How I got out of a mixed marriage

[TwinkieMama]

A table of contents has been added for your trip report reading pleasure.

Page 1 Post 1: You are here now.
Page 1 Post 10: This will be a very economical vacation.
Page 1 Post 15: Florida in August?
Page 2 Post 18: Who invited the Wicked Stepmother?
Page 2 Post 28: What would Bob do?
Page 3 Post 39: So.. what would Bob do?
Page 5 Post 61: Wherein we belly up to the bar
Page 5 Post 70: Fans... or fanatics?
Page 5 Post 71: Can they handle the truth?
Page 6 Post 88: DH vs the Castle
Page 6 Post 89: Lemons into lemonade
Page 7 Post 96: In the jungle, the quiet jungle
Page 8 Post 107: What is an APH?
Page 8 Post 118: A scene with the family sitting next to us
Page 10 Post 144: "Oh, Mommy"
Page 10 Post 147: The dreaded space encroachers
Page 11 Post 162: The evening parade
Page 12 Post 173: Grand finale... or sappy ending? You decide
Page 14 Post 200: Twinkie Tips



I am writing this because this is the good stuff. The family legend. The stuff we talk about on midnight on New Years Eve. Also because as I get older I tend to forget and I don’t want to forget. And mainly because I enjoy trip reports so much: I have laughed, I have cried, I have spewed diet coke out my nose. Some people read bodice ripping romance, I read about other people’s vacations to Disney World. So who is weird? Not me.
So here it is:

Now that I have baited you with a good title let me pull the switch. This is actually several trip reports all rolled in to one thread (or would it actually be a yarn? Or a ball of twine. You be the judge.)

But first, the background—let’s meet the crew.

Me – my first memory of WDW is circa 1978, not my first trip but the first trip I remember. I was almost 4. I remember two things from this trip. We were at the MK in the late fall with my dMom, dDad, and dSis who was almost 2. People thought my parents were weird for “wasting” a trip to WDW on such little people. Most people in our neck of the woods (MN) went for a “once in a lifetime trip” and here I was not yet 4 and on my second one. My parents were not rich- my mom just loved WDW. (As a historical note: we didn’t bring or rent a stroller. Kids back then walked! When we started whining my dad did realize that we had effectively walked at least twice as far as he had (2-3 baby steps equal one daddy step) so he gave me a piggy back and little sis sat on mom’s shoulders. ) So my first memory is of not riding Dumbo because it wasn’t “worth it” to stand in line twice. So my sister rode with my mom while my dad took pictures and I watched. I was told that this was sis’s special time to ride Dumbo and I rode it last time when I was 2 and she wasn’t born yet. My other memory is pure Disney Magic. We ran into Mickey and the gang in the park (that is how it was back then you may or may not see characters- you didn’t line up, and they were always thronged with kids). So I am kind of shy I am waiting patiently to Meet the Mouse (btw I had been a Mickey fan for over half of my short life- asked for and rec’d a Marching Mickey for my second Xmas). Other kids keep stepping forward (not rude, just excited) and I am too young and too shy to know what to do. Finally, Minnie notices that I am being shoved around and steps toward me and gives me a big hug. She introduces me to Mickey. Magic! I am instantly a loyal Minnie Mouse fan.
Thanks Minnie. My parents took me on other trips- including the opening of EPCOT (as it was back then) and two stays in the Contemporary (thanks mom and dad- I thought everyone did this). My most recent trip prior to my marriage was a day trip to Epcot in 1990. (Hey look it is a trip report within a trip report).

DH- DH’s dad was an agronomist for a land grant university. Thus all family vacations were tacked onto scientific meetings. They have actually had some great vacations but as a result of this DH’s only WDW history was a one-day trip to the MK in July of 1980. He was 13 and his sister was 16. His dad had rec’d the tix from a vendor at the meeting. He was shocked by Disneynomics and thus wouldn’t buy food or soda. dFIL also balked at the long lines and so they walked around the park in the heat not doing much because every thing was too long to wait. DH did ride Space Mtn with his mom and enjoyed that but his main memory was of wishing he had a Coke and thinking there wasn’t much to do there.

Fast forward (thank goodness you say) to Aug. 1997- my wedding. I have just promised to have and to hold, to love and to cherish this man. And I do. We honeymoon. At this time I am 22 and he is 29… oh and didn’t I tell ya? My husband comes complete with child. Insta-family. DS is 3 in 1997. Now he is a great kid- especially a great first child. He was the kind of kid you could reason with from a very young age. You could say “DS here is all the chemicals that we use to clean the house. I would never want you to drink any or touch them because they could hurt you.” Then you could close the cabinet and never lock it. He is wonderful.

Our first year of marriage is challenging – I am in grad school full time, we undergo expensive and bitter legal trauma to maintain shared custody of said wonderful kid, we buy a house both to live and because we are told nice stable dwellings are a big plus in child custody battles and we need all the help we can get since DH is a dad and not a mom (plus he was never married to DS’s mom). So I am learning how to be married and be a mom and deal with step parent issues (It ain’t all Hayley Mills no matter how wonderful the kids are) plus we have one income and a mortgage, and daycare and a lawyer and tuition. We are Broke. Seriously Broke. Take out pizza isn’t even on the menu- ramen noodles and popcorn are.

So in the summer of 1998 I suggest that celebrate our one year anniversary and because we had resolved the legal troubles (but were expecting them to be reopened in 1999) we should go to Florida. My grandpa lives in a condo in a “retirement community of active adults” outside of Tampa. We can scrap together gas money- he has a pool and a golf course and I know he will take out to dinner. I love Clearwater Beach and Tarpon Springs and really want to share this with my new family. We will swim every day, do the beach one day and spend one day at the MK. This will be a very economical family vacation.
So what do you think? Is this unreasonable? What will DH say? Remember, I am young. Still a newlywed and I haven't even realized that I am in a mixed marriage. I mean he still looks normal.

Oh you poor thing. You have waded into all this and no sign of an actual trip report. Maybe next post

 

[noahynav]

Well, I am defintiely excited for the actual report. Great reading so far!!
BTW, it is always nice to hear about someone that actually enjoys being a step-parent. I was on the receiving end of 2 not so nice ones.

 

[fizz13]

Thats a great opener, I'll be waiting for more
Claire xx

 

[averill94]

I am hooked!!

 

[LindaBabe]

yes, hooked!

 

[scanne]

Bring it on! It is BETTER than a trip report!

 

[tubachick]

OOOHHHH.... I can't wait!!!


Being a member of the mixed marriage club (two Kids from DH, and a crzy X) I look forward to your "sharing"!!!!

keep it coming!!!

 

[mask_w03]

Hook line and sinker, I want more please :O)

 

[TwinkieMama]

You guys are too kind. And so encouraging. Thank you!

You may wonder why you haven't seen me around. I am a greedy glutton so I tend to not subscribe to trip reports but wait until they are done and then gobble them up in one late night sitting. It is really better for everyone if you inspire me in the middle of the night when CRO is safely closed. DH finds me laughing and/or crying at a computer in the dark in the middle of the night. He is used to it now.... I think.

 

[TwinkieMama]

So my pitch to DH included a budget of $200 for one day in 1998 at MK. I don’t remember the actual prices per item but I clearly remember that it was a total of $200 which would include
Tix: 2 adult 1 day and 1 child 1 day
Food: The three of us could share 2 counter service meals for lunch and again at dinner. We would drink water (we always did when not at home back then). We could buy ice cream on Main St. to share or one Mickey bar apiece during the parade. Breakfast would be accomplished in car en route with a tasty pop tart which was a treat because those things were $2 a box and really broke the grocery budget at home. We would carry a bottle of water and raisins and Nabs.

(Lengthy aside: What is a Nab you ask? A very good question! Here at TwinkieMama’s Super Verbose Trip Reports and Safaris we love audience participation. Another area in which DH and I differ- although we met and married in NC and I have lived most of my life below the Mason-Dixon line, I was born in MN, raised in the south by Midwesterners. DH is a Southern Belle. I am not making this up. So, I had never heard of a Nab before meeting my DH either. Nabs are traditionally those bright orange cheese cracker sandwiches with peanut butter that were originally made by Nabisco (hence the name) but in common usage can mean any cracker sandwich that comes in a 6 pack).
Aside over. In my opinion I have a made a bare bones but do-able budget. Not ostentatious, I mean I haven’t included any mouse ears, Mickey plush, t-shirts, glow sticks. No balloons or even table service. Not trying to be mean but remember we are Broke. I think that this is quite reasonable as the rest of our Florida stay is basically free (Thanks Grandpa)

DH: “Are you crazy?!? There is no way we can afford to spend $200 bucks a day on a Disney vacation! That is as much as our entire week in Florida”
Me: Stunned silence. Followed by quivering lip and “But but but it is Disney World” as of that is all anyone needs to say.
DH: “There is no theme park in the world worth a 60$ per person ticket”

So variations of this conversation go one for a few weeks in the summer of 98. I am still newly married enough that I really can’t believe that he won’t agree with me when I am being so reasonable. I know. Big time newbie mistake.

I don’t know what would of happened but what did happen is that my parents heard about this in detail. Being the awesome people they are they didn’t egg me on or take sides but did mail us a card a week before our anniversary (a couple of days before we drive to FL) with our anniversary present….. $200.

Who hoo! I am the banana! We are going to Disney World!!

 

[MissMichelle]

HURRY HURRY!!! I am subbing and can't wait to read on

 

[SLDL]

Subscribing...great read so far!

 

[disneyfamilyof5]

Great report!! Waiting for more!

 

[tubachick]

I don’t know what would of happened but what did happen is that my parents heard about this in detail. Being the awesome people they are they didn’t egg me on or take sides but did mail us a card a week before our anniversary (a couple of days before we drive to FL) with our anniversary present….. $200.

Who hoo! I am the banana! We are going to Disney World!!

YEAH!!!!

 

[TwinkieMama]

So the next question is why did we or why would anyone go to Florida in August? We live in NC and the heat and humidity there is bad enough in August. Why head south? Even my Grandpa kept suggesting that we wait for “High Season” when the retirement world was really hopping (Jan- Mar). Actually summer wasn’t good for us either. We were both in agricultural research at the time and summer is very busy. Plants just don’t understand that you want a vacation and maybe they shouldn’t bloom at 6 am 7 days a week. However we were also in a complicated child custody situation (we had him every day except weekends when the moon was full in which case he was at his mom’s unless she had date in which case custody reverted to us at bedtime, whoever didn’t have him on the preceding weekend did have him on Wednesday night except if it was a birthday or holiday) and his mom was not speaking to us so it was impossible to change anything. However our agreement did allow each parent to have 2 non-consecutive weeks of vacation time. We used one week to hang out with the extended family over the 4th of July and the other week to go to Florida. It had to be the week before school started in August because remember… I am in grad school. Now my teachers would have been more than happy to excuse me from class for a family vacation. I had missed class the year before for my honeymoon but I reached the point in my studies where “They” had pulled the biggest bait and switch of all time. I was a biology major because I love science but not so much math. Anyway- by your second year of grad school my life as a biologist was pure math- I was taking so much sadistics, um I mean statistics, and complex mathematical theory under courses names like Quantitative Genetics that I just couldn’t afford to miss school.
As for planning for this trip: I had practically memorized the then current Unofficial Guide. I didn’t buy it (don’t worry, Bob gets my money later) but I did check it out of the library. And laughed out loud. So we leave Grandpa’s early in the am so we can drive to WDW, park (Pluto 11), ride the tram to the TTC, buy tickets, and wait in line to be on the first monorail to MK. I had not mentioned anything about MK to DS also due to complicated child custody. I would never ask him to keep a secret from his mom and I wouldn’t have put it past her at the time to try to stop our trip or just ruin it by scaring DS out of jealousy. I hope that you don't understand my reasoning for this decision because you have never been in this situation. So no one had explained anything to DS (we would wait in line in the heat, we would see characters who where as big as daddy, some rides are dark but Mickey would never hurt you) which would have helped alot.
There we are at 8:00 am on Aug 13, 1998 and in line for the monorail, park admission in hand and I am stuck with 2 very hot and cranky men. We wait. And wait. And wait. It is already at least 90. I am sweating and as the DW of a Southern Belle I should not sweat. I should glow. DS starts to whine. I haven’t thought to bring anything to do or eat while we are in line. Other kids have candy. (He doesn't even know that some other kids are eating Tonga Toast in the AC before they ride from their hotel to MK) DH complains. DS whines. Finally, we are allowed to board the monorail. I am so excited! I am trying to get DS excited which he is not, but he is happy about the AC. We disembark and head through security which was nothing back then. I am carrying a backpack with a change of clothes for DS in case he gets wet on Splash or at Toontown and some nabs. They let us on and into Main St. Already you can smell the wonderful smells and hear the wonderful sounds of Disney. Do I allow my men to stop and look? Take a picture. Noooooo. We walk with purpose, down Main St and into the tunnel under the castle to be at the rope for Fantasyland. Here we are in the shade (good) with a crowd of other informed parents of small children (not so good). DH keeps trying to check out the mural and keep herding him to the rope. We musn’t lose our place.
Up next: Who invited the Wicked Stepmother?

 

[dakyak]

subscribing

 

[pooksma]

Great start! That anniversary gift sounds like something my parents would do.

 

[TwinkieMama]

One of the nicest things about being a step-parent is you can brag on your kid without boasting. Let me tell you more about DS. DS is super bright and just adorable. He has light brown curls, big green eyes and is just an all around attractive kid. He was most certainly not a daredevil- in fact when he was 4 he couldn’t ride a bike (not because he wasn’t coordinated, because he was scared) or pump a swing (also a teeny bit stubborn- he is so smart and athletic that if he isn’t good at something right off the bat then he is reluctant to work at it) At the time of this TR he had been an only child and only grandchild all of his life. He had 3 parents (his mom, his dad, me) and was more used to hanging out with adults than kids. For example, DH took him to a park one day when there was one other dad with a little boy there. DS looks around, surveys the situation, walks over to the other dad sticks out his hand for a shake and says “ So, what do you do?”

Back to our regularly scheduled trip report. There we are sweltering under Cindy’s and DS continues to whine. I am hot too and I am thinking “what is wrong with this kid? We have spent the entire year’s fun money today to take him to Disney and all he has done is complain!” So I whip around and kneel next to him and do in that mom hiss-whisper “If you don’t stop whining we will turn around an go back to the condo right now”.

Oh great! What have I done? Our parenting philosophy is don’t make rules or threats you won’t or can’t enforce. Do do what you say. Of course he is going to whine. He is 4 and it is HOT. I don’t want to go back to the condo! Then I see the look on his face…you can see what he is thinking “What kind of threat is that? She obviously thinks it is some sort of punishment but I would take a day in the nice cool condo that has a TV and fridge over this waiting in a crowd of strangers in the 100% humidity.” And I realize that he has no idea of what Disney World is…..

So I bend down again to try to point out what is in our limited view and explain that in a few minutes we will get to ride rides! At this point a CM in the cute lederhosen look starts chatting up DS who explains that we are from NC and no he has never been here before. The CM explains that rides won’t start working unless someone says the magic words and starts the park. Could DS come out and wave the Pirate flag?

OMG! Disney magic is happening to my very cranky family. DS looks skeptical. The CM explains that his mom and dad can come with him and that they will hold the first Dumbo ride just for him since he opened the park.

So out comes the camera! We are busy clicking away as DS says “yo ho ho” and as he waves the flag all the rides magically start to work.

Ok I am starting to cry happy tears right now.

 

[KathyRN137]

Keep going!! I love all the background stuff; it makes the story even better!!

Kathy

 

[Minnie]

I remember those "lean" days all too well

Thankfully I had wonderful parents like yours that made sure that we were okay and didn't judge only provided tons of help, love and support.

I leave tomorrow for a trip back to WDW with my mother and son and I can't express how important these trips are and what wonderful parents I have. I am truly blessed