How do you respond to rude invitations?

[SaraJayne]

I just think it's tacky how her sister wrote it. They have no class or finesse this family. I HATE greeting cards. They end up lost or in a shoe box in my house so I requested that people buy a children's book equivalent to the price of the card and write their message in there.

Either way i'm not going because we are leaving for a cruise that week.

So it's okay for YOU to request a certain gift, but tacky when your husband's family does it.

Got it.

 

[disney_mommy]

I don't think it's rude. I think a blessing can be anything, and having a bunch of friends and family bring something I will need a ton of so I don't have to worry about for a while is something I would consider a blessing. I would rather give something I know they could use then something cute but useless.

 

[kwelch10377]

Has the baby been born? If so I am not seeing how this is a shower, it is simply a get together to introduce the baby to everyone at once. Even if the baby isn't and this is meant to be a shower then I still don't see it as a big deal. Second showers are pretty common and most of the time it is the family the wants to throw it, not the mom.

I think you are reading way too much into using the word "blessing".

If you don't want to go for whatever reason, reply with a response of "I'm sorry but I can't attend." If you think they are rude by doing this responding rudely doesn't make you any better than what you see as rude.

 

[Jennasis]

So it's okay for YOU to request a certain gift, but tacky when your husband's family does it.

Got it.

At least the poor SIL isn't on the Mom's panel...

 

[SaraJayne]

By the way...MISTAKES HAPPEN. She accidentally broke something so doesn't deserve a new one???

But I think the real issue here is your last line. You just have an ax to grind.

Oh yeah, she does.

 

[Nancyg56]

I just think it's tacky how her sister wrote it. They have no class or finesse this family. I HATE greeting cards. They end up lost or in a shoe box in my house so I requested that people buy a children's book equivalent to the price of the card and write their message in there.

Either way i'm not going because we are leaving for a cruise that week.

So you ask for what you want but because you approved of the phrasing it makes it acceptable. It probably is a good thing you will not be able to attend, it is clear that you do not like them.

 

[Nik's Mom]

My Son IL had to explain to my DD that just because is family does things differently than our family does, they are not rude........bad..............ill mannered. They are different.

Everyone comes from different backgrounds with different traditions and different tolerances. My cousins will often host showers for their own kids. We all acknowledge the purpose of a shower and even though we know that Emily Post would not approve none of us cares. We are all actig together with the best of intentions. It looks as though this branch of your family has their own way of getting things done, it differs with teh way you are used to and you hav decided that different equals wrong. As Jeff pointed out to my DD....it does not.

Well said!

 

[FireDancer]

When my friends or family have gifts I get them a gift but never get them newborn clothes. Why? Because everyone else does and they outgrow them before they can wear them all let alone wear them all more than once. I think the part about not bringing clothes is just fine if they really do have plenty of them. I would have stopped there though and not specified the gift but it wouldn't bother me if it were a friend of mine.

No one I know has had a shower for their second baby except for one person. That person went 13 years between babies, the new baby was a different sex than their first, and she was having the new baby with her second husband while her first child was with her first. I wasn't at either shower naturally but I know she had one.

 

[jen0610]

Diapers aren't a "blessing" they are a necessity, like formula, for the next 18 months of a child's life. They are something you should plan on buying for yourself. A blessing is a safe birth where mom and child are ok. A blessing is that your pregnancy goes smoothly and with only the usually kins like morning sickness and swollen feet or a sore back.

In my circle of friends the second isn't given a shower. People will give gifts after the birth but the general idea is that if you are having a second you are prepared to buy what you need.

Well I sure am glad, I am not in your circle of friends. Because while I do have two kids, only one of them had a shower that could be attended by family and close friends. It's kind of hard to have a shower for you first when you are living over 4000 miles away from home in a different county that the military station you and your spouce at.

And while we were prepared to buy what we needed, it sure was NICE, THOUGHTFUL, HELPFUL, CONSIDERATE,and APPRECIATED when those that love us and care for us give us a gift that they know will be useful to us.

 

[monkeybug]

I just think it's tacky how her sister wrote it. They have no class or finesse this family. I HATE greeting cards. They end up lost or in a shoe box in my house so I requested that people buy a children's book equivalent to the price of the card and write their message in there.

Either way i'm not going because we are leaving for a cruise that week.

Now I'm confused. You are upset because the new mom is requesting diapers in lieu of clothes, yet you can request books instead of cards and thats acceptable? Isn't it the same thing?

 

[cruisnfamily]

Well add me to the list of people who don't think it's rude.

I will admit to not being a fan of second showers. The only one I've ever seen/heard of/participated in, in my large group of friends and family, was for a child that was about 10 years after the first. So very large gap and all baby stuff had been given away, etc.

However, assuming I'm just focusing on the wording of the invitation and not the fact that it is a second shower, I don't think it's rude at all. I would normally spend much more than the cost of a package of diapers on a baby gift. Telling me that basically they're all set, just grab some diapers would save me money and time. I don't see anything wrong with it and think it's actually nice of the host to let me know that I could get away so easily/cheaply. If I were going, I would probably bring a package of diapers and an item off the wish list

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I just think it's tacky how her sister wrote it. They have no class or finesse this family. I HATE greeting cards. They end up lost or in a shoe box in my house so I requested that people buy a children's book equivalent to the price of the card and write their message in there.

See, to me, asking for books in addition to a shower gift is too much for me. My cousin had a shower, gave a list, then had an additional note that if you wanted to be considered for a shower gift, that you have to bring an additional gift of at least 2 books... I didn't go to her shower, but sent some disposable items for them to use. My friend is doing the same for her shower, and I have no intention of spending more than my budget. I'd rather spend the budget on consumables - especially since baby Lillian will be born with a cleft lip and palette and her nipples alone are $30/ea. I feel better putting money towards that than a book. [flame suit on]

 

[rainy~daze]

yeah, diapers are a necessity, but since you need so many with a baby, they are also a blessing. I find nothing wrong with saying hey if you're bringing a gift, bring something that is going to be most beneficial. It's not like a fee for entrance, if you don't have diapers you will not be admitted to brunch.
Way too worked up over it....you're not even going so who really gives a crap how she worded the invite?

 

[Disneychix]

A friend just had her 2nd child. I asked her after baby was born what she needed as she had a boy this time and her 1st was a girl. Plus, her 1st was born in the summer, this baby in winter. She happily told me she would appreciate a blanket sleeper or fleece swaddles, or anything BLUE!

If she would've told me diapers, I would've bought diapers.

I think it's wrong to not celebrate the baby simply because you are offended by the way a relative worded an invitation.

 

[Brenle]

yeah, diapers are a necessity, but since you need so many with a baby, they are also a blessing. I find nothing wrong with saying hey if you're bringing a gift, bring something that is going to be most beneficial. It's not like a fee for entrance, if you don't have diapers you will not be admitted to brunch.
Way too worked up over it....you're not even going so who really gives a crap how she worded the invite?

to your last sentence. If you're not going, don't sweat it.

 

[shortbun]

You lost my sympathy at this comment.


In my family, every new birth gets a shower.

Yes, in our family, every baby is worthy of gifts OR diapers!!! I'm glad for a tip on how to best help. I find these kinds of complaints tough to read. It's a little thing and the world is full of big stuff to get riled about. kwim?

 

[Hannathy]

I think the whole thing is rude/tacky actually. From having a second shower especially since it seems the kids are close, no one I now does that. seems very greedy. Also I think sending an invitation via facebook if you are over the age of 17 is also rude/tacky. I could see if they had said there will be an open house on Sunday if anyone wants to drop by to see baby 2, we will be home, but an actual shower/party no way and even then it is tacky. And telling people what to NOT bring and what to bring is rude, and the way they worded it is very demanding.

Once the baby is born it isn't a shower they are baby gifts and unless asked you should not tell people what to bring.

If you go I'd bring what I wanted or the smallest pack of diapers I could buy. But to be honest I wouldn't go, I don't go to second showers. If it were my niece at a later date I would drop off whatever baby gift I had planned on buying-and for a niece it certainly wouldn't be a pack of diapers! I buy a gift with more meaning than utilitarian for a niece or nephew.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

So you ask for what you want but because you approved of the phrasing it makes it acceptable. It probably is a good thing you will not be able to attend, it is clear that you do not like them.

Exactly, she could have said bring diapers for a diaper game or something like that but to rudely say they don't need clothes...I mean we all get it. She gave her sister all her daughters used clothing some new because her daughter was and still is very big for her age. She wearing 6-9 clothing when she was born.
I'm not contributing anything. SIL is due in 8 weeks so this is a shower.

 

[SaraJayne]

I'm so glad I don't live my life by what other people think is the "proper" thing to do.

 

[SaraJayne]

I think the whole thing is rude/tacky actually. From having a second shower especially since it seems the kids are close, no one I now does that. seems very greedy. Also I think sending an invitation via facebook if you are over the age of 17 is also rude/tacky. I could see if they had said there will be an open house on Sunday if anyone wants to drop by to see baby 2, we will be home, but an actual shower/party no way and even then it is tacky. And telling people what to NOT bring and what to bring is rude, and the way they worded it is very demanding.

Once the baby is born it isn't a shower they are baby gifts and unless asked you should not tell people what to bring.

If you go I'd bring what I wanted or the smallest pack of diapers I could buy. But to be honest I wouldn't go, I don't go to second showers. If it were my niece at a later date I would drop off whatever baby gift I had planned on buying-and for a niece it certainly wouldn't be a pack of diapers! I buy a gift with more meaning than utilitarian for a niece or nephew.

If you get your nose out of joint about how terrible and tacky a second shower is, I bet they're glad you won't be attending.