How do you know you are done having kids ?

[pyrxtc]

DH had the big "V" about 6 yrs ago but for the last 3 or 4 yrs we have always joke about having another kid. It got more serious each time. We like where we are right now as a family. Kids are all old enough to help themselves and when we want to go out we can just pick up and go. I STILL would love to have a baby though. My DH would too. We had the most serious discussion about it the other night and adoption is soo expensive and foster kids can be taken away from you. Insurance would not cover a reversal and would only cover IVF (or similar) if the reversal failed or there were issues after the reversal. I don't know what way to go with this ........ We have the money, the love, and the room. But it would be starting all over again. Our oldest turns 16 this summer and our youngest is 6 1/2 now. The reasons we decided to do it 6 yrs ago don't work anymore for us. We make good money now and are very secure in our marriage and it just feels like one more would be the way to go. If the reversal worked, I don't think it would take long to have a kid as I used to get pregnant easily. But then he would have to get the V again after the baby was born and it just doesn't make sense.

My first plan is to get myself to a Gyno since I was seeing one recently for womanly issues I have been having but she has since closed her practice. I am only 33 yrs old and LOVED being PG, even tho it didn't always love me (lots of morning sickness with two of them). The talks just get more serious each time. We would adopt if we could afford it but it would be cheaper to try other things since we can not afford adoption, plus Vietnam is closed for adoptions and we would want our a baby to look like her brothers or at least as close a mix of us as possible. (I am blonde, blue eyed and DH is Vietnamese)I would love to foster even, but what are the chances of getting a girl under 2 yrs old and being able to keep her forever or at least as long as possible. It would break my heart having to give a kid back to their family. I really want one that is mine.

I am already home all day so I don't have to worry about daycare or anything like that. What to do ...... ????? I know only me and DH can decide for us but maybe hearing more opinions or facts will help us. Augh.....Confused.

 

[Suzanna1973]

I always wanted to have a big family. I come from a big family myself and wanted to carry on the tradition. Plus there was an old wive's tale that I would have loved to test. "The seventh daughter of a seventh daughter is a witch". I am a seventh daughter and would have loved to have seven daughters of my own to see if it was true.Alas, one DD and one DS is all I was to be blessed with. After 8 miscarriages, we had to give up the dream of a large family. So that is how I knew I was done having children. My DD is 19 and DS is 14.

 

[mjkacmom]

When you accidently get pregnant with twins when your kids are 1, 4, and 5!

 

[Gwendolyn]

Having a baby is a very very personal choice and it only concerns you and your husband. If you both want it, and can afford to raise another child, then go for it.

I've always wanted a really big family, but then I got pre- and post natal depressions during and after both my pregnancies. It nearly destroid me, my marriage and my kids.
It is a danger to me and our family for me going through another pregnancy. So we keep it a small family with 2 kids. Maybe we will adopt later or going to be foster parents for children that really need help.

 

[sksjasams]

You are so young...if I had known you I would have discouraged you and your DH from choosing such a permanent method of birth control.
Here is our story...my DH was married before and had 3 great children. He and his ex decided they were done and he should have a vasectomy (even thought he was not even 30 yet). Well, just 2 years after the youngest was born they divorced.
A year later DH and I met, and after 4 years together we got married. I did not have any kids of my own and before we got married he agreed to have his vasectomy reversed so that we could try for a baby. God blessed us with a beautiful baby boy who is the light of our lives.
We could not afford to have any other kids (especially while still paying child support for his 3 older kids). I went on depo as birth control - it is as effective as sterilization. I always told myself that if we won the lottery before I was 40 we would have another baby, so I didn't want to do anything permanent.
Well, we didn't win the lottery (no kidding) and shortly after my 41st birthday DH had a vasectomy again. So, that's how we knew we were done.

 

[pyrxtc]

we figured we had 4 kids already (between us, 2 from our marriage). We had enough. We still want that girl. yes, I know you can't choose when it comes to getting pregnant. I think I'll be calling a Gyno this week since my issues may not let me get PG easily anyways and should be checked out first I guess.

 

[LuLuO]

DH got a V last June about 3 months after we had our second child. We discussed it but really it was just something we felt in our hearts.

DH will be 40 this year and didn't want to be starting over with an infant in his 40s.

I knew that I did not want to be pregnant again and have known forever that by the time I turned 34 I wanted to be done having kids. Well I'm 34 this year so having another one before this August was't going to happen.

It's just something we knew. Sure, I get a little sad whenever the baby stuff leaves the house. We both do. I also get a little sad knowing that there won't be any more first teeth, or first smiles or other baby firsts. But I would be sad about that with the last one even if we had 10 kids.

We both felt that our family was complete with two children and we are ready to move out of baby mode and show these kids the world (no pun intended ).

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Each family is different. You have to imagine how your life as it stands right now will change with an extra baby.

I had the "big V" ten years ago, and we talked on and off about adopting (or trying for a reversal). We were even seriously planning for adoption through the first half of last year.

Our kids our now 13 and 10. We have one car. Between various after-school activities, one of us is out with at least one child three days a week for most of the evening. And that doesn't count marching band season. Our daughter and soon our son will be in marching band, which means practice 3 or 4 days a week and football games and competitions throughout the fall. Bringing a baby to that? Yeah, that will work...

Right now, if we want to go out just by ourselves (dinner, coffee & dessert, movie, grocery shopping, etc.), we can leave our two kids unattended at home. Couldn't do that with an extra child.

So we decided that having another baby just wasn't going to work out.

However, we will only be 45 when our youngest graduates college, so maybe we will become foster parents after that.

 

[pyrxtc]

I have baseball and plays and am on the school PTA board and volunteer in the class and stuff. Some of that would change since I wouldn't be able to coach anymore but I am used to just bringing the extra kid along. Besides lack of sleep, it wouldn't change much. When my youngest graduates high school, I will only be in my mid 40's too but don't want to start over then. then is when DH and I plan to move to a loft apartment in the middle of the big city. LOL !

 

[dizneechic]

It is such an individual thing.

We knew we were done when the emotional attachment to the baby things around the house wasn't there anymore. When we were in baby mode I couldn't bear to see the baby stuff get put aside as they grew out of things because I longed for them to be little and wanting a baby to forever be around. When we had our 3rd (within 3.5 years) we were celebrating anytime we could get rid of the baby things because we were SO done with them being around. Emotionally for us it was just a switch that flipped one day and the desire for a newborn is long gone.

Now every day we gain more and more freedom and are able to do things we couldn't with an infant/toddler. Life is getting easier and more enjoyable for us to do things as a family without having to cater so much to the youngest of the bunch anymore.

We're certainly not ready for them to be grown up and gone, but we don't want to restart that clock again either.

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

good luck with your decision. If you decide to have another you should look into different forms of bc post baby instead of having DH get sniped again. IUD's are good for 5 or 10 years depending on which you get. I have one and it was a simple in office procedure w/ only minor cramping for a little bit.

 

[MinnieForMe]

It sounds simple but you will know when you are done. After our 3rd was born and was the daughter we longed for, my husband was done but I wasn't sure. It took 4 years to pass for me to realize that I was indeed "content" with the three wonderful children I was blessed to have! My husband had a V a few months ago and I have no regrets.

If you both want another child, I would suggest you find a way! I've never heard of anyone having regrets after having another child. I have heard many regrets from people who didn't!

If you are religious, pray on it! God will open the right doors or show you the right path to take!

 

[Ericandjenng]

I'm going to suggest a different approach. Research the foster care system in your area. Take the classes, meet the case workers, meet current foster/adoptive parents in your area.

We're former (and future) foster parents. We stopped to try one last time to have our own kids. As you can see, we now have two, both fertility babies, and we are done with this part due to age (I'll be 40 soon) and difficulty in getting preggers. But we will be getting back into foster care when our daughter is older.

Frequently (NOT all) kids placed with a family eventually get adopted by either that family or another. If you have a good, experienced case worker, they will have an idea of what the potential is. Also, if your system is like the one in our state, you can indicate you want to long-term foster with a goal of adoption.

Good luck!!

 

[waltskids]

I have to agree with the 'you will know when you are done' idea. Once DD was born DH and I just knew- as soon as I held her I knew we were complete. We always wanted 2 children only so maybe that's a part of the decision too, but it really was just an internal feeling both DH and I have. We can't imagine life with another child added to the mix. Good luck with your decision.

 

[samshane]

I lost 50 lbs after my last child was born (well, I gained 60lbs with him so I lost that and another 50 after that). That did it for me - I knew I was completely happy with our 3 children. Dh got a vasectomy at that point and we have no regrets.

 

[pyrxtc]

I think with us talking about it all the time, neither of us feel "done". The more time we spend together, the more we talk about it. I am still completely drawn to all the baby stuff still and to all babies. I ave two nephews, finally, and want to see them all the time but can't. I don't ever want to put them down when they are around, I want to do everything but of course I can't. Complete nurturer here. DH said after we are done remodeling our oldest DD's bedroom this summer, we can talk seriously about what we want to do and start whatever it is.

Will having an older home stop us from being able to foster ? We are always fixing something. Plus we have two dogs.

 

[TxDisFans]

I think age does have something to do with it - you're still young at 33, I can totally see how you feel conflicted.

I'll be 40 next year, and for me that was my personal threshold. I knew I could say for sure I didn't want to be pregnant in my 40's. DH made an appointment for a V just yesterday....

I think it's a feel-it-in-your-heart thing, and if you and DH both agree to try again and go through the expense/hassle of reversal... I say go for it.

 

[dreamer03]

We knew we were done having kids when our last child was our only son. He was our only child that was a c-section. I guess at that moment when they told us he was breach and surgery was the next day, that was it. We just knew. Since then, we have had peace with the thought of our family of five. If I ever get that need for a baby fix, I take the neighbors baby for a couple of hours. It is very hard to explain, but you will just know.

 

[pyrxtc]

I've tried borrowing the baby for the fix but it's never the same. They always have to leave.

 

[dillydilly]

If you are interested in a reversal, you might want to check out blessed arrows. They have a list of reversal doctors with very reasonable rates. I personally have not used any of their services, just thought I'd throw the resource out there.