How do you respond to rude invitations?

[FlightlessDuck]

Is this the same lady who likes Cheese Cake Factory?

 

[Agri]

1.) It's a Facebook event invite - not something sent through the mail. Etiquette is not the same for facebook.


2.) I don't see the problem with asking for something you don't have a lot of and you will need when you already have plenty of the cute stuff people usually like to buy.

3.) OP, if you think its okay to ask books instead of cards because you don't like them/can't keep track of them, but thinks its tacky to ask for diapers because you have enough clothes, you're a hypocrite.

4.) Good Lord! If you don't like her, stay out of her life. Do you complain about her to anyone else in your life or do you just save it for the boards?

 

[ols386]

Op, IMO, you should just let it go. You won't be attending the shower or whatever you want to call it. You will be on a cruise. I think you should just focus on your upcoming cruise. It seems like you are so focussed on being angry with your sil, when you could be thinking, planning, and dreaming about your cruise. You're putting a lot of energy into being mad. It takes a lot more energy to feel anger than it does to feel joy. Do yourself a favor, let it go.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I want to be done with them but After the entire not inviting them to DD birthday party fiasco MIL is punching now more than ever to have DD and nephew be friends. Even though I don't want her anywhere near him.

As for my daughter hating me or feeling sorry for her or my husbandON'T! He feels the same way but he's related by blood and is trying to keep the peace for his mothers sake (an entirely different issue). I wish i could stay out of it but they are constantly making remarks in front of me or toward me. it's one thing to judge others for not doing the right thing after they are being helped. It's completely rude to judge someone because they are doing the right thing or living a better life than you. Why should we be ridiculed but not allowed to ridicule in return? I know it's wasted energy and I've been trying to be less involved but it is very hard for me because i'm outspoken.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

it's one thing to judge others for not doing the right thing after they are being helped. It's completely rude to judge someone because they are doing the right thing or living a better life than you. Why should we be ridiculed but not allowed to ridicule in return

I'd answer that question, but DIS rules prevent me from doing so.

 

[Agri]

Why should we be ridiculed but not allowed to ridicule in return/ I know it's wasted energy and I've been trying to be less involved.

That's like asking "she got a pony, why can't I have one too"? Or "he was mean to me, so that makes it okay for me to be mean back to him." It's just an incredibly petty attitude.

Take the high road already. Accept that your husband wants to keep the peace with his mother, accept that you don't like these people and they will always push your buttons and move on. You are choosing to make yourself miserable over the situation.

As for your daughter being 'exposed' to them - I'm sure she'll hear an earful about them over the years if you don't get over them. So what if she's exposed to them? You explain to her nicely that while x might do things one way, you do things another way. She'll be exposed to all sorts of people that you don't want influencing her if you ever let her out of the house, so you might want to learn how to handle it now.

 

[ols386]

I want to be done with them but After the entire not inviting them to DD birthday party fiasco MIL is punching now more than ever to have DD and nephew be friends. Even though I don't want her anywhere near him.

As for my daughter hating me or feeling sorry for her or my husbandON'T! He feels the same way but he's related by blood and is trying to keep the peace for his mothers sake (an entirely different issue). I wish i could stay out of it but they are constantly making remarks in front of me or toward me. it's one thing to judge others for not doing the right thing after they are being helped. It's completely rude to judge someone because they are doing the right thing or living a better life than you. Why should we be ridiculed but not allowed to ridicule in return? I know it's wasted energy and I've been trying to be less involved but it is very hard for me because i'm outspoken.

Because, hopefully, you would want to be the bigger person for not ridiculing in return, setting a good example for your dd.

If they are constantly making remarks in front of you or toward you, then STAY AWAY FROM THEM.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

1.) It's a Facebook event invite - not something sent through the mail. Etiquette is not the same for facebook.


2.) I don't see the problem with asking for something you don't have a lot of and you will need when you already have plenty of the cute stuff people usually like to buy.

3.) OP, if you think its okay to ask books instead of cards because you don't like them/can't keep track of them, but thinks its tacky to ask for diapers because you have enough clothes, you're a hypocrite.

4.) Good Lord! If you don't like her, stay out of her life. Do you complain about her to anyone else in your life or do you just save it for the boards?

That's very hard to do. I have one friend I talk to about it but for the most part, no I don't talk to others about it because when I'm with my friends I'm having fun and is the last thing i'm thinking about. When it comes to family I stay mute. I know what they are going to say.

 

[horseshowmom]

[/B]
That's very hard to do. I have one friend I talk to about it but for the most part, no I don't talk to others about it because when I'm with my friends I'm having fun and is the last thing i'm thinking about. When it comes to family I stay mute. I know what they are going to say.

I'm sorry, but I'm confused. Didn't you say earlier that the cousins agreed with your assessment and supported you (in the post where you said you were all over being jealous because the family agreed with you about them at Christmas - or something like that - not sure what one has to do with the other, but I think that was what the post said).

ETA: Ahh, here it is -

As for the pissed she is having a girl thing. I'm over it especially because during Christmas the other female cousins all said no one really cares. I'm just happy that others see that they are just welfare collectors.

I've got to say that this is one time I really hope this is a troll thing. Otherwise, these threads are very sad.

 

[maraki527]

I think it is alot easier when people tell me what exactly they need if I am going to go to the shower and buying a gift anyway. I dont think it is wrong to have a shower for a new baby.

 

[Iheartdis]

I don't know why you are getting so upset about something so trivial. Also you said that a second baby shower is tacky? A baby needs things whether thaey are someone's 2nd baby or 22nd baby. A baby shower is for the BABY so they will have things they need when they come into this cruel cruel world. I think asking for diapers instead of something they don't need and will never use is perfectly acceptable. Are you saying that you wouldn't have bought something for the baby anyway? A 10 dollar pack of diapers is gettin' off pretty cheap in my book.

 

[okeydokey]

I want to be done with them but After the entire not inviting them to DD birthday party fiasco MIL is punching now more than ever to have DD and nephew be friends. Even though I don't want her anywhere near him.

As for my daughter hating me or feeling sorry for her or my husbandON'T! He feels the same way but he's related by blood and is trying to keep the peace for his mothers sake (an entirely different issue). I wish i could stay out of it but they are constantly making remarks in front of me or toward me. it's one thing to judge others for not doing the right thing after they are being helped. It's completely rude to judge someone because they are doing the right thing or living a better life than you. Why should we be ridiculed but not allowed to ridicule in return? I know it's wasted energy and I've been trying to be less involved but it is very hard for me because i'm outspoken.

Try to look at it this way. Every time you get upset by them and stew about it or complain about it or let it effect your mood or your family in any way, you have given your power away to them. Don't give them the power to control you any more and you will end up the winner!

 

[ccgirl]

Sorry, but I don't find it rude at all. (And, no, I'm not your SIL's sister ) I can totally understand her asking for diapers instead of "more" clothes. Babies grow out of them so quickly that they barely get to wear them anyway. And the wording wasn't rude, in my opinion, either. I don't think what she did was any worse than someone handing out gift registry cards for their wedding. It's actually a bit of a convenience. At least now you don't have to run around looking for gift ideas.

And, I guess if her husband rolled over the last breast pump she had, she would need a new one.

Yup...this. It seems you don't like them to begin with so would it have mattered what the invite says? I also remember as a new mom being very forgetful. I'm sure I left my breast pump many places. Come to think of it, the memory cells never came back. Anyway, a birth is a joyous occasion. If you don't want to bring diapers, maybe bring a gift certificate so she can get something she needs? We knew the gender of our second child and so many people gave us clothes. I appreciated it greatly but we had to go out and get a lot of things we needed (our children were far apart in age) and really appreciated the gift cards.

 

[Jessica14]

Queen2PrincessG,
Although I don't think we see eye to eye on many things, I do want to say that I sympathize with the in-law issue. It is very frustrating to observe family go down the wrong path and be continually aggrevated by their choices.

We had a similar incident with my SIL many years ago. There was a child involved. Miracles happen and she turned her life around and now has a good husband and four more chidlren. It can happen.

And for the record, although I find the Facebook invite a bit tacky, I'm not horribly offended by it. I don't ask for certain things unless I'm directly asked. I did make a wedding and baby registry (for my first), but that's more expected.Also, I used to be put off by second showers, but now I get it if the kids are many years apart. We thought we were having a third this year (didn't work out, but its OK) and I had nothing. My friends were all about helping us out with a shower. I can see where it would have been necessary and probably is for lots of parents that give away all of their things like we did.

 

[taximomfor4]

Does anyone else have the sudden urge to send a gift and diapers to OP's SIL? Along with a Big Brother gift for the little boy?

 

[mefordis]

I think she made it easy for you - pick up a pack of pampers, throw a bow on it along with a card and you are good to go! Cheap, cheap gift!

 

[disneyjunkie]

You are not alone Taximom. I also want to give the mom and MIL something for having to put up with the OP's crap.

 

[cheermom1]

I haven't read all the replies but I have to tell you that I don't find this rude at all. I LOVE going to baby showers and stuff and to meet the new baby and if they need diapers or what ever I'll get them. NO big deal. I just went to one for my twin nieces and my sil already has a son. But she really needed things for the twins. She had a wish list at target and we bought off that plus my dh got them somehting special just from him. I happy to do it and it helped that I knew what she needed instead of just getting something. I don't really see the big deal. but of course that is just me.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I'm sorry, but I'm confused. Didn't you say earlier that the cousins agreed with your assessment and supported you (in the post where you said you were all over being jealous because the family agreed with you about them at Christmas - or something like that - not sure what one has to do with the other, but I think that was what the post said).

ETA: Ahh, here it is -




I've got to say that this is one time I really hope this is a troll thing. Otherwise, these threads are very sad.

The cousins are amazing and see her in a very similar way as I do.
I mean close family ie MIL, FIL i can't talk to them about this.

 

[mom-2greatkids]

Where I live second showers aren't done at all, so I find this extremely tacky. Here baby showers are all about the presents. As a guest, you bring your gift, get fed lunch, and then get to ooh and aah over all of the great stuff the mother-to-be gets. That's fine, because new parents need a lot of stuff. When subsequent children are born I bring a present for the new baby when I go and see it.

I view second showers as unnecessary because theoritically the parents have everything they need. My sister had a ten year gap between her two kids and we didn't throw any kind of shower for her. No one even asked us if there would be one because that just isn't done here.

I guess my point is that I think it is tacky to have a second shower, not really need anything, but yet request diapers so you can still get gifts! I can see if this was a meet and greet, but even then I want to pick out my own gift for the baby.

And for what it's worth--I think the card/book thing is tacky, too.