How much $$ do you give for wedding gifts?

[disneychick05]

Well, we try to cover the per plate cost. Most weddings we go to that means $250-$300. When my cousins daugher got married we gave $500 because I heard the wedding cost something like $95,000 (country club wedding).

Of course, it goes way up for immediate family. When my sister's daughter got married, I gave her $2500. When my nephew eloped, I gave them $1,000.
I don't have children of my own, so I try to be good the the nieces and nephews.

Hello!! I could be your adopted neice or even daughter if you'd like! That is really generous of you!

I appreciate all of the suggestions here! Thanks!

 

[disneychick05]

At our wedding two years ago most people gave gifts off the registries (some gave gifts not on the registries, and I will never do that unless I know the person really well). A lot of DH's relatives from back East gave checks, and some of my closer family gave checks (like Grandma, Aunts & Uncles) along with a wrapped gift. Very nice.

Since we are still young we don't give cash or checks, I just don't feel it's appropriate to give someone in my same age range cash. I would give a gift card if there was nothing affordable on the registry. In general we spend between $75 and $100 off the registry plus a $30 shower gift.

I have to admit now that I have had my wedding and see what people gave me it's hard not to take that into account when their wedding comes up.

You know, I never thought of it like this....

I would actually prefer to give someone in my same age range a gift off the registry as well. We are all in our 20's , just starting out and I do feel like it's strange to write my cousin out a check for $150. They had an eleborate registry, maybe I'll just pick something up off of that. Thanks for making that point.

 

[RadioNate]

never less than $100 unless it is some random 2nd cousin obilgatory family invite. Because we live more than 1200 miles away we don't usually attend those. We try to send a little something ot if we hear of a registry we buy something off that.

When were were really poor and traveled for weddings we generally bought something nice, like an engraved picture frame and then gave $50.

 

[Keli]

As everyone else has said, this is definitely a regional issue and I'd try to do the thing that the receipent expects that is still in my budget.

In other words in the deep south I'd probably pick something nice off of the registry but if I were going to a wedding in urban northeast I'd probably give cash.

Thankfully most weddings I go to are in the south since I love buying a gift for the wedding couple, especially if I know them well.

 

[kpm76]

$150-$200/couple....

 

[DVC Sadie]

We give gifts unless the family is Italian or Asian then we give cash. Different cultures do things differently so we have always tried to follow their customs and traditions.

We have never given a cash amount to try to cover the cost of the wedding and reception. For us that is not something we even contemplate.

Since we too do not have any children of our own, we tend to go all out for our neices and nephews. Our neice is getting married in September and we are paying for her honeymoon for a week. Three years ago our nephew got married in Las Vegas and we also paid for theirs.

 

[disneymom3]

Note to self: NEVER move to the East Coast. Holey smokes I could never go to a wedding at those prices! And never until reading on this board have I heard of giving people enough of a gift to cover the per plate cost. That family that spent $95K would NOT have been getting $500 out of me just because they chose to drop a small (or large) fortune on their reception.

I buy something off the registry in a price range I can afford. I have never been invited to a wedding that I didn't know the people well and think I would send a card with probably $40 in it if I did. Depends on who they were.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

the minimum is $150.00 after that it all depends on who they are.

 

[DisneyDotty]

Gosh--no wonder we don't go to many weddings--people must think we're cheap, as we've been giving between $75-$150.
And I really don't understand what the cost of the reception has to do with the cost of the gift?! I mean, does the wedding couple actually tell people how much their reception cost? (Tacky, tacky, tacky.) Continuing with this line of thinking, do you give more money/better gifts for baby showers depending on whether the family has good health insurance? And how do you even come up with figures for birthday/Christmas presents? (Sorry--I'm getting carried away. But this tradition really has me befuddled! Any help in understanding is appreciated!)
When I am shopping for a wedding gift, I consider my relationship with the couple when deciding on how much to spend. I also typically try to get something off the registry, if possible. Further, how much other money did I have to come up with to go to the wedding (eg., travel expenses.) Finally, I keep the gift-spending within my budget.

 

[MAKmom]

2 funny stories. I new an old man who used to go with 2 checks written to the couple...depending how nice the reception was.

I think my Mom kept track of how much everyone gave me at my first wedding & then she gave the same amount to her friends for their kids.

 

[miste76]

I'm just getting ready to graduate and finally get a job... so, up until now, I've always tried to cover the cost of my plate and then a little extra (don't have a lot extra right now.)
I think this will change after I have an income... I would expect that I could afford to be a little more generous!!!

I'm suprised at the response to this thread... and very happy it's here!!! I'm a September bride followed by a Disneymoon... and I have no idea what to expect - since I like to plan everything (ok, control everything) this not knowing is a little difficult for me!!! Right now, I am not expecting anything... I think I'll stay a little more sane that way!!!

 

[tar heel]

I had never heard of giving a gift to "cover the cost of the plate" until I started reading the DIS!

We're going to a wedding this weekend. The wedding is the South, but both the bride and the groom are from the Northeast. They do have a gift registry. I'm dithering over what to choose from the registry and am leaning toward something that is around $70. I don't consider us cheap, but that will be one of the most expensive wedding gifts we've ever given. Both the bride and groom work for the same company as DH, so they know we don't have the kind of $ that their families do. I doubt that this will "cover the plate."

 

[pearlieq]

In our area, $50 per couple is pretty standard for general friends/family. It goes up from there depending on how close you are to the couple.

"Covering your plate" is nearly unheard of here. I agree with others--it's not my business or responsibility how much the couple chose to spend on their reception!

 

[Tamarap]

I have never heard of "covering the plate" either. We were the last of our group of friends to marry so with the exception of work friends etc, we dont have many opportunities to go to any weddings. At our wedding (10 years ago) all cash gifts were 100.00.

 

[GeorgeG]

Coming from the NE I had often heard the "cost of the plate" as a rule of thumb. I think it makes more sense to go with how close you are to the people getting married and/or the parents. $100 would be a good starting point and work up from there.

I know too many young ladies who had their parents spend a fortune on the wedding so that it might command larger monetary gifts, which, of course, would go straight into the new bride's purse. So, yes, it can often be a money-making afair.

As a musician, I have played for hundreds of weddings over the years and finally got to the point that I can't stand them anymore more a variety of reason. At the top of the list is I've seen too many young people get married for all the wrong reasons. A girl in her mid-twenties who is an unofficial "niece" commented a month or so before her wedding that she probably wouldn't still be married more than a few years. When I asked why she was still getting married with that attitude, she said she had too much time invested in the relationship (about four years). Maybe four years is a long time to a kid, but it isn't squat in the "lifetime" a marriage is supposed to be.

That's just one example of many. I've seen so many young people split before the wedding is even payed off. The bottom line is the commitment (or lack of) isn't worthy of a big expensive wedding.

One more point based on all those weddings I played for: People remember a great wedding for the food and the music. If either of them is lacking, people did not have a good time, which should be one of the goals of any celebration. By far, I've seen better times had at less costly receptions with good food (usually better) and good music than at the more lavish big-bucks receptions. Of course, there are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

I used to have work as a great excuse not to go to weddings and my wife usally went without me. Now that I'm retired, my best excuse is gone, but I will still do everything I can to avoid going to a wedding. My wife will still take a gift representing both of us.

My only dilemna now is that ten years ago my wife promised our granddaughter (then 7) she could have her wedding at the Grand Floridian. I need to start buying more lottery tickets!

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

One more point based on all those weddings I played for: People remember a great wedding for the food and the music. If either of them is lacking, people did not have a good time, which should be one of the goals of any celebration.

That's really true. Everyone always asks how was the food, followed by how was the band/dj?

 

[imsorry]

I've actually never been invited to a wedding that had a gift registry.

The bridal shower had the registry. Maybe it's a New York thing? We always gave money.

But then again, I was surprised to read here that people don't tip delivery, service, etc. people either.


Oh, and the only reason I knew the cost of the big wedding was because it was family.

 

[Goobergal99]

You know Dh and I lived in sin before we got married which is why we didn't register (we already had everything) my mom didn't host a big shower for me, instead she invited a handful of my closest friends and relatives and they gave us gift cards for our favorite resturaunts. DH's family had a small suprise shower incorporated with our rehersal dinner and his family gave us some really nice personal gifts, like frames and memory books.

But like I said, at the wedding itself it was all cash gifts, I even carried around my money bag (I am Italian so I couldn't break the custom with one of those informal mailboxes, some ppl use them as an excuse not to go around and greet their guests and I think that is rude now matter how many ppl come to the wedding, in fact a couple weeks after our wedding, DH's uncle got married and had a mailbox and some ppl refused to give them a card at all b/c they didn't go around and thank everyone for coming and then to make matters worse bridezilla actually made comments to my MIL about how cheap some ppl were with the cards she did receive, the nerve )

I didn't expect to break even at the wedding, you certainly shouldn't expect your guests to pay for your wedding but I have to admit we werent complaining when we were opening up those envelopes. Although the best gift came from my mom ($500 Disney dollars )

 

[Goobergal99]

I wanted to note that this is actually cultural as well as being regional. My sicilian family really entertained everyone at our rehersal, they were the only ones outside of immediate family and the bridal party who were invited to the rehersal dinner b/c they came from out of town. They told my FIL that the reason itilians give so genreously at weddings is b/c they want to start the new couple off with as little worries as possible. It is also a greek tradition (all though the way I see it tomato, tamato when it comes to greeks and italians, I use windex on everything too , and my GM was the neck of the house) This is why many times the parents of the bride will give the couple a new house as a gift, on their same block of course

 

[aprilgail2]

I've actually never been invited to a wedding that had a gift registry.

The bridal shower had the registry. Maybe it's a New York thing? We always gave money.

But then again, I was surprised to read here that people don't tip delivery, service, etc. people either.
.

It is pretty much a no no around here to give an actual gift at a wedding instead of a check or cash. I don't think I have ever seen anyone with anything other than an envelope and money at a reception or heard of anyone giving anything other than that for a wedding. Registries are for the engagement party and/or bridal shower around here.
As for covering your plate you can tell by the kind of place it is about how much it costs per plate and no reception hall is going to be under 75.00 a head in this area, and that is a cheap one!
I also had friends that would bring a blank check and depending on if it was an open bar or not that would decide how much they gave..if they had to pay for their own drinks the gift went down LOL.