How do you tell someone you no longer want to get married??

[Bbgrizzle]

Tell him ASAP. As someone on the other end of the stick, (my fiance called off our wedding 10 days before it was scheduled. All the invitations were sent out and everything was already paid for) don't let him go on thinking you will be getting married any longer. It will be hard to tell him, but in the end, he will appreciate your honesty. If you don't tell him, you will start to resent him and may end up treating him bad. The kinder thing to do is just tell him.

 

[Disney Doll]

Tell him honestly what you've told us here. That you have forged wonderful relationships in your town that you are not ready to give up, especially in light of the fact that he was less-than-forthcoming about the need to move until after you had accepted his proposal. That's a bit of a red light to me anyway. If he was planning on you being his wife, a major decision like a job change and move should have been discussed. Strikes me as a bit manipulative and sneaky, and I don't like either of those qualities.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This should have been a discussed when he was thinking/applying for an out-of-state position. Not after the fact. I would explain just as you did here.

{HUGS}

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I have done that twice in my lifetime for a variety of reasons. If you want the details, feel free to PM me. You have gotten good advice. You need to be straight with this man and let him know what you feel.

Good luck.

 

[GeorgeG]

Be up-front and honest. Anticiapte all the "what ifs" and know your true feelings about them.

If that doesn't work, let someone else's name slip out during an intimate moment. Not recommended, but it should work.

 

[stemikger]

When I met my wife (she was four months away from being married to someone else). She was having these feelings about not wanting to get married but she kept sweeping them under the carpet hoping they would go away. When she met me at work (we became friends) and she realized that she was falling in love with me and that was it. She knew she could not get married to a man she didn't love anymore. She lost some money because they rented a catering hall and she upset her parents for making it go this far, but now 12 years later we have a great marriage and she says all the time that if she would have married him she would be divorced right now. Don't let it go that far and just be honest with him. Tell him he deserves someone who loves him wholeheartedly and has no reservations about marring him. He will not understand now, but he will down the road and actually be thankful you were honest with him.

Good Luck.

 

[goofy4tink]

Some advice from someone who walked down that aisle, knowing it was a big mistake. Don't. Tell him this week-end. Get it over before it gets too big to handle. Will he be upset? Probably. But, he did make a life changing choice before asking you to marry him. Not right in my opinion. That's something a 'couple' does. If, in fact, it is meant to be, then it will be. Hugs to you and be strong. This is your life you're dealing with. You have only you to answer to.

 

[NeverEnufWDW]

You women can be downright ice-cold and heartless.

I hope he takes it alright.....

 

[Tess26]

In response to NeverEnuf,

"You women can be downright ice-cold and heartless" ... would it be nice and sweet for me to plaster on a fake smile and walk down the aisle, take my vows, and then be miserable?

When did making a choice in your best interest to avoid triple the heartache later for both people become ice-cold and heartless?

Very interested in your response.

Tess

 

[Dan Murphy]

Just wishing you good thoughts, Tess, my best.

 

[Mickey76]

I've been in a similar situation where I was engaged and no longer wanted to marry the person. I won't lie, it wasn't easy. I thought about the pros and cons of my decision and ultimately, there were more pros to ending the relationship than there were cons. You have to be honest with yourself. I wasn't happy and I didn't forsee a positive outcome to it, even if we had gone to a couples therapist or sought some other means of making the relationship good again. I think we're both far better off without each other and I like where I am now in life.

As for your situation, I think you have every reason to be upset that you didn't find out that your fiancee was taking a job somewhere else until after he proposed to you. To me, it sounds as though he knew that you wouldn't want to move, so therefore, he asked you to marry him first, thereby placing all the blame on you should the relationship not work because you don't want to move.

Obviously, we don't know all of the details here, so it would be wrong of us to place blame on either of you or to take sides. Be advised, some people will lambast you for this (as I see some already have). I went through it, too, and although I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, it's unfair to call a person a coward or heartless for a decision based on events that we know only a fraction about.

Stay true to yourself, keep your chin up, and hope that it works out for the best for both of you.

 

[grinningghost]

I was in that situation many years ago. I not only told him I couldn't get married, I ended the relationship. It was the reality of marriage that made me realize the whole thing was wrong. It was a very ugly mess, but now, all these years later, I'm happily married with a whole different life and I realize that putting a stop to everything was the BEST decision I ever made in my life.

 

[shortbun]

Your instincts are probably right, Tess. Tell him the truth.
Tell him his too late revelation made you realize that a life
with him might not be a partnership and that #2, you are
not leaving the life you have now. Make sure you think about
what you would do if he says he'll resign from the job- do
you still want to marry him then and live where you are or
do you just want out of the engagement for now?

Good luck. Someone said you should think about the what
ifs before you tell him. I agree, have your bases covered and
give him the truth right up front.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think you should search your feelings and definetly decide if you want to end the relationship and perhaps this was just "the straw". It may clear up things for you to view it in this way.

 

[Serena]

Ice cold and heartless? I didn't see where anyone was cold and heartless. Where may I ask do you get this idea?


She got points of view from both sides and we all agree to be honest and forthright in this. It won't do anyone any good to do anything less.