How many of you, like me, work FT and PT and get criticized by friends and family?

[McKelly]

My DH works FT AND PT, I work PT, when the kids are in school. I always hear the whisperings of "her DH works two jobs" and it must be hard on the kids. Well, I feel for you, because it is SO annoying and it is hard to blow off, I know what you mean.

A little over a year ago, my DH"s hours got cut back 25% and I got laid off. My DH took the PT job so we could get by. NOW, things are better, but he still works the part time job because we are looking at starting two kids in braces, one kid is going to Washington DC on a school trip and the other wants an $1800.00 oboe. Wants and life just cost money and we went through much of our savings when work hit the fan a year ago.

Seriously, these people are the same people who complain when someone is on unemployment and not looking hard enough for a job. And they are the same people who make THREE times more than my DH and I do and constantly complain about being broke...........ummm, get a PT job!!!

So, the answer to your question is Yes, we also get criticized. It something that just revs me up too!!! No advice here, just

 

[blanq]

I work both FT and PT (as many of you know from my other posts). My DH and I decided that because he might have to travel, that it would be best for me to get another job. I work 3-4 days a week either during the week or a combo by working one day over the weekend. Is it ideal, no, but one of us needs to be home with your 10 year old DD.

I know I am not the only person who works two jobs, yet I have both coworkers and family asking me "so how long are you going to keep doing this?" or "why do you work both FT and PT?" I'm not trying to be rude, but MY INCOME DOESN"T PAY THE BILLS AND I HAVE BOTH MEDICAL AND CC DEBT."

I already feel guilty enough as it is by working an evening or two during the week, but I make sure my DD's lunch gets made every night, I take her to and from her GS meetings and attend them and work my schedule around her activities.

This is what I have to do right now and I'm doing the best I can, and millions of others are having to do the same things, yet I get criticized!

I am doing the right thing by taking responsibility for my bills and my DH is able to spend time with our DD that he might not ordinarily get too, yet I'm sad....

I'm not looking to get flamed, but support for our decision knowing it is the right one!

Diane

It appears you are doing what you need to do for your family. That's the great thing about life...we each get to decide how we want to live it. It would appear that your family and friends have no right to criticize, unless you are somehow imposing on them with your schedule (by having them watch your DD or something). I personally would just let this roll off my back.

 

[rbork]

Great support thread here.
I want to adopt you all. I hear it constantly from friends and family and I only work 24-40 hrs a week! Not sure why people question it. My DH has a great paying job. I work for the extras vacations, gas money, orthodontics, clothing etc... I've been working every other weekend and a couple days during week for 11 years now. And "they" STILL ask when are you going to leave the weekends? I'm blessed to have never been forced to use daycare. Always managed hours around DH schedule. We call it "swing shift parenting"
OP I feel your pain or rather guilt. Hang in there and Do What's Right for You.

 

[sunnyday123]

Wow, I thought it was just my family.

I work two jobs and I'm going to school, and I hear stuff like that all the time. I usually respond with, "Are you going to pay my bills?" if I'm in a good mood and "Mind your business" if not!

 

[ilovediznee]

I just got to work and I'm reading the additional posts and thank you. Yes, it is a unique situation as my MIL and DD are very, very close. My MIL has blessed us by watching DD since she was 6 weeks old and I went back to work. I had surgery in 2008 and made some poor choices as far as getting a cash advance to pay our expenses during that time so now I had lots of bills. My job at the time of my surgery allowed me to work at bunch of OT so I did it and was able to do a bunch at home so DD still saw me and I didn't work weekends. Then the OT stopped so I got a job at the hospital working as a patient sitter at time and a half and that's when "little things" were mentioned, but that was over two years ago. Debt doesn't come down that fast when you only work a few hours a week so here I am still working. Retail was my major and I like it so at least I am doing something I like.

I think the issue with her is that I am not home with DD in the evenings and DD says things to her, like "I miss my Mom, I wish she didn't have to work so much." The crazy thing is that when I am home, she is off doing other things either not home or in the other room. Maybe me just being there is a comfort to her, but she is also a drama queen which doesn't help.

I hope to have this medical stuff paid for by December and will I still keep the PT job - possibly, but not maybe as many hours. It pays for little things and I like being able to go out for dinner and such.

To the poster who mentioned Dave Ramsey's book, I have it and I'm trying to use it. The hard part is that I also have Xmas in the back of my mind and so some of it I am hoarding away for that. I know I should just say NO to Christmas, but I can't and I've chosen not too.

Thanks again everyone and I hope things get better!!!!

Diane

 

[kfeuer]

So it's still in effect despite it being THEIR decision to let him go? That just seems crazy to me. Has he talked to his old HR department to see if he can get some sort of permission to have it waived, since it was NOT his decision to have to go look for other jobs?

Crazy, isn't it? It's so patently unfair, it shouldn't be legal but it is. He worked for this company for 15 years and they screwed us royally. I get angry if I think about it so I try not to dwell on it. Onward and upward!

 

[JennyKS]

I am a single mother and I have a full time job and a part time job. I work 4 days a week at my part time job. I get very tired hearing people make comments as to why. My only comment I give them is I would like to keep my house a little longer thank you. If people would only realize that the questions only make others feel even more guilty. In a perfect world I'd only have one job. But my full time job has experienced layoffs and paycuts and until things pick up, I'm working two jobs to make up for it. My daughter just ends up spending a little more time with her dad and then my mother helps out a lot.

I'm actually very proud that I do it.

 

[15isto2]

You have my complete admiration for what you are doing, I am amazed that anyone could consider being so negative

I work as an RN in the UK and was wondering what a "patient sitter" is, we dont have them here

 

[ilovediznee]

15isto2,
A patient sitter is a non-technician with no tech or nursing experience that sits with patients, be it suicide patients so they don't get out of their restraints or heart patients to be sure a nurse comes when their beeper goes off or if they need assistance.

I was lucky and spent most shifts working in the heart clinic with patients who had just had surgery, just to be sure they were comfortable, welcome any guests if they could have them and be sure they didn't pull out any tubes or call a nurse if their beeper went off.

Di

 

[15isto2]

15isto2,
A patient sitter is a non-technician with no tech or nursing experience that sits with patients, be it suicide patients so they don't get out of their restraints or heart patients to be sure a nurse comes when their beeper goes off or if they need assistance.

I was lucky and spent most shifts working in the heart clinic with patients who had just had surgery, just to be sure they were comfortable, welcome any guests if they could have them and be sure they didn't pull out any tubes or call a nurse if their beeper went off.

Di

Thanks

 

[MylilTink]

I work a FT & PT job as well as go to school (all classes online thankfully)! DH works a FT job as well.

Our health insurance, 401k, and every other deductible out there (vision, dental, short term disability) is paid through my FT job since my employer has cheaper and better benefits than DH's.

Also, we decided to take our first family vacation this year and I decided to get the PT job so funds to pay for the vacation would be easier to budget. Now that our vacation is almost here, I can quit afterwards, but I enjoy my PT job (newborn photographer at local hospitals) that I don't know if I will.

 

[Planogirl]

I only have a part-time job so I hear about that too. People ask why I work so few hours when I could be working full-time instead. For one thing, my job is horrible and I would totally lose it if I worked full-time hours. Also, I'd love to find a good full-time job but they don't come easy.

People should just mind their own business!

 

[ilovediznee]

My main thing is the guilt I feel for not being home with DD in the evenings. That, on top of her mentioning it to my MIL doesn't help. Every afternoon when I have to work that evening is "Mommy, have a good night at work and I love you and I'm going to miss you". That is what my MIL hears and when I get home - 9:30 or 9:45, that is what she hears so I don't see her until the next morning because she is asleep when I get home. GUILT, GUILT, GUILT -

 

[princessbride6205]

My main thing is the guilt I feel for not being home with DD in the evenings. That, on top of her mentioning it to my MIL doesn't help. Every afternoon when I have to work that evening is "Mommy, have a good night at work and I love you and I'm going to miss you". That is what my MIL hears and when I get home - 9:30 or 9:45, that is what she hears so I don't see her until the next morning because she is asleep when I get home. GUILT, GUILT, GUILT -

I hear you. I work "just" one FT job, but it's 50-60 hours a week. DH also works one FT job, 50-60 hours a week. (And we're both salaried, so it's not like we get OT or bonuses for the extra time.) I also feel guilty when I get home right as we're about to put DD to bed. I'm usually so fried from the day, that I don't feel like I'm doing a good job as a mom even when I am spending time with her.

 

[ccgirl]

I know...it's so hard. I work FT as well as my DH. I don't get home until 6pm every night. I drive her to school every morning. Yet, she tells me that she gets sad because all of the other kids have their moms pick them up and she has to go to aftercare. I think there is a total of 4 moms who work outside of the home in her class of 30. The hard part is; some of the moms are just as bad. One told me that she would never have children if she couldn't stay home. That should be illegal - having someone else raise your children. Funny thing....I am a much better mom. She is on facebook all day and doesn't really bother with her children. I say it is quality not quantity. Sounds like you are a great mom with your DD making those comments. You are instilling good work ethic in your DD. That is very important as well. Keep it up.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

Many people are "old school" & if you are the only one working 2 jobs & your DH only works one they may feel like he is not providing for you. Right or wrong many people (my dh included) feel that way. They think the husband should pick up an extra job to compensate. My DH would never let me work a paying job where the money did anything but provide fun money for me. He will not take a dime from me. He is very old fashioned & he brings home the bacon. If it's what's best for your family then by all means ignore them & continue on.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

I get the same thing. I have a FT and PT job, as well as do some per-diem work during the summer. DH works FT, and stays home with DS the rest of the time.

Both of us get a ton of crap - me for working so many hours, and him for being the SAHD (his FT is 2 24 hour shifts weekly, so he is home 5 days/wk). I can make a lot more than him, so it's more practical for me to go out and him to stay home.

Our son is with one of us, or my parents when our shifts overlap. He's happy, and the situation works currently. I can't tell you how many people have asked why he doesn't get another job and I stay home with DS.