How judgmental are you?

[Marseeya]

How judgmental are you in life? Do you have areas where you wish you were a little more laid back or open minded?

Confession time! Fess up.

I admit to being fairly judgmental about some things. Parenting issues for one. Ignorance and racism is something I'll never apologize for being judgmental about. Sometimes abortion. I'm very judgmental about people who are extremely conservative or fundamentalist (in regards to religion).

Even though all that is pretty bad, for as quick as I can be to snap to judgment, I'm also very quick to formulate other views after I've had a moment to consider things.

 

[WIcruizer]

I'm very judgemental, and I don't see that as a character flaw. I wonder about people who are wishy-washy on on everything. We've all been around long enough to form strong opinions, but there are a lot of "follow the crowd" people out there.

I'm judgemental about everything. Name a topic, and I have a strong opinion. I'm judgemental towards liberals, abortion, race, gay rights, etc.

 

[Marseeya]

I'm very judgemental, and I don't see that as a character flaw. I wonder about people who are wishy-washy on on everything. We've all been around long enough to form strong opinions, but there are a lot of "follow the crowd" people out there.

I'm judgemental about everything. Name a topic, and I have a strong opinion. I'm judgemental towards liberals, abortion, race, gay rights, etc.

I don't consider myself wishy-washy at all, but just aware enough to realize that all isn't the way it seems most of the time.

Take for example a topic we see on the Dis boards once in a while. Say you're at MK and there's a 7 or 8 year old child having an all out temper tantrum, screaming and yelling. My first impulse is to shake my head and wonder about the parents, but then I realize that the child may have problems I'm not privy to.

Or sometimes I'll make a quick judgment about something I see in public, but then later realize that I can't possibly form a solid opinion based on a few seconds out of a person's life.

I just don't see that kind of stuff as wishy washy.

 

[NMAmy]

I don't consider myself wishy-washy at all, but just aware enough to realize that all isn't the way it seems most of the time.

Or sometimes I'll make a quick judgment about something I see in public, but then later realize that I can't possibly form a solid opinion based on a few seconds out of a person's life.

I just don't see that kind of stuff as wishy washy.

I don't see that as wish washy, either, Marseeya. I have a tendency to try to put myself in the other person's shoes. There's no way to know what someone else's life is like and a little compassion can go a long way.

Do I have opinions? Absolutely. Does that mean I should immediately shut down someone who disagrees with me or should I try to consider their point of view? As much as I'd like to be, I'm not right ALL of the time.

 

[goodeats]

Of course I am. We all are, we make judgements about people every day. Do we like so and so, would we be willing to leave our child with them, do I want to have lunch with that person, etc.

I hate when people say "I'm not judgemental", because really it's a lie.

 

[Christine]

I'm judgemental about everything. Name a topic, and I have a strong opinion. I'm judgemental towards liberals, abortion, race, gay rights, etc.

Hmmmm...I don't equate being opininated with being judgemental. They aren't the same thing to me.

For instance, I also have a fairly strong opinion on everything but that doesn't mean I'm judging a person, if that makes sense.

I judge people by their actions/behaviors. For instance, there were some incidences in my DD's school where some parents were bringing their kids to school late about 30 times in the school year. I immediately formed a "distaste" for those parents and assumed they were dithering idioits. That's pretty judgemental. So, I will make judgements about people on that kind of stuff.

 

[sue1013]

When I was younger I was judgemental tended to think of everything in black and white. As I've gotten older had more life experiences I realize things are not always black and white there's a lot of gray. That does not mean I'm wishy washy and have no opinion. It means my opinion is right for me but I respect everyone has the right to their opinion. I open my mind I may learn something.

 

[Marseeya]

Of course I am. We all are, we make judgements about people every day. Do we like so and so, would we be willing to leave our child with them, do I want to have lunch with that person, etc.

I hate when people say "I'm not judgemental", because really it's a lie.

I understand that, but I just wanted to know the degree to which people are judgmental.

My DH has to be one of the least judgmental people I know, but he still is to a certain extent.

 

[WIcruizer]

That's true, I guess there is a diffeence between being opinionated and judgemental. I guess I'm saying that I'm both. I make judgements about people every day. Which friends I prefer my kids to avoid is one example. When I see a DD or DM screaming at the top of their lungs at their young children, I make a judgement. These judgements aren't always right, but I'll be they usually are. And life is about making judgements.

Marseeya, I hope I didn't imply I thought YOU were wishy washy. I was talking in general about people who never judge others, never have a strong opinion.

 

[ducklite]

I can't stand STUPID people. I'm not talking about mentally challenged individuals. I'm talking about people who have an average IQ and are just STUPID. I'm not talking about an occasional "my bad", we all make mistakes.

I'm talking about people who constantly do STUPID things to mess up their lives or the lives of others around them, and never learn by their mistakes, and then whine about their personal situation incessantly and/or expect everyone else to fix it for them.

Of that I'm VERY judgemental.

And now I shall suffer the wrath of my nine year old neice, the "Bad Word Police" who does not like the word Stupid.

Anne

 

[corie161]

I also think being opinionated and judgemental are two different things. It's one thing to have your beliefs about a subject and be passionate about them. Hopefully you would have done your research to stand behind why you feel that way about something.

On the other hand, assuming things about people based on their status quo is very judgemental. If someone has a the mansion on the hill, 3 kids, dog and the Hummer to boot doesn't mean they are the biggest snobs on the block. Now if there actions have proved otherwise then that's another thing. I like to think I always give people the benefit of the doubt unless I know better otherwise.

 

[WIcruizer]

If someone has a the mansion on the hill, 3 kids, dog and the Hummer to boot doesn't mean they are the biggest snobs on the block.

Great example, because I know lots of people who are judgemental about "rich" people. I know many, and many live down to that characterization of being a snob. But many of them are very down to earth people who are thankful for what they have.

I'm talking about people who constantly do STUPID things to mess up their lives or the lives of others around them, and never learn by their mistakes, and then whine about their personal situation incessantly and/or expect everyone else to fix it for them.

I'm very judgemental about those people as well. People who drop out of HS, and/or have multiple children out of wedlock and wonder why they can't make ends meet.

 

[Aidensmom]

To me, having an opininon and being judgemental are not neccessarily the same things. I have strong opinions about most issues, but it doesn't neccessarily mean I judge someone because they don't hold the same opinion. Or with things such as a 7 year old having a temper tantrum in MK, I make no judgements, I don't know the whole situation. I think I am a lot more "forgiving" of things other people do than a lot of people are, it doesn't mean I am wishy-washy, I just realize that I have not walked in everyone else's shoes.

I guess what I am saying is that I see certain behaviors in a more black-and-white "judgemental" way, but I don't form a judgement of the person perfoming them. I think that stealing is a bad behavior, but I don't in turn assume that someone who has stolen something is a "bad" person.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I have very little patience with people who do the same thing over and over, getting the same results over and over, and continue to blame others (life is so unfair, everybody is picking on me) for their unhappiness. I see alot of that here on the DIS - a particular poster keeps acting in a certain way and then wails with the unhappiness wanting Pixie Dust. I also have very little patience with people who keep feeding the Pixie Dust to these people, kind of like feeding a Crack habit IMHO.

I heard a lecturer once who was talking about the 10 Commandments. He was of the opinion that they (moral framework) were put in place not because they offend God so much, but because living your life outside of those guidelines almost guarantees unhappiness.

As for parenting, yes I can be judgemental. Mostly because I've worked with kids and know several adults who just had crappy parenting. I've seen the ravages up close, and it pisses me off to see somebody do that to another human.

But yeah, I can go overboard. I was reflecting the other day that certain DIS posters who are the Mothers of nearly grown teen daughters, they handle the calmly give advice to the teen-like drama so much better than I do. Maybe it is a learned skill, but I really doubt I have it in me.

 

[ducklite]

Or with things such as a 7 year old having a temper tantrum in MK,

If your child has a meltdown I can deal with it. But if you don't at least make an attempt to remove the child to an area where he will be less disruptive and out of the overstimulation that possibly caused the meltdown to begin with (a quiet spot in a garden or other more out of the way spot), then I'm going to judge you to be a parent who can't be bothered parenting. (See above post about stupid people)

Anne

 

[scubamouse]

i'm judgmental about people who spell judgmental, judgemental

i'm very opinionated by there are a lot of things i'm not judgmental about - circ or no, breast or formula feed, attachment parent or not, SAHM or WOHM - i don't care and i'll give people the benefit of the doubt that they're doing the best for them even if it's not what i did/do.

i too see judgmental and opinionated as 2 different things.

 

[spelunker]

i'm judgmental about people who spell judgmental, judgemental

i'm very opinionated by there are a lot of things i'm not judgmental about - circ or no, breast or formula feed, attachment parent or not, SAHM or WOHM - i don't care and i'll give people the benefit of the doubt that they're doing the best for them even if it's not what i did/do.

i too see judgmental and opinionated as 2 different things.

I disagree, my forming an opinion you are in fact making a judgement of one thing vs another. The two are intemingled too much to be different.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I also am judgemental. My friend says I don't trust anyone because I grew up in New York metro area.

 

[crcormier]

I can't stand and look down upon people who start threads about being judgemental.

 

[scubamouse]

I disagree, my forming an opinion you are in fact making a judgement of one thing vs another. The two are intemingled too much to be different.

here's what i'm referring to - i BF my kids and have an opinion that it's best but i don't judge someone who FF their kids. we don't AP but have friends that do - i don't judge them because they're doing something different.

but ... i would get judgmental about CIO for a newborn

IMO you can have an opinion w/o a judgment but there are definitely times when they're not mutually exclusive.