How many days can your child miss school?

[RedAngie]

I think a warning letter was sent to parents after the 10th absence for the year, either excused or unexcused. After the 15th absence, I think there was a truancy court.

While I lived in L.A., I'm sure there was a policy, but the administration was mostly concerned with the hundreds of kids would only show up maybe 10 days a semester.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Your child missed a week for your grandmother's funeral?

That's not an unreasonable amount of time if they live across the country. We drove to Texas for my father-in-law's funeral. 4 days of driving there & back plus being there 3 days for calling hours, the funeral, and a day with my mother-in-law.

 

[roseaster]

Your child missed a week for your grandmother's funeral?

My kids missed a week for my father in law's funeral. He lived in Florida we are in NJ. We flew down Monday, visitation was Tuesday night, funeral, internment, and repast were Wednesday. Technically, I guess we could have flown back Thursday so they could go to school Friday, but in this case I thought it was more important to spend that extra day with family.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

That's not an unreasonable amount of time if they live across the country. We drove to Texas for my father-in-law's funeral. 4 days of driving there & back plus being there 3 days for calling hours, the funeral, and a day with my mother-in-law.

Normal is 3 days off work for immediate family member (parent, sibling, child). So yeah, that sounds like a lot to me for a great-grandparent - especially since PP said it was only a 4-hour drive each way.

 

[Thing 1]

Our district just changed to a "no attendance mandate." Basically it no longer matters how many days they miss. Before that is was 20 for lower and middle school but was rarely enforced. High school with a block scheduled was VERY strict with like 4 days a semester and enforced.
Please don't worry. The worst you may get is a letter explaining why it is important to have your child in school. We have relatives in Georgia where the "rules" are supposed to be strict but they travel a lot with us and their child does miss days and they have never had an issue. Oldest DS had an interesting kindergarten year. Early fall we did a week long trip and did not hesitate to take him out. Fine until he got the flu and missed and week and then needed surgery and need a few weeks.....he ended up missing a TON of time and still won the Cream of the Crop award for being the top performing kindergartner. Hes in grad school now and has no scars of the kindergarten year.

 

[roseaster]

Normal is 3 days off work for immediate family member (parent, sibling, child). So yeah, that sounds like a lot to me for a great-grandparent - especially since PP said it was only a 4-hour drive each way.

Whose normal?

Also, you, as a complete stranger, have no right to place a value on someone's relationship. You have no idea how close the poster is to her grandmother, she could have been raised by her, potentially making a great-grandparent a very important part of her life.

Families are different now. Children are raised by and in conjunction with grandparents, aunts, step parents. It's no longer just about biology.

5 days does not seem unreasonable. Same situation as mine. Drive out on Monday, services on Tuesday and Wednesday, drive back on Thursday, so again, the child could have gone to school on Friday, but, depending on family dynamics, it may be important to spend time with family.

 

[dja14]

Your child missed a week for your grandmother's funeral?

Yes.
She raised me so we were very close. I was upset obviously, my husband loved her very much and was upset (plus worried for me). She had been sick a long time but still. Our son is autistic and was very sensitive to stuff like that. (plus we had two younger kids running around) We had recently moved to the area (away from extended family) so although we had local friends there was no one I would have left our son with for an extended time (plus he had been close to her as well, so we would have taken him anyway)

I got called Monday morning, he was in afternoon K, so as soon as husband got work sorted we left and drove. Tuesday we got plans done, Wednesday evening was visitation and Thursday was funeral. We drove home Friday. I guess we could have drove home through the night Thursday but we really weren't in any shape to do so.

We made him go back the next Monday. The K teacher called and asked me to get him early and not let him come back until he quit crying. He wasn't being violent or loud, he just started silently crying after he got there and they couldn't get him to stop. Which is why I was a little upset when we got a letter Thursday

Sometimes common sense needs to be applied.

I say I laugh about it now because we moved the next year and switched school districts. When that set of educators told us we needed to just accept our child would never learn to read or do math (he was already reading) we pulled him to homeschool him. He graduates this May. I'm not anti public school but obviously it just wasn't working for us.

 

[dja14]

Normal is 3 days off work for immediate family member (parent, sibling, child). So yeah, that sounds like a lot to me for a great-grandparent - especially since PP said it was only a 4-hour drive each way.

It does sound like a lot, but it really wasn't. We were lucky my husbands employer didn't blink, just told us to go. We really weren't even sure what kind of mess we would find when we got there (because of my family dynamics you just never knew back then) I know it was his great grandparent but he was a little young to be left home alone.

We could technically have just been gone the day of the funeral, left our home at 4-5am and gotten there and come home late that night. I really needed to be there Tuesday though. And he was only in K. We just were thinking about getting to where we needed to be.

We live further from my husbands family and even though he wasn't as close we still went to the funeral for his grandmother. We were gone four days that time (2 traveling days, 2 funeral days) but were homeschooling by then, so just made up our days. Husbands new employer didn't question that either.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Whose normal?

Also, you, as a complete stranger, have no right to place a value on someone's relationship. You have no idea how close the poster is to her grandmother, she could have been raised by her, potentially making a great-grandparent a very important part of her life.

Families are different now. Children are raised by and in conjunction with grandparents, aunts, step parents. It's no longer just about biology.

5 days does not seem unreasonable. Same situation as mine. Drive out on Monday, services on Tuesday and Wednesday, drive back on Thursday, so again, the child could have gone to school on Friday, but, depending on family dynamics, it may be important to spend time with family.

Normal, typical, "standard". Pick any word you like. 5 days IS longer than most people would be out. I didn't say it was unreasonable, but it most certainly is outside the "norm".

As for who raises children, yes there are those families who raise kids in conjunction with multiple generations. Although, I would guess its actually less common today than it was a generation or 2 ago.

 

[Magpie]

Normal is 3 days off work for immediate family member (parent, sibling, child). So yeah, that sounds like a lot to me for a great-grandparent - especially since PP said it was only a 4-hour drive each way.

We took the kids out of school for two weeks when their grandpa died. My husband had gone up a couple weeks earlier (my inlaws were ten hours north of our town) so he could be with his father at the end. He was logging in remotely to work during this time. A co-worker drove the kids and me up, for the funeral. And then we just stayed, to support his mum and help her sort out her late husband's affairs.

We have a nice, reasonable school district. My husband's employer was wonderfully supportive, as well, though no special exceptions were made for him, and it all went through proper channels. In other words, this is what passes for "normal" in my neck of the woods.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

We took the kids out of school for two weeks when their grandpa died. My husband had gone up a couple weeks earlier (my inlaws were ten hours north of our town) so he could be with his father at the end. He was logging in remotely to work during this time. A co-worker drove the kids and me up, for the funeral. And then we just stayed, to support his mum and help her sort out her late husband's affairs.

We have a nice, reasonable school district. My husband's employer was wonderfully supportive, as well, though no special exceptions were made for him, and it all went through proper channels. In other words, this is what passes for "normal" in my neck of the woods.

Being permitted to do that sounds nice, but that doesn't make it "normal" unless that's how a significant portion of the people around you actually do it.

I didn't even attend my grandmother's funeral because my parents thought it would be too hard on me. That's probably not "the norm", either

 

[roseaster]

Normal, typical, "standard". Pick any word you like. 5 days IS longer than most people would be out. I didn't say it was unreasonable, but it most certainly is outside the "norm".

As for who raises children, yes there are those families who raise kids in conjunction with multiple generations. Although, I would guess its actually less common today than it was a generation or 2 ago.

Actually, no. Multi generational household were more common in past generations, but the family unit has changed a lot. More children are now being raised by relatives who are not their parents.

More children are being raised solely by their grandparents than in past generations. By in conjunction with I mean that grandparents often assist in child care in that we have so many single parent homes, and the majority of 2 parent homes both parents are employed and grandparents often assist with child care.

Because of this many children have a very close relationship with grandparents. I don't think that there is anything excessive about taking off a week for the death of someone to whom you were close, especially if travel is required. The PP could hardly leave her 5 year old home alone, and I very much doubt she was going to skip the funeral of the woman she knew as her mother.

 

[Magpie]

Being permitted to do that sounds nice, but that doesn't make it "normal" unless that's how a significant portion of the people around you actually do it.

I didn't even attend my grandmother's funeral because my parents thought it would be too hard on me. That's probably not "the norm", either

A significant portion of the people around me haven't died yet, so I can't really speak to how "normal" people do it. But, as I said, bereavement leave and distance work were all arranged through proper channels, and our school didn't blink an eye at the kids' absence. So, clearly it's not TOO abnormal.

And, as I always tell the kids, "normal" is overrated.

BTW, I'm sorry you didn't get to go to your grandma's funeral - it was really helpful for our kids - they were 7 and 8... and I just remembered the 7yo was homeschooled. So it was actually only the one kid who missed a bunch of school.

 

[here757]

I have to say, from my perspective here, that's completely nuts.

My son had a rough time of it in kindy due to a learning disability, and was allowed to attend two days a week after Christmas. His teacher was incredibly supportive. I took him on field trips around the city, and he dictated reports to me about it, which he then read to the class on the days he attended. In grade 1, he needed more focus on physical therapy, so I home schooled him through to the end of grade 5, after which he went back to public school - straight into the Gifted program. My son is now in university.

I know another kid who had severe (diagnosed) anxiety issues. He attended sporadically until high school. He did quite well in high school and is now in college.

I appreciate the way the schools were always willing to work with us, to ensure our kids got the best possible education for them. I think if I lived in a place with policies as draconian as you're describing, I'd probably have just home schooled all the way through. It wouldn't be worth it, to have to give away all the freedom and flexibility we've enjoyed. Not to mention, those (special ed teacher recommended) "mental health breaks" for the boy, and the off season family vacations for all the rest of us.

I think u may qualify for one of those federal iep things .. I forget what they are called
Meanwhile my 6 year old just missed 2 days Tuesday will be 3 in a row going to doc

 

[here757]

Please don't be afraid of the school. If they contact you, so what? Personally, as a parent I appreciate it when parents keep their children home even for a cold. In our district holding a child back or skipping a grade are HUGE deals and aren't really related to how many days of school they missed. There is a huge range of capabilities - especially in the younger grades. So there are kids in third grade and in kindergarten who are currently where your DD is academically. The much bigger factors that determine holding a child back have to do with maturity and emotional development.

There is a reason your schools don't publish hard and fast rules about number of absences. They probably take it on a case by case basis which is good. Just communicate regularly with the school and keep them informed. Be firm and know that you are your DD's parent and will the one who decides whether she's healthy enough to go to school on any given day.

So jail time and fines don't really concern u? It does me.. I will tell my kids to carry their asses to school! I got better places to be

 

[Magpie]

I think u may qualify for one of those federal iep things .. I forget what they are called
Meanwhile my 6 year old just missed 2 days Tuesday will be 3 in a row going to doc

I'm Canadian and yeah... we got the boy tested up one side and down another and fitted with an IEP in school. He's in university now, and gets an extra 1000 dollars a year for his disability, as well as a bit of extra time on exams.

I hope your six year feels better soon!

 

[Colleen27]

Out schools have that rule in middle and high school (7 days per semester) but at the elem level there's no fixed number of days. Promotion and retention are based on ability, not attendance. I'm not sure whether the difference is an acknowledgement that little ones are more prone to catching everything that goes around or if it has more to do with a strict deterrent for older kids who might be inclined to try to cut school, but either way the rules get progressively stricter and more rigidly enforced as the kids get older.

 

[dotfurio]

I think the policy for elementary is 20 days but nothing is done besides sending a nasty letter.

 

[ilovefh]

I'm pretty nervous about this topic! DS is in pre-k at a special needs charter school. He'll go there through 5th grade hopefully. Because they are a charter they can kick you out for any reason.

Just since Christmas DS has missed at least 6 days. One week they called and told us he had conjunctivitis so he missed two days. There was a doctor visit in there. One week he had a fever and was out two days. Then there was the neurologist appointment. We thought about sending him that day and just picking him up but school is from 8:30-2:30 and we would have had to pick him up at 9:30 and he wouldn't have been back until after 12. From 12:30-2 is nap time so we decided not to send him. Today he had an awful cough, needs the nebulizer and has thrown up from coughing so much so he'll stay home again.

This doesn't count the absences from before Christmas. There was a 3 day illness around Halloween. A day at the beginning of the year and a neurologist appointment in December. The only non illness absence was the day before Thanksgiving break because my parents were here and I wanted him to spend time with them. He'll miss Friday too for the same reason.

I hope that because it's a special needs school they recognize that perhaps these kids have to absent more than typically developing kids, but we'll see.

I hate that some schools that require a doctor's note only because some illnesses do not require a doctor's visit. I don't need to take him in each time he has a virus. There is nothing they can do. If he has a fever of 102 he can't go to school, but it in no way means he needs to be seen by a doctor.

 

[aprilgail]

Ours is a warning letter at 5 days, held back at 15. But they really don't hold students back, as far as I know, if the parents push back on it.

LOL- I think my 11th grader would be in about 3rd grade now if she was held back every year she missed 15 days!

Our schools it's after 30 days they have the OPTION to hold your child back, my daughter missed around 36 days one year but wasn't held back.