How Much Do You Have To Spend On A Wedding Present

[RadioFanatic]

I guess we are on the very generous side. For the wedding where dh was the best man and the ds were in the wedding. I orginally had a gift of $1,000 but during the pictures and other affairs before the reception the grooms wife really was acting terrible twoard me, making me watch the flower girl, didnt even know her, not including me in any pictures. So I whispered to dh and he agreed with me, we ripped up the check and made it for like $500. We later told the groom, dh best friend what we did. I think their marriage is on the rocks right now, we also told him not to marry her, so I guess he can kiss his 2 kids good bye if its up to his "dear" wife.

My cousins dd just got married. They only invited dh and I. We didnt go because she didnt include our ds and we didnt want to leave them sitting in the hotel room. I just sent a check for $100 to keep peace in the family. Never got a thank you note, this has been since august. Like the dd really needs the money. She is a lawyer and I bet she even charges her customers over $100 an hour.

I usually figure $50 a person who is invited to the reception , so if all 5 of us are invited it will be at least $250 and if we really like you it could be lots more etc. Call us strange.

Wow. I didn't know gifts were conditioned upon (1) making sure your kids are invited to the wedding; and (2) including you in pix. My dh was best man in one wedding and groomsman in four others and I didn't feel the need to be in any of the pix. Also, it's up to the bride and groom whether kids are to be invited. IF your kids were the only ones not invited, that's one thing, but if it's a kid thing in general, I would say it's well within their rights. And there is a one year period for thank yous - not that I agree with it, but it's the "rule". And I'm a lawyer and found your comments rude.

 

[kennancat]

I remember back from when I was getting married that this can be very regionally-based. So, I'm from central/south Florida, and my parents are originally from the midwest. Here's what I do:

I will give a shower gift provided that I attend the shower. I will usually not send a gift if I'm not able to make it - depends on how close a friend, etc. For shower gifts, I usually spend in the neighborhood of $25 - $35.

I will always send a gift for the wedding, regardless of whether or not I can attend. In the past, DH and I have spent $50 on most gifts and $100 for close friends. We may bump our $50 up to $75 - inflation you know

The weirdest one I've gotten was a couple we knew who had a very small wedding on DCL. We gave them a nice gift upon their return from the cruise. Four weeks later, I received a bridal shower invitation for this bride. I was going to be out of town and since I had spent more on the wedding gift than normal (as there had been no shower), I did not send another gift.

 

[Todd&Copper]

When I was in college and my first cousin got married, I gave her $50, which was a lot to ma back then (about 9 years ago). When the other cousin got married 6 years ago, I gave him $50 also. I don't think weddings should be "fund raisers" or there should be attempts by the bride and groom to at least "break even." I give in relation to how close I am to the people getting married. I do the same thing for any gift giving occasion. Five years ago, when DH's best friend was about to become a new papa, DH looked over the registry and got probably over $100 worth of stuff, and there wasn't even a baby shower for DH to attend.
I'd say give in relation to how close you feel to the couple, and give no more than you can reasonably afford to.

 

[JMD]

How the heck do you know how much your dinner costs? Since my DH and I paid for the wedding ourselves, NO ONE knew how much it cost per person- and nor should they have known. It's no one's business. So I just don't understand this whole give a gift that pays for the cost of your meal thing.

I think your missing the point a bit. Nobody knows exactly what the cost per person is, and the gift doesn't have to be exactly the same. Its just a basic guidline to follow. Even if you've never planned a wedding before, I'm sure most people have shopped at a grocery store or have eaten out at a restaurant. It shouldn't be hard to get a general idea of what it costs.

If you get invited to wedding, bring a guest, eat a pound of shrimp cocktail, each get prime rib or filet mignon for dinner, and get free drinks from the open bar all night, its pretty obvious that $20 is not an adequate gift. I know some people really cannot afford a penny more and thats fine. But there are also people who can afford it, but choose not to give it.

 

[budbeerlady]

I do what I am comfortable depending on who the person is. Family gets cash, friends get a gift that is usually sentimental in nature. Co-workers, others get something off thier registry.

 

[pearlieq]

Around here, $50 is about the minimum wedding gift. More would be given if you're especially close to the couple. Gifts are given at BOTH the shower and the wedding. It would be pretty tacky to show up at either empty-handed.

Of course there are exceptions. If you're honestly poor & struggling, no one would expecting to choose to give a wedding gift rather than pay the gas bill. It isn't being cheap to live within your means.

What is cheap is not giving a minimum acceptable gift because you don't WANT to. If it's a choice between spending $50 on a wedding gift or spending $50 on getting a mani/pedi that week and you choose to stiff the bride and groom, that's being cheap. Those are the type of people who show up for the free food and open bar .

And before anyone says that you invite people to the wedding because you want them to celebrate with you, that just wasn't the case for me. Sometimes you have to invite Uncle Cletus and Aunt Fancy because not doing so would start World War III and it's just easier to invite them, keep you mom happy, and put up with them for one night.

On a side note, it was interesting to see the regional/cultural differences in the wedding gifts we got. About 90% of the actual wedding gifts were cash. The guests that lived near us the Chicago burbs all generally followed the $50+ rule. For DH's family, from rural Ohio, $20 seemed to be their set point for wedding gifts. And a few of our Indian friends gave us wedding gifts ending in certain numbers because that's considered a blessing in their culture.

 

[Jeafl]

I guess we are on the very generous side. For the wedding where dh was the best man and the ds were in the wedding. I orginally had a gift of $1,000 but during the pictures and other affairs before the reception the grooms wife really was acting terrible twoard me, making me watch the flower girl, didnt even know her, not including me in any pictures. So I whispered to dh and he agreed with me, we ripped up the check and made it for like $500. We later told the groom, dh best friend what we did. I think their marriage is on the rocks right now, we also told him not to marry her, so I guess he can kiss his 2 kids good bye if its up to his "dear" wife.

My cousins dd just got married. They only invited dh and I. We didnt go because she didnt include our ds and we didnt want to leave them sitting in the hotel room. I just sent a check for $100 to keep peace in the family. Never got a thank you note, this has been since august. Like the dd really needs the money. She is a lawyer and I bet she even charges her customers over $100 an hour.

I usually figure $50 a person who is invited to the reception , so if all 5 of us are invited it will be at least $250 and if we really like you it could be lots more etc. Call us strange.

I always find these wedding threads very interesting. You were well within your rights to give whatever gift you wanted, and ripping up the check and writing a new one if that's what you wanted to do. However, what was the point of telling the groom what you did? It sounds to me like you wanted to "punish" him in some way for marrying his wife. I'm not trying to slam you, I am genuinely curious.

 

[JKMastalski]

Sometimes I really hate living in this part of the country!!! The "norm" around here is $200-$250 cash gift for the wedding and at least a $50 shower gift. My sister got married in CT 2 weeks ago and 3/4ths of her guest gave a minimum of $300 cash. I guess its just to be expected around here. Usually you try to "cover" the cost of what the bride and groom are paying for you. Most weddings around here average $40,000 +. Its just the cost of living around here. My family is not wealthy by any means, its just what the norm is.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I always find these wedding threads very interesting. You were well within your rights to give whatever gift you wanted, and ripping up the check and writing a new one if that's what you wanted to do. However, what was the point of telling the groom what you did? It sounds to me like you wanted to "punish" him in some way for marrying his wife. I'm not trying to slam you, I am genuinely curious.

My dh actually told him. It was not to punish him but I guess that dh thought we were being a little too overgenerous. We paid for flights and dh laid out a huge amount for the batchelor party the day before etc. I guess dh was upset about how much I was upset and how the whole wedding was turning into a fiasco so to speak. I guess it started when they gave our hotel room away and made us go somewhere else across the city with 3 kids in the middle of the night, having the grooms sister run away and my dh looking for her in the middle of the night, not waiting for the other flower girl to show up and taking the pictures anyway, this family drove all the way from colorado, I felt so bad for them, sitting us by the wait staff and kitchen when my dh was the best man, go figure than one, all dh friends still talk about it, the groom, best friend, told my dh that the brides mom did that. This is not the custom here, its the best man at the head table etc. Somehow the bride did have her brother and all the bridesmaids (her friends ) at the head table. I also think my dh gladly gave money to pay for some horse drawn carriage thing for the bride and groom because the groom whispered to dh that he forgot the money. Also it was a multi cultural wedding and we really dont even know if money was part of their wedding customs. When we got married they gave us a small gift. The best man is really not mad at my dh. All of their friends from college just feel so bad that this guy had to find out things the hard way. All she wanted was someone to father her children and thats it. If we go to visit she refuses to let us over the house, we usually meet the guy and kids at a restraunt. She actually doesnt let any of her husbands friends (all the college guys) over. She tells her dh to get off the phone when my dh calls etc. Just a bizzare situation.

 

[missypie]

I haven't had time to read the entire thread. I'm just reponding to the original question: As long as you are buying the couple something for which they have registered, I don't think there is a price that is too low. I was amazed when I got married at how few people bought us stuff off our registry. I would have much preferred a $10 spatula set for which I had registered, than an expensive decorative silver object for which we had no use.

As long as you stick to the registry, you know you are buying something the couple wants, no matter the price. (I DO get irritated, however, when EVERYTHING for which the couple registers is over $100. A friend from work did that, so I brought the too-expensive item to the shower but didn't buy another gift for the wedding.)

 

[kbmoo]

Sometimes I really hate living in this part of the country!!! The "norm" around here is $200-$250 cash gift for the wedding and at least a $50 shower gift. My sister got married in CT 2 weeks ago and 3/4ths of her guest gave a minimum of $300 cash. I guess its just to be expected around here. Usually you try to "cover" the cost of what the bride and groom are paying for you. Most weddings around here average $40,000 +. Its just the cost of living around here. My family is not wealthy by any means, its just what the norm is.

WOW, I am glad to live in the midwest. When I got married 30 years ago, my big wedding presents were a can opener, toaster etc. I had a grocery shower and got alot of basic from my relatives. My freinds all pooled their money $2.00 each. Then about $10 for the wedding presents. I think we should be able to have a shower every 20 years of marriage. To replace all the stuff that has worn off. (ha,ha) Just kidding