How late do you think a 17 year old boy should be able to stay out?

[frustrated]

I think I agree with MH2. I think it is at least potentially benficial to give a kid "his wings" while he is at home.

 

[Keli]

Midnight is a reasonable curfew on weekends and in the summer. Depending on what time he needs to be up for school I probably wouldn't let him stay out any later than ten on a school night. Teens really do need their sleep even though they think they don't.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Originally posted by MHopkins2
I don't want to get into this one (another of the major differences between my mom and my dad), but consider this: assuming your DS is going away to college, in one year's time he will have no curfews or limits whatsoever. (Not to mention ready availability of alcohol.) It's probably a good idea (understatement) to allow him to test the waters in a safe environment this year.

That is a very valid point. We always trusted our kids would "do the right thing", and they usually lived up to our expectations.

 

[sue1013]

DS has 10 on weeknights, 12 on weekends. In NJ they have a restricted license until 18. They are not supposed to be driving after 12. I'm not sure what the penalty is if they are caught driving after 12 but he's adhered to it with no problem. When he turns 18 in October we will stick with the 10 on school nights but won't set one for weekends.

 

[k&a&c'smom]

Well, we're different then most of the posters, our kids don't have a curfew per se. All 3 of my teens are excellent students, and my two oldest (boys) will be 17 & 19 this summer. They are pretty geeky (their words) and rarely go "out," preferring to spend time at home and at friends' homes. The 16-yr. old still has not gotten his driver's license, he got his permit at 15-1/2, but hasn't had any urge to get the full license! If they ask to go to the movies or over to a friend's, they have to tell us exactly where they will be - if it's a school night we usually want them home by 11, but not too strict, if it's 11:10, no biggie.

On the weekends, they do LAN parties (if you are unfamiliar, these are parties where any number of kids connect their computers and play games, they've had as many as 90 kids at one of them!) quite often that run all night, they get home around 5 a.m.!! DH has dropped by their LAN parties, and they are always where they say they are, so we trust them when they tell us where they are going.

Whenever they go somewhere, they call us to let us know if they will be late getting home, or if they change plans, to ask if it's alright. They're really good kids, I think.

To me, it all depends on the child, are they responsible, do they do what they say they're going to, do you trust them? If yes, then give them some freedom, it pays off in the long run.

p.s. The oldest is getting married next month and heading to college, so our control over him is almost at an end! I'm glad he had some experience with making his own decisions, before heading out on his own.

 

[caitycaity]

i agree with mhopkins. i never had a curfew, as long as my parents knew where i was and who i was with.

 

[Melora]

Boy oh boy! Hope my kids dont see this thread!

No way are my kids out later than 7 or 8 on school night.. and in general I want them home earlier than that.

On a weekend Sarah (17) just got her curfewed lengthed to 11PM. Up until now its been 10.

Emily (15) doesnt go out like that so we havent had to worry about that yet.

 

[palmtreegirl]

On school night I never really went out because I was involved in a lot of activities and usually had a class or practice of some sort.

On weekends and the summer I never had a curfew I would give my parents an estimate of what time I'd be home and then if I was going to late I had to call and let them know where I was and when I'd be home. As long as they knew where I was they said they wouldn't worry and stress out. I stayed out pretty late, mostly just hanging out with friends at their houses, driving around, going to the diner late at night, going down the shore in the summer & stuff like that. It was all just innocent fun.

 

[CamColt]

Id say no set curfew. Have him let you know where hes going. If there is something that would require him to be out late, and you feel its approrpriate then let him. Or if he plans to be home at a certain time, and circumstances change, have him call and ask if he can stay later.
I grew up without a curfew. Before I turned 18 my lisence expired at 1:00am so if I was driving, which I usually was, by law I had to be home by 1:00. Most school nights I was home fairly early, weekends were always by 1:00. After 18, my nights got later, but I always got up in time for work during the week, and for the most part I would let my parents know if I was going to be really late.

 

[wtpclc]

Originally posted by caitycaity
i agree with mhopkins. i never had a curfew, as long as my parents knew where i was and who i was with.

I 3rd that. My mom felt that kids could do a LOT of bad things before 8 pm even. I'd like to add that letting your kids know that you trust them goes a long way! My parents always trusted us. If I did something wrong, I could not stand the guilt!

My ILs believe only in strict curfews and no trust. One of my SILs was a good kid, but if her parents believed she did the wrong things anyway, why bother doing the right thing? Her strict curfew did not prevent her from getting pregnant as a junior in high school.

Find out where they're going, what they're going to do. If it's reasonable, let them go. I was once allowed to go see Imagine at a 9 pm show on a school night when I was a senior. It was with other NHS students after an NHS function, but it felt so good to know that my prents trusted me and that I could have a super special treat! They saw it as a chance to let me test the waters before college.

Good luck! The fact that you care enough to try to do your homework shows a lot. I'm sure that whatever decision you make, you'll so fine!

 

[Lewisc]

You really have to get some idea what curfew their friends have and what they do. Really not fair having a midnight curfew on weekends if all their friends go to a 10:30p movie on Sat night.

We always had a "flexible" curfew. Basically any good reason got an extension. What do you do if they are at a bowling alley and can't get a lane until late for example.

 

[nsyncraider17]

I'm 17, and I don't really have a set curfew...it depends on what I'm doing and with who I think, and if I have anything going on the next morning. Usually I have to be home by midnight or so, but if I call my parents and tell them what I'm doing, they're usually ok.

really - what IS there for someone under 21 to do past midnight?

My friends and I are often hanging out at each others' houses or out at the movies after midnight...there's not that much to do in our town, lol. I had some friends over last night and they didn't leave until about 12:30. One guy called his mom to tell her he was still here, and she said he was allowed to be out until 2. Personally, I stay up until 2 or 3 am during the summer anyway, so if my parents know I'm at a friend's house watching a movie or something, I don't see why it should make a difference.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

When I was 17 I had a 10:00 curfew on weekdays because I worked and then on weekends if I was with friends I didn't have one but if i was with my boyfriend I had to be home at midnight.

 

[Lynn CC]

My DS 17 doesn't go out on school nights, he gets out of school, does his homework and then goes to Kung Fu or Golf (when he plays for the team). Otherwise he's home, he gets a lot of homework!
We are lucky that he doesn't go "out" to hang around, his friends come over here to swim, watch movies etc.
They are up late in the summer to make up for all the early evenings while schools in session!
What do you mean when you say "out"
I think the important thing is to know where "out" is.

 

[Evil Princess]

When I was 17 I had a curfew of 12:30 on weekends, but senior year I didn't have one.

I didn't come waltzing in at 4 in the morning every night, but my parents realized that in a year I'd be going to school and have complete freedom. I was always very responsible in high school, and if I asked to see a late movie my parents would usually say yes. If I was at Applebee's at 11:45 and the waiter was taking a long time I'd call home and give my parents a heads up that I'd be a little late. Since they always knew where I was and I never broke curfew nor gave them a reason not to trust me my parents loosened up a little senior year.

It really depends on your son. If he never calls and breaks curfew now, then you shouldn't give him a later one. If he proves to be responsible and you have no reason not to trust him than ask him what he does at night and have him tell you why he needs a later curfew.

If your son is going away to school in a year he'll have complete freedom. In my experience it's the kids who had really early curfews and no freedom in high school that go NUTS and get themselves into bad situations at college. If you're able to ease into it, it's a much easier transition.

 

[Disney Doll]

I was susally 10 on school nights and 12 on weekends, unless there was a special event, then it was negotiable.

The big rule was if I was going to be late for some reason (and it does legitimately happen on occasion when you're a teenager!!), I HAD to call.

 

[Planogirl]

10 on week nights and 12 on weekends sounds good to me with a LOT of flexibility. If they have a job or a special event, that makes a difference too.

My parents were always real strict with these times which really rankled me. I ended up moving out the second I could partly because of their rigidity.

 

[Tiggeroo]

This is tough for me. My dd who is 19 never had a curfew. I just wanted to know where she was and when she'd be back. She was always at a friends house or movies or Denny's or something. Now my sons will be 17 at the end of this summer and they give me stress. I would like to do the same for them but it just doesn't seem to work. We live in a shore town. Alot of their friends meet here even if they live a bit from here. They walk the boardwalk, skateboard around, bike, stop at a friends house, etc. No definite place to go. This tends to worry me. If they were to get in trouble or be late I wouldn't know where to get them. They hang with good kids but there have been a few instances of some of their friends doing minor dumb things and causing a problem. I tell them that if I know where they are and that it is a slightly supervised place they could stay there til 3am and I wouldn't care. But if I don't know I have to set some sort of curfew. Which I don't really believe in because at this point I want them preparing for the freedom college will give them.

 

[CBRorBust]

Weeknights-11pm

Weekends-1am

 

[Mercy]

Wow... OP here!

I'm surprised at how many responses that question got! Ok, I guess I need to loosen up a little, I was thinking 10 weeknights and 11 weekends... but maybe 10-11 weeknights during the summer (10 on school nights) and 12 on the weekends would be reasonable. I don't think I want to go any later than that, the later he is out the later I have to stay up and wait for him