How do you make kids' gift "equal"?

[drcmk]

My kids get three gifts each for Christmas (based on the three magi). I try to make the value roughly equal overall, but honestly I don't worry about it that much. My kids don't pay attention to the cost of things. I fill stockings too, with smaller things. I used to get each one of them a stack of books in addition but that was when they read children's books that I could get inexpensively. Now that they want specific books that are more expensive, I'd probably just bundle three or four books and count that as one of the three gifts.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

With a teen girl and a toddler boy, it is near impossible to keep things equal. They both get things they love and appreciate.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't even try.

We strive to make it fair..but equal? I am not driving myself crazy to make sure $ and/or quantity match.

How I make it "equal" is that I make sure that they get at least something they really really wanted. They understand that we pay for it and they understand they can't get absolutely anything they want--but we always aim to get at least one of the items on their "must have" list. If it is something out of the question (like a dog) or something that really is out of range or it is something that we are getting and we just want to throw them off the trail, we'll have them come up with more stuff.

The "equality" we strive for is that they all enjoyed their Christmas and love what they received. I can't keep score or allow them to keep score. I'd probably have a fit if one of my kids started comparing numbers. If that is the most important thing to my kids--then I'm not doing something right. (not that anyone else's kids would do that...just my thoughts on why I don't because it isn't about matching the numbers.)

We try to do 3 gifts--but sometimes I get more. The 3 gifts has nothing to do with equality...but the gifts from the magi. And then I make those Santa gifts and mom might get some extras for under the tree. (Like my son loves playdoh and I saw a cute puppy playdoh set on clearance that he would enjoy...even though we already got his 3 gifts.)

 

[XYSRUS]

I don't keep anything equal in my house...makes for craziness. But, growing up as 1 of 8 kids, we definitely counted number of presents under the tree...every year...it was 6...I don't know how my parents afforded us!

 

[foltzy]

My kids get 3 from Santa and 3 from us. We attempt to keep within a budget. I'm sure as they get older it'll get harder but for now this is how it works.

 

[Evi]

Its hard and even when you do spend same amount sometimes kids don't understand that stuff is purchased on sale etc. I know I've always tried to spend the same amount of each of my nieces and nephews and maybe sometimes because I got a great deal it may have seemed to them that one made out that year. It wasn't till they were older that I had to explain this to 2 of them actually and only because they asked me. I said simply I spend x amount on each of you maybe a few dollars more or less and in the end when you ask for something specific like tickets to a game or a show well thats what it costs. But when no one has asked for anything specific I just go and buy stuff I think you'll like enjoy until I hit x amount. Here is the funny thing those two have never ever asked me for anything specific again and actually requested that I suprise them. Its harder now because they are older and not as easily impressed with my shopping finds lol. But it does keep me busy looking for new things. I don't think that when a child approaches you about such things its a bad thing its just a sign that they are starting to understand dollar amounts and what things cost. Great time to teach them to open a bank account etc.

 

[GrumpyBa*D]

When we were young my mom would give one of us a small box with the difference between the gifts... sometimes it was a buck or 2 and some change one time she went as far as just putting under a dollar in change in a box. we tease her all the time about that.

 

[jacksmom]

I just try to equal the # of gifts! But there is quite a difference in age in mine! ds wants a lot more expensive things than dd !

 

[dzorn]

We spend about the same on each girl, but I do not worry about the same number of gifts. They are pretty close in what they like so some gifts they will get a about the same, the both usually end up with pj, video game, movie but I don't worry about it after that. They also know a budget is just that if you ask for something expensive your budget will run out sooner.

If they were ever to count gifts and tell me who has more and complain or compare they would be having a very, very slim Christmas the following years.

Denise in MI

 

[pyrxtc]

I get them all each one big gift from Santa, something that I have told them I will not buy because it is not worth the money or I don't like it. It doesn't mean Santa won't get it.

I then try to spend about the same amount on them but it is more about what they want. They don't get the same amount of presents or the same amount of money spent. I just get what they asked for and sometimes certain things cost more than others.

 

[mandynee22]

I'm not sure grandparents don't need to work harder at this than parents. Kids are with their parents all the time, and -- if they're not spoiled rotten types -- they understand that their parents do things for them all year long. For example, one year my oldest got her class ring for Christmas. It arrived in November, and she picked it up at school. She didn't whine that her sister had more gifts that year; she understood that she'd had her "big gift" a month earlier.

With grandparents, it's different. Or, usually it is.

I'm remembering that one of my grandmothers was very unequal in her gift giving (and in her love, but that's another story). My father's mother'd give a small gift -- maybe fancy bath soaps. And she'd load my cousins up with expensive toys and complete outfits. Worst of all: She'd take me shopping to try on clothes for my girl cousins, and then she'd buy for them and not for me. Christmas was just one of her ways of punishing us for having a mother of whom she didn't approve.

OMG That seriously made me cry :-( I'm sorry that happened to you.

I don't do equal anything- dollars or amount. My kids are almost 12, 5 and 1. The baby obviously doesn't care but I don't think the other two noticed anything about quantity last year. They're at very different places and that's just the way it is. Plus keeping track of that when I hunt and peck Christmas shop (LOL) would be too much. Writing down everything as I go and adding it up would take the fun out of Christmas shopping for me. If they ever noticed- which I really don't think they ever will- I might re-evaluate but I'm not sure.

 

[kamik86]

For my sisters and I my mom normally did the amount spent. This worked because I"m so much younger then my siblings (she may have done it different when they were small) that they were old enough to understand that the 4 year old got more presents then the 14 year old because mine were cheaper. (and I thought it was cool cause I got MUCH More.

For my neices the oldest two are only 1 year apart in age. When they were small they amost always got the same presents exactly from my mom, me, etc. When they got older it was the same amount. They didn't generally open their presents at the same time anyway so unless they counted after they wouldn't notice. Now they are plenty old enough to be aware of what stuff costs and understand that if one asked for a $60 video game and one asked for smaller stuff they would get an unequal number.

The reason I do it this way is this is just how I budget my gifts though. So even with the adults I try to keep all relatively even because I just say ok I have $300 to give and I need presents for my parents and three nieces so I have about $60 per person. Someone may get $70 and someone else $50 but I don't really worry about it.

 

[DawnM]

I did this when they were little, but now that they want expensive items, I can't do it anymore.

However, even up to last year, I would add things like candy bars or cute pens wrapped up just to have more bulk.

They didn't seem to care (older ones). So, this year, I may not do that.

Dawn

 

[kimsuenew]

I tend to spend AROUND the same amount on each kid, but I always make sure each kid has the same number of gifts. I know that will change as they get older. How do you do it in your house - same dollar or same number?

We have an only child so this is not an issue.

As a child growing up in a household with four daughters our parents always kept money the same, not the number of gifts. As we got older that could mean one pricey gift for one girl, another may have four smaller cost gifts but all equalled the same price. As grandparents mine do the same for all grandchildren.

DH's parents are "equal" now. It did not used to be (sissy and family always got the best/most expensive because DH mom and her were so close and SIL, being a very spoiled only girl, was used to getting her own way and MIL just bought whatever SIL demanded). A few years ago FIL realized this was not right, put his foot down, and now all is equal money wise but present amounts differ as big things (Wii's, IPod Touches) obviously have eaten larger chunks of the cap.

I look forward to the Grandparent days... but it will not happen for awhile. For nieces and nephews we keep the money amount the same for birthdays and Christmas although the gift amount varies.

So... if you want my vote money equal is awesome, gifts not so much as they vary in price!

 

[mrsbono]

I go pretty crazy trying to keep the amount of money close to equal. Its usually about the same # of presents b/c thats just the way it works out. I usually get them each a big gift and a few smaller ones. They each get a game, a movie, pjs, etc. This year, we're having a hard time keeping the amount equal so I will probably put the difference in youngest DDs savings account. She has a lot less interests than DD1. I'd rather give her the money than get her a bunch of crap she doesn't need just b/c there are things her older sister really wants.

 

[baseballgal]

We have two young children and I don't worry about # gifts or same $ amount at the moment. They wouldn't know how much was spent anyway. I do try to get them both at least one "big" gift (which might cost over $100 but might only cost $50 or so) and then several smaller ones but I don't count them and we don't take turns (one by one) so it has not been an issue. My grandmother was extreme to the point that if she bought my sister and myself a happy meal (when we were kids) she gave my ds a dime because I'd get a cheeseburger meal and she just got a hamburger. NOT KIDDING!! My mom is similar but not quite to that degree. And I guess having been the recipient of that, to me it's more important to find gifts the kids will really like and enjoy and not worry about the cost or number. When they get older, we'll probably have to "even" out a little more but right now, everyone seems happy - and they are close enough in age that they enjoy playing with each others new toys too. Can't believe Christmas in less than 2 months away - and DISNEY IS LESS THAN 3 months!!!!!!

 

[baseballgal]

This year, we're having a hard time keeping the amount equal so I will probably put the difference in youngest DDs savings account.



I love this idea - great way to even it up some and will help my 2nd child saving's, which is a lot less than my 1st anyway, due to all the extra gifts we got with him.

 

[kkmcan]

I try to do both but it's not exact as far as price. I know that some don't like the big pile of gifts but I do. It's fun and where else/when else do you get to see a big pile of gifts to open! Now, we don't go broke doing that but there are some necessary things that my kids get each year and I figure I may as well wrap them up so they get a few more things to open.

They each get a new pair of pjs, some years they get new slippers, a new ornament that signifies something new they did that year, a new book and a new calendar for their room. Thats already 4-5 gifts that don't cost a fortune. With sales and coupons I can get those items for about $25.

If theres new movies out on DVD that they really want then I pick up them each a dvd. Then we come to the bigger, more expensive items.

DS11 may want a new lego set, DD14 may want a new purse, one year they each got a new Ipod Nano, most years they each get a new Wii game, DS11 got Hexbug Nano sets last year and DD14 got a new comforter set.

So I try to keep it even like that.

 

[DisMN]

My parents never kept stuff equal and we didn't mind. Some years it was your turn for a big gift and some years someone else got one. Whoever got the big gift, we all celebrated with them and enjoyed our gifts. I still remember the year I got my piano.

My MIL goes nuts making everything even. It's tedious, imho. She wastes a whole lot of time worrying about it and none of us-grown kids nor grandkids would give it a single minute of thought.

I figured there'd be very few of us to post. LOL

My parents always went out of their way to make the number of gifts and the amt spent equal. What a lot of time, energy and money they wasted because us girls did not give a rip!!

I carry that tradition out in my family today and have been lucky to raise a daughter who doesn't count or compare how much she gets nor does she compare how much money we spent on each person.

I guess I don't understand the whole even steven gift giving deal.

 

[CAFarmerGirl]

I try to keep the number of gifts even and the amount close. It is actually *good* for me, as I would rather buy 5 million toys for my 9 yr old girl than a bunch of things for my 11 yr old son. Calico Critter and American Girl appeal to me much more than another DS game. So, the number of presents my son gets limits *me* and my spending.

Also, in case anyone thinks my son doesn't get nice things....he is a different child than my dd and does not have many wants. His current Christmas list has 2 things. My dd's list has about 456 things. They both currently have about 8 presents and about the same amount of money spent (ds's big present being a Kindle Fire)...though I may need to group things in my dd's set of presents...darned American Girl and their cute accessories!