How important to you is spending holidays with extended family?

[Disney Doll]

My parents and DB & one of DH's sister live close by, so we end up doing the holidays with them. This year, DH & I are doing Crhistams for the whole gang, the we are going to DH's sister for Christmas Eve & my DB's for Christmas Day. DH's other 2 sisters live out of town, so they come or don't come as the mood strikes them. One of them used to put up a fuss about nobody ever going to her on the holidays, until I treminded her that she was the one who chose to leave Connecticut & move to Missouri.

We try not to get too crazed about the holidays. I think Hallmark has convinced everyone that we are all supposed to sit around together in front of the roaring fire with the beautiful gift-laden tree singing carols, and in reality, a lot of the time it ain't that way at all!!!!!!!!

 

[Disney Ella]

When we were first married and moved away, it was very important, but over time, we realized it was nice to be able to have a couple of days off and enjoy them in our own home. One year on the day before Thanksgiving, it took us seven hours to drive what should have been a three hour drive because of the traffic.

Now that we have kids, traveling during the holidays is even more of a hassle. It's nicer for us to visit at calmer times of the year. Any time we visit is special; we don't need a holiday for it to be that way, although it took some time for us to realize this.

 

[mrsltg]

Not at all important to me. In fact, I'd rather spend it with just my immediate family.

Erin

 

[malibuconlee]

When we lived 12 hours away from family we skipped going back for Thanksgiving. We always had friends over or one year went to a friend's house. I love cooking on Thanksgiving.

Then we always went back for Christmas for a week.

Honestly, I was contemplating NOT doing Christmas before we moved closer to family. It was a week in a hotel, not eating right (if you can imagine, it was hard to get a decent meal. No one on either side of the family cooks much any more!!) We joked about having a "Christmas Lamp" the last year we were in the hotel for Christmas. We piled all the packages around a floor lamp in the hotel room.

It really did seem that the family took it for granted and didn't seem to appreciate all the work that went into traveling to be with them.

A year ago we moved closer to family about an hour away. It was the first time we woke up in our own bed on Christmas morning together. That was nice. But, we're in the process of moving again and who knows if I'll even be here by Christmas this year.

I can say this... after feeling guilty about living away, then moving back and not seing family anywhere near as often as I thought we would I'm moving away again not feeling guilty. If we miss coming back for Christmas, so be it. My husband is my family now and the important thing is we're together.


Oh, also we're moving about 6.5 hours away. I'm sure we'll come back more than when we lived 12 hours away. Will definitely be spending time with friends when we're back.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

My DH & I would never dream about not spending a Holiday without our extended family. As long as they are here, we will be celebrating with them. I learned the hard way when I lost my dad a couple of years ago (& DH lost his 11 years ago) to not take our loved ones for granted. Who knows when the day will come that they will no longer be around. It's funny b/c there are times I catch myself complaining because on Thanksgiving we eat at DH's mom's at noon and then we go to my mom's at 5:00, so it can at times get a bit chaotic, not too mention how much food you put away that day! And at Christmas we do the same. Frankly, I can't imagine Thanksgiving or Christmas without our extended family. I'm not trying to say that those who don't spend holidays with their extended family are wrong, just saying this is our preference.
ETA: Of course, we live very close to all of extended family, so I realize this makes it easy for us.

 

[GEM]

Well, I know I'm really bizarre - but I very much enjoy holidays with my family! We live about four hours away from my mom, my sister and her family, and my brother and his family. (They all live within 90 minutes of each other.) We always go for Thanksgiving and for Christmas. It's a tradition for all of us to spend Christmas Eve together at my mom's and wake up together Christmas morning. Santa brings all Paul's toys right to Nana's! We do see each other pretty often throughout the year, as well - but holidays are still special. We usually stay a few days at Thanksgiving and a week or so at Christmas. (Gotta love working on a college campus! All that time off at Christmas!)

My DH's family are all Jehovah's Wittnesses, so we never have to worry about splitting the holidays between two families. They only live an hour from us, so we see them pretty often anyway.

My sister's husband was an only child of elderly parents, and they've both passed away. He really doesn't have any other family, so they don't have to do the juggling act either.

My brother's wife has a big family, so they usually split their time between her family and ours - but they live in the same town as her family and only an hour from my mom, so it isn't that big of a deal.

We also always have a huge Christmas gathering at my mom's (usually a few days after Christmas) with all my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. It's a blast - a real highlight of our year. We cousins have always had a great time together. There are usually about 4O people there and the front room is literally piled to the ceiling with gifts!

Anyway, I know I'm probably the exception, not the rule, but I would be really, really disappointed if I didn't get to spend the holidays with my family. And I know Paul and his Nana would be crushed not to be together on Christmas!

And, honestly, I still consider my mom and my siblings and their families to be part of my immediate family. I know that may not be the strict definition, but that's how I feel about it. To me, extended family is aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

 

[va32h]

For us, the drive is 16 hours, or more depending on how cranky the children are.

So we don't get back to my family too often (three Christmases in ten years).

Fortunately, many of my relatives are more than willing to come and see me - thus sharing the travel burden.

That's something that I don't understand - why more families don't take turns traveling. My mother and mother-in-law both subscribe to the theory that it is much easier for one adult to travel than for a family with small children. So they will come see us, rather than insist we come to them. My two sisters, who have no children of their own, also come to see us regularly.

I have two sisters-in-law that frequently whine about "never seeing us" but they absolutely refuse to even consider having their families come to see us, even though we have gone to see them, at considerable effort and expense.
Lately, I've decided that since I have the most kids, and it costs me the most to visit anyone, everyone will have to come to me, or wait until I can afford another trip out there.

 

[Rex Rules]

We only live 2 hours away now and I don't really want to go. We have lived as far away as 11 hours and we were expected to be there for all holidays. If we didn't, it caused major problems.
This is the last year DD believes in Santa, so next year we are planning to go away - I'm sure it will cause major ripples in the family, but sooner or later, you really need to do what makes you happy.

 

[malibuconlee]

Yeah, in our family the road is pretty much one way. Although DH's parents came a couple of times. Once they didn't tell us which day they were coming or which day they were leaving.

They also came the day after we got back from a weeklong WDW trip. Less than 12 hours after our plane got in.

Another time they left on DH's birthday early in the morning without saying goodbye. Planners they are not.

 

[mickeyboat]

When we were first married, we were 12 hours away from one or the other one of our families. We celebrated Thanksgiving where we were, and split Christmas between the two families. We continued this when we moved to VT, where DH's family lives. All of his sisters have since moved away, so the only family we have here is FIL. When the kids were small, we traveled to NC for Christmas, until 3 years ago. We got caught in a huge snowstorm and had to turn around - Emily threw up several times during the ride, both kids wet through their pull-ups, we were in the car for 6 hours, could not pull over because we would never make it back onto the interstate, were pushing snow with our bumper. It was miserable and dangerous.

So, we decided that from then on, we would be staying home for the holidays.

Denae

 

[Chicago526]

Not very, but then most of my family is close by, so we see eachother several times a year anyway!

I do look forward to seeing my parents at Christmas, though. They live in AZ now and the only other time they fly home to visit is over the summer. We don't see them for T-Day. But if DH and I spent T-Day at home instead of my aunt's, I wouldn't be too upset.