How long is long enough to store grown kids' stuff??

[Luvchefmic]

I don't see this as a "kid gloves" solution at all. Not doing anything about it for two years has been a "kid gloves" solution.

Also, I see this all the time on the DIS and in real life. People get mad and pop off and then someone holds a grudge forever and there is huge drama. You can be respectful and still get your goal accomplished.

The reason most people want a garbage/yard sale solution is because most people can't resist the "gotcha" part of the situation. Not only do they want the OP to get her house clean, they want to make sure the son is "punished." I just don't think there's any need for that. Get the stuff moved, store it for the short term, turn the issue over to the son. Done and done.

OP, I don't know what to tell you about the car.

It was "kid gloves" for the past 2 years and yes you are right that huge drama can occur BUT the OP has to weigh all her options and make a decision (hopefully one that her DH will also agree with) I just think it would be SO wrong to ever be afraid to make a decision, and stick to it, fearing that her DS will retaliate in the future..like withholding grandchildren.

 

[DVCLiz]

It was "kid gloves" for the past 2 years and yes you are right that huge drama can occur BUT the OP has to weigh all her options and make a decision (hopefully one that her DH will also agree with) I just think it would be SO wrong to ever be afraid to make a decision, and stick to it, fearing that her DS will retaliate in the future..like withholding grandchildren.

And I'll agree with you there, too. But honestly, the OP hasn't been able to do it in 32 years so why assume she can start now? There's obviously something in the family dynamic that has gotten off track anyway - what kind of 32 year old man would treat his parents this way? I'm not saying it's a great solution but it's the most drama-free and it accomplishes the purpose.

 

[Handbag Lady]

You need to take the trash with you when you leave. Throw the trash out elsewhere and don't tell her that you are doing.

I've done that before! When I do go into her house, I make sure I have a large handbag and I stuff it with trash and dump it at my apartment's trash bin. Doesn't even make a DENT!

 

[jetprincess]

Set a date and stick to it!!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Listen, they are NOT going to do it, they are never going to do it, *NEVER*. If Junior DARES to throw a tantrum about you getting rid of their junk that is being stored at your house for free

Heck, it's not even their junk any longer - it's the OP's, to do with as she sees fit! Two years? MORE than enough time. Trash it, toss it, sell it, donate it, whatever. It's YOURS. Get rid of it.

I'd find a storage unit in your town with a short term lease - like 3 months.

Oh, even better: rent one of those POD things, get a few people over one day to move all their stuff into it, get it delivered to their house, and GIVE THEM THE BILL.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Oh, yeah, I just wanted to add... apparently, when I moved out (many years ago), I left stuff at my parents house. My dad died, then my mom sold the house to my sister, then my mom died... my sister tossed EVERYTHING that wasn't hers, except some furniture that a couple of us wanted (come to think of it, she won't give it to us...). Everything. Frankly, while I know she got rid of items belonging to me, I haven't got the SLIGHTEST idea what.

 

[shortbun]

I think you should inform him now, that you are having a yard sale in the spring, and that anything he wants, he should arrange to pick up before then, because anything that's still in the house on yard sale day is going to be sold. Give him a deadline. And stick to it.

Good luck!

This is what I would do. My Mom boxed our stuff and gave it to us for Christmas one year, lol! When I moved last year, I found a few of the boxes with memorabilia she had packed. Made me smile. I was about 24.

 

[emma'smom]

I lived in NYC during my early marriage in a very small apartment....so most of my "stuff" stayed in my parents large home (my room stayed the same since they didn't use that floor). When they finally down-sized and moved out of the house I grew up in---I was told come get it or its going!

Of course, I went home to help them with the packing/moving anyway because I didn't want them to have to do that themselves----and that's when I got most of my stuff that I wanted and/or got rid of the rest. We took tons of it down to Good Will that week-end. When faced with keeping it myself (in the small apartment) or paying to store it, suddenly I didn't need it so much!

However, the movers actually ended up moving a bunch of junk (old prom dresses, etc) when they did the big "moving day" sweep and it got mixed up in it. So my parents actually had a few boxes of stuff for another 10 years since they moved to another state and we would only fly back and forth to see them.

Now that they have retired and have moved near us, I think we finally have it all. They showed up with a box or two every once in awhile as they unpacked and found stuff (by this time it was odds and ends from childhood like baby clothes my mother saved that my dd's could use for doll clothes, etc)

and now they are getting even:

Every time my dd's go to visit, they send them home with THEIR JUNK (costume jewelry, etc)---now it clutters our house!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

And I'll agree with you there, too. But honestly, the OP hasn't been able to do it in 32 years so why assume she can start now? There's obviously something in the family dynamic that has gotten off track anyway - what kind of 32 year old man would treat his parents this way? I'm not saying it's a great solution but it's the most drama-free and it accomplishes the purpose.

You are so right which is why the solution is for the OP to just "do it" and not even call the son anymore about the items.

The reality of the dynamic is that OP uses "the stuff" as a reason to contact or keep in touch....aha....

 

[Luvchefmic]

Quote:
Originally Posted by DVCLiz
And I'll agree with you there, too. But honestly, the OP hasn't been able to do it in 32 years so why assume she can start now? There's obviously something in the family dynamic that has gotten off track anyway - what kind of 32 year old man would treat his parents this way? I'm not saying it's a great solution but it's the most drama-free and it accomplishes the purpose.

You are so right which is why the solution is for the OP to just "do it" and not even call the son anymore about the items.

The reality of the dynamic is that OP uses "the stuff" as a reason to contact or keep in touch....aha....

I think you both hit the nail on the head...especially the last line...I hope the OP just makes a decision & sticks to it

 

[Kit'smommy]

Can you be my third parent? We'd work well together, I can see.

My mom WON'T let me take out any of my old stuff. I went to her house and tossed out a LOT of my old stuff I'd never use or need. She went into the trash and took it all out and said she'd keep it for me just in case.

It gets better. When we try to talk to her about her hoarding issues, she blames us for leaving our stuff at her house, and that's why her house is so full. Again, I try to toss out my stuff, and again, she takes it from the trash. I can't win.

I like the deadline idea. Make it for this weekend!

Are you my sister? This post cracked me up as it sounds just like my mom.

My mom is still mad at me for selling a set of Effanbee Wizard of Oz dolls on eBay. They really weren't worth much from a sentimental or dollar standpoint, but my mom insisted I take them. I told her that if I took them, I was going to sell them, but she still said for me to take them since they were mine. She still laments about them being gone. She tells me "But you wanted them so much!" and I respond "I was eight, Mom, my taste has changed." Now she won't let me have anything and will not toss it herself...

As and adult, I can tell you that if it was important to me, I have already taken it. Set a deadline for them and then don't feel guilty for making things disappear.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Are you my sister? This post cracked me up as it sounds just like my mom.

My mom is still mad at me for selling a set of Effanbee Wizard of Oz dolls on eBay. They really weren't worth much from a sentimental or dollar standpoint, but my mom insisted I take them. I told her that if I took them, I was going to sell them, but she still said for me to take them since they were mine. She still laments about them being gone. She tells me "But you wanted them so much!" and I respond "I was eight, Mom, my taste has changed." Now she won't let me have anything and will not toss it herself...

As and adult, I can tell you that if it was important to me, I have already taken it. Set a deadline for them and then don't feel guilty for making things disappear.

Oh I know.

I have Pizza Hut glasses from the 70's in my cabinets (it was when they did some Looney Tune promotion). Of course I don't care about them so naturally my kids use them and my mom says....."see".

We ate a Pizza Hut every Friday night for months to get those glasses.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

And I'll agree with you there, too. But honestly, the OP hasn't been able to do it in 32 years so why assume she can start now? There's obviously something in the family dynamic that has gotten off track anyway - what kind of 32 year old man would treat his parents this way? I'm not saying it's a great solution but it's the most drama-free and it accomplishes the purpose.

Paying to store his stuff is not the right solution at all.

Kid gloves or not--he needs a deadline and the stuff is gone. That is how it works. Why should she assume a contract and bill for her son's crap?

Her son caused the drama--all she has to do is end it.

 

[dzorn]

I think my Dad dropped mine off shortly after we purchaed our own house. Said it was my junk to store now.

Denise in MI

 

[Dancemom03]

Oh, even better: rent one of those POD things, get a few people over one day to move all their stuff into it, get it delivered to their house, and GIVE THEM THE BILL.

This was a fantastic idea! Thanks so much! I called pods and asked but the fee was just under $500 for their smallest unit. OUCH! We will not be doing that... HOWEVER, we do have a friend with a horse trailer that we can probably borrow and pack it all up in there, then park it in DS's driveway for a few days. Anything left inside when friend needs it back would have to go to goodwill or the landfill but I figure if they want it, they'll remove it. Either way, I feel much better and relatively guilt free for the first time about the thought of clearing out their junk now...

You are so right which is why the solution is for the OP to just "do it" and not even call the son anymore about the items.

The reality of the dynamic is that OP uses "the stuff" as a reason to contact or keep in touch....aha....

Whoa, sort of took the wrong turn from reality here. The stuff isn't a reason to keep in touch, it's probably still here b/c until now we've just thrown in reminders that he needs to take it when we've seen him. Until winter set in DS stopped by for something non-stuff-related most weekends. He's a major procrastinator and threw it off to his DFi (who also lived here for a while and has belongings here too) to come do the packing & moving. If there's an issue at all, it's that now that DFi has a home of her own, she finds other things to do, rarely coming with him and I'm fairly sure that she doesn't want to take the time to pack, move, and find a place for their almost-forgotten stuff when she can leave it here.

We're not just dealing with DS's stuff, there's someone not related to us involved as well - and that someone even remembers the design of Christmas wrap sitting down there along with her left-behind coach bags, shoes, and stamps/scrapbooking stuff. This thread has given me a chance to really think it all out, instead of just stewing b/c the junk is still here. I do want it out but I don't want a major incident either. Since it really boils down to them being too lazy to come get, we'll just have to bite the bullet and take that mountain to Muhammad... err DS's driveway...

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

with her left-behind coach bags, shoes, and stamps/scrapbooking stuff. This thread has given me a chance to really think it all out, instead of just stewing b/c the junk is still here. I do want it out but I don't want a major incident either. Since it really boils down to them being too lazy to come get, we'll just have to bite the bullet and take that mountain to Muhammad... err DS's driveway...

How about an itemized list--sent it to them certified receipt and then declare that anything not picked up by ______ date will be disposed or sold at your discretion.

The Coach bags are SCREAMING.....E-BAY me!!!!!!

 

[Dancemom03]

The Coach bags are SCREAMING.....E-BAY me!!!!!!

Well, I'd have to admit I was tempted... there's even a matching wallet for at least one of them... but nope, I'll stick to selling AG... besides I've heard Coach is a high-risk ebay category and it'd be my luck somebody would report one of them as fake and I wouldn't be able to produce a receipt to prove it wasn't...