How do you tell your sibling NO????

[golfgal]

My nieces are in dance and every year they put on the Nutcracker. I am sure it is cute, but it is always Thanksgiving weekend and it is a 3 hour ride. I simply don't want to go. We spend the ENTIRE year listening to my sister go on and on and on and on about how cute they are and how wonderful her children are. If I say no, she will get all huffy and mad. AAARRRRUUUGGGHHHH--families. Oh, and she would NEVER come to one of my kids' things--"it's too far to drive". We call her the princess!

 

[stinkerbelle]

with the cost of gas these days...tell your sister to videotape it and you'll watch it over the holidays.

done.

 

[Beth76]

I suppose your sister doesn't understand that those things are cute only to the parents.

 

[septbride2002]

I know what you mean. DH's sister is the EXACT same way. But if you don't want to go, then don't. Just be firm and say, "I'm sorry we can't make it." If she gets huffy that is her problem.

~Amanda

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Well if she gets huffy then that is one less Christmas gift you have to buy!

 

[powellrj]

we go through the same thing. We are expected at my DNs birthdays, but they have NEVER come to our kids, ANYTHING. That road runs both ways, and its as long one way as the other. I would just say sorry we have other plans.... (I just wish I would take my own advise)

 

[jellymanoffspring]

I was going to suggest you go once......but when you added that she would not come to your childrens things...that changed my mind....
Just be firm..I am sure with kids of your own that there must be something on thier schedule that weekend....

( have you actually invited her to one of your childrens things? or you just know she would not come?)

 

[Jynohn]

Unfortunately I'm going through the same thing with my sister. She takes things VERY personally and holds a grudge if you turn down any of her invitations. Last week she was actually not talking to her mother-in-law because she wouldn't change her ticket and fly down a day early from NC to go to a duck race with her and her kids. I'm talking watching plastic ducks float down a river

There doesn't seem to be a diplomatic way to deal with people like this. I have had to learn that it's ok to tell my sister no sometimes. She may be angry, but she'll get over it. It's the only way I can deal with her, sadly the rest of the family walks on egg shells all the time so as not to get her upset.

I'm sorry I can't offer you much of a solution, but you do have my sympathy!

 

[missypie]

"I'm so sorry, but we won't be able to make it. Please wish the girls good luck for us." If you're feeling real generous, maybe you could send some flowers.

 

[Disney Doll]

I like missypie's idea.

And if she starts with you, bring up one of the things you invited her to that she didn't come to....sort of like "I know how you know how it is...remember when we invited you to Junior's basketball game and you couldn't make it?"

If she gets mad....well, one less person to worry about, right?

 

[MBeds]

If you don't want to go then don't and when she gets all huffy and puffy with you, ask her when was the last time she came for one of your kids things???

 

[golfgal]

I was going to suggest you go once......but when you added that she would not come to your childrens things...that changed my mind....
Just be firm..I am sure with kids of your own that there must be something on thier schedule that weekend....

( have you actually invited her to one of your childrens things? or you just know she would not come?)

She's been invited. It is the same thing for everything, "it's too far to drive", because it is closer going from our house to their house then it is going from their house to our house . Whatever. No, she doesn't understand that she is the only one that thinks this is really cute. Luckily for me, DH doesn't mind being the scapegoat. That means my family doesn't like him and he doesn't mind because then he doesn't have to go to family stuff (we really like HIS family though).

 

[jellymanoffspring]

She's been invited. It is the same thing for everything, "it's too far to drive", because it is closer going from our house to their house then it is going from their house to our house . Whatever. No, she doesn't understand that she is the only one that thinks this is really cute. Luckily for me, DH doesn't mind being the scapegoat. That means my family doesn't like him and he doesn't mind because then he doesn't have to go to family stuff (we really like HIS family though).

Oh yeah..I am a scapegoat with my Sil's......

So just say the same thing to her..."it's too far"

I think that you really would like a better relationship though and probably would drive to see your neices if your sis ever bothered to go out of her way for your kids.... Just a guess..but that is how I would feel.....

don't some folks make life interesting( difficult)!!!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

"I'm so sorry, we're not available to come down then. But please make sure to keep the video handy, so I can watch it with my darling nieces!"

That's what I would say. We don't make it to our niece's things, they don't come to ours--it's just too complicated with 6 kids in 8000 different activities. Most times both grandmothers make recitals and all, even from 200 miles away, and my sister tries, too, but can't every single time. A for effort, though. In return, I try to make my sister's community theater stuff when I can. Not always easy, I have 3 kids, she has none, but DD10 and I saw her in "Arsenic and Old Lace" this summer. She missed DD's recital because of it, but she'll watch the video and "ooh and ahh" appropriately--gives DD a way to "relive" the recital, and frankly, recital weekend is too hectic to socialize, anyway.

Make sure to make a huge fuss over the kids when you see them and watch the video, though, so they don't think you're just avoiding them.

 

[kejoda]

It sounds like we have the same sister. Just tell her no, she will never accept it but at least your standing your ground.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Instead of making things up what I do is say the "other plans", even if it is a quiet Thanksgiving at home.

"Sorry....can't make it this year. Nice of you to think of us but....we have plans to..."

Now if she has the nerve to say well you need to cancel YOUR PLANS, then I would even waste another thought on someone that selfish.

 

[eeyore kelly]

Sounds like my sister, the family Queen. I just tell her no, and when she gets huffy, I just say, "I am not sure how you want me to respond to that."

When I see her around he family, I am very nice and act like I don't know she is seething. If she acts anything but cordial in return, she looks like the mean one.

She runs and tattles like we are still kids to my DM, but I never, ever tell my DM about any of it.

 

[HOGFAN]

I have the same problem with my MIL. She sings in the old folks choir at church. If you dont go to one of her concerts(which are horrible, by the way) she wont speak to ya for a week.