How do you women who are married to cops (or men in other dangerous professions) cope

[honeywolf7]

with worrying? I'm awake because at about midnight my phone rang and it was the new guy I'm seeing (see my news post...he's a sheriff's deputy) telling me that I wouldn't be able to reach him at the jail tonight b/c he'd be out on the road working. I don't mind that he called in the middle of the night and woke me up, but I am worried now b/c I feel like he's safer at the jail (where he normally works) than on the road (and it doesn't help that there was a shootout between police and a criminal in the county he works in on Thursday.) How do you stop worrying long enough to sleep (and I'm not even in love with this guy, yet so I can just imagine how much harder it would be if I were)?

 

[Pin Wizard]

Hi, Becki! Great question. I know I think of a friend quite often when I know he's in another country doing Army things. I always keep him in my prayers. I'm glad he's here for an extended amount of time.

I do a lot of praying!!

 

[honeywolf7]

Thanks...I have been saying more prayers lately than I ever have before...I say one every night that he works.

 

[snoopy]

My husband has been in a dangerous job since we got married, first as a D.C. firefighter, then on the sniper counteract team for the Secret Service.

I've never been much of a worrier, but I will say 9/11 changed that. Sometimes when I get to thinking about the possibilities, I am positively frozen with fear, remember the attack on the Pentagon (and of course WTC) and I think how easily it could have been the White House. I try not to dwell too much on it, because I figure its in God's hands anyway. My husband is highly competent and loves his job, and will continue to do it until he retires in 10 more years. In the meantime, I give it over to God and pray for the best.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Becky, I know this is going to sound corny, but you learn to accept and cope. DH is a pilot in the military, and 4 weeks after DD2 was born, he deployed overseas for several months. While there"doing his job" he was shot at. The thing that keeps me sane is that he has been training for his whole adult life to do this job. And he has just as much reason to come home safe as I do to have him come home safe. If you choose to continue seeing this man, you will have to find some mechanism for dealing with worry. Mine is our kids. I refocus my worry into raising/playing with them.

 

[Kitty 34]

My neighbor is married to a State Trooper here in Michigan. Actually he just became one three years ago. I have asked her that question before and she says you just learn to deal with those fears and pray a lot. Good luck!

 

[Dan Murphy]

Our Vince, 26 years old, is still home with us, and a firefighter/paramedic. We still tell him to be careful when he leaves the house for a duty day (he gives us the , LOL) and do worry (subconsciously I guess) while he is gone. Though probably not too different than telling Natalie (now 23, and still home) to be careful driving last night as she left the house, with the pending ice storm in the forecast. She too gave us the . (And we did get the ice storm and Vince is at the station, so I presume he is busy doing accidents). We do worry, but deal with it. My best, Becki.

 

[honeywolf7]

Thanks, everybody....I guess the message I'm getting is that as long as I'm with him, I'll worry but I'll get used to it.

 

[Pin Wizard]

"You've Got Mail"...in your PM box, Becki!

 

[honeywolf7]

Received and answered

 

[jpmom97]

My dad was a NYC police officer and My DH is deployed and heading to Iraq. I have asked my mom how she dealt with my dad working and if she was scared and she said she would worry but you just learn to cope with it. I worry about my husband every second of the day but I have learned to live with it. I think it just becomes a part of life and a part of your everyday routine. Good luck.

 

[AZKathy]

DH has been a police officer for 21 years, now. I don't worry because DH has a level head and is not one of those macho come and try to start something kinda guys. He does not try to get into scuffles and if in one, he is good enough to get himself out of it. He has been hit by a car and shot at twice (both before we were married); nothing really since.

We also don't discuss his job when he is at home, therefore I don't hear about the stuff he gets involved in to worry. I have had a few episodes of "oh my gosh" when I hear things like cops being hurt or killed here in town; either I freak out if he is at work and I call to see if he is okay or I just count my blessings he was safe and not working during the tragedy.

The one area I did not like him working was when he was doing some undercover stuff with the ladies of the night. That bothered me a lot; I dunno why, but it did!

 

[Stimpy]

My DH has been a cop for 13 years (geez has it really been that long???) Most of that time, he has worked on the midnight shift because he loves it. I never really worried about him too much. It sounds terrible but I always trusted he would do the right thing and would come home in the morning. I know he is well trained as are the other members of his department. Maybe it's because I grew up in a police/fire family...dad, grandfather, uncles etc. He knows to call me if he's going to be late because of an arrest or other overtime. A few weeks ago a 14 year old stole a car and after DH tried to pull him over, the kid waited for him to get out of the car and tried to run him over. As long as I knew he was ok, I had nothing to worry about. I think you really just learn to cope and adjust to his/her profession.

I actually worry more about what would happen here at home at night when he is at work. It's selfish, but now that I have a 4 yr old and another on the way, I worry about what I would do in an emergency by myself.

I think it gets easier the longer you are with him. Right now you don't know what to expect but as you get to know him more the fact that he is in a dangerous job becomes less important as the other things you find you appreciate in him become more important. Does that make any sense?

 

[honeywolf7]

Yes, it makes a lot of sense....If it didn't, I wouldn't be dating him actually

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by jwsqrdplus2
Becky, I know this is going to sound corny, but you learn to accept and cope. DH is a pilot in the military, and 4 weeks after DD2 was born, he deployed overseas for several months. While there"doing his job" he was shot at. The thing that keeps me sane is that he has been training for his whole adult life to do this job. And he has just as much reason to come home safe as I do to have him come home safe. If you choose to continue seeing this man, you will have to find some mechanism for dealing with worry. Mine is our kids. I refocus my worry into raising/playing with them.

Ditto! (But you knew that, Jessica! ) I'm lucky that DH will never be "forward deployed" in his plane, but he will still be flying around dangerous areas in a big fuel tank. Honestly, I was more worried this last year during training when he didn't have a clue what he was doing! By now he's almost fully trained and I know he knows what he's doing. And I focused on work this year, and the cats, and just basically didn't think about him flying much. (Er, except that night he took off right before a tornado was spotted!)

 

[cati]

xx

 

[honeywolf7]

Well, I was going to have to worry about him for another reason....He was going to join the Navy Reserves and there would have been a good chance of him being deployed (which he said he wanted) but he decided to join something called the Virginia Defense Force (he's going to be a medic...he's already an EMT) instead which provides backup to the National Guard and never gets deployed overseas only in Virginia. I think I can deal with the Law Enforcement Officer thing if I don't have to worry about the other.

 

[Texan]

DH on various jobs throughout the police force for 15 years, including the Gang Unit. One piece of advice I would pass on is do not bug him all the time about being safe or your worrying. It doesn't make his job any easier. Some wives/girlfriends call their sweetie several times during the day and that doesn't help. Just put your trust in him to do his job well and pray a lot. One thing I am finding harder though as time goes on is our oldest DS who is entering teenage years. He is very close to his Dad and is starting to realize the dangers and is starting to worry. I just try to talk to him about it and have him realize all the training DH has had and how he wants to come home to his family as much as we want him to. Hang in there and be there for your sweetie. It will make his job a thousand times easier. When he wants to discuss his job he will. Just be there for him and support him.

 

[honeywolf7]

He wants to be an investigator or work undercover. I don't bug him about being worried all the time, but I do tell him to be careful when we talk and he's about to head off to work. I had been calling him once in a while at the jail, but I did it last night and the communications officer (who is a woman) decided to fuss at him (witch!) so he said from now on he'll make a point of calling me from work every night (he said this in front of some of the other male deputies and I could hear them saying something but he wouldn't tell me what they said until I asked if they had teased him and he admitted it.)

 

[Robmom]

I felt the same way when my DH first started working as a NYPD officer. You really do learn to cope with it. That doesn't mean that you still don't worry, though. One Christmas Day about 5 years ago, he was working and got into a car accident while rushing to aid a shot officer. Seeing him in the hospital really got me. Thankfully he now works inside where it's safe. Unfortunately bad things can happen, but we all just have to pray that they will all come home safe.