How long should relatives visit/stay in a home for?

[etoiles]

I don't want to post about the specifics as to not bias the poll.

Imagine your mother in law visits twice a year. Those two times a year are the only times you see her because she lives far away. How long should a normal visit last? (Each visit, not the two visits total.)

She does not do anything on her own since she cannot drive and is unwilling to walk anywhere from the home so she is dependent on us for all entertainment/shopping.

Edited to add: She does have a guest bedroom/bathroom.

 

[sonnyjane]

My mom and I have a 4 day rule. Whether it's me visiting her in Florida or her visiting me in CA, any longer and we'll kill each other. Otherwise we actually have a very strong relationship and talk everyday lol.

 

[Southernmiss]

I don't want to post about the specifics as to not bias the poll.

Imagine your mother in law visits twice a year. Those two times a year are the only times you see her because she lives far away. How long should a normal visit last? (Each visit, not the two visits total.)

She does not do anything on her own since she cannot drive and is unwilling to walk anywhere from the home so she is dependent on us for all entertainment.

Both of my MILs are wonderful. One lives locally. The other doesn't. When out of town MIL comes, it's usually for abt 4 days once a year. She drives 7 hours each way. Each time she comes, I would be glad for her to stay longer as she's helpful and no trouble. Well except that we give her dds room and dd sleeps on an air mattress in our office. But I am glad she's here.

We drive to see her once or twice a year and stay 4 or 5 days.

I think your question depends on a lot of family dynamics that vary for each family.

 

[Uncle Remus]

I don't want to post about the specifics as to not bias the poll.

Imagine your mother in law visits twice a year. Those two times a year are the only times you see her because she lives far away. How long should a normal visit last? (Each visit, not the two visits total.)

She does not do anything on her own since she cannot drive and is unwilling to walk anywhere from the home so she is dependent on us for all entertainment.

Four hours sounds about right.

 

[aprilchem]

I'd say it depends. Do you have small children? Do you work full time? Would she have her own bedroom/bathroom while she's there? How far away is she?

We see my in-laws twice a year for about a week at a time, sometimes longer. They live 10 hours away.

 

[mrsklamc]

Too many variables for me to answer; I mean, my mom and my MIL are from the SAME country and my mom I could handle for a week and my MIL can move in for all I care.

When you add in that the relative is from overseas, there are just too many potential cultural differences. My MIL was just telling me that some Chinese grandparents travel here to 'raise' their grandchildren when they are born for like the first year or something like that.

 

[dyna]

MMMMMMM I cannot imagine any of my inlaws visiting any longer than a couple of hours an even then I'd meet most of them at a park to visit. I live at least 900 miles from all of them.

When we went up home last time to visit we did not visit but 1 of my inlaws out of 10. DH's choice not mine. We had also gotten word there was things being passed in the family that we did not want to bring home with us.

 

[ashley0139]

I said a week but I think that would change if the relative were coming from out of the country (8 hour flight or longer). A week isn't worth it at that point. But otherwise, a week.

 

[cluvsdisney]

a week at the max

 

[Ephany]

Two weeks max unless I LOVED having them stay. I know it varies from person to person or family to family though. My next door neighbor's mom stays for about a month twice a year, she's from Brazil. I had a classmate who flew his MIL to the US for the winter every year. She lives somewhere in northern Russia and they worry about her being alone when it's that cold outside.

 

[Handbag Lady]

A week at the most.

 

[minkydog]

A week, especially if the person is coming from a long way away. I have a sister that lives on the other side of the U.S. and it doesn't make sense to fly out there, stay 2 days and fly home--it costs a blue fortune! If I'm going to visit my sister I am always there a minimum of a week to 10 days. Of course, DSis and I get along great. We only see each other about once every 12-18 months so we make it count when we're together. We also know how to give each other space.

My SIL is from Venezuela. When her mother comes up from Vz. she stays for at least 4-5 months. She's a nice person, but honestly, I don't know how my brother stands it. She's in poor health, very dependent, and speaks only Spanish, which means his wife speaks only Spanish while she's there and DBro feels left out. He hasn't been able to learn much Spanish and of course, the MIL in her 80s isn't going to learn English. But he endures....DBro takes her out to eat, to the doctor, to the church, to the beach. Whatever needs to be done, he does it. God Bless him. If my MIL moved in with us I think I'd last about 6 hours and I'd have to hit the road.

 

[kathie859]

I said 2 weeks since she's so far away; however, I wouldn't feel obligated to entertain her on a daily basis. I'd ask if she wanted to go with me as I did the shopping and errands. I'd enlist her help in preparing DH favorite meals from his childhood and offer her a selection of reading material magazine, etc and instructions on how to use the TV. AND, most importantly, I'd insure that DH had quality time alone with his Mother. Some men may need prodding to do this

 

[gratefulfred]

My in laws are about to move in permanently so anything less than that sounds great to me

 

[hereyago]

I think its better when relatives stay at a hotel and are in charge of their own visit(entertainment, etc) at the same token, i don't stay with people, i dont want to mess up their routine.

 

[mombrontrent]

1-2 weeks sounds about right to me if your MIL lives in the country. I understand a longer visit if they are coming from overseas and are retired. I have friends and neighbours who have a parent come and stay with them for 3 months at a tie. Their parents are traveling very far (from places like India, Pakistan or the Philippines )and it costs a lot of money for a flight so they sometimes will go years between visits.

 

[Lilliputian]

I voted 2 weeks. I'm a little different than most people because we LOVE having company, especially overnight guests. We use our guestroom all the time and are frequently washing the sheets as one guest leaves because another is coming that night.

We do enjoy some guests more than others, but we find ways to make it work with the ones who are a little harder to get along with. There's a certain relative who must think I have it made as a SAHM because I nap with the baby every afternoon. Of course, I don't nap when she's not there, and I just stock my bedroom with stuff to do during naptime so that I can hide out for a while. You'd be amazed how refreshing just a few hours apart can be.

We also like to arrange lots of outings when anyone comes to visit, but especially the ones who are harder to get along with. Conversation flows more smoothly when you're at the zoo, botanical gardens, or whatever.

 

[whatname]

Ahh, I have been here. In-laws live on the other side of the country. I understand that it is a long and expensive trip. I enjoy them days 1 through 5. They start to get on my nerves days 6 through 10. Days 11 through 14 I start counting down the days. "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I can make it." And repeat. Really, I'm ready to see them go when they go.

It is sad because they really don't anything in particular that is annoying. It is just having people in your house all that time. You can't relax. And there is always someone around. Ugh! They would be highly offended at the idea of staying in a hotel. But, it's only a couple of times a year. So, I grin and bear it.

 

[minnie mum]

My father had a saying that I've tried to bear in mind whenever I'm visiting someone else: House guests are like fish, they both stink after 3 days.

My MIL? 4 hrs max.

 

[Kitty 34]

Interesting question (and answers). I have to say I'm a hotel type of person myself. My son and wife live in Oklahoma so someday when we go visit, I know we will definitely get a hotel room. They are flying up for Christmas and even tho I have a spare bedroom, they have also chosen to stay in a hotel; so that they are halfway between us and her parents.

Having said this, my other son and fiance went to Poland last year and stayed 3 weeks in her grandma and aunt's apartment!