We have gone through this a bit with our son (2.5 yrs). Everyone here posted excellent advice...hand-slappers and non-HS alike. They posted what they know to be useful in the interest of being helpful and that's great.
When we faced this issue, I first tried time out. You may think time out wouldn't work for a 2-yr-old, but it works very well with our son. As soon as we mention it he straightens up and flies right. Heaven forbid he should have to stop playing with Choo Choo Train for two minutes.
When it came to the slapping, the time outs didn't seem to be effective...at first. We ask our pediatrician everything, and so at our next visit we told her the problem. And then he actually did it. Dr B held our son's hand firmly, looked him squarely in the eyes and said in a very serious, very firm voice, "NO HIT." His eyes became huge saucers and he ceased and desisted immediately. Then a couple of minutes his little brain forgot and he began happily slapping the doctor again. Dr. B. started to do the same thing she did before but she didn't have to finish it bc he suddenly remembered what happened before. She told us to do this every time, and that if we did time out as well, there could only be a warning the first time. Parents who have trouble with time out are often kind of loose with the time or give lots of warnings, she told us (I have observed this to be true with friends as well). You must always, consistently react the same way. This is the key. Use a timer of some sort to signal to child when it's over.
She explained to me that the purpose of discipline is not to punish. It is to educate. You must ask yourself if you are helping your child understand why they aren't to do something. Even if they are too young to understand everything, you must always explain to them why they got in trouble. Children who have things explained to them are better adjusted and behave better according to studies, she told us.
When our son won't stay in time out, I restrain him firmly but gently on my lap...he hates it but he learns from it.
With the slapping, Dr. B told me that it confuses many children and often has the opposite approach. As kids get older, this can be problematic, at least from my experience. My parents used to smack, hit, slap, use the paddle, the yardstick, whatever, growing up and I totally didn't care, and they were serious with it, too. I never learned anything from it. I would suck up my punishment and go on my merry way. As my husband says, it's much easier to take a swat than a time out or grounding. I don't really think there's anything wrong with slapping or swatting; I just don't know that it's always the best method. The one time I did swat my son's hand so he could feel what it was like, he just laughed at me. He is a tough boy and thought we were playing. He slapped me back and laughed! Oops!
Good luck to everyone!
