago.

I don't think you should feel like you should give more just because others are. Give what you are comfortable giving they know that not everyone has a lot of money. Gifts aren't important being at the wedding is.

 

[maddiel]

I have a question for people who live in areas where it's customary to give a cash gift equivalent to the cost of your meal:

Is it considered tacky for a couple to have an opulent/expensive wedding and therefore increase the obligation on their guests?

M.

 

[kpm76]

I have a question for people who live in areas where it's customary to give a cash gift equivalent to the cost of your meal:

Is it considered tacky for a couple to have an opulent/expensive wedding and therefore increase the obligation on their guests?

M.

Good question. No, it's not considered tacky, but I think that's because most weddings around here run around the same price. Most wedding receptions are at country clubs, hotels and other banquet type facilities where the cost per person is mostly in the same range. The differences in price will be how many appetizers are served, cash bar vs open bar etc. Weddings around here are a big deal, fancy affairs with sit down meals. I have been to tons of weddings and all of them have been very similar in style. We don't have cake and punch type parties around here. I am not knocking them, I am just saying I never hear of them.

 

[antmaril]

I think one gift is enough. I have never given a gift at a shower AND at the wedding.

What do you mean? If you are invited to a wedding shower and then to the wedding you don't bring or send a gift to both events? I don't understand.

I think the OP should give a wedding gift that she is comfortable with, but I really think she should give a gift, even though she has given a shower gift.

Just my two cents, of course.

 

[kbmoo]

Yes i definitely want to give a gift. But I don't agree that you need to spend as much as the meal for the gift. I was always under the impression that you were invited to a wedding to share that special day with the couple. If they can afford $150 per person thats their choice. I don't feel the guests have to spend $150 each just to attend. The same holds true fir a less expensive wedding. If it only cost $10 each you should still spend what you are comfortable for $10 or $150. It shouldn't be about matching the reception cost.

 

[Jennifer S]

My sister is in the process of planning her wedding. Where we live (Philly suburbs) weddings are VERY expensive. It costs her $100 per person. I usually like to cover my cost. Think about it it's a whole night out w/ dinner, drinks, dessert, dancing. Now I'm not saying you have too if money is tight. I know a few people going to the wedding that could never afford that and she doesn't expect it. Now if you are in a nice finacial position it;s nice to give a little more.

To the OP do what you honestly can. I would give a gift at the shower and wedding. If you don't want to give a gift you can always decline the invitation.

 

[scrump]

Give what you can and what you feel comfortable with.

I also posted on a past thread that I've never read any of the recognized etiquette sources (Miss Manners, Emily Post or Letitia Baldridge) as ever saying anything about covering the cost of the meal. I remember someone had responded by posting a quote from a random wedding website (bigweddings.com?) that the meal thing was considered to be standard. Again, not a source that I personally would go by, but I certainly understand that covering meal costs is becoming customary in many regions.

That said, a big wedding is the wedding couple's business. Not my concern as a guest to really cover my costs. I think it's perfectly acceptable to give what you can afford.

 

[cats7494]

I agree with what most of the other posters have said...give something you can afford and are happy with.
I don't think you are being a cheapskate at all. I know when I got married I appreciated every gift and the thought behind the gift.. I did not care at all about the price tag!

 

[Hannathy]

I have never heard that about only giving one gift.(I've lived in a few different parts of the country) The shower is totally different than the wedding. Showers used to be for the Bride to get bridey things like kitchen showers or lingerier(sp) they didn't used to be mini weddings so you got a bridey gift and then a couple gift for the wedding. I think wedding gifts should be more than shower gifts and also depend on how close the relationship more for close family than co-workers.

 

[MegaDisney]

How the heck do you know how much your dinner costs? Since my DH and I paid for the wedding ourselves, NO ONE knew how much it cost per person- and nor should they have known. It's no one's business. So I just don't understand this whole give a gift that pays for the cost of your meal thing.