How long would you wait for your bf to ask you to marry?

[bettyann29]

...................

 

[Pop Daddy]

its time for him to get off the pot

 

[tiggersmom2]

I think when it is there...it is there. My hubby asked me to marry him after we had been dating for 3 months.....he is my 2nd husband.

 

[Pop Daddy]

My hubby asked me to marry him after we had been dating for 3 months.....he is my 2nd husband.

I bet your first husband was mad

 

[WDWAurora]

Subtleties like that don't always go too far with most men. I waited about 4 years, but that was because we were young and broke. Now we're still young and broke, but less broke than we were a few years ago. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we knew our goal (getting married) but we also knew we had to wait a little while. It was clear from the beginning that both of us knew where we were heading and we talked about it.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I bet your first husband was mad

LOL...no, he was dead!

 

[Marseeya]

So, why don't you ask him?

Come on, get with the program woman! It's 2005!

But seriously, it sounds like he's been really burnt. Maybe that has something to do with it. Did his first wife change a good bit after they married? Maybe he's afraid you'll change. Maybe as my mom would say, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" Sorry, couldn't resist.

Are you happy with him the way things are now? Do you think you'll be together forever with or without that piece of paper? What are the reasons you want to get married?

Personally, I'd quit hinting and start asking outright so you'll have an answer. But don't ask if you aren't prepared for the consequences. What would you do if he said he never wanted to remarry?

 

[jfulcer]

Why not ask him?

 

[Mysteria]

I'd talk to him about it. It'll start eating away at you until you clear the air about it. If it's a great relationship the way it is now he may feel there is no need to change it. He may be thinking you are happy with the way things are too. Men and hints...well we know how well that works. It doesn't. lol

Myst

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If I did want to get married real bad and he hadn't asked, that would be tough for me to live with him that long. I would have waited about 2 years tops. After that I probably couldn't take it.

 

[Kirby]

After about three years of dating, I told my boyfriend that we needed to make some decisions. We either needed to consider marriage or split up because I wasn't going to just keep dating forever. A year later we were married and we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary next June. He had already told his parents that he was going to marry me months before I said anything. He just hadn't gotten around to telling me. It always takes him a long time to make major decisions.

I had to come back in and add that you really should talk with him about it. I don't want to ruffle any feathers but what incentive does he have to marry you? Since you already live with him, he can have his cake and eat it too, so why does he really need to get married? You've been with him for quite a while, he should know by now if he wants to get married, especially since he's been married before.

 

[Aidensmom]

I'd definately ask him his intentions. My first husband asked me to marry him after 4 months, my second after 3.

 

[ckret01]

Same boat here too but I have been with him since the fall of 1999. So we are going on our 7th year

 

[marybet]

How did you decide to live together? Did he move in with you? Do you discuss the future? Do you share living expenses? I think you are not being realistic if you think after 4 years he is just going to ask you to marry him without any discussions first. I think as another poster suggested that you need to decide what you will do if he never wants to marry again.

Do your children live with you? How does he treat them? None of this is really any of my business, I am just thinking of all the things I would use to factor in to a decision to continue to live with someone who hasn't talked about marriage in 4 years.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would ask him.

 

[ksjayhawks]

Okay, I'll play the devil's advocate here:

why should he marry you when we already has all the "benefits" of marriage without having to make a paper (license) committment? Something doesn't go right and he can leave, no strings attached.


I would say four years is enough, actually more than enough. If he is not interested in marriage, maybe it is time to move on and find someone who is interested in sharing the rest of his life--married life--with you.

 

[SDFgirl]

It took my fiance just over two years to ask me. I was getting very antsy at that point! I was ready to say yes after about a year, but (as another poster said about her DH) he takes a long time making big decisions.

I would ask him point-blank. If it's something you want, you need to let him know in no uncertain terms. Is it a deal-breaker for you? What if he just doesn't want to get married again? Would you stay with him?

Not really questions to answer to ME, I just wanted to give you food for thought.

 

[Kitty 34]

I would ask him to marry me.

 

[disykat]

Whether we wanted to marry (not necessarily each other!) was something we discussed almost immediately upon starting dating, along with our views on children, religion, sex, money, etc. It was part of the getting to know each other discussions. After we'd been dating a while (about nine months) we started discussing marriage and then went out and bought the ring together. I've never understood the whole "proposal" thing - to me it's a joint decision, not something he decides and I agree to. We've been married almost 15 years, so it worked for us.

In your case, it sounds like he may not even realize you want to get married. Why not ask him about his goals for your relationship? Even as married people, dh and I have occasional "state of the union" discussions. Even if you want to wait for a formal proposal, you still need to know where he stands.

 

[floridaminnie]

Why haven't you talked to him about it?