How many spouses = too much

[MrsKreamer]

My mom has been divorced twice. She got remarried after her and my dad got divorced...well because the guy was living with us already and her parents didn't approve of her shacking up, especially because of me. Anyway that marriage lasted longer than her and my dad's but mostly becuase she had to prove something... She is now living with her current bf of 5 years, after a failed engagement with the man she left my step-dad for. She wants to get married, but he doesn't. I hope they don't because they are both addicts(her gambling and he alcohol)...
I just think some people don't take their vows seriously. My husband and I have had a rough start. I was pregnant when we got married, we are young, and we don't have our careers established yet. So we have a lot going against us. However, since we both come from parents that didn't stay married, we are even that much more determined to make our marriage work. It is hard, but we love each other and are willing to do that work.

 

[mamacatnv]

Personally I don't care how many times a person gets married, after about 4 I find it amusing. I do however feel bad when the kids are negatively affected.

Just my observation, I will be married 19 years at the end of the month and I truly believe that one of the reasons we have made it this long is that not only were our emotions involved but we also engaged our brains.

I took a good long look at him, his morals & values, his work ethic, his religion, how he talked to me and how he treated his family etc.... and asked myself "will he be a good Dad?", "Will he be a good hubby?" "Will he take his responsibility seriously?". I probably should have looked a little harder at his driving habits, cleanliness and the ability to complete a task, but that is another thread. There are no guarantees but it is worth a mental visit before rushing off to the alter.

Of all our friends who were married around the same time only us and 1 other couple are still married. We were also the only ones who were married before we had kids. So many of them were stuck in the emotions, the attraction the sex and not really thinking about the long haul IMO.

 

[shirleyb]

Of all our friends who were married around the same time only us and 1 other couple are still married. We were also the only ones who were married before we had kids. So many of them were stuck in the emotions, the attraction the sex and not really thinking about the long haul IMO.

You know, it's funny you mentioned that. DH and I have been married 19 years and I was just thinking about all of my friends from college. Out of about 10 of us, 2 are single, and the rest are all still married to their original spouses! I thought that was pretty amazing -- 8 couples and no divorces!

 

[EthansMom]

My ILs are both on their third spouses and my parents are both on their second spouses... that's a total of 8 marriages between DH's and my parents. Except for spouses who were abusive and/or had BIG issues, I'm convinced that our parents aren't any better off than they would have been if they'd just worked things out in their first marriages. They have just as many relationship issues in their second and third marriages as they did in their first marriages.

 

[PlainJane]

My aunt has had five husbands and six marriages. I guess she got off to a bad start because she got pregnant at 14 and felt she had to marry the father. She has married the second husband twice now. They seem quite happy. I think they've been married 20 years now.

 

[Charade]

A woman that I used to work with just divorced her 8th husband....she is 42. She is always bellyaching about the the horrible men she somehow ends up with. I told her after 8x.......it is probably her, seriously.

eh, maybe she needs to switch sides?

 

[princesspumpkin]

My sentiments exactly. And Dis'ers think that only celebrities get divorced

 

[HOGFAN]

I had a friend who was 32 and on her 4th husband. She just thought that she couldnt 'be without' a man

Im not planning on getting rid of DH, but I will NEVER take on another man.

 

[Disney Doll]

Hmm...interesting thread. I have been married twice and on my way to my second divorce. Should I give up on the thought of ever being happily married? I don't know if I'll ever get married again, but I'm only 33.

Well, you should probably take some time to figure out why you are choosing what seem to be the wrong men. And I truly don't mean this in a nasty or sarcastic way. Our choices are influenced by many things...childhood, life experience etc.

For example, I have a colleague whose father died when she was 12. She is the type of woman who cannot be without a man. She cheated on her husband, was seriously dating someone shortly after separating from her husband(transitional boyfriend perhaps??), stayed with that guy for about 2 years and then found another guy and had him waiting in the wings so she could move right to him when she broke up with her transitional boyfriend. She ended up marrying #3, but he is essentially the same type of personality as her 1st hubby. But, losing her father at such a young age had a HUGE impact on her dealings with men, lookig for that father figure and so on, and I think that is why she cannot be without a man for any length of time. But I also don't think she ever took the time to figure this out, so she just keeps jumping from guy to guy.

The last serious BF I had before I met DH was a 1.5 year relationship and I was single for close to a year before I started dating and it was about 1.5 years total before I got involved with DH. i took the time to hang with my friends, do a few interesting things, figure out what I wanted in a lifelong spouse, figure out what I would and would not tolerate. In other words, I learned my lessons from the failed relationship and didn't just jump into the next one. DH & I are married 15 years, so I guess taking that time was a good idea.

 

[poohandwendy]

A woman that I used to work with just divorced her 8th husband....she is 42. She is always bellyaching about the the horrible men she somehow ends up with. I told her after 8x.......it is probably her, seriously.

Yep, she is the common denominator I think.

 

[poohandwendy]

I would not get married more than twice.

I am not judging others for having a different experience. My kids are close to being raised and I would not marry again until they were on their own (if I even did remarry).

If that marriage failed, I would probably just have my own place and a boyfriend.

I just cannot imagine saying 'as long as we both shall live' vows over and over again without feeling it was wrong.

 

[disneymama73]

Well, you should probably take some time to figure out why you are choosing what seem to be the wrong men. And I truly don't mean this in a nasty or sarcastic way. Our choices are influenced by many things...childhood, life experience etc.

For example, I have a colleague whose father died when she was 12. She is the type of woman who cannot be without a man. She cheated on her husband, was seriously dating someone shortly after separating from her husband(transitional boyfriend perhaps??), stayed with that guy for about 2 years and then found another guy and had him waiting in the wings so she could move right to him when she broke up with her transitional boyfriend. She ended up marrying #3, but he is essentially the same type of personality as her 1st hubby. But, losing her father at such a young age had a HUGE impact on her dealings with men, lookig for that father figure and so on, and I think that is why she cannot be without a man for any length of time. But I also don't think she ever took the time to figure this out, so she just keeps jumping from guy to guy.

The last serious BF I had before I met DH was a 1.5 year relationship and I was single for close to a year before I started dating and it was about 1.5 years total before I got involved with DH. i took the time to hang with my friends, do a few interesting things, figure out what I wanted in a lifelong spouse, figure out what I would and would not tolerate. In other words, I learned my lessons from the failed relationship and didn't just jump into the next one. DH & I are married 15 years, so I guess taking that time was a good idea.

I was pretty young (21) when I married my first husband, and I met my current husband immediately after we separated. No, it wasn't smart, but we dated for 2.5 yrs before we got married. My husband has changed dramatically since then. This certainly was something that no one expected to happen. He was not abusive until my grandfather died and our children were born, and then it was like he snapped.

But I agree with you and didn't take your post as being nasty or mean. That's why I said in a previous post that I wouldn't move onto #3 without some serious counseling.

 

[robinb]

I'm posting witout reading ...

People should be able to marry as often as they want. That is their right.

You should be able to roll your eyes into your head as far as they will go. That is your right.

 

[LisaNJ25]

My dad is on wife #4.. but this one has been over 10 years now and his longest.. I guess she is a keeper

 

[pppiglet]

My mom is on her 3rd marriage, DH's mom is on her 2nd, DH's dad is on his 3rd, and DH's Brother is on his 3rd. My dad never got remarried.

Me, my brother, my sister, and my best friend from HS are all on our first marriages. It will be 25 years for most of us next year.

I would probably not get married again if anything happened to DH. (wouldn't be looking to anyways!)

 

[jemiaule]

....graduated way back in 1990

Back.


Way back.


Way back in 1990.





I only graduated back in 1986. Not WAY back. Please don't make me old

 

[robinb]

I only graduated back in 1986. Not WAY back. Please don't make me old

Awww ... don't worry! I graduated when you were in 4th grade .

 

[manning]

My mom has been divorced twice. She got remarried after her and my dad got divorced...well because the guy was living with us already and her parents didn't approve of her shacking up, especially because of me. Anyway that marriage lasted longer than her and my dad's but mostly becuase she had to prove something... She is now living with her current bf of 5 years, after a failed engagement with the man she left my step-dad for. She wants to get married, but he doesn't. I hope they don't because they are both addicts(her gambling and he alcohol)...
I just think some people don't take their vows seriously. My husband and I have had a rough start. I was pregnant when we got married, we are young, and we don't have our careers established yet. So we have a lot going against us. However, since we both come from parents that didn't stay married, we are even that much more determined to make our marriage work. It is hard, but we love each other and are willing to do that work.

The formula for success............love each other and are willing to do that work. I heard someone say "there are not perfect marriages but there are happy marriages."

 

[Becky2005]

Hmmm....I guess I would say it depends on how the divorces were if that makes any sense.

Although, in our family I can only think of 2 spouses.

I just know my brother was married once before his current wife...he found out he was getting a divorce by his 1st wife up & leaving him and him getting served papers. Then again, nothing should have surprised us -- except the part that she wanted the house & they were renting. We found that hysterical. They were extremely young though due to my nephew (who my brother didn't find out about either until he was born -- trust me that one is stranger than fiction but NOBODY knew she was pregnant & we saw her 1 week before she delivered.) So, I hardly count that marriage much, I don't even think they made it 1 year.

Now his current wife, they have been married 16 years.

I would think by spouse #4, I would begin to wonder. I really don't know & have no plans to find out. I'm still on spouse #1 and I have him trained pretty well ...I would hate to think I would have to start over again.

 

[babytrees]

I'm still on spouse #1 and I have him trained pretty well ...I would hate to think I would have to start over again.

I'm still on #1 also....I can't get this one trained right...I can't imagine starting from scratch!!

Opinion:

I think some people are addicted to being married.
For those of you who are going through a divorce right now...I am sorry but I bet you'll be stronger for it!!

My mom and dad are both on second spouses...I think they both are sticking with this one because some idiot told them they wouldn't last in these marriages either.

It's better to get out of an unhappy situation than to stick with it because you feel you "have" to.